I finally understood what sanity means, it's the mental state of being rational and reasonable. 

As far as I'm concerned, I'm nowhere near sanity. All I could ever think of was how I looked, whether I would do well, whether he'll like me after seeing my true self. It droves me to a state of being almost crazy. I don't even know what to think about right now as I'm standing outside the ddukbeokki store. I decided it was best for me to come early because I don't want him to wait for me. I don't want him to think that I'm like those other girls that puts on make up and look perfect for a guy she hardly knows.

I looked around the area, trying to spot anyone that at least looked familiar, one that I could recognise. Since we are from the same school, I thought that I should be able to notice him. However, the more I looked around, the more anxious I felt and I promised myself five minutes ago to get a grip. After being sure that I knew nobody around, I heaved a sigh of relief, it means that I have more time to at least think of a good greeting when he appears. 

"Hi, you look great." Look, I don't even know him but that's the least I could say for a start right? Or maybe I should go with, "Hi, so, you're the one who's been sending me the letters..". The more I tried, the more stupid I felt, it's like everything I've just said, doesn't make any sense. I looked at the clock hanged on the wall inside the store, it was already 12 PM. I made a few adjustment to my floral top and my hair because looking messy is the last thing I wanted for a 'first impression'. I took a long time to plan an outift last night, he wanted me to wear something comfortable and I was sure that jeans would be the best however, the top, I have no idea what I should wear. I could easily put on a t-shirt if I could but a date is a date and I know T-shirt doesn't impress and not exactly appropriate. I had to ask my sister for a favour to help me choose a top. In exchange for a good choice of top, I had to tell her everything that would happen today. It was a good deal, so she made up her mind to have me wear a 'Cropped Floral Strappy Top' - that's how both of us named it. Basically, my outfit was a mixture of sweet, comfortable and laid-back. I love how my outfit turned out today since I put in a lot of effort to it, not to mention about my choice of lipstick. It was a light shade of pink which looks natural and brought colour to my pale complexion. 

In the midst of being all distracted about my outift, I felt someone tapped my shoulder and I immediately turned. The person before me, was not someone I thought it would be. He was the last person I could ever think of that would be my date. The person on my mind was just a guy who is sporty and does average-ly well in school, has a few friends and shy, that would explain why he prefers letters instead. Anyways, I thought the guy would just be another schoolmate from a different class. However, I thought wrong, well, unfortunately. The guy in front of me, smiling shyly, or may I add, gorgeously smiling shyly - yeah that word exist in my dictionary at least for today, was tall, lean and handsome. He has the most incredible dimple when he smile and I was blown away, I might have stared at him longer than I should.

"So, this is it?" I asked, trying to break the silence and stop myself from staring. It took me a while to realised what I had just blurted out. 

"Disappointing huh?" he asked me back, looking down to the floor as he scratched the back of his head

"Wait, what? no.. I mean, this is it as in, so it's been you... huh?" I swear that if I could start this whole conversation again, I would. 

"Yeahh... I'm really nervous right now." he gave an awkward laugh and I can't help but admire how cute he was.

Oh- I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you who he is, in detail. His name is Lee Jong Suk and we're in the same grade. He is one of the guys who plays soccer for the school, not really the best among the soccer players but he's still good. He's known for his appearance and girls would drool for him except, they don't cause they are busy acting super sweet in front of him, so drooling is never an option for any of them. Honestly, I had a crush on him when I was 15, he helped me during Physical Education, we had to keep all the soccer balls back into a small cage, and that was it. We never talked, we just worked through silence and I didn't even say a word to him, not even a sincere thanks. I remember glancing at him for a while that time and blushed because he looked adorable. However, crush remains as a crush and I got busy with school work and my personal stuff so I never really had any time to go around stalking him or even pay any attention to his existence after that. It was safe to say that the crush lasted for a week and that was it. 

"Look, I actually have a few conversation on my mind planned out but right now everything is just blank" he said as we walked towards an empty table. That's funny because I thought I was the only one feeling that way. I wonder if he prepared as much as I did just for today's date. Right now, even the word date is making me smile. I looked at him and he smiled at me, I knew immediately that my cheeks would have been as red as a tomato by now. He looked at the menu and pressed his lips together and then he looked at me again.

"Have you thought of what to order?" he suddenly asked, looking more serious than before.

"Errmm.. I don't know? Ddukbeokki?" I tried making a joke to lighten the atmosphere since it was so awkward and thankfully he laughed to it.

"Obviously, cause we are at a ddukbeokki store! I meant what flavour are you willing to try?" I swear his eyes was glued to me the whole time, making me feel uneasy, more careful of how I speak and my tone. I felt like I shouldn't show too much of my teeth to him or even talk without covering my mouth most of the time. He was making me extremely nervous. So, I slightly covered my mouth and answered him.

"I think cheese ddukbeokki sounds appetising!" I beamed after that. 

"Awesome! I was thinking of getting that one too!" he adjusted his sleeves and called for the lady to order.

The lunch was great, I don't mean just the food, I meant the whole entire process of it. At first, it was difficult to actually say a word to him but he makes everything so comfortable. He somehow knows what to talk about and when to actually stop and listen. He gave me a few good tips for studying because he said he at least knew that I was somehow obsessed over a good grade and I had to explain to him that I had to do well for the exam if I wanted to do what I wanted in the future. We discussed about our dream too! I wanted to be a writer, a novelist somewhere along that line and as for him, he doesn't really know what he wanted to do yet. He was thinking of being a sports news anchor or even a producer of a show. He has quite a passion for show business and he likes watching variety programmes, basically anything of the same field. We talked about even more trivial matters and i had fun just talking. It's been a while since I felt enthusiastic to talk about stuff.

After lunch, he brought me around Samcheongdong, I haven't really explored the area but the place is great. The shops are cool, they sell really good stuff at a reasonable price. Both of us ended up buying a little something for ourselves, he bought a marvel snapback while I went for an anime comic strip cap. We spent two hours just walking around the area, entering different shops and stopped a few times for snacks like drinks or yoghut or fruits. I had a really good time that day and I wished it didn't end but hey, everything will eventually come to an end. Spending 4 hours together for a first date isn't bad after all, I wish it could be longer. At the end of the date, he actually wanted to send me home but I insisted not to. I don't want him to travel an extra mile or something for me. We haven't even had anything serious.... yet! So, it wasn't a good vibe for him to send me home. Plus, I'm all good on my own, I know Taekwondo, my own self-defence. We parted ways at the train station because we're taking different routes. 

Then, in the train, all I could think of was how will our Monday be like when we're in school. Am I supposed to greet him now or even smile at him? I want to but I obviously don't want to be the first person to do it. I mean, what if I smiled at him and he doesn't smile back, wouldn't it be so embarassing if people noticed that. I don't want to be walking around school being teased on how I'm trying to get a guy that's way out of my league. Ok, maybe I might be over-reacting about all of this. I know I am! I'm just new at everything so I don't want to be making any stupid mistake that's why I'm being extra careful. I'm known for always overthinking stuff, don't all of us do? Now, let me think again of what Monday would be like...