Taemin laughs nervously when instructors and managers start calling him “Kim Heechul Angel Version,” and when they all tell him he looks so much like the singer. He tries to laugh it off, says it’s strange how much he looks like the idol.

Sometimes, he notices the man watching him while he practices with the rest of the trainees. He’s with the others, most of the time, trying to look like they’re all watching the trainees to see how they’re progressing. Except Heechul’s eyes almost never leave the form of Lee Taemin.

He hears the instructors and other trainees call the boy tone deaf. He hears the boy laugh it off, but he sees the anger and pain in his eyes at the name. It’s the same look he gets, and it freaks Heechul out.

He hears them call the boy his “angel version,” and he always narrows his eyes and says it’s stupid. Says the kid looks like him, sure, but he doesn’t see why it’s such a big deal.

He actually meets the kid when he’s twelve, and he stands nervously with four other boys as they introduce themselves to their seniors. The kid is blinking nervously, and Heechul wants to tell him to knock it off, that it makes him look weak.

Heechul stays quiet, only staring hard at the kid as he bows and introduces himself.

Lee Taemin, Lee Taemin, Lee Taemin.

The name swirls around in his mind, because it’s his son’s name. Heechul has a son, and he’s one hundred and fifty percent positive that it’s this boy standing in front of him. Heechul’s face staring back at him, talking and introducing himself as Lee Taemin.

He remembers the girl he got pregnant. He remembers why he liked her in the first place, why they started seeing each other, and started going to parties together. She was sweet, soft spoken most of the time, and unbelievably witty. She was quiet, but once she started opening up, she was a firecracker that lit up Heechul’s life.

This kid is just like her, but with his face.

Lee Taemin, Lee Taemin, Lee Taemin.

He watches him from another side of the room the day they meet, and he sees Taemin joking around with another trainee, and he can tell just from watching from afar that this kid definitely has his mother’s personality.

She even used to blink like that, if he remembers correctly. Whenever she was nervous, she’d start blinking and giggling, hiding her blush behind the back of her hand.

This kid is just like her, so much like her.

Lee Taemin, Lee Taemin, Lee Taemin.

Heechul can’t stop thinking about the kid. He’s awkward, prepubescent, and his voice is changing. It’s that weird, strangely deep voice for the baby face he has, and it’s just starting to crack.

Heechul’s voice started cracking at that age, too. It makes him swallow hard, because he wonders how else this boy is like him.

He doesn’t say anything, never says anything, because there is no way he can actually be sure if this is his son. He doesn’t want anything to do with his son, anyway. He told her that the day he found out he was going to be a father; he doesn’t want a kid, doesn’t want the responsibility or the repercussions of having a child at such a young age.

Taemin doesn’t know if his father knows about him. Taemin knows that this man is his father, but he doesn’t want to find out if his father knows that he’s his son.

Taemin doesn’t know if he’d be able to handle the rejection, anyway.

The inevitable rejection that he was bound to face if he ever actually met his father as the man’s son and not as a trainee from the same company.

So he keeps his mouth shut; he doesn’t tell a soul that he’s Kim Heechul’s son.

There’s no way he can prove it, anyway. His birth certificate doesn’t have his father’s name on it; something his mother said she’d tell him about when he’s old enough.

He’s hoping thirteen is old enough, because he doesn’t think he can wait another year to find out why his father isn’t involved in his life.

She finally tells him after he turns thirteen, after he bugs her for weeks on end to tell him why his father’s name isn’t on his birth certificate, why he’s never really met his father, why he can’t meet him.

He knew it wasn’t going to be the most uplifting information he’s ever received, but it didn’t stop the pang of rejection he felt when he finally learned that his father put his then non-existent singing career before his son.

So he works hard to prove that he’s worth his father’s attention. Even if the man doesn’t know, he works so that he can prove it to himself.