When Monday rolls around Junmyeon finds himself in a bad place. He tries to ignore it, at first, but of course it sticks with him. It sits on his shoulder and makes sure he notices how Jongin cuts back on his erratic movements before school because Junmyeon is suddenly in reach and what if he hits him? And then Chanyeol struggles to quiet himself down because maybe Junmyeon has a headache. And then there's Luhan and Jongdae who are always wasting money on him and Kyungsoo gets up extra early to make him lunch and Minseok and Tao must be beside themselves because Yixing is too preoccupied making sure Junmyeon is okay to pay attention to them. And then there's Yifan who has his own problems because his dad is on him to go to a college he doesn't want to go to and major in what his dad wants him to major in but he's dealing with it all by himself and poor baby Sehun that never gets any attention anymore because everything's Junmyeon Junmyeon Junmyeon. What about Sehun’s grades? He's pulled up three letter grades in four classes but Junmyeon’s pretty sure he's the only one that knows because Sehun says it's no big deal, they should've been that way to begin with.

Why are you such a bother?

The dismissal bell rings and Junmyeon high tails it home, carefully avoiding the eleven boys that he's probably worrying to death.

You can't win.

He calls work when he gets home and tells them he can't make it in today. He's not in a well enough state of mind to come up with an excuse, so he knows he won't get paid for his absence.

You can't even take care of yourself.

His father will be angry when he's short on money at the end of the week. He can't bring himself to care.

Maybe he'll finally get tired and get rid of you.

Junmyeon in a breath and expels it again harshly. He can't breathe, he can't breathe.

Good.

His hands smack the porcelain of his sink as he collapses against it, and he pitches forward, his head smashing into the mirror.

You’re staining the counter, Junmyeon.

His chest heaves, dragging air in and out but none seems to actually reach his lungs. Part of him wants to laugh. After all of this, he's going to die and his father won't even be in the house.

His vision is blurred, he can't see, he can't see. The realization hits hard, and he finally feels tears streaming, and then he might as well be blind because all he can see is shapes.

His body gives, and Junmyeon hits the floor hard.

Are you even here?

That one sounds suspiciously like Sehun, and if Junmyeon’s going to die he'd really rather do it now before he starts actually hearing things.

Junmyeon?

No.

Juuunmyeoon.

No!

Junmy-

No no no no no no!

Oh God.

Is he going to die or not? His head really hurts.

Oh God, oh God. Yixing! Jongdae! Minseok, Yifan! Oh God, anybody! He's in here! He's-

Finally, Junmyeon's vision blacks. He thinks it's about time. 

---

Two days into Junmyeon’s hospital stay Jongdae bursts into his room claiming he brings big news.

Actually, he breathes heavily like he's run the whole way here, but he tiptoes to Junmyeon’s side and refuses to meet the older boy’s eyes, just like the two days before. Junmyeon realized as soon as he woke up that he’d really scared his friends this time. Yixing has barely stopped crying and Luhan refuses to have anything to do with him. Besides those two, it’s just been really awkward, because what do you say to your friend who had a panic attack and would’ve died if you hadn’t gone looking for him?

Obviously, they settled on an answer, which is: nothing. Junmyeon’s never seen them all together and still this quiet, even when they came to visit him and Sehun at the library they nearly got thrown out by the librarian.

Junmyeon repositions to cross his legs under himself. Jongdae squirms under his gaze. “I’m not sure if it’s good news or not, though. I think it is, but it seems like every time I think something about you I’m proved wrong.”

Junmyeon recognizes the statement for what it is; a direct blow focused on his acting happy and honestly not being so. He sends an apologetic smile Jongdae’s way, and tries not to let it hurt when it isn’t returned.

“Junmyeon, we, that is, my parents and I… we got a call from your dad this morning.”

Junmyeon freezes, the smile on his face twitching as his blood runs cold.

“He said that he got a promotion, and he’s moving away. He wanted me to tell you that he’ll send you money to keep the house and he’ll pay for school, so long as you don’t, quote, cause any problems.”

Don’t let it get out that I beat you.

Junmyeon feels like the whole world is falling down around him.

For the second time that week, Junmyeon finds himself drowning on air. His breathing speeds up until he feels light headed and he leans forward until his forehead presses against the mattress. If his brain were working properly, he would know that the action is just making it harder for him to breathe. Thankfully, Minseok’s brain is functioning normally and the older boy pulls Junmyeon up and into his lap, tucking his head under Minseok’s chin and rocking. Minseok’s fingers are dancing up and down Junmyeon’s spine, and he registers a voice humming next to him that he places as Baekhyun’s.

Junmyeon can feel the awkwardness evaporate as they all pile onto the bed, sinking back into their well-practiced rolls of comforting Junmyeon. The only one who holds firm in his bad mood is Luhan, who crosses his arms and huffs loudly from across the room. Junmyeon feels his heart sink and curls into Minseok.

If he were paying more attention, he would’ve caught the concerned glance the Chinese boy threw him from his corner.

Junmyeon closes his eyes and focuses on listening to Minseok’s heartbeat. He can feel hands holding his and fingers wiping at tears he hadn’t realized he’d shed and warmth all around because everybody has to be petting some part of him or he obviously could not possibly ever calm down.

He thinks it should be overwhelming, but instead he just feels like there’s a piece missing.

He sobs, curling in tighter and this time it’s into himself, knees meeting his forehead and his hands pulling from Tao’s and Sehun’s as he wraps them around his shins. His whole body shakes as he cries, and Baekhyun is humming louder and petting his hair, and Kyungsoo is joining in, attempting to soothe him or maybe drown him out.

He hears Chanyeol ask why he’s crying and then Jongin suggesting something like maybe he just feels abandoned and he shakes his head furiously, trying to find the words to explain that his father is a monster but how is Junmyeon supposed to suddenly change everything?

He doesn’t have to, though, because Luhan does it for him, in a cold voice that doesn’t match with his face or his personality or his anything. “No, it’s shock. He’s lived his whole life with an abusive monster, what’s he supposed to do now?”

The humming breaks off and Junmyeon feels Minseok stop breathing, and he thinks that maybe he does, too, because Oh God they know now what do I do?

But it clicks. It makes perfect sense, and Junmyeon can feel the horror in the air. He sobs harder, and Minseok’s fingers find their way back to his spine, massaging gently with a newfound care because all he can think of is the boy in my arms right now has been abused.

Luhan moves forward suddenly, grabbing Yifan’s shoulders firmly and moving him off the bed and towards the door. Then he’s back and repeating the action with Jongdae and Sehun until the group gets the picture and they all head towards the door. Minseok presses a kiss to the top of Junmyeon’s head before moving the younger boy back down onto the blanket, and Junmyeon stays that way, on his left side with his right arm up by his face, because he just can’t find the energy to move and he doubts it’ll make much of a difference anyway.

Luhan’s gaze settles back on him as the door clicks shut, and his eyes soften immediately. “Oh, Junmyeon.” He sighs. He moves to lie down beside Junmyeon, hand coming up to brush the hair out of Junmyeon’s eyes. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to tell them. I really didn’t. But why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell anybody? I would’ve gotten you out, Jun. I would’ve taken you with me and you wouldn’t ever have had to go home.”

“What about your parents, Luhan?” Junmyeon’s voice sounds weak and tired, even to his own ears. “You still live with them. I doubt they’d be okay with you just bringing in some kid that can’t even take care of himself.”

“You’ve been taking care of yourself for seven years, Jun. Without any help.”

Seven years is awfully specific, and way to accurate to be a guess. Junmyeon fixes Luhan with a weak stare. “How do you know that?”

The other boy’s fingers pet at his hair. “The doctors and I pieced it together. It’s technically not allowed, but since your guardian and only living relative ditched out and failed to appoint a replacement, and Minseok didn’t want to leave your side, I was the oldest and I was a witness, and they needed to know what was going on.

“They had to x-ray you, and they found a lot of stuff that couldn’t have happened recently.” Luhan’s voice is tight. “You have improperly healed fractures at least ten years old.”

Junmyeon sniffed. “He had to stop being so obvious when I got old enough to take gym. He aimed more for my stomach and back around the time I turned twelve. My ribs took most of the damage after that.” Junmyeon just wants to cry. It hurts to talk about it. It hurts to know that somebody knows, that several people know. That his friends know.

Oh no. Yixing knows.

“I never wanted Xing to find out.”

“He deserved to know anyway, sweetie. He’s your best friend. We’re all here for you, but Yixing’s been here longer. He helped you even when he didn’t know you needed help.” Fingers wiped away more tears. “Nobody blames you for being scared to tell, Jun. Not one of us. It just hurts for us to think about all the pain you’ve been through. But we can’t help but think that if we’d known-”

“Luhannie.” Junmyeon interrupts. The older boy quiets instantly. “How about I let you take care of me from now on and we just don’t worry about it?”

Luhan moves to press his forehead to Junmyeon’s. “Deal.”