Luhan woke up to the sight of possibly the most gorgeous Korean boy in the world slumbering next to him, immediately bringing him from wonderful dreams to crashing reality. Cursing his roommate internally, he rolled over so he wouldn’t have to face him. Life was so unfair, and it was all Minseok’s fault.

How could he just lay there so peacefully, so happily, so ignorantly to the fact that Luhan was madly in love with him? Kim Minseok, who had no idea that Luhan was gay and wanted so desperately to get into his pants. True, no one else knew Luhan’s secret uality either, but they didn’t matter. Minseok was the one who needed to know – and who Luhan couldn’t tell. Not because he was afraid of being rejected; because he knew he would be rejected.

Minseok was an almost flawless person. He was loving and sweet and kind to everyone and never had a bad thing to say, for the most part. Except when it came to gay people. Luhan was sure he’d never met someone more homophobic than Minseok, which broke his heart. Minseok literally seemed to be afraid of the idea of homouality, and any time it was even suggested, his face twisted into a scowl and when he voiced his opinion on the topic, it was far from friendly. Of all the people to be anti-gay… why did it have to be him?

Why did Luhan have to be gay? Couldn’t he have been born a girl or something? There was no doubt in his mind that Minseok would be all over him if he were female, because they were so close, and Minseok had told him he loved him, but only as a friend since they were both guys. Which frustrated Luhan to death. Seriously. Half the time he was convinced he was going to tie Minseok down and bang him into acceptance, until the older was begging for more. (Luhan dreamt about it a lot, and daydreamed about it even more; it was his go-to image for ing. And it worked – very quickly – every single time.)

Luhan hated every second he spent with Minseok, and it was worse because he couldn’t get enough, couldn’t get away. Every day they hung out together, were practically inseparable. And Luhan tried constantly to change Minseok’s thinking, dropping subtle lines that were gay-friendly; but if Minseok caught on he would instantly frown and change the subject. That was where things stood with them – best friends, but never to be anything more. It was terrible, and Luhan couldn’t be satisfied with it, but that was how it was.

Things were made worse when Minseok would casually and thoughtlessly touch him, hold his hand, pat his . Things that were harmless in Korean culture, but only fed Luhan’s imagination. Even as he lay there in bed, he felt Minseok curl closer to him, breath ghosting on his neck and making Luhan shudder. How was he expected not to turn around and pin the older down, give him what he had coming? Instead, he was left weakened, holding back moans so as not to lose this closeness. He couldn’t wake Minseok up right now, but when he closed his eyes, ideas began flowing; thoughts of Minseok’s soft lips on his neck, teeth sinking into his skin, hands slipping under his clothes… Biting his lip, Luhan tried to keep his breathing under control, but his hand had other ideas, moving into his pajama pants and finding a grip. At the touch of his own fingers, he gasped, but then began moving his hand rapidly, letting his thoughts roll like a film and coast him through the next few moments. The riskiness of it – Minseok being an inch away, having to hold in his screams – made Luhan come faster, and when he did he knew he woke Minseok up, but he lost all his senses and couldn’t find it in him to care for a while.

When he finally came back to reality, he rolled onto his back – and that was his first sign; Minseok had moved away, then, if there was space behind him now – and, blushing, looked at his best friend. Minseok raised a skeptical eyebrow at him.

“There are some things I don’t need to wake up to,” he told Luhan, and Luhan could feel his skin burning. But Minseok only rolled his eyes in amusement. “Go clean yourself up.”

“Yes, sir,” Luhan muttered, obeying.

After he went and came back, he got dressed, and the two of them went to the dorm kitchen, happy to find Kyungsoo there and making breakfast.

“You’re the best, Soo-umma,” Minseok said, and Kyungsoo just nodded, not taking his eyes off his work. (Of course, when Jongin went in a few moments later, he got a “Good morning, Jongin”. He was the only one who made Kyungsoo crack.)

Luhan and Minseok went out to the living room to wait for Kyungsoo to serve them just as Baekhyun came out of Chanyeol’s room, the half-sleeping giant following close behind. Minseok’s nose was quick to crinkle, unimpressed. Unlike Luhan, Baekhyun and Chanyeol were open about where they set their affections, which happened to be on each other. Baekhyun pulled Chanyeol over to the couch Luhan and Minseok weren’t on, and Chanyeol plunked himself down on it, eyes more closed than not. Snorting, Baekhyun snuggled up beside him, and Chanyeol s an arm around his waist so he wouldn’t fall off the couch. Baekhyun his lips and turned his head to look up at Chanyeol, puckering his mouth cheesily for a kiss, which Chanyeol gave him. When the younger tried to pull away, Baekhyun reached up to get a hold on his hair, pulling him back and kissing him longer. They didn’t stop, even as Minseok coughed loudly in distaste.

Finally, it got to be too much for him. “Could you two quit it? You’re not alone,” Minseok chastised. He liked Baekhyun and Chanyeol just fine, but it was well known amongst the members that he would not tolerate their boisterous fondness for one another. (Luhan was pretty sure they put on a show just to piss him off sometimes, which was funny, but really not winning Minseok’s support of the whole gay thing.) Baekhyun pulled off of Chanyeol to stick his tongue out at the older, and Chanyeol took that time to lay back, eyes closing again. When Baekhyun looked back and saw the sight, he laughed, and pecked Chanyeol’s lips before resting his head on Chanyeol’s arm and awaiting his breakfast.

Slowly the room filled with members, all at varying stages of consciousness. Tao came out of the shower – always one to get in there before everyone else woke up, in fear of being tormented whilst showering – and Jongin zombie-walked out of his room, sitting at Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s feet on the couch, not noticing the cuddle-bugs. Joonmyun was wide awake from the second his eyes opened in the morning, Luhan was pretty sure, and flowed lively energy which most of them had no time for this early in the day. Yixing was out and on the floor between Jongin’s legs, using the younger’s thigh as a pillow, no more awake – or aware – than he was. Unlike the other members though, Yixing’s state would not change throughout the day; he was just always entirely out of it and did not care. Reversely, Sehun was awake and grumpy, longing to channel his inner Yixing but his subconscious wouldn’t allow it, and so he would spend the day as per usual, hating and judging them all.

Kyungsoo called them for breakfast before everyone was out, but Chanyeol was the first in the kitchen. The moment Kyungsoo spoke, Chanyeol’s eyes shot open, and he – gently – threw Baekhyun out of the way, jumping up and hurrying towards the smell of food. Luhan laughed at the sight – it happened every morning but never got old – and got up, following after Chanyeol and Minseok, who was much less theatrical than the former but still as eager to be fed. A line began forming, and as Luhan waited, someone cut in front of him.

“Jongdae, do you not see this line?” Luhan asked him, shoving the boy playfully. Jongdae turned around, grinning and ruffling his messy bedhead.

“I do, but I have to get in before Minseok hyung or I might not get to eat this morning,” Jongdae teased.

“Ha ha,” Minseok grumbled sarcastically. “Get to the back, brat.”

“He’s got a good point, Seokkie,” Luhan noted playfully, not wanting the older to be upset or get angry at Jongdae. Luhan knew – as most of them did – that Minseok was sensitive about his weight, even though Luhan thought he was perfect (and personally adored when Minseok had been chubby and plump; that was the Minseok he’d fallen in love with, after all).

“What is this mutiny?” Minseok asked dramatically. “My best friend is turning on me now?” And he punched Luhan’s arm, but there was amusement in his eyes. “Jerk.”

They went back to waiting, but as Jongdae was given his meal, Luhan was cut off again, this time by Baekhyun.

“Oh, no,” Luhan told him. “Don’t even. Get back.”

“Hey, Jongdae did it!”

“Yeah, one is enough,” Luhan said, pushing Baekhyun aside. “And I don’t like you.”

Baekhyun gasped, pouting. “You can’t choose favourites,” he whined over-theatrically.

“This line is getting out of hand,” Kyungsoo cut in from in front of Jongdae. “Baekhyun, get out of the line before you get hit.” Baekhyun knew enough to heed Kyungsoo’s warning; Kyungsoo was small but he knew where to hit to make it hurt. Baekhyun backed away, mumbling, but Chanyeol offered him a bite off his plate, feeding the older with his chopsticks. This seemed to satisfy him.

After they were all served and gathered on or around the couches, they ate quietly, everyone focusing on their food. Baekhyun and Chanyeol were sharing – although everyone had the same things – and taking turns feeding one another, giggling quietly now and then. Jongin had taken a place back on the couch, but as soon as Kyungsoo had come in he’d given up his seat, moving down to sit at Kyungsoo’s feet. Now he was falling asleep again as Kyungsoo ran his fingers through his hair rhythmically.

Luhan didn’t pay much attention to Minseok (he tried to avoid looking at him when he could, which often ended up in him almost-ignoring his hyung) until Minseok quietly announced that he was finished, and Luhan looked over at him. It wasn’t like the boy to say something when he was done eating. But when Luhan looked in his bowl, he saw it was only half empty, and his stomach knotted with guilt. When Minseok went to stand, Luhan pulled him down.

“Eat,” he ordered, but Minseok just shook his head, getting back up again. Luhan groaned, following the boy to the kitchen. He knew the older didn’t like to cause a scene, so he decided to confront him privately. When Minseok went to dump his meal in the garbage, Luhan stayed his hand. “Minseok.”

“I’m full,” Minseok said, not looking at him.

“No, you’re not,” Luhan argued. “I know you can eat that much and still be hungry-”

“Because I’m fat.” He finally looked Luhan in the eye, tears swimming there. “Right? I’m a pig.”

“That’s not true at all. You’re the tiniest out of all of us!” And that was true; ever since Minseok had lost all his weight, he’d become their smallest member.

“Yeah, well if I keep eating the way I do, that’s going to change, now, isn’t it?” Minseok shot back. “Then I’ll be fat again and no one will like me! Nobody paid any attention to me when we debuted. Now I’m skinny and I have fans. No one liked me before. I’m not going back to that.”

“Lots of people liked you,” Luhan disagreed. “It doesn’t matter if you’re big or small, Minseok, people will always like you.”

Minseok didn’t cry, but he looked ready to. He put his bowl down on the counter and stayed there, biting his lip until Luhan stepped forward, wrapping his arms around him. Hugging him back, Minseok buried his head in Luhan’s shoulder.

“It’s not that I want everyone to like me,” Minseok mumbled sadly after a while. “I just want to feel like I matter…”

“You do matter,” Luhan promised him. “You matter to our fans, and every one of us. You matter to me; I love you, and I wanted to be your friend when we first met, even though you were bigger back then.”

“Yeah, but would you be able to fall in love with someone as fat as I was?” Minseok countered quietly.

“I did,” Luhan whispered, and then he bit his tongue. Don’t say that. Don’t go there. He’s not so desperate for love that he’d turn to you for it. He still hates gays, and you know it won’t change. But Luhan’s mind was going into overdrive, auto-piloting itself so as Minseok pulled back to give him a confused look, Luhan found himself leaning towards Minseok and pressing his lips firmly to the other’s.  His eyes snapped shut and he was only given a moment of bliss before he was pushed away roughly.

“What was that?” Minseok asked in bewilderment. He looked shocked – actually, a bit traumatized – and strongly disapproving, clearly not appreciating Luhan’s very homoual act upon him.

Luhan fumbled for words. “I – just – I wanted – you should know you’re loved. I don’t know what I was thinking.” He could feel himself burning up, longing to have the floor open up beneath him so he could jump in and disappear.

Minseok offered a half-hearted laugh, looking relieved that Luhan apparently wasn’t kissing him for some other reason, and wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. “Well, thanks, but I didn’t really mean I wanted another guy kissing me.” And he really did still look uncomfortable. Despite that, Luhan pulled him into another hug, not wanting to face him anymore, full of regret and shame. “Thanks Lu,” Minseok said softly. “Really, though. I feel a bit better, even if that was gross. Just don’t do that again.” His tone was playful, but it was obvious he meant it. Even now, he was holding on to Luhan slightly awkwardly. But Luhan didn’t let go.

“You’re beautiful, Minseok,” he whispered. “I’m sorry for teasing you, but you really are beautiful. Anyone with eyes can see that, and anyone with a heart would fall in love with you.”

“Thanks,” Minseok repeated. “And it’s okay. I know you were just joking. I try not to let those things bother me, but… I won’t worry about my weight so much, okay?”

Luhan nodded, and he should’ve felt better, but something still felt wrong. He should be happy for Minseok, but he was just sad for himself.

His best friend would never think of him as someone he could fall in love with. And now he knew it.

“

It was less than a day later that Luhan discovered his secret was out. The whole kissing-Minseok-in-the-less-than-private-kitchen proved to be less of a brilliant plan that Luhan had ever thought out (he hadn’t thought it out at all). Watching eyes hadn’t crossed Luhan’s mind, but they did a few hours after the event, when he was confronted about the event by Jongdae.

Jongdae had pulled him aside privately to talk, but if he was usually more joking and obnoxious about things, this was one of those rare times when he was calm and serious.

“So, hyung, can I ask what you were doing kissing Minseok earlier?” he wondered. Luhan paled. “I just feel like I’m missing some pieces of the puzzle – like the part where you and him are together, you’re into guys, and Mr. Poster-Homophobia-Boy is in a homoual relationship.”

“We aren’t together,” Luhan clarified hurriedly. “That was a misunderstanding. He was upset, and I was comforting him.”

“By kissing him,” Jongdae stated slowly, waiting for things to make sense. There was no excuse Luhan could give and get out of this easily, he knew. He was cornered, having to tell the truth. A day earlier and he wouldn’t even be able to think of the idea; but now he’d sort of told Minseok and sort of been rejected by him, it didn’t seem to matter so much.

“Can you keep a really, really, really huge secret?” Luhan whispered. “Like, especially from Minseok?” Jongdae nodded, his brow furrowing. “I – I was confessing to him. And he didn’t realize it. And he doesn’t know how I feel still.”

“How you feel?” Jongdae repeated, frown deepening. “You mean, about him? Like you’re – gay, for Minseok?” Luhan hung his head, afraid of Jongdae’s reaction. But all he said was, “I didn’t know you liked guys.”

“No one knows,” Luhan said, nearly inaudible. “I haven’t told anyone until now. But I’m gay.” He couldn’t even hear the last part; he wasn’t sure he actually said it.

“Well, that’s new,” Jongdae said after a moment, voice very gentle. “I didn’t know. Wow, I wouldn’t have even guessed.” He went quiet for a while, seeming to take in the news, and Luhan just watched him nervously. But Jongdae was taking it really well, and Luhan was a bit surprised. He’d thought when he finally told someone that it would be a bit more – well, more. So far, it felt like he hadn’t told Jongdae at all.

“So… are you – are you grossed out, then?”

“Huh?” Jongdae said. “Why? Because you like guys? I don’t care. After Baek and Chanyeol, I mean…” Oh. Luhan had forgotten about their very open, PDA-obsessed bandmates. Maybe that was why Jongdae didn’t seem to even care.

“And, well, to be honest, I kinda like guys too.”

Or not.

“You – what?”

Jongdae shrugged. “I like girls and all. But guys do something for me too. I don’t really know what – well, I haven’t really figured it all out. I just kinda like both, you know?”

Luhan didn’t really know. He didn’t like girls. But if that’s how Jongdae felt, then Luhan was okay with it. Jongdae had taken his news well, so he could at least return the favour.

“Maybe you’re just keeping your options open,” Luhan suggested, and Jongdae nodded. “That’s okay.”

“Yeah,” Jongdae said, and he seemed as relieved as Luhan that their confessions had both been taken in good reception. “So, you like Minseok, then?”

“I have since we met,” Luhan sighed, feeling miserable at the reminder of his eternally unrequited crush.

“Of all the guys…”

“I had to choose the gay-hating one.”

Jongdae patted his shoulder, looking sympathetic. “That explains why I’ve never known you to hook up with anyone. Have you really been waiting for him for, what, five years now?”

“Don’t remind me,” Luhan grumbled sadly. “It feels like it gets worse every day.”

“I know how you feel. I’ve been wanting to try it out with another guy for a long time now, but since I’m not really telling everyone about liking men, I kind of can’t.” Luhan knew what he meant. Having with Minseok was a thought that plagued him continuously. At least Jongdae can have some and enjoy it. “It’ll all figure itself out, though, don’t you think? Maybe we won’t get who we want now, but we’ll find the right one eventually.”

Luhan wished he could be that optimistic. But if he couldn’t have Minseok, he couldn’t imagine bothering with or love at all.

“

Luhan began spending more time with Jongdae, feeling closer to him now that they knew such deep secrets about each other. He respected Jongdae for being such a confident person despite how much doubt and confusion he had going on revolving his uality. It was like it didn’t affect him at all. Meanwhile, Luhan always felt at least a little insecure, and he was sure that showed in him, even if he tried to hide it.

Though his friendship became stronger with Jongdae, things weren’t getting any better with Minseok. They were still best friends, but Minseok was still homophobic and Luhan was still in unreciprocated love with him.

One night Joonmyun brought home several cases of beer (because, ever since Sehun had become legally old enough to drink, they liked to have drinking nights once a month or so) for them, but Luhan looked forward to the evening less than usual. Most of the time he got excited, telling himself that tonight will be the night I tell Minseok, and if he gets upset at least I can claim being drunk. But he didn’t see a point anymore. It was like he’d thought that one day he would kiss Minseok, and that would be enough to change the boy’s thinking, to make him fall in love with Luhan. But that hadn’t worked, and Luhan was sort of feeling hopeless lately. He would drink a lot anyway, just to drown away his worries for a little while.

After a few beers, Luhan retreated to his bedroom, not feeling like being around anyone. He was left alone for a while, long enough to finish the bottle he’d had, and then there was a knock on his door and Jongdae let himself in. Before Luhan could speak, Jongdae offered a new bottle of beer to him, its lid already off, and Luhan just accepted it, taking a huge gulp.

Jongdae sat down on the edge of Luhan’s bed, setting down his own bottle. “I’m lonely,” he murmured, and Luhan took his hand, pulling him down beside him and just holding the younger for a long time.

“Me too,” Luhan breathed against Jongdae’s hair.

“Can we be lonely together?” Jongdae whispered.

Luhan didn’t know what to expect when he said yes, but it was certainly a surprise when Jongdae decided to kiss him. It shouldn’t have been; he saw Jongdae moving, hovering over him, staring at his lips and leaning down. But Luhan was still stunned for a moment, and then he was kissing back, because why not? They kissed through several slurred karaoke songs coming from the next room that their members had joined in on singing. They kissed until they heard Baekhyun and Chanyeol enter the room next door, and continued as the other two began having loudly. They kissed until it wasn’t enough, and Luhan’s shirt was stripped off of him so Jongdae’s mouth could travel elsewhere. And then Jongdae kissed him and bit him and him until he lost his mind, and Jongdae just kept going. His tongue trailed along Luhan’s skin; on his neck where Jongdae several hickeys; swirling around his s until they were hard and Luhan was digging his nails into the bed sheets; down to his belly button as hands unfastened his jeans. And still, Jongdae didn’t stop.

With Luhan’s jeans loosened, Jongdae swung himself off the bed, gripping Luhan’s legs and dragging them over the edge. He tore Luhan’s jeans off and Luhan subconsciously lifted his hips so his boxers could be removed too. When they were gone, he sat up, staring down at Jongdae as the boy got on his knees between Luhan’s legs. Jongdae’s eyes looked up to his, searching for permission, and Luhan nodded, letting his thighs be spread as Jongdae gained access. Jongdae held nothing back, and Luhan hooked his legs over his shoulders, pulling him closer so he could take more. Soon, Luhan fell back on the bed, thighs holding Jongdae close and hips canting. Moans were tumbling from his lips, and as Jongdae’s hand gripped his base he let out a shuddering squeal, lasting only a few more seconds until his come spurted in the younger’s mouth. It felt like he nearly passed out, and by the time he was aware again, Jongdae had untangled himself from between his legs and his mouth was hovering over Luhan’s again. Luhan pulled him down, come and spit off the boy’s chin and then cleaning the taste out of the other's mouth.

Luhan had no idea what – how that had just happened. But he didn’t care. He would do it again if he could.

And he could.

“

Luhan started trying things out with Jongdae. Whenever he felt any ual desire, he would go to the younger for fulfillment. Drunk or sober, they experimented with one another, starting out with smaller things and eventually – finally – having , which consisted of even more experimenting. They tried different positions, teasing and torturing, all sorts of things so they could find out what they liked. And what they liked was each other.

Trying to keep it secret was nearly impossible. With ten other guys living with them – and zero privacy amongst them all – and both Luhan and Jongdae being as loud as they were, it didn’t take long for others to figure out what was happening between the M vocalists. What Luhan was dreading the most was Minseok finding out, but he wasn’t prepared for what happened when he did.

One day things were fine between them. But at some point between waking up beside Minseok in the morning and the time Luhan went to bed, everything changed. When Luhan walked into his shared room, he noticed many things were missing, being all of Minseok’s belongings and anything to suggest Minseok had ever used that room as his own. Minseok himself was also not there. He had taken all his things and moved into a room with a manager.

And that was it. When Luhan asked why Minseok had left, he received a very hard and angry slap across the face, and was then proceeded to be yelled at for screwing around with a bandmate and betraying Minseok’s trust. How could you share a room with me when you’re what you are? How could you touch me, shower with me, beside me – and kiss me? Did you get off to the sight of me? You’re disgusting. Just stay away from me from now on! All this time… Minseok was both angry and upset, because this was his best friend he was yelling at, his best friend who turned out to be gay, and his best friend who he didn’t want to be around anymore. And Luhan just took it all, because everything Minseok said was true, and their end had been inevitable and that was all Luhan’s fault.

When Minseok was finished, Luhan returned to his own room, and Jongdae came in to check on him. Luhan didn’t want to see the younger though, and apologized before telling him they had to stop seeing each other. Jongdae seemed devastated but left him alone, and Luhan spent the rest of the night crying until he had no more tears and slipped into sleep.

Everyone in the band knew what had happened, yet no one knew what to do. Some tried talking to Minseok, unsuccessfully, and others comforted both Luhan and Jongdae, who were extremely miserable. The following weeks saw Luhan breaking down constantly, because he couldn’t see this problem ever sorting itself out, and he had no idea how to fix it himself. It would randomly hit him that he was going to be miserable for the rest of his life, and that would make him burst into tears.

Comfort seemed to come the most from Kyungsoo. The boy was usually pretty quiet, preferring to observe than get involved, but his motherly nature tending to take over in these types of situations. He did little things, like giving Luhan hugs or making him tea or sitting next to him on the couch and cuddling up to him so he wouldn’t feel lonely. He asked Luhan if he wanted to talk, and Luhan would tell him how he felt, and Kyungsoo would just listen and then give his advice. Once, he admitted something that surprised Luhan very much.

“I’m holding back a lot of feelings for Jongin,” Kyungsoo confessed. “I’m not homophobic, but I used to always think liking another guy was really weird. But spending all this time with him… I realized I liked him as more than just a bandmate. I just feel very protective of him, and I care about him a lot. Sometimes it’s just… far more than caring, though. It’s hard, because I don’t really know exactly what I feel, but even if I could figure it out, it doesn’t matter. Jongin’s sweet, but – he’s not into me.” His eyes were distant, swimming in sadness. Luhan had never known that about Kyungsoo. They were all a pathetic, lovesick bunch, weren’t they? “I just do what I can, and try to keep living happily. One day someone will come into my life who’ll be perfect for me.”

Luhan appreciated what Kyungsoo was saying, but he felt like he had messed up twice. He had finally gotten someone who wasn’t Minseok and had been happy, but now he’d lost both Jongdae and Minseok and it seemed like nothing could come along now and replace either. He just wanted his best friend back, even if it wasn’t in a ual way. He liked Jongdae in that way; he wanted Minseok not to hate him anymore. Why couldn’t he just have a tiny bit of happiness?

“

It was obvious that Minseok noticed the change in his band members. How could anyone not? Both Luhan and Jongdae were practically despondent. Even on stage they weren’t as lively, and the fans could tell. Minseok himself was down too, because he felt deceived by his best friend and now wasn’t even talking to the boy. But it was several weeks before he spoke to Luhan, and longer until he finally approached him, ready to talk.

Luhan wasn’t sure who to expect when there came a knock on his door, but it certainly wasn’t Minseok. When the boy came in, the air grew thick with awkward tension and Luhan immediately felt like crying. He didn’t, though, instead asking Minseok what he wanted.

“Can I sit down?” Minseok asked, gesturing at the bed. Luhan shrugged indifferently and Minseok took a seat, looking entirely unsure of himself. “I was hoping I could talk to you. About everything.”

“What’s there to talk about?” Luhan asked quietly. “I’m gay. That’s all the grounds you need for hating me.”

“I don’t hate you.” Minseok looked shocked at the suggestion, but then his mouth turned down into a frown. “I’ve been really terrible, haven’t I?” Luhan knew he shouldn’t, but he nodded anyway. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Luhan mumbled. “I should’ve known better.”

“Than what? To be gay? It’s not your fault.” Luhan looked up at the older, surprised at how non-homophobic that was. Minseok looked entirely sincere. “I know I’ve said a lot of bad things, thought a lot of bad things about – about gay people, and I still think it’s messed up. But if that’s what you are, then I shouldn’t be ruining your happiness for you. I realize that now. I don’t want you to shut yourself off from Jongdae because you think I don’t approve. I mean, I don’t exactly appreciate Baekhyun and Chanyeol being how they are, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to tell them not to be together; it doesn’t make me like them any less. I just… don’t want to see it.

“And it’s the same with you. I just got scared, Luhan,” Minseok admitted. “Because I shared a bed with you and I thought… I don’t know what I thought. I guess I thought it made you different, somehow. A ert or something. But you’re still Luhan. And I’m supposed to be your best friend, and I feel really guilty because you seem so upset.” He swallowed hard, eyes looking blurred. “I didn’t even ask you how you felt or anything. So I wanted to – if you want, I wanted you to tell me, and I want to listen and not be a jerk this time. And… I want to apologize, too, for treating you like crap when you didn’t deserve it at all.”

“I should’ve told you right from the start,” Luhan said, a lump forming in his throat. He wanted to hug Minseok, because he was so happy the older was being so understanding when Luhan never thought he would be. And maybe telling the boy everything would scare him off again, but Luhan didn’t even care. He owed it to Minseok to be honest with him, for once. And so he told him everything. How he felt about Minseok, and how he felt now about Jongdae. Minseok just listened to what he had to say, not even looking horrified at the idea that Luhan had been in love with him for years. When Luhan finished speaking, Minseok pulled him into a hug, murmuring an apology, and Luhan hugged him back tightly, knowing that they were finally okay.

“Are you and Jongdae going to be together, then?” Minseok asked him, face void of negativity or judgment.

Luhan felt a twinge of dread. “Uh. I sort of stopped talking to him, because of everything… I don’t even know what’s between us anymore.”

“Well, you better figure that out,” Minseok said teasingly. “Go talk to him right now, before he realizes how much cuter I am than you are.”

Luhan laughed, genuinely, and it felt amazing to be lifted out of his own sorrows, to be able to smile again; and the prospect of talking to Jongdae again seemed far less horrifying. “Like that would ever happen,” he said, hitting the older’s chest lightheartedly before getting up to search for Jongdae.

“Good luck!” Minseok called as he went out the door.

It didn’t take long to track down Jongdae, who was in his own room (which he currently shared with Joonmyun), fast asleep. Luhan pounced on his bed and the younger jolted awake, before staring at the boy in confusion.

“How would you feel about being my boyfriend?”

Jongdae’s brow furrowed, and he reached up to rub at his eyes. “What?”

Luhan pushed his hands away from his face and leaned down to kiss him. When he pulled away, eyes shining, he had to laugh because Jongdae looked more puzzled than ever.

“I have this crazy suspicion that you talked to Minseok.”

“I did.”

“Are you guys okay now?”

“We are.” He kissed Jongdae again. “So will you go out with me then?”

His eyes looked hopeful. “For real?” Luhan nodded. “I can handle that.”

“Can you?” Luhan joked.

“I guess I’ll find out,” Jongdae grinned, pulling the older down this time. Neither backed off for a long time, until Luhan suddenly pulled back, eyes widening.

“Wait! I have to go – give me a minute.”

He rolled off of Jongdae and scurried out of the room, eyes searching for Kyungsoo, who he found resting on a couch.

“Kyungsoo!”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widened, head spinning to look towards Luhan. “Hyung! You scared me.”

“Go talk to Jongin right now,” Luhan ordered. “No, wait, don’t even talk to him. Just go kiss him.

“What? I can’t do that-”

“Right now!” Luhan insisted. “You can’t wait for someone else to come along. Go get him while you can!”

“But-”

“Go!” And Luhan pushed him up and towards Jongin’s bedroom door. He knocked for the younger and then backed away, far enough that Jongin wouldn’t see him but he was still in Kyungsoo’s sight. The door opened, and Kyungsoo shot him an uncertain look, but Luhan gave an encouraging thumbs up.

“What’s up, hyung?” Luhan heard Jongin say. Kyungsoo bit his lip and then stepped forward, hands reaching up for Jongin’s neck to pull him down to his height. Luhan waited until he saw their lips meet, chuckling quietly, and then Kyungsoo was pulled out of sight and the door was closed roughly, the sound of bodies slamming against it a second later. Satisfied with himself, Luhan returned to Jongdae’s room, locking the door behind him.

“We don’t need Joonmyun coming in,” he told Jongdae with a grin.

The following morning, Luhan woke up in Jongdae’s room. He didn’t know where Joonmyun had slept, but the boy wasn’t in his own bed. After Luhan and Jongdae went out and showered, they sat on a couch together, and Minseok came out soon after, taking a seat beside Luhan comfortably. Baekhyun and Chanyeol joined soon after, sitting on the opposite couch, and Baekhyun gave Luhan a knowing smile.

“Where’s Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol asked groggily. “We need breakfast…”

A few moments later, after they’d been joined by Joonmyun (who had, apparently, slept in Luhan’s room), Yixing, and Tao, Kyungsoo finally made his appearance, coming out of Jongin and Sehun’s shared room.

“So that’s why Sehun came into my room,” Yixing uttered as they all looked at Kyungsoo questioningly. The boy was wearing a shirt far too big for him that Luhan was sure Jongin had been wearing yesterday, and he looked blissful, not giving any attention to everyone staring at him. Luhan was the only one grinning.

“Do you know something?” Jongdae whispered. Luhan nodded. “Him and Jongin..?” Another nod.

Jongin came out not long after and went straight to the shower, and then out to the kitchen where Kyungsoo was cooking. His arms went around Kyungsoo’s waist from behind, and he rested his chin on the older’s shoulder. Kyungsoo couldn’t stop smiling.

“Did you have something to do with this?” Jongdae asked Luhan.

“I might have,” Luhan grinned.

“Look how cute they are,” Baekhyun sighed happily. “Is everyone getting together now? Minseok hyung, are you secretly dating Tao?”

“Ew,” Minseok answered, and Luhan shot him a glance, worried that there might be too much gay for Minseok to handle now and he might retract everything he’d thought. Instead, he said, “I have standards, you know,” and everyone burst into laughter.

“All the good ones are already gone,” Jongdae agreed, throwing his arm around Luhan’s shoulder. “You shouldn’t have waited so long.”

Minseok scoffed. “Whatever. None of you are my type anyway.”

 They all “boo”ed, but Luhan was glad that Minseok was accepting all the teasing, and playing along as well. Maybe Luhan hadn’t been able to make Minseok fall for him, but at least he accepted that Luhan was gay. And Luhan had Jongdae, which was proving to be more than enough for him. He could handle Minseok being his (not-so) homophobic best friend.

Luhan had been hoping for just a little bit of happiness. He’d wanted Minseok. Instead, he’d gotten both Minseok and Jongdae, even if it hadn’t been how he’d expected. He couldn’t complain about that trade off. He would just have to run with it.

And that was okay with him.

A/n: I don't actually ship Luchen, but whatever. It was cute, right? Maybe? :o