- Chapter Thirty Three - "Things seem better for the two of them."

Baby Cap was sitting on the only rectangular baby matt place in the middle of the living room of the Jung's house with her soft cube toys around her. The baby girl was keeping on playing alone with the soft sound of the kid cartoon coming from the TV screen. The chubby little girl ignored those adorable cartoon personas for her play.

Blabbering with her baby-talk as a few audible words could be heard here and there with a frown marred on her baby face, her full lips jutted out as the result of her intense concentration for trying to assemble the few colorful cubes together. Sometimes, she growled and groaned when she could not put two pieces together. And other time baby Cap yelled her anger out and threw away the pieces in her hands. But she ended laughing as she found what she was doing amusing.

Her father who was not far from her, laughed at her softly while cooking her snack of the afternoon from the open-plan kitchen. And from time to time, the man looked at her with this doting smile only a father could have for his children.

After departing from Busan and their dongsaengs, the two men and the baby girl had put their luggage in Chinju for two days, looking around the city and visiting the Fortress and tasting the local food specialties. Alas without the Lantern Festival as it only occurred on the month of October. But they did have good time together and a lot of pictures of the three of them having memories to show to Capucine later when she was older.

Then, they drove off to Gwangju to arrive yesterday at the end of the afternoon. And Yunho's family had welcomed them with happy smiles. Nothing dramatic had happened as Mr. Jung had spent the most of his time with his baby girl. Of course, he did talk to Jaejoong, trying his best to accept the latter as the companion of his only son.

Jaejoong did not ask for more from the man. The comfort zone the two of them had now was the best he could wait for from Yunho's father, a man who had tried everything to separate them.

"Hey! Baby girl!" He said as he walked towards his daughter with a plate filled with some sweet potatoes cut into small pieces. Capucine loved everything sweet. And what best giving her this for her snack. Of course, Jaejoong did prepare some onion bread and had set aside a pizza dough for the time being as he was just waiting for Yunho and his mother to return from the market with all the ingredients needed for the topping.

Capucine said nothing as she looked up at her father with a cube toy in . Then, she smiled and let out the toy to clap her hands happily.

"...mam-mam..." And she squealed happily.

"Of course at the sight of this you're all smile and happy." The young father laughed softly as he took place in front of her, putting the plastic plate between them. "Go for it!"

"...nae..." She let out like she had learned to say by mimicking people around her.

"What do you say in French?" He asked her with a smile. But, the baby girl just frowned at him while stuffing a handful of sweet potato in . "Don't frown! You're going to age very fast!" He said while brushing the tip of his finger over the small bridge of her nose, gaining a gummy smile from his baby girl. "You have to say oui (yes)! Capucine? Say oui."

"...u-i..." The baby girl repeated as she was looking up at her father.

"Almost." Jaejoong laughed. "You did well." He cupped her chubby cheeks and pressed a soft kiss on the tip of her nose while she twisted her nose with a smile.

"She's going to get there one day. Don't force her."

The young father turned his attention towards the man who was walking into the living room with some plastic bags in his hand. Yunho's father had left the house for a while after his son and wife had taken the direction of the Gwangju market for grocery. The older man was conscious that trailing behind Jaejoong could only put them into an awkward situation. So, he had taken some walk around the corner and visiting a few friends.

"I got some spinaches and kimchi from the old Song and Jang halmoni." Mr. Jung added as he showed the two plastic bags in his hand, giving by his neighbors from his visit. "You can use that for dinner later."

"I was thinking of making pizza. I already made the dough. But if you want some kimchi stew..."

"Nah!" Mr. Jung waved his free hand as he pulled out his shoes. "Don't worry for me! I can eat pizza like everyone. However you have to put a lot of cheese."

"I will. I can also use the spinaches for one of the ingredients. We just have to hope that Yunho-yah isn't going to forget to buy cheese."

"Did he do grocery for the two of you?" The man asked quietly as he gave the bags to Jaejoong who went to put them in the kitchen in a quiet pace not long after.

"We always do grocery together."

Mr. Jung laughed softly as he took place next to Capucine. "Well, we're going to miss a few things. He never was good when it come to do errand for us since he was a child. Always being distracted by the people around him. He was a very curious child but very empathic with his environment." The older man added.

"No wonder he is very considerate towards everyone." Jaejoong said back before returning to the living room with a tray filled with glasses and a carafe of fresh water for Yunho's father.

"...considerate..." The older man said quietly as he pressed his lips into a thin line. He nodded quietly and let out a sigh as he ruffled the baby girl's soft hair. "It could be a good trait but also a bad one." Mr. Jung let out as he accepted the glass of water from Jaejoong. "And you were the victim of his kind heart. Knowing not to choose between you... someone who has to be the most important person in his life and others... me..." He forced a chuckle. Then, the man drank some water quietly while the young father remained silent, only looking at his ex-lover's father who seemed to be talkative. "That boy of mine... he didn't understand that even if I am his father... I am not the one with whom he has to end his life with... And I can say it was my fault for him to seek my attention and affection so much... I was harsh with him since he has told me that he wanted to be a dancer... a singer..." The man looked up at Jaejoong with a small smile. "You know my feelings right? Your father was also like me. He didn't approve at first of your dream to be an idol. However... as a father... his father, I never thought of my son falling in love with another man."

Mr. Jung heaved a sigh as he was looking at the baby girl who was eating her snack messily. He laughed softly and took a napkin from the tray before wiping with kind gestures.

"Look at you. You're really a little brat like your Yunho appa." The man said with a smile, then he turned his attention to the young father who was looking at him with a small smile. "You're a good kid. I did not have anything against you at first. I even found you a good element in Yunho's life. He was more stable and... all those responsibilities he got by being the leader of your group had made him grow up. And with you who was there to take some of those burdens from his shoulders... my son did well enough to make me think that being an idol was not so bad. But... when things happened... when that Yunjae thing happened... At first it was only some strategy of marketing... fan service they called that." He laughed at what Yunho had explained to him at that time to make things clear in his parents' mind. "Really people nowadays have a very interesting vocabulary."

"You didn't like it..."

"Like it or not... I just understood that it was something your music company had to create to attract the attention of your fans. It was tolerable. But, when I noticed that those fan services aren't fan services anymore... No father can tolerate that... You have to understand... I always thought that Yunho would end with a good wife who was going to take care of him until his last breath. Them, having children and living a good life... No troubles... No ordeals..."

"But there's me..."

"Yes... there's you..."

The two men fell into silence for a while as they were watching the baby girl having now fun with her sweet potatoes snack. Capucine was smashing the pieces of potatoes in her hands as she laughed every time she felt the soft and smooth texture sliding in her fingers.

And none of them were going to scold her for playing with her food. She was after all a baby who just learned a few things from life itself.

"You were a beautiful kid. And you aged beautiful with time." Yunho's father laughed softly. "You were more pretty than a girl and sometimes... I felt like looking at a young girl... and there were moments where you even behaved like a girl. It was understanding with eight older sisters looking after you. And I can understand why my son was attracted to you. Your appearance... your personality... everything in you... Why my son's ideal type had to be you?" He smiled and shook his head lightly. "A man." The older man folded his arms over his chest quietly. "I don't hate you... I really don't hate you. On the contrary, I liked you a lot. And I won't deny the fact that I still have some affection towards you. But I couldn't picture you with my son. That's why I tried everything that was in my hands to separate the two of you... I only wanted the two of you to stay friends. I never... I never wanted to hurt you like I did... it wasn't my first intention. I was only thinking about myself nor about Yunho's feelings and not even yours." The older man nodded quietly as he breathed out softly. "I won't apologize for behaving like a father. But I apologize for hurting you. I never wanted that... I was angry... I was helpless... not knowing what to do facing this kind of love... you have to understand my situation..."

"It's true I was hurt. Overnight... Yunho asked for a break up saying that if we continued on... things could be hard for us. Our parents... our family... friends... and others... Our society..." Jaejoong nodded as he looked down at his interlaced hands, explaining what he was feeling years ago. But it did not mean that the pain had disappeared. It was still there as a reminder that made him always step back when he wanted to make things better between Yunho and him. "However... I could not picture myself just standing next to him while I can't touch and talk to Yunho like before. Playing friends... I didn't know how to do that after so long of being his lover." He let out a forlorn sigh. "Everything is in the past now... Today is another day. And tomorrow will be better. We just have to do our best to stand on our feet day after day."

The older man nodded quietly. It was a very good resolution for them. "Can I ask you something?"

"You can."

"What now?"

"About Yunho-yah and me?"

"Yes!"

"There are times, we're in a situation where the two of us have to walk into egg shields hoping not to hurt each other. But we do our best to tell our feelings to the other. He is better at that than me... I try my best... but there's times I feel like wanting only to be alone..." Jaejoong said quietly with a small smile painting on his lips. "Yunho... he is so patient with me who has this tendency to shut myself off from the people around me. Even him..."

"Is it working?"

"He is a good listener and very patient with me since I know him." Jaejoong nodded. "You know... I do not want to hurt him... I really don't want to see him in the same position I was... after our break up... asking what I did wrong while hoping that everything was just a mistake... a dream... that soon when I will wake up everything will be like before. Yunho and I, we're still together. But nothing happened. And he was still cold and... He never look at me like before... privileging his other friends... I was waiting... waiting for him to look at me even if it was for a second..." The young father let out in a low voice. "It was painful to be aware that nothing will be like before... to see the person you love just pretend that you don't exist anymore. I... I don't want him to feel what I felt at that time. For that, I am doing my best to move on from the death of Ha-chan... I really do... But there are times where I feel like drowning in this reality of life and stepping back into her memory makes me feel safe. Clinging onto her smiles... onto her laughs... She was the best life has given me…"

"What about Yunho?"

"There's nothing comparable between them." Jaejoong said without hesitation as he was looking at his best friend and ex-lover's father. "Yunho... Yunho-yah was and still is the man I will love for the rest of my life. This heart of mine will never forget him... But when I set my eyes on Capucine... my baby girl, I feel sorry to keep him at my side. There should be someone... a woman somewhere made for him like I found Ha-chan... And..." He paused, then he took a deep breath having a hard time to word his thought. Thought that made him hurt more than anything. However, he knew he could not be selfish. "A woman who will love him maybe more than me... She... she could give him everything people expect from him. A husband status... a father status..."

"Are you willing to let him go?"

Jaejoong looked at Yunho's father with a small and sad smile, then nodded quietly. If it was what Mr. Jung wanted, he could do that for the best interest of all of them. He had a daughter who meant so much for him. Yunho deserved the same chance to have children.

The older man could see how painful it was for the young man to come to this selfless decision of letting go of his son for the best of everyone. Yunho's father wasn't cruel. He did hurt this boy so much in the past. And if he kept on being stubborn, he was going to lose the only son he was proud of. Even if he did never say it out loud, Yunho was his pride as well as the first of his two children to make him the man he had become. Not the best but he was in the path of correcting his wrongdoings to be a better man in the near future.

"Jaejoong-ah... You don't need to let go of Yunho." Mr. Jung breathed out softly. "After what happened to you those past few years, you deserve to be happy. I saw my son miserable being away from you. And you, you did your best to keep moving on in your life as you were hoping that Yunho did the same. But life is a ... Lady fate has done a good deed making the two of you hurt and bruised from life." Yunho's father nodded with a small smile, recalling what his son had said to him before leaving them alone.

"Don't say anything to make him withdraw from all of us. You don't know how hurt he is from what you and I have done to him... from what life has done to him... He tries to move on. But, every step he makes only put him away from the safety place where the memory of his wife is still alive. She was the only person who never let him down. And it scares him to let go of her. But for my sake, for what we can build together from now on, he starts to let go of her... He starts to never look back on that past with her. Do you know how hard it was to get him open up to me like before. And I don't want to lose this small hope I have now. I want him back in my life not as a friend but as a lover! I know I can't have our past life back. But I want to have a future with him and with baby Cap. They are a part of me. I really don't want to lose him... them... So please! Don't hurt him. If you do, I will make sure to cut every ties with you."

Yunho was very menacing, even with him who was his father.

At this moment, the older man knew that those two were still searching what was best for them, and they did not need anything or anyone to interfere in this difficult path of their lives. Their trust and their happiness did not depend on others but on themselves. Friends or lovers, there was a thin line between the two sides. And his son was betting for his happiness. For their happiness.

He was not in his rights to dictate what his son had to do in his life. Yunho was now old enough to know what was the best for him. And as his father, he could only go along all his decisions, for the best of them all.

"You don't need to think of me... You don't need to think of others. You was never selfish before that's why you were hurt. In order not to lose yourself, you walked away from Yunho. You did it to protect your already bruised heart not to break into pieces... not because you were some greedy man like others thought of you." Mr. Jung said quietly, understanding the young father's feelings. "Do you want to be happy?" He asked while looking straight into Jaejoong's eyes.

"I do."

"Do you want to have your heart rest from all the torments it did experience until now?"

"I do..."

"Then, this time don't think too much. Only listening to your heart." The older man patted Jaejoong's hands softly and affectionately. "And if being happy mean for you to be selfish, well be selfish. Keep my son next to you for how long you want. Hopefully for the rest of your life. If Yunho has to live in sin, I will probably want him to be happy and to have this ingenious smile painting on his face like he always harbored when he stood next to you those past years..."

"But-"

"There's no buts! You need rest. You need a life without burdens and ordeals... You need to live fully your life not for others but for you. And if you still love my stupid son... I will try my best to get rid of my apprehension and my fear... It's after all about love... I will come around some day... But I need time. Just give me some time..." The older man smiled softly at the young man.

Jaejoong said nothing but only nodded to his ex-lover's father as tears started pooling in his eyes. He didn't expect this from the older man. Not this soon.

"Can you take care of my son for me?"

"I... I will." He said quietly as tears were streaming on his cheeks.

"Good boy." The older man nodded with tears in his own eyes. Then he chuckled. "Don't cry. If Yunho sees this, I fear this boy of mine is going to put this house upside down." Jaejoong sniffed as he wiped away his tears with a smile. "Well, this little one needs to have a bath." Mr. Jung laughed as he turned to baby Cap who was now covered by smashed sweet potatoes on her face and hair. "Give her a bath. I call