Wu Yifan sat on the plush brown leather couch with a deadly force. His lanky limbs were aching and his back was in excruciating pain. He finally returned to his large apartment, of which he lived alone in. It had been far too long since he had last been able to just sit quietly by himself to think. The time on the clock across from him read 12:30 in the morning, the midnight sky splashed above with not a single star decorating the majestic black curtain. He looked out the open window, lights from streets and buildings were still on and from the floor of his room, they looked like stars stranded to land. His hand found way to his phone he had dropped inside his pocket on the way back from shooting the last couple of scenes for his new movie. It was his acting debut and he didn't want to fail any expectations. Especially what he went through to get to where he was now.

 

    "Please if you could just take into consideration of his wishes! He's always been following orders and I don't think there is anything wrong with him pursuing another one of his dreams."

 

    He shook his head to rid the voice that echoed in his mind. It wasn't just one voice that spoke in his mind. It was many. They followed him from day to day and it was that one voice he always heard that made him want to curl up into a ball and never be bothered. It was always Kris's voice that made him feel the largest amount of pain and guilt. Regret rushed through him every night just like now. When their voices were done speaking, Kris would magically wake up and speak to Wu Yifan, telling him how much he missed being with them. Kris always told Yifan that he wanted to dance again. That he wanted to sing and rap and that he wanted to be able to sit around the dinner table or on the hard wooden floors always polished to eat take out dinner or kimchi. Kris always told Yifan that if only he had waited and was patient enough, he would've been able to do what he wanted. What he also wanted to pursue. And it was when Kris was awake that Yifan would open his phone and look through the old photos and videos he had taken on his phone. They ranged from months to a year ago and when a certain angelic face was smiling with his pearly whites closely to his own stoic face, he finally dropped the first tears of the night. It was the video that turned those tears into loud, ugly sobs that echoed deeply. The excited chirps of a brunette boy danced out of his phones speakers as more and more voices escaped the mobile device.

 

    "Duizhang! Duizhang! Look look!"

    An ash blonde head poked into the screen and with his droopy puppy eyes, he let out an hysterical laugh. He was pulled along while in the middle of recording his room decor for his mother. They entered another room of the dorm. After finishing with promotions in their six-member subunits, they were now in one dorm, for the first time and finally living together for the duration of promotions for their first full album. His camera landed upon a sleeping figure, lying still and curled up in the soft cream colored couch.

    "Junmyeon-hyung's face!" The camera went straight to his face and a loud boisterous laugh erupted from the cameraman. Loops and dung were drawn on both sides of his face with what seems to be a black marker. His eyebrows were drawn over and turned into a thick unattractive frown.

    "Junnie is going to kill you guys!"

 

    The video ended and he sat there bitterly. His sobs were hushed now though the tears kept running. He felt him. Kris clawing from inside of him, reminding him of how he left them.

 

    "Ge, I'm sure he'll understand. You've been asked to participate in many movies too. I'm sure he'll let you. Don't worry I'll support you!"

    Kris had finally quieted down but another voice awoke inside of him and he couldn't help but wish those voices would never leave him. Even though he felt insane, it was the only thing keeping him sane. The voices always supported him even though they kept him up at night and made him forget his lines.

 

    "Where are you going? Its 3 o'clock. You should be sleeping. We have practice in the morning..."

 

    Yifan looked at the screen of his phone again. Just one more minute and it would be three again. It would be three in the morning in South Korea time. It would already be  three hours into tomorrow on the other side. Once the large '3' followed by two zeros flashed on the screen, Yifan bit his lips. Kris stopped clawing and talking. The voices died down and only one voice spoke now. The usual voice.

 

    "Why are you leaving us?"

 

    Yifan bit his lips as the dried tear stains on his face left uncomfortable streaks. He stood up, wobbling his way towards the bathroom door where he could find relief in cold water to splash on his face. More than that, he wanted to wash away all the pain that came with Kris. His large hands twisted the the knob and a rush of cold water fell down. He washed his face harshly and imagined along with the water dripping off his face and down the drain went guilt, regret and all the reminisces of Kris.  After a couple of seconds of just watching the water, back hunched over the sink, he turned off the faucet and straightened out his arched back. He stared into the dark eyes of Wu Yifan. The dark bags that once hung out under his eyes had disappeared but in place of it, the tear stained cheeks. He studied the shape of his brow, the ratio of his nose with his eyes and tested out his smile. He wanted to puke at how fake he had plastered it on for himself. For the past three months whenever he looked in the mirror he had always wondered whether it was Kris looking out at Yifan or if he was Yifan, looking out at Kris. Kris was the cold city guy, an alien who loves the galaxy, but Yifan was just a man who loved his mother dearly. The only similarities that the both had was the fact that they loved to sing and rap.

 

    "Do you not care about us anymore?"

 

    He felt numb as the voice spoke again. It was replaying words he wished he would've answered instead of showering cold and hateful glares. Yifan took the towel and dabbed at his face before hanging it back on the rack and quickly left the bathroom. He didnt feel ready to accept Wu Yifan yet. Especially when Kris was still with him. His phone began to ring and he quickly ran over to the couch before answering it.

    "Hello?"

    "I forgot to tell you that tomorrow we have to do a couple of redoes on three of your scenes."

    Yifan was silent and felt ashamed that he

was going to waste more of the director and staffs time.

    "Don't worry about it. All rookies go through this and besides, the director understands your situation..."

    "Okay. I'm very sorry for the trouble. Thank you very much." The other line hummed in return before clicking off and Yifan awkwardly moved his phone away from his ears.

 

    "Hyung, only us members know how hard you actually work. Don't let what the critics who can't even hit a note tell you what you are capable of. I believe in you."

    "Thank you Kyungsoo," he replied with a slightly embarrassed chuckle.

    "You'll all do wonderful. Good night hyung. Get some sleep, it's late."

    "Good night Dyoderu."

    "Don't call me that! Just go to sleep!"

    "Alright!" he replied, giddy with laughter. He hung up and pushed his phone under his pillow.

 

    Yifan was too exhausted to wash up, so he decided to just change into comfortable clothes and hit the hay. It didn't take long before his back was laying flat against his large king sized bed. The room was awfully silent and the only light was coming from a lamp beside the bed.

 

    "Scoot over! I can't sleep in my room with Tao being all wimpy and crying next to Junmyeon."

    He turned to the side and watched as the youngest member of their band, Sehun, waltzed in, his red blanket along with his pillow and stuffed toy, Pinku Pinku shoved under his arm. Automatically he scooted to the other side, letting the tall "baby" of the group join him. It didn't really bother him to share beds with him except for the fact that it took Sehun hours to fall asleep. Sometimes if you stayed up long enough, you would hear sniffles and wished you weren't awake.

 

    His shook his head, hoping the voices that brought back those memories would go away so he could finally sleep. He shifted to his side and closed his eyes, slowly relaxing his muscles. His mind drifted through what seemed to be a matrix-like world. Random animals floated around in the background and he felt that he was dreaming but concious in the wakening world at the same time. A sudden sensation of falling made his whole body jerk almost violently.

 

    "Are you okay?"

    He only replied with a short grunt before feeling a hand on his shoulder. "I'm fine Lu-ge...just really tired..."

    He rolled onto his stomach, burying the side of his face into the pillow allowing for him to breathe. His mind drifted between the dream world and the world he currently lived in. He stopped floating between both worlds when he felt a pair of hands gently but strongly begin to beat his back in rhythm. "Luhan you don't have to massage me if you're tired..."

    A melodious laugh came from the man and he continued. "We need our leader to be in top form tomorrow. I don't mind either. You can massage my back next time."

 

    Yifan shifted and turned around. A single tear drop slowly slipped out of his eye, tickling his lids. Even though he had already poured out half his tear glands earlier, he still had more to shed. He didn't bother to wipe it and waited with closed eyes until it made it safely over the edge of his nose.

 

    "I don't know what I can do to help him...I'm weak..."

    His large hands found the back of the other leader, crumpled up into a small ball. "Junmyeon...don't cry..."

 

    He rolled to the other side, still feeling restless and the voices in his head not stopping any of their attacks. Everything he did reminded him of Kris. Kris was friends with his band members. They were like brothers and that bond was something that should have been tangible; yet Wu Yifan had been able to take it all away within seconds of a hasty decision. Both Kris and Yifan remembered the day when they left. Junmyeon had woken up to the shuffles even though Yifan was being extra careful. Kris was begging from within for him to stop but he was too focused and too furious. He took his first step outside for the first time as Wu Yifan, not Kris.

 

    "Where are you going? It's 3 o'clock. You should be sleeping. We have practice in the morning..."

    Yifan turned around just a bit, frozen in place before slowly relaxing his tense shoulders. "I'm done. I'm done with this band and this company and everything. I want to sing and be free to do it however I wish. I'm tired, Junmyeon. Extremely tired of all this work and how everything is planned out for you."

    Only silence ensued and Junmyeon gulped. His hands slowly coming together in a nervous motion. "But...what about us? Do you not care about us anymore?"

    Yifan rolled his eyes but inside Kris was screaming, hurting and kicking desperately agains the sealed walls. However, Yifan was still able to hold the walls up  He reached for the door handle and before closing it all the way, he stopped. Junmyeon's silent sobs loudly echoed within the living room. His mouth was covered with his hand and Yifan felt himself weakening. His hold on the door loosened and dropped to his side.  "Junmyeon...don't cry."

    It was the last thing Yifan had said before leaving, the taxi waiting for him. If he had stayed any longer listening to the painful sobs coming from the leader of their band, even Wu Yifan would've given in and kicked his shoes off, going back to sleep. Kris however was furious and sad inside. He really wanted to stay.

 

    Wu Yifan opened his eyes and in the darkness, he finally spoke to Kris. "Give me all your tears...because it's my turn to cry..."

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Authors Note:

PHEW! finished? comment/sub upvote or whatever you wish to do lol...