It’s the weekend and that means one thing.

Visiting hours.

For six months I have been coming to this same hospital room. Each time sitting in the same chair next to the same bed, staring at the beautiful lifeless figure before me.

His auburn hair sweeps across his forehead while his lips are slightly parted, allowing oxygen in. He looks more fragile each time I come. His skin once was a soft peach but now every inch of him is a light grey, if it wasn’t for the heart monitor, you would think he was dead. He is bone skinny as well. He used to have curves like you couldn’t believe, wide hips with narrow shoulders, and thighs that could drive any straight man insane. Now because of me, all the life inside him has disappeared.

I remember that night perfectly. It was our one-year anniversary and I was taking him some place special. Kibum loved having an excuse to dress up and have a good time. He also was an amazing dancer, therefore, I decided to take him to a very nice restaurant where they have dinner and dancing.  He would have loved it, if we only had made it to the restaurant.

It was raining, water was running down my windshield in waves but I had driven in worse. Not a problem, I thought to myself. 

Kibum was so excited, his questions endless as he tried to figure out where I was taking him. His eyes were shining with excitement, and I remember the city lights reflecting off his skin, shadowing his features just right. He never looked more beautiful than he did that night.

I should have been paying more attention. I should have noticed the car hydroplaning through the red light but I didn’t until it was too late. The car collided with the Kibum’s side of the car, rendering him unconscious instantly. I wasn’t so lucky.

The vehicles stopped moving after what seemed like forever. I glanced over and all I saw was blood. Almost every part of his body was covered, dripping from the side of his face to the tips of his fingers. Panic washed over me. I immediately thought the worst, I thought that if he was dead then I wanted to die to. A life with out him was unbearable.

This is almost as bad. If he wakes up I know there’s an immense possibility that he will hate me. This is my fault, I don’t blame him, but at least he will be alive. I would give anything to see his smile again, to see his eyes sparkle.

“Visiting hours are over dear.” The nurse walks in to tell me.

I let out a heavy sigh and get up from my chair. I walk the few steps to his bed and gently place a kiss on his forehead. His skin is still so warm that for a second I can pretend he’s with me again.

“Please come back to me Kibummie.” I whisper against his skin. Tears prickle at the corner of my eyes and I leave the hospital quickly, unable to hold back the sobs erupting in my chest.

My heads falls against the steering wheel in exhaustion as my breathing regulates once more.

Every night, when I close my eyes, the accident replays in my mind. Each night my regret swallows me whole.

I collapse onto my bed but the tears don’t stop. Its always the hardest after I see him, like my chest is being split open repeatedly.  Seeing him so helpless, so broken, it rips every inch of me apart.

I somehow manage to fall asleep that night. I wake up with swollen red circles surrounding my eyes and a pounding pain in my skull.  

Sundays are always the worst. I would give anything to be able to spend it by Kibum’s side but Sundays are when his family visits. If they didn’t hate me enough for “making thier son gay”, they do now that its my fault he’s in this condition.

Instead I spend the day with Minho and sometimes my other friends. They have been really good to me these past few months helping me through this, I don’t think I couldn’t thank them enough.

I decide to get out of bed to take a shower, Minho will be here in about an hour to pick me up and I don’t want to be late. He always plans something fun for the weekends. He tries to help me escape from reality, if only for a short time. It never works though, everything reminds me of Kibum. Everywhere we go I can help but think of how much he would enjoy it and what he would say about every little thing. His soft voice always whispers in the back of my mind everywhere I go but I wouldn’t change that for the world.

I walk downstairs and my breath hitches in my throat. My parents are sitting at the table and look like they have seen a ghost. My first thought is something bad happened to him. I was just with him last night thought, nothing could have happened. Right?

“Sweetie, sit down please.” She masks her worry with kindness, but it doesn’t fool me. I obey and sit down. My hands begin to tremble. If something happened to him, I don’t know what I would do. He is my life and if he died, so would I.

“We have some news to tell you.” My dad lets out a deep breath. “Kibum’s parents called this morning.” Tears fill his eyes. No, this can’t be happening. It can’t!

“He’s awake.” My mother whispers. I can’t stop the tears that fall from my eyes.

“He’s..he’s awake?” I stutter, barely able to breath.

“Yes.” She says sorrowful. “But honey…He doesn’t remember anything.” I see her fighting back her tears. My parents were very fond of Kibum. He made me extremely happy and that made them happy. It didn’t matter to them that we were both boys.

“What do you mean?” I say shakily. He doesn’t remember me. I feel my heart break all over again.

“He can’t remember anything, his family, his friends…you.” She doesn’t look at me and I don’t blame her. My whole body is shaking violently as the tear pour from my eyes. He doesn’t remember me.

“His parents also requested that you stay away from him for a while.” My dad says nervously.

“What! Why?” I shout. “He’s my boyfriend!” This can’t be happening.

“I know, I know, I don’t agree with this either. But we need to give him some time to cope with everything.” He’s trying to calm me down but nothing can at this point.

“You mean they don’t want their son to know he’s gay!” I shout. I shouldn’t yell like this in front of my parents but my emotions are getting the best of me.

They are both silent for a while before my dad finally speaks. “That may be the case, but still just give them some space, the doctors said his memories will come back to him but it’s going to take time.” He tries to send me a reassuring smile. “You two will be together again, I promise.” He pats me on the shoulder.

Kibum is awake and I’m not allowed to see him. I know he wouldn’t remember me anyway but if I could just see his face, just for a moment, it would be enough.

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This is the first chapter and I have most of this story planned out already so I hope you like it. It's more of a sad story but there will be happy moments I promise! 

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