Taemin turns sixteen today. His group is throwing a party for him, a somewhat big party, mostly with idols they know from their company. Super Junior was invited, along with others. Heechul doesn’t want to go, tries to do anything to get out of it, because Taemin knows about him, and he doesn’t know if he can be at the kid’s birthday party without something happening.

“You didn’t even get him a card?” Heechul narrows his eyes at the other man standing across from him.

“No, I didn’t. I forgot, okay?” Heechul snaps, and the other guy scoffs.

“Just sign the one I got him, then.” slides the card across the table, and Heechul signs under Siwon’s name half-heartedly.

“Now come on, or we’ll be late.” Siwon goes to grab the keys for his car, but Heechul holds up his own.

“I’m driving; I don’t trust you.” Heechul jokes lightly, and the two meet the others at the SHINee dorm. He thinks it’s dumb that they’re having so many people in the small apartment, but he understands why they would rather have it in a private setting than out in public.

They’re the last to show up, and Heechul notices that despite the good amount of people he sees, Lee Taemin is not among the crowd of SM idols. He finds it odd, especially since this is a party for him, to celebrate his birthday. The SHINee members all look stressed out, the three he sees, and Heechul can’t help but go stand near them to overhear the conversation they’re having with Yunho.

“He hasn’t come out from the back room all day.” One of them says, and it makes Heechul curious, “He’s been broody and moody and snappy, and we were wondering if you could go talk to him or something? He’s closer to you than anyone else, and since he’s not talking to us…”

So, trouble in paradise with the kiddies, he supposes. But since when is Taemin close to Yunho? That’s news to Heechul. Nevertheless, he moves the other end of the apartment to watch the scene unfolding at the end of the hall. Another member, Key, is banging on a door.

“Taemin, open the damn door! You’re being an unappreciative little brat, you know! We put this whole thing together for you, and you’re acting like a jerk!” Key is shouting at the teenager inside, sending a hard kick to the door, but there’s no response from the boy inside the room.

“Taemin, at least say something.” Key sighs, looking like he doesn’t know what to do.

“Go away.” The response is muffled, and Heechul has to strain to hear it. He can’t help but wonder what’s wrong the boy.

He watches as Yunho goes to knock on the door, asking Taemin if he can come in. The door opens after a minute, but the second Yunho is in, the door is closed again and the lock clicks in place.

Heechul wishes he could hear the conversation, but someone is dragging him to the other side of the apartment, and he mingles with the others. The music is loud, and even if there wasn’t any, there’s no way he’d be able to hear the hushed conversation taking place in the other room.

Meanwhile, Taemin sits cross legged as he stares out the window, Yunho moving to sit down next to him.

“What’s got you so down today, huh? Shouldn’t you be happy today?” Yunho jokes, nudging the teenager’s shoulder.

A small half-smile tugs at Taemin’s lips, and he pulls up one leg to hug his knee to his chest.

“I’m sixteen today.” Taemin says quietly, resting his chin on top of his knee.

“I know, that’s why we want to celebrate with you.” Yunho tells him.

“Except I don’t wanna celebrate it.” Taemin pouts, letting out a huff.

“Care to tell me why?” Yunho sighs, looking to Taemin for an answer.

Taemin sighs as well, closing his eyes for a moment before going back to staring out the window, “My parents were sixteen when they…had me.”

He pauses for a moment, “It’s just weird, I guess. I don’t know.”

“So that’s why you’ve been upset today?” Yunho asks, moving to ruffle the younger’s hair slightly.

“I’m just angry, I guess.” Taemin mumbles, not looking over at the older.

“Why?” Taemin lets out an angry sigh.

“Because of…I don’t wanna call him my father, because he’s not a father, he’s just a…” Taemin trails off, unsure of how to word what he’s feeling.

“He’s just a donor?” Yunho questions, trying to help the younger fill in the blank.

“Yeah.” Taemin mutters, rubbing the back of his neck, “I don’t like to think about it.”

“Then don’t think about it; just come out and have a good time tonight. We’re all here to celebrate with you.” Yunho stands up, holding a hand out to help Taemin up.

“It’s not that easy.” Taemin mumbles, but he can’t tell Yunho it’s because the man he’s so angry with is out there, talking to everyone and ignoring his son’s existence.

Taemin looks at his phone, noting the texts he receives from a few of his non-idol friends. He decides to go out into the apartment for a little while, hoping to slip away unnoticed after maybe a few minutes. So he lets Yunho help pull him up, and walks into the hallway after the older idol. Key is still standing in the hallway, his arms crossed and tapping his foot angrily.

“Are you finally going to grace us with your presence?” Key asks, and neither of them notice the few spectators they have from down the hall.

“Shut up, will ya?” Taemin narrows his eyes, not feeling like dealing with anyone’s right now.

Taemin’s walking down the hall, and he sighs at the people in their dorm. Key is following behind him angrily, Yunho having already gone to talk with a few people.

“You’re being an ungrateful little .” Key tells him as he follows the youngest.

“I didn’t ask for you to throw me some stupid party.” Taemin seethes, “You didn’t even tell me about it until today. Did it not occur to you that I maybe wanted to do something with my friends?”

The two start bickering before Heechul finally grows annoyed with them, stepping over and narrowing his eyes at the sixteen year old, “You should be more appreciative of what your group mates put together for you.”

Key looks surprised at Heechul stepping in, but Taemin just narrows his eyes right back at the man in anger, “Mind your own damn business.”

“Don’t you talk to me like that, you little brat!” Heechul seethes, and neither of them notice the small crowd staring at them. The two are staring intently at each other, Taemin’s fists clenched, and Heechul’s drink held tightly in his hand.

Taemin knows, that’s all Heechul is thinking. Taemin knows everything about him, and the kid could spill it at any moment. He knows he shouldn’t be saying anything to the boy, but there’s something that keeps pulling him to interact with Taemin.

“I’ll talk to you however I damn well please.” Taemin tells him, and he turns to leave because he’s had enough of this so called party. He’s had enough of people pretending to care about him, and he’s had enough of this man acting like he has a say in what Taemin can do.

“You get back here, you brat!” Heechul moves to grab the boy’s arm, but Taemin shakes it out of his grip.

“You can’t tell me what to do!” Taemin argues, and Heechul glares. The looks on Taemin’s face tells Heechul not to push any further, and he knows he shouldn’t, but that nagging feeling urges him question the boy.

“And why’s that?” Heechul stares hard at Taemin, and for a moment, the boy looks like he wants to laugh before his face turns stone cold.

Taemin stares hard at him, “Because my name is Lee Taemin, not Kim Taemin. Why don’t you knock up some other chick, huh? I’ve always wanted a little brother.”

Taemin glares at the singer before running out of the dorm. He doesn’t care that he just yelled at the man in front of everybody, he doesn’t care that he’s leaving the party s put together for him, he just doesn’t care. He wants to forget everything; he wants to have a good time, because it’s his birthday, and he should be allowed to have a good time. So he goes to hang out with Jongin and a few of his other friends, because they have beer, and they said they would celebrate Taemin’s birthday with a few drinks if he showed up.

So Taemin goes. He takes a taxi for the twenty minute ride to his friend’s house, and he drinks with them. He has a few beers, he lets loose, and he has a good time. He doesn’t care what Heechul’s doing, doesn’t care if he made the others question their little spat. Because it’s Taemin’s birthday, and he’s sixteen, and if his parents were allowed to drink when they were sixteen, then why the hell shouldn’t he have a few beers?

After a while, he’s laughing at his own jokes, his friends laughing along with him. Once they start doing their own things, Taemin sits with Jongin and holds the beer tightly in his hands. He’s talked to Jongin about his father before, but he’s never told him his name. Jongin is talking with him in a low voice, because he knows the other boy doesn’t like it when people start talking about his father. Taemin lets out a dark laugh after a moment, his smile bitter.

“That old man can my , Jonginnie.” He tells his friend, “I hate him, so ing my .”

Jongin laughs, tells him not to be so vulgar. Taemin’s lips turn up into a slight smirk, and soon the two are joking around again.

He finds out too late that he’s an emotional drunk. Either that, or he’s been bottling his feelings up for so long, that the alcohol finally pushes away his mask. Jongin is the first to notice when Taemin grows quiet, and he goes to sit closer next to his best friend. Taemin’s had more than a few beers at this point, and Jongin has only had two. Jongin is more lucid, knows what’s going on. He asks his best friend what’s wrong, asks him if he’s okay, or if he needs to go throw up or something. Taemin shakes his head, his eyes blinking fast and tears forming in them. Jongin is surprised, because Taemin hardly ever cries in front of anyone, so he pulls his friend close to him and tries to calm him down.

“I’m a mistake, I’m a mistake, I’m a mistake.” The same three words are muttered over and over again, and Taemin’s voice sounds so desperate and broken that it makes Jongin feel terrible.

“You’re not a mistake, Taemin.” He tries to soothe his friend, but nothing is working.

“I am, I am, I am.” Taemin lets out a sob, and Jongin tosses his friend’s phone to one of the others and tells them to call someone to come pick him up.

“I wasn’t supposed to happen,” Taemin whispers, a sob building in his throat, “He hates me.”

“Taemin, don’t say that.” Jongin chokes out, because he can’t stand seeing his best friend so upset; so broken.

Yunho comes to pick him up. The older idol doesn’t say anything to the boys who are drinking underage, he just takes Taemin from Jongin, whispers to the boy, and takes his phone when another hands it to him. He leads Taemin to his car, helps the younger buckle his seatbelt, and listens to him ramble on the way back to the SHINee dorm.

“He hates me, he hates me, he hates me.” Taemin repeats between choking back sobs, gripping the seatbelt as if his life depends on it, “I hate him, too.”

The last part is said so quietly, Yunho almost doesn’t hear it. His heart breaks for the boy, because he can only imagine the turmoil going on in the sixteen year old’s mind. He takes the younger up to the apartment, and he notices that not many people have left. Taemin is still a drunk, emotional mess, but the second he lays eyes on Heechul, his look of complete desperation turns to one of utter anger and hatred.

“You!” The word is as slurred as it can get, and Taemin stumbles out of Yunho’s grip to march right up to the man sitting on his couch, surrounded by other idols he doesn’t even take notice of, “I hate you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!”

“Are you drunk, Taemin?” Heechul questions, but he doesn’t stand up.

“ you,” Taemin mutters, and he takes in a deep breath before he hardens his stare at the singer, “ you, you know why? Because you’re an ! You’re a ing, douchebag, !”

“What makes me such an , then?” The second the words leave his mouth, Heechul knows he’s made a mistake. The kid is drunk, everyone in the apartment can tell that the birthday boy is drunk, and he’s not going to have a filter if he’s drunk.

Taemin is quiet for a moment, but then the look in his eyes intensifies, and he points his finger and pokes Heechul’s chest with each slow word, “Because, you’re an of a father.”

A couple people laugh, because they think the kid is so drunk that he’s talking nonsense, but Heechul is frozen. Taemin’s words are suddenly clear, no longer the slurred mess they were a moment ago. This is something the kid has been wanting to say for a while, Heechul can tell, and the pressure building in his chest rises with each word the boy utters.

“You don’t even deserve to be called father. You’re an , you’re a ing deadbeat! You’re not even a father, you’re a ing donor, you face!” Taemin’s words are serious despite the immature insults, and with each word, there’s a pang of guilt in Heechul’s chest.

He pushes back the feeling, though, and replaces it with anger, and the kid keeps talking and it pisses Heechul off.

“You’re an , and I hate you! I hate you more than anything, because you don’t even ing care about me! You put your non-existent career before me!” There’s so much pain in the last few words; so much pain and suffering, but all Heechul can see is red as he stands up in front of the boy.

“You’re right, I don’t give a damn about you.” His words are low, and he’s so angry, so angry because his secret is out because of this kid, “I don’t care, because you’re the biggest mistake of my life!”

He shouts the words in the boy’s face, and he grabs his shoulders and shakes the teenager, “You’re completely right, I don’t ing care about anything that happens to you, because you weren’t supposed to happen! You’re my high school mistake; a drunken night gone wrong!”

He doesn’t know when the boy started crying, but Heechul is furious, and he keeps going, “I didn’t want anything to do with you, and now here you are, waltzing into my life like the ing burden you are! Your entire existence is one huge up!”

People are trying to separate them, yelling at Heechul to let go of the kid, but all he can do is stare into the boy’s eyes, the boy’s red-rimmed, tear filled eyes as he lets out his anger on this child.

He finally stops shaking the kid, and Taemin’s body is being wracked by sobs, the tears streaming down his face; his broken, crestfallen face.

“You are a mistake, and that is all you will ever be!” Heechul shouts one last time before he pushes the kid, sending him sprawling on the floor to curl in on himself while Heechul storms out of SHINee’s apartment.

Everything Heechul told him validates what had been swirling around his mind for years, and it all crashes down on Taemin. He lies there on the floor, unable to stop the tears and the sobs that shake his entire body while the words jumble around his mind. He’s a mistake, a mistake, a mistake. All he’ll ever be is a mistake, because he’s a burden, and he wasn’t supposed to happen. He’s a mistake, and it makes his chest constrict and his head pound.

People are kneeling down next to him, asking him if he’s alright, if he hit his head, if he needs anything. He feels like he can’t breathe; like the whole weight of the world is pressing on his chest, and all he can do is cry.

“I want my mom,” He cries out, and someone is in front of him, but he doesn’t see who, “Please, please, I want my mom.”

People are leaving, whispering about the scene that just unfolded mere minutes ago.

Soon enough, only the SHINee members and Yunho are left in the apartment, and Yunho is helping bring Taemin to his bed.

“You don’t want your mom to come in and find you on the floor, do you? Please, just come lie down on your bed, Taemin.” He whispers to the boy, trying to calm him down before his mother shows up.

She comes hurrying in a little while later, and she smooths back Taemin’s hair, whispering comforting words to him while Yunho takes it as his cue to leave.

“Mommy,” Taemin chokes out, “Mommy, I’m sorry.”

“What for, baby?” She whispers, moving to sit on his bed.

He wraps his arms around her neck, half sitting up so he can lean on her while he hugs her, “Because I’m drunk.”

She wants to laugh at the way he says it, so slurred and guilt-ridden, but she pats his back and rests her head on top of his, “It’s okay, baby. It’s okay.”

“I yelled at him,” Taemin lets out another sob, looking up at her.

“Who did you yell at?” She asks, confused.

“Heechul.” Taemin starts crying again, “I yelled at him, and then he yelled at me, and, and,”

She holds onto him tightly, but he’s still staring at her while he cries, “He hates me, mama, he hates me! I yelled at him in front of everyone, and he hates me!”

“Oh, baby,” She pushes back the hair that falls in his face, unsure of what to say.

“I’m a mistake.” The words are so quiet, but he sounds so sure of himself that it makes her feel like she’s failed as a parent.

“You are not a mistake,” She tells him firmly, holding his chin in her hand, “Listen to me, Lee Taemin: you are not a mistake.”

He lets out another sob, “But I am.”

“No, baby, no.” She tells him, smiling to try to make him feel better, “Sweetie, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened in my life.”

“You’re just saying that.” He cries, his breaths shaky.

“No, I’m not.” She tells him, “Taemin, I love you more than anything in this world, and I want you to listen to me.”

She moves so her forehead is resting on his, and she stares at him while she talks, “Taemin, you are not a mistake. You are the single most important thing in my life, and I love you very, very much.”

Taemin closes his eyes as he cries, leaning his head on his mother’s shoulder while she holds him close. She holds onto him tightly, kissing his head and whispering in his ear to calm him down.  His cries die down after a while, and he holds onto her like his life depends on it. They sit there for a while, her whispering to him, telling him stories from when he was a child.

“Mom,” He says suddenly, “Mom, I don’t feel so good.”

She leads him to the bathroom, sitting on the tile floor while he kneels in front of the toilet. She pushes his hair back, keeping it off of his face while he pukes. He sits back after a few minutes, and she tears toilet paper off the roll and helps him wipe his chin before flushing everything down the toilet.

“I can smell it,” The boy whines, and his bloodshot eyes tell his mother that he’s still drunk.

She hands him another piece of toilet paper, and he blows his nose into it.

“Charming, Taemin.” She chuckles, and the boy only stares at her tiredly.

“Ew,” Taemin mutters, staring at the toilet paper in his hands.

“Well don’t look at it!” She slaps his arm lightly, telling him to put it in the trashcan and shaking her head, “Boys.”

He groans and leans against the counter, and she sighs while turning to the boy who’s standing in the doorway.

“Which toothbrush is his?” She asks, and the boy points at the cup.

“The green one.” He tells her, and she thanks him before asking him to bring some water and bread.

“Come on, Taeminnie. Brush your teeth.” She tells him, helping him up and putting the toothpaste on the brush.

“Mom, I’m sorry.” He lets out a whine, and she just sighs and his hair.

“I know, baby, I know. It’s okay.” She tells him, watching as he holds the toothbrush in his mouth, “Actually brush them, Taemin. I’m not joking.”

He moves the brush lazily in his mouth, staring at his reflection in the mirror. When he’s done, she brings him back to the bedroom and has him sit on his bed. She takes the water and bread from the same boy who came into the bathroom, and she holds the glass in front of Taemin.

“Drink it, Taemin.” She urges him, and he sips at the water slowly.

“And eat this.” She hands him the bread, and he pouts at it.

“I don’t want it.” He whines, trying to give it back.

“I don’t care, because you’re going to eat it.” She tells him, but he shakes his head.

“No,” Taemin whines, but he eventually gives in.

After she has him drink more water, she lays him down on the bed, pulling the blanket up to his shoulders.

“Mom, please don’t go.” He begs her, holding onto her hand while she kneels in front of her son.

“Mommy will be back in the morning, to take you to grandma and grandpa’s like we had planned.” She tells him, running her fingers through his hair.

“Please, mommy.” His lower lip is shaking, and she sighs.

“Mommy will stay until you fall asleep, and then I’ll come back in the morning to pick you up.” She negotiates, and he nods his head before closing his eyes.