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{ Ẍ }

 

Paradise of Hell

 

That night, I was trying to hold it, but those filthy scenarios kept flashing in my mind.

 

This isn’t the first time. I reminded myself.

 

 

How long could I wait? It had been weeks, nearing to a month. Why am I tolerating such happenings? Does he love me?

 

I was sitting in the cold and stiffened sofa as the silent creeps louder and louder in the living room as I wait hours by hours.

 

My heart was trying to find reasons for his actions while my mind was continuously slapping myself with those scenarios, trying to tell me that he no longer loves me.

 

“UUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRGGGHHH!” I slammed the coffee table in front of me, releasing those angers and frustrations in me as the fight between my heart and my mind did not come to a conclusion.

 

The key of the lock unlocking echoed after the huge slam.

 

Sehun came in with a calm face, but with an aura which makes you fear to approach him.

 

He will never do this to me. He would never.

 

Back to those months when we were happily rolling on the bed, teasing each other and having heart to heart talks as and when we are together, discussing about what we want or maybe what was for dinner.

 

And now, all he was giving me short answers, giving me a cannot-be-bothered attitude and he no longer smile with me, share his feelings and thoughts with me.

 

“I’m back.”

 

That was all he said, without even looking at me and he straight away proceed to his room, or what used to be our room.

 

I could no longer take that anymore, tolerating this for weeks?! No.

 

I followed after him and hugged him from the back as he was about to take off his clothes.

 

He did not move and did not say anything.

 

He looked down and shove my hands away, then walked away from me.

 

It was like shoving millions of knifes at my heart, I slouched, unable to bear the sudden pain he gave me.

 

He still did not say a single word and continued changing his clothes.

 

“What is this? Why are you treating me like this?!” I asked as my voice slowly raised.

 

He just looked at me as if I was bothering him and looked away.

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“Heh. Don’t kid with me! You know what you have been doing to me!”

 

“What?” He turned to face me, his eyes were filled with disturbance, as if like he was giving me warning to leave him alone.

 

“You were not like this! You would always talk to me, play with me! You were… never this distant! Even if you are tired, you will do things to make me go out with you to buy snacks together!”

 

“So?”

 

“So?! So why did you become so… so cold towards me! Whenever I want to play with you, you either ran to other members or just ignore me!”

 

“I just don’t feel like playing with you.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I don’t like you.”

 

W-what. What?!

 

I… I could not understand.

 

I was more than shocked.

 

It was just so suffocating, he said he love me. He said he had fun with me. He said he like being with me. He said he wants to be with me forever. He promise to never leave me.

 

Was that all lies?

 

Seeing me in shocked, he just pushed me out of the room.

 

I struggled to stay while trying to not cry.

 

He became stronger, but I pushed him and he fell on the bed.

 

“What is this?! You told you would never leave me! YOU PROMISED ME! YOU SAID YOU LOVE ME. YOU SAID… YOU… you…”

 

“Well, I am sorry then. I don’t want to see you again. I mean, I’m just tired of this.”

 

I looked at him with my teary eyes, hoping to see some feelings in his eyes but no. He eyes were so dead, so empty.

 

He wasn’t sorry at all.

 

“Why… what have I done?! WHAT HAVE I FREAKING DONE TO MAKE YOU DO THIS TO ME?!”

 

“Isn’t it obvious?”

 

Huh?

 

“I have found someone better. Seriously, days with you were not the best, they were just… not up for standard. Everyday I have to stick up to you, just to make you happy and make you talk to me. But the person I have found is way better, no. The best. That person will come and talk to me, come and play with me. But for you, I’m tired of going to you with you not coming for me.”

 

That’s not true. That was definitely not true!

 

“I just feel that you don’t love me, I mean, deep down you don’t and it is very obvious. Those actions you showed me and you expect me to be caring or being good to you? I bet you never expect things would end up the other way round.”

 

“N-n-no… That’s not true!”

 

“Face it, I really hate seeing you cry in front of me just to make me pity you and accompany you. You are really selfish, would you mind stop caring or trapping me? I just really dislike… detest you. This is the best I can give you, since you are considered as the band member.”

 

“N-no. Sehun, this isn’t you.”

 

“Heh, if you want to lie to yourself, I really can’t be bothered. Now. Get out-”

 

“No! Sehun-”

 

“Before I kick you out of my life completely.”

 

I stood there as my mind was still digesting what was happening.

 

“I am not going to wait, I mean it. NOW.”

 

I walked out weakly and just as I reached one step out of that room, the door slammed.

 

It was like me walking out of the paradise that Sehun once gave me as I am walking into the darkness of loneliness and depression that… Sehun set up.

 

I gripped my shirt and cried out all of my pain. It was just so unbearable and so… helpless.

 

My heart truly loves Sehun and truly believed that he would never turn out to be like this… My heart still wants to believe that Sehun is not like this…

 

However, my mind just keeping stabbing me with the fact that Sehun had never loved, or even liked me. Those memories and moments were all fake and Sehun would never like me anymore.

 

The inner war within me finally ended, with both my exasperated and sorrowful heart and mind broke down.

 

And the night ended like this… so mercilessly.

 

•

 

 

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Well... I'm still unsure of who the person is,

but as you can see that he is from EXO! >u<;;

I can't decide who to ship Sehun with so...

It shall remain as "unknown"~^^;;

[    Image credits to dreamyflower ; asianfanfics    ]