I was 18 years old, never thought about falling in love, because at the very first, I keep telling my self that the chosen one will come at the right time. Trials and errors are unnecessary for building a strong relationship between a mature man and a mature woman. When I look around, I find my parents my aunts my grand parents are happy with their spouses not because they find them at the last minute after looking for the best one, but because for every single person, God gives a compatible partner for the rest of life, on the perfect time.

That's me on 18 years old. I built a strong, thick and tall wall around me. In relationship things, if certain man seriously wants me, then ask me from my father. That's all.

But suddenly a certain man came. And slowly but sure opened my heart. Then I started to be afraid. I was afraid of this hearty feeling. I didn't want this kind of circumstance early.

I still have a very long journey in this world of fame. Being composed all the time. Smiling bright every click of shoots and every clap of hands. This world of me isn't a joke. When a heart broke a war could begin. What can I do with my feeling?

I found him too early. I'm afraid I will lost him. I'm really afraid that will happen. Because after a year I seek for sincerity in his eyes, I found. Its not an easy thing for me to trust a man. But he never fails me. My wall seems not as strong as I thought. But the factor is, he really gives his best effort to break my wall. And I started to look for his reasons. But find nothing but a pure sincerity.

What should I do?

We live in the same world. World of fame. And we were young. Very young. We found each other when I was 18 and he was 20. If you see your friends in this age, what do you think? You'll find nothing serious in relationship. Only 0,001% that choose to walk down the aisle in this age, right?

That's worsening me. How long should I wait for the right time?

What if I find another sincerity from another pair of eyes?

What if he finds a better woman than me?

While the time passes, we give spaces for each other. Keep supporting each other, in the name of a good relationship between colleagues. But deep inside, I keep saying that the one who broke my wall should take the responsibility. I don't wanna build another wall.

Author Notes:

Huft. Been haunted recently. A feeling when you're wishing much, but nothing happened. Then I tried to face the reality, and "wear her shoes".