Dara’s POV:

“Am I in or out?” I quietly repeat that same question over and over again. A light wind brushes across my face distracting me from my thoughts. I never would have thought that without him, this walk would be so empty. All of the colorful buildings now seem so bland. Even though it is already almost summer, why does it feel so cold? My hands are so used to being enveloped in his warmth…without him, they feel numb. I gently rub my palms together. Is this how it is without him? Even being separated from him for less than a day will make me feel this way? Without him, everything that once seemed so beautiful and full of life now seems to be dull and grey. “Am I in or out?” I repeated the question aloud, ignoring the looks I got from the people passing by.

Usually, he would always be waiting for me to go to school together, but today he wasn’t. I thought maybe he had woken up late or he missed the bus to my house, but after twenty minutes and no messages from him I realized that wasn’t the case.

I suppose he really meant what he said yesterday…that our relationship really depended on this…and I hesitated, I couldn’t answer him…I didn’t say those three words that would have satisfied him…those three simple words…Am I in or out? I didn’t want any part in it though. Was I really supposed to be ‘in’ for the sake of our relationship? Is that all our relationship really meant to him? Is it really this delicate? Almost like a single string that could break if something so small, so insignificant could break it...could break us.

Tears started to form at the corner of my eyes, I lifted my hands to wipe them away before placing them back onto the straps of my backpack. Is that really all I mean to him?

Everything around me seemed to be a blur, I didn’t even notice I was already standing outside the school gates. Fellow students were eagerly chatting with friends as they entered the school grounds but I couldn’t move forward. So this is how it is to walk all the way without him…Part of me felt disappointed…I guess I was hoping that at some point he’d pop out of nowhere and surprise me. I was hoping that he’d appear and tell me “Just kidding! How could I do something like that to my baby girl?” …but he didn’t, and it hurt that much more.

Slowly, I lifted my foot and walked forward. Each step echoed in my ears, each step reminding me that I was by myself.

I opened my shoe locker to replace my indoor shoes with my regular shoes only to find something. Slowly, I lifted the object before pulling it out of locker. A red paper rose? I twirled it between my fingers. I wonder…? I gently placed the rose to my nose and inhaled. It’s not his scent…but how can a paper rose smell like a real one? I wonder who it’s from…

Quickly I gather my things along with rose, after replacing my shoes I walk towards my classroom already aware that class would start any moment. I quietly took my seat only to find another rose in my desk. Another one? I took a closer look and see that it is exactly identical to the one I found in my shoe locker. Weird…

My attention was quickly taken away from the rose by my homeroom teacher.

Today, more than ever…I wish we were in the same class, just so I could see him.

Class gradually drags on even slower than most days. When the break come around, I blankly stare at the blackboard. Should I go see him?

“Ah, excuse me?” I looked up to see Gong Minji handing me another rose.

“Omo, are these from you?” I asked.

“Ani,” she shook her head, “I was only told to give it to you sunbae. Here you go,” she placed it onto my desk, “I’ll catch up with you later,” she waved goodbye before leaving the classroom.

A couple minutes later I felt someone tap my shoulder.

“Dara-ah,” Lee Donghae smiled.

“Hi,” I smile, “What are you doing here?”

“You make me sound unwanted,” he pouted.

I let out a small laugh, “That’s not what I meant.”

“I know,” he winked, “This is for you though,” he gently placed another handmade red rose onto my desk.

“Are these roses from you?” I raised an eyebrow, don’t get me wrong, Donghae is very handsome and has a great personality, but he’s not for me.

“No,” he chuckled, “I’ll see you later. Let’s hang out sometime,” he waved.

Uh huh,” I nod. Four red paper roses…

As the day progressed, more people came up to me and handed me a rose. Each rose was exactly the same. By the time our final class ended, I had 17 roses in total.

Every single friend that handed me a rose evaded my question about who the sender was. Secret admirer? It can’t be him…speaking of him…I haven’t seen him all day. Not even when I went to his classroom at lunch. Normally, we’d meet up during the break and eat lunch together…where is he? Is he avoiding me? I frowned at the thought. Three words did this? My heart ached at the thought.

I collected my things and bid my classmates farewell before leaving. I lifted my hand to retrieve my shoes from my shoe locker only to feel something other than my shoes. Another rose and a letter sat delicately on top of her shoes. Gently, I placed the 17 roses onto the ground as I retrieved the letter and the rose. On the envelope was my name, and this rose was different. This was a real red rose with a delicate pink ribbon tied around the stem. 17 paper roses and one real rose? A ribbon?

I quickly opened the letter to read its contents. “I can’t afford a bouquet of real roses right now, but I hope this one will suffice. Each of these roses symolize how much I truly care about you. Use the ribbon to tie them all together. Meet me on the rooftop after you read this –G”

“G?” I whispered. Is this…is this a confession? Who’s G?

Carefully untying the ribbon from the stem, I tie it around the others carefully. A bouquet of 17 paper roses and a real rose? Whoever did this spent a lot of time on it…if only it was him, I thought wistfully.

I quietly close the locker and walked towards the stairs leading to the rooftop. As I open the door, a figure appears.  

“G?” I asked quietly to the man facing away from me. He was dressed in our school uniform with a beanie covering his head. The door clicks softly behind me and recognition hits me as I stare at that beanie. “Ji?” I asked again.

He slowly turned around to face me, “Dara,” he says softly, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’ve strayed away…I’m sorry I’ve strayed away from you, away from us…”

“W-w-why?” I nervously ask. Don’t say it’s because…

“Because being with you…the feeling has faded,” he slowly said.

Faded? His words coldly cut me, “So, you’ve cheated on me…? Is that what you’re saying?” I try to hold back my tears, I can’t show him weakness, “Is it her?”

“Don’t bring someone else into this,” he frowned.

“So it’s true, I thought they were just rumors,” I said in disgust. Everyone kept trying to tell me, they kept telling me he spends an absurd amount of time with her. I didn’t want to believe it.

“Are you even listening to me Dara?! No one has anything to do with us,” he said as he raked his hair with her fingers in frustration, "This is strictly just about us."

“So are you breaking up with me?”

His eyes widened in shock, “Have you seen my hands?” his hands were covered in small bandages, “Why in the world would I spend the whole night making paper flowers for a girl if I was going to break up with her?”

They were from him? I had forgotten about the bouquet in my hand once I saw him, “I don’t know,” I looked down flustered, “To make me feel after you break up with me? To break up with me gently?” I stifle my cry and try to sound strong. He’s going to break up with me, I know it.

“No,” he placed a finger on my chin and gently lifted it up to face him, “Please hear me out at least.”

“Why?” Can’t he just get to it, please?

“Trust me?”

Anger swelled in my chest, “Because I trusted you, you’ve already cheated on me!”

“Who ever said I cheated?” he asked seriously.

“But…didn’t you?”

“No.”

“But…you said you strayed…? That the feeling has faded?” What is going on?

“I said hurtful words yesterday. Stress from exams have gotten to my head and…I wanted a breather. You’ve always been there for me, and…I don’t know why but the words ‘this is boring’ kept running through my head recently. And I said something stupid yesterday.”

“Stupid?”

“I can’t believe I asked you to do that or else our relationship would be over. Not only that but I walked away from you after I made that declaration. After I had walked away, I instantly regretted it. I missed you so much already. I thought staying away from you would be good for me, give me some space to think, but that space was just empty and cold, I hated it. I thought that because the feelings from the beginning of our relationship were fading, I thought it meant my feelings for you had faded, but that wasn't it. The "new" and "awkward" feeling has faded, but the feelings of warmth and love are still as strong, if not stronger. After I realized this, I hated myself, how could I? How could I risk my love for some stupid thing that rat suggested?”

“That ‘rat’ is your best friend, that’s why Jiyong,” I pouted. Warmth and love...

"But he’s not worth losing you. I’m sorry,” he said sincerely, “all of these flowers were my apology for acting stupid.”

“But what about her?” If he didn't cheat, then who is she?

“Her? Who exactly are you talking about? Now that I think about it,” he eyed my curiously, “You said something about rumors earlier…?”

“Everyone keeps telling me that you’ve been spending so much time with her. I forgot her name but it sounded foreign. Even Seungri was telling me you spend any moment you can with her, especially at home! I haven’t even been to your place, I haven’t met your parents. Are you not introducing me because you think your mother won't approve of me?” My tears started to overflow and fall down my cheeks.

“It’s nothing like that,” he slowly cupped my cheeks and wiped my tears away gently, “Don’t cry. I’m sure my mother will love you, but I wasn’t sure if you were ready. Also,” he gave me a boyish grin, “my mom is kind of embarrassing, she’s been asking about you actually.”

The weight on my chest lighted when he said that, “But…” I lowered my eyes, “what about her?”

“Her? The girl you’re referring to isn’t what you think,” he said, I looked up and saw an amused look in his eyes, “She’s actually just a game character of this video game I’ve kind of been obsessed with lately…I didn’t tell you about it because it was kind of embarrassing, don’t get jealous over her, my bunny,” he softly pinched my cheek before stepping away from me. I missed the warmth of his hand.

“Who said I was jealous?” I pouted.

He laughed, “If it makes you feel better, I’ll stop playing that game just for you, okay? Am I forgiven?”

“Yeah,” I nod, a game character…I was jealous over a game character…are you kidding me? “But you don't have to stop playing because of me. By the way...about what you said yesterday…even if we get caught by the school…if it’s just sneaking into the school pool at midnight tonight…I am in.” The three words I didn’t say yesterday…

“Really?!” he looked down at me in surprise before smirking, “You know what? Let’s just forget the rat and go on this new adventure by ourselves. I don’t want to share you with anyone else.”

“Possessive aren’t we?” I tease.

“You should already know that by now, you’re mine,” he boyishly grins, “I love you,” he opens his arms toward me, “Now get into my arms already.”

I smiled as I walked towards him. I feel the warmth I’ve missed all day wrap around me as he embraced me and gently kissed me on my forehead. "I love you too," I whisper before he leaned down and claimed my lips. Am I in or out you ask? I’m definitely in…I’m in your heart

A/N: Let me know what you all think :) I've officially finished my longer fanfiction "My Gay Best Friend", please check it out if you haven't. PYONG~