Goodbye.

The Lost Planet: Beijing.
End of Concert.

Luhan’s vision swims. It’s so dark backstage and so hot. There’s a fan high pointing directly at him and he doesn’t even feel the breeze. Why is everything still so damn hot? He needs air. He needs to breathe. “I can’t….”

Jongdae’s head appears in front of him. “Lu? Can you hear me?”

Luhan nods. Or he tries to. But his head feels so heavy, he’s afraid that if he moves it he’ll topple right off the chair. But there are hands on his shoulder holding him steady. When did he sit down? He looks down and see his black tank top is drenched in sweat. When did he take off his Overdose hoodie?

“Could someone bring ice water!” Minseok yells from behind him. The words echo in Luhan’s head well after his friend says them.
Ice water.
Ice water.
Ice.
Water.

More hands come to rest over his knees. He follows the long tanned arms to find Jongin’s concerned face staring at him with demon-red eyes. Luhan smiles. Those lenses had been a great idea. “Luhan? What’s wrong?” Jongin asks.

“He fainted again,” Jongdae responds for him. Luhan wants to laugh, because Dae looks ridiculous with his hair pulled back by a hair band and with a Hello Kitty fan. But right now, he doesn’t dare. Jongdae is frantically fanning air onto Luhan’s face and it feels too good to have him stop. Oh, sweet air on my face.

“Does he…should we tell manager hyung to call a doctor?” That’s leader’s concerned voice and Luhan glances up to see an ugly frown on Junmyeon’s face. The leader should really refrain from moving his face to extreme expressions.

Luhan scowls back at him, knowing his own face twists funny. “No…doctors.”

Junmyeon frowns even more. “Lu, I think you should—”

“If he says he doesn’t want doctors then he doesn’t,” Jongdae snaps, fanning Kitty even harder.

“Fine!” Junmyeon explodes. “But don’t blame me if anything else happens!”

Jongdae stops Kitty-fanning. “Ya! Stop screaming near him!”

Jongin cringes and grips Luhan’s knees harder. The younger doesn’t like loud noises, especially people fight-screaming like Jongdae and Junmyeon like to do.

Junmyeon’s hands turn into fists at his sides. “This is not screaming! This is using my leader voice!”

Jongdae cackles. “Your leader voice ! No one even pays attention!”

Luhan pats Jongin’s hands. “Go take those freaky eyes out before they start to irritate.”

Jongin looks unsure, like he wants to say, but he wants to leave.

“I’ve got him,” Minseok says. “Go change.”

Jongin nods and walks away.

Sharp voices are like daggers into his ears, and Luhan moans pathetically as Jongdae and Junmyeon keep arguing. Ugh. “Make them stop,” Luhan begs to no one in particular.

Minseok releases him and stands between the fighting pair. “Guys, could you take it down a notch?”

“What’s going on?” Chanyeol walks to them, towel hanging around his neck.

Yixing shuffles past him and hands Luhan a big and tall glass of water with ice. “Luhan fainted.”

“Dude, are you okay?” Baek asks, now standing beside Chanyeol.

Luhan nods as he downs the water. He feels it go down his throat and into his belly, cooling off everything and making him feel a bit more collected. Yixing’s hand rubbing soft circles on his back helps too.

“He needs to get better!” Junmyeon yells. “He needs to get better so he should see a doctor!”

Luhan breathes heavily. “It’s fine, I’m not—”

“No,” Jongdae says, “You are not fine Lu.”

Junmyeon throws up his hands. “Which is why he should see a doctor!”

He should probably tell them. “It doesn’t matter, because—”

“It does matter, Lu,” Sehun says, kneeling in front of him like Jongin had done.

Tao stands behind him. “Ge, you need to be healthy again.”

“What if you gets sicker?” Junmyeon asks. “What if by not taking you now, we’re making things worse? Comeback is right around the corner—”

“Who gives a about comeback,” Minseok snaps out of the blue. “This is his life we’re talking about.”

Kyungsoo grunts his agreement, but still says, “If he says he’s fine, we should trust his judgment.”

“Does he even know what he’s saying?” Chanyeol asks.

Baek peers at him. “He looks a bit…dizzy.”

“Again! Which is why he should see a doctor,” Junmyeon says.

And the fight grows bigger and bigger with everyone piping in.

And Luhan is no longer too hot, but he feels tired.

So ing tired.

And he can’t stand it anymore.

Luhan jolts from his seat. “I’m not doing this anymore!”

Everyone stops.

Everyone looks at him.

Beijing. Hotel.

They all gather in Yixing and his room. His ten band mates all seat themselves around him, as he explains his plans, his reasons. As he begs forgiveness for not being able to continue. As he spouts reassurances that this is not because of them, that it’s because of him. Because he can’t anymore. Not because he doesn’t want to, but because his body can’t.

When Luhan is done talking, there is only silence. He is afraid, so afraid that they will all get up and walk out. He’s afraid that he’ll lose this second family he’s acquired during this journey to stardom. Luhan has always prided himself on being manly, but right then he hides his trembling hands under the covers of his bed and awaits his sentence.

Yixing slides down on the chair he’s on, places his hands behind his head, and closes his eyes. He’s not leaving.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s heads peak out at the foot of the bed where they sit together on the floor. They glance at each other and then look back at Luhan. They’re not leaving.

The maknaes occupy the other bed and seem to be squabbling about something. Jongin, lying down to rest his back, nudges them with his foot and they stop. Kyungsoo frowns and shakes his head, but otherwise stays put by Jongin’s side. None of them are leaving.

Junmyeon changes his stance before settling back against the wall. Minseok, seated on a second chair nearby, yawns and steeples his fingers, waiting too for something. They, too, aren’t leaving.

At Luhan’s side, Jongdae throws an arm around his shoulder, a kittenish grin already on his lips. He nods and then glances at Baek. “I think we should—”

“Yes, I agree,” Baekhyun says and then throws a dirty sock at Sehun who is once again whisper fighting with Tao. “Hand me your phone.”

“What? Why? Use yours.” Sehun receives only a raised brow as answer.

Tao smacks Sehun’s head. “Just do as he says. That’s why you always get into trouble. You never listen.”

Sehun hits Tao back. “You’re one to talk. You do it then!”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and makes to get up. Before he can, Kai gets up stiffly, fetches the hotel phone, and throws it to Baekhyun. The thing bounces on the bed and smacks Chanyeol in the face. “I’m okay.” The giant grabs it and passes it on.

As Baekhyun dials in a number, he says to Yeol, “Could you handle the drinks?”

“On it.” Chanyeol springs up and shoves his hand in front of Junmyeon. The leader tries glaring for a bit, but eventually sighs and hands over his credit card. Chanyeol leaves the room with a spring in his step.

“Yes, I’d like to order ten boxes of pizza, five of them with no topping, three of them with all the toppings, and two of them with pineapple.” Baek shivers at the last one. “Um, could you deliver it to the front desk of our hotel? Uhuh.” He gives their hotel name, their room number, and then hangs up.

Chanyeol returns shortly after. “Manager hyung should be back with the beer shortly,” he says and hands the card back to Junmyeon. “He said it’s on him tonight.”

“We need music for this,” a sleepy Yixing says. “Or a movie.”

“I got it!” Sehun exclaims and dives for the control. Kyungsoo snatches it first and then smacks the maknae for jostling the bed.

Luhan is very confused. “I…what are we doing?”

Jongdae springs up and stands on the bed. He grins down at him. “We’re giving you a proper send off!”

They didn’t leave him.

Luhan smiles and shakes his head. No one mentions the glistening tears threatening to fall, and he brushes them away quickly anyways. “You guys…Wo ai ni.”

3am.

The room is dark and the only sounds are the AC, Baek’s puppy snores, Chanyeol’s chainsaw ones, Jongin’s deep breaths, Junmyeon’s constant changes of position, and Tao’s Chinese mutterings. The others are peaceful and Luhan wishes he was too.

But Hours from now he’ll be saying goodbye to all of them. Who knows how long it’ll be before they see each other? How long it’ll be before they share a meal? How long before they share again a night of pizza and beer and companionship? They’re not even two feet apart and he’s missing them already.

The shadows on the ceiling hold no answers to Luhan’s questions, so he rolls over and lies on his side. His breath stutters when he sees Minseok is there watching him. His round is face barely distinguishable in the faint light filtering through the curtained glass window.

“Can’t sleep?” Minseok whispers.

Luhan shakes his head once.

His best friend stares at him for the longest time. Just when Luhan is about to ask ‘what is it’, Minseok’s fingers wrap around his wrist and tug lightly. Luhan rises from the bed, careful not to jostle Jongdae too much because he’s a light sleeper, and follows Minseok to the bathroom. They turn on the light and dim it all the way down until it’s barely a glow. Towels are thrown on the floor as makeshift seats and they sit comfortably side by side.

The silence, however, isn’t comfortable.

Luhan raises his knees and wraps his arms loosely around them. “Are you angry with me?”

Minseok sighs. “Why would I?”

“Because I didn’t tell you first,” Luhan says.

Minseok sighs again. It’s something he does when he’s frustrated. Luhan just needs to figure out what exactly he is frustrated about.

“I should’ve told you, I just,” Luhan drags his fingers through his hair, “I didn’t know how.”

“I’m not angry, Lu,” Minseok says.

“But if you are—”

“Stop.” Minseok moves so he’s facing him. Luhan sits straighter. “I’m happy that you are doing this. It’s your health. There’s nothing more important.”

Luhan nods. “I sense a but coming.”

Minseok smirks. “But…I’m going to miss you.”

A fist tightens in Luhan’s chest. “I’ll miss you too, Minnie. But it’s not like we won't call or skype or kkt—”

“It’s not the same….”

Luhan hangs his head. “I know it’s not. I’m sorry.”

Minseok growls, and grabs a hold of Luhan’s shoulder and shakes him lightly. “Do me a favor and stop apologizing. It’s not your fault. None of us blames you. I don’t blame you, okay?”

Luhan nods. There’s a knot in his throat now as he fights back tears for the nth time since he broke the news. By now, his manliness is in shreds, but he doesn’t even care. All he cares about is letting them know that he is not doing this because of them; he is not leaving because they didn’t work as a group. “I just need you to know that…that if I could stay, I would.”

Minseok pats his arms. “I know. I know, Lu.”

They settle in silence once more. It’s not uncomfortable anymore, but it still feels like there’s something unsaid, something missing.

“I need to ask you for something,” Minseok says, and his words are hesitant.

Luhan nods. Anything, he wants to say, but it sounds too desperate. “What is it?”

“Sixty seconds.”

Luhan’s brow furrows and his lip juts out in a small pout. “I don’t…What for?”

Minseok doesn’t answer. His friend’s big, dark eyes blink fast and then close as he leans in. Minseok presses his lips against Luhan’s. It takes a couple of seconds for his brain to compute what is happening, and then Luhan jerks back in surprise.

But hands cradle his face and bring him back in.

This time, Minseok’s lips push, move, and tease at his own until he reacts and starts kissing back. It something he’s done before with girls, so he isn’t lost, but why does it feel so different, so right with Minseok? A whimper escapes Luhan’s lips when he parts them and Minseok’s tongue grazes against his own. What starts as chaste turns heated and wet in a blink, but it all ends just as fast. Their panting is loud when Minseok breaks the kiss.

“Sixty seconds,” Minseok whispers, entangling his fingers with Luhan’s. “For good luck and goodbye.”

Goodbye?
No.
See you later.