Youngjae heard his phone ringing. It was Daehyun. 

- She broke up. She left me like that. I... 

Youngjae heard his friend criying. He didn't hesitate. He ran to his car and jumped in. He asked Daehyun :
- Where are you ? I'm coming.

Even if Daehyun forget his birthday, he needed him.

- I'm in front of the park. But you're not...

- Shut up. I come.

Youngjae never shouted over Daehyun. But now, he had to. He had to hurry. Daehyun could do something he will regret. And that, Youngjae couldn't accept it. He drived very fast, avoiding the cars, and reached the park in 10min. He ran and saw Daehyun sitting on a bench, his head down.

- Daehyun !

He lift up his head, Youngjae could see his reddish eyes, filled with tears. It started raining. Youngjae hugged Daehyun so strongly that he could feel his heartbeat. He was so warm, so alive. Daehyun could speak after a few minutes : 

- She threw the ring. She threw it away. 

Youngjae saw a light point on the road, which disapeared when a car passed over. Their love were erase in one second, like a breath in a cold morning. Daehyun sobbed over Youngjae's shoulder : 

- Youngjae, I need her. Why ? Why she left me ? I can't live without her. She was my everything. Everything remind me of her. The tree in the park where we met. The flowers I gave her in the house. All the pictures we took. They're here now. But her, no. It's too hard for me.

- Life doesn't ended. There are too much things to live. You deserve to live Daehyun.

- But you don't understand ! Have you ever fall in love ! You don't know love. Feeling your heart beat faster, have fireflies in the stomach. You can't understand. So please, leave me alone. 

Daehyun stood up and left him on the bench. But Youngjae caught him up and caught his arm.

- I said leave me alone ! I need time !

- Daehyun, you have to calm down. You can do something you will regret. I can bring you back at home or in my flat.

Daehyun pushed his hand and screamed : 

- Leave me alone !

And he ran without looking around. The rain and his tears blurred his eyes. He crossed a road. He didn't see the car coming. But Youngjae, yes. 

He didn't hesitate a second. 

Living without you is worst than die. I need you. I can't live without you. I said I'll protect you until the end. I failed. Even tought I did the only thing I could, I'll always regret leaving you that way. We had to spend our lives together. This destiny we dreamed of is lost forever. It breaks my heart because I will never see you smile again. But I leave this world without any regrets. I will just keep living in just one place, one person. Your heart. Just let me stay a moment, until you find the way to keep smiling. You can forget me when you recover your smile. Even if you don't remember my name, I keep living in your happiness. 
My only wish is you'll be happy forever. Be happy without me. 
But just remember a thing. Even if I'm no longer on your side, I'll always be in your heart. I'll always be here.

Daehyun ran without seeing around him. He wanted just to escape. Escape the fact that she left him. He wanted to forget all about her. All about love. Because it was too painful. He didn't see the car coming. He just heard noise of brakes. And a violent push between his two shoulders. He felt on the sidewalk. He turned back. He didn't understand what happened. He saw at first the rain, the pouring rain. Then the city lights. And a car stoped at few meters of him. 
His heart skipped a beat. There was a shape on the bitumen. A form that he knew too much. His breath trembled. His mind became troubled. 
Youngjae was laying on the ground, a pool of blood next to his head.

One day.

Daehyun opened his eyes. He was on his bed. At first, he thought it was a normal morning. He saw the sunlight on the floor. His gaze ran through the room and stopped on a light point on his desk. A ring. His ring. And he remembered. Little hands pushing his back. The hardness of the ground. The people's screams. The white skin which contrasted with the black of the road. The cold of his body. The life who was already gone. 
His pillow was wet of his tears. The room filled with his sobs. Youngjae was gone. He couldn't believe it. For him, Youngjae was sleeping at home, in is dreams, in chest going up and down, slowly. He could hug him thousand times more. Daehyun thought if he went just a few seconds back, he could see him smiling and look at the stars in his eyes. Time was frozen since Youngjae last word. He couldn't be dead. He promised he'll be here. He will went to Daehyun's house and ask him to go buy an ice cream. He will dry Daehyun's tears again and again. But he will never come back. Time is passing. Time is flying. Time is bad. How can you love someone if they all leave. How can you live without them. Nothing is worse than when someone who’s supposed to love you just leaves. He couldn't be dead. They had to spend their life together. They had to see days, seasons, years passing until their last breath. They had to share a lifetime. Together. But now, it couldn't happen. Youngjae is not here.

- You promised. You promised you'll protect me. What have you did ? What have I did ? Please come back. I need you. 

Youngjae didn't answer. The room was quiet. Daehyun could only hear the rain patting on the window. The sun was gone. Like Youngjae. Exept that the sun would come back. Not Youngjae. 

One week.

Daehyun never saw the sun during a week. He laid on his bed, crying, reminding, regretting. He didn't eat anything. His eyes were irritated and his throat dry. But his mind was frozen. He was wake up by the ringtone of his phone. He got out of his bed painfully. It was Zelo.

- Yes ?
- Hyung ! We didn't have news since...
- Sorry. 
- It's just for say... The funeral of Youngjae is at 15pm at the cemetery. 
- Okay, I'll be there.
- Take care of you hyung. See you soon.
- Goodbye.

Daehyun looked at his messages. He had some voice messages too. He saw at first his sms.

Yongguk, 23 january, 10:16 am : 
Hello Daehyun ! The birthday party of Youngjae will be at the practice room at 10 am. You have to come ! We will make a surprise, he's a little tired these days. See you tomorrow !

Himchan, 23 january, 11:39 pm :
Try to come back not too late. You told me that you came back today. Answer quikly please. And bring some balloons if you have ;) See you later !

Jongup, 24 january, 10:19 am :
What are you doing ? Whe expect you ! He's about to wake up ! You must come veryyyy quikly or I will slap you . 

Himchan, 24 january, 6:38 pm : 
Daehyun, why did you do that to Youngjae ? You were the one he expected the most. I'm not often angry, but what you have done is inexcusable.

They called him many times. But he have only 3 voice messages.

Yongguk, 23 january, 4:57 pm :
Daehyun, if you didn't seen my sms, it's just for tell you that Youngjae's birthday party will be at the practice room, at 10am. If you don't understand, call me !

Zelo, 27 january, 5:34 pm : 
Daehyun, Daehyun, hurry up ! The cake is enormous ! Daehyun ! We miss you ! 

Youngjae, 25 january, 0:23 am : 
Daehyun hold his breath. It will be the last words he could hear from him. But it will be just ordinary words. Not words of farewell. He slowly pressed the button. He closed his eyes and focused on Youngjae sweet voice :

Daehyun, I drive quikly, so I'll be there in 5 min. Keep calm. Inhale. Exhale. Breathe slowly. Don't move. Youngjae come. Youngjae is here.

It was his last words. His voice worried but determined. He could never hear it anymore. He would that Youngjae was here. But his words came from another world. A world where he was alive. A world Daehyun could never reach. A lost world. 
He dressed him precipitaly, with a black suit. he started his car and concentrated on the road. All his thoughts went to Youngjae. He reached the cemetery in a few minutes. 
All BAP members were there. And also his parents and his elder brother, Youngwon. They were all looking at him. Daehyun blushed pitifully and looked at his shoes. It was all his fault. Then they saw the coffin. A white coffin. Youngjae would a bright color. The coffin were recovered with flowers. It was a firework of red, pink, white, blue, purple, yellow... It was beautiful. 
It was the time of speech. Everybody said some words, and eyes started to filled of tears. It was Daehyun turn to speak. He had a knot in the throat, so his voice became trembling and hesitant : 
- Youngjae. You were my friend, my brother, my confident. You were generous, kind and nice. You were here when I smiled. Here when I cried. Here when I needed. You were always here for me. So please be here for you this time. Be happy where you are. I miss you. But I only miss your hugs, your teasing, your presence. Because you are with me. You're kept in my heart.

One month.

BAP were at their first concert until Youngjae's death. They finished perform Warrior. Himchan brought him a water bottle :

- Drink. Are you okay ?
- Yes. I just think of him all the time.
- Daehyun, don't be sad. He wouldn't see you like that.
- I know but...
- We will sing 1004. The last song. Sing for him. Don't think of him. Think of the message you want to scream to the sky.

He left him and sit on a chair. Daehyun rejoined one of the 5 chairs. The stage seemed empty without him. The songs were all uncomplete. He saw many panels with "Youngjae we tought of you" "Youngjae we will never forget you. This irritate Daehyun. They couldn't understand his pain. They don't know him. They just know the Youngjae on stage. They don't know the angry Youngjae, the crying Youngjae. They know the idol Youngjae. Not the friend Youngjae. He was even more lovable. Even thousand of tears couldn't bring him back. The stage was mourning. The music started. Daehyun closed his eyes and sang :

You’re like an angel, who has left me and gone somewhere
I need you

I don’t know how I’m living
After you left me, I’m going crazy
Every day, every night
I can’t even sleep
I’m all alone, drinking away, cry

So I miss you (I think of you) and I need you (every day)
I can still hear your voice
Come back to me (I don’t have anyone) Come back to my side (but you)
You’re like an angel

The reason I live is you
I don’t think I can see you anymore, I think I’m really dying
The person to love me is you
Shine on me in the darkness

Look at me now
Come to me now
(Come back to me, how am I supposed to live?)
Look at me now
Come to me now
(How am I supposed to live without you every day?)

I didn’t know you would really leave me
You were like an angel
Why am I such a good-for-nothing?

Oh no, you have turned away from me
I’m a fool who has lost you
I’m like a beggar
I can’t do anything without you

So I miss you (I think of you) and I need you (every day)
My wasted self is so pitiful
Hug me (I don’t have anyone) Embrace me (but you)
You’re like an angel

The reason I live is you
I don’t think I can see you anymore, I think I’m really dying
The person to love me is you
Shine on me in the darkness

It’s like I’m so out of it
I’m so blank every day
After you left, I’ve become ruined
Come back to me, I only had you

Hurry and save me
Stop, please don’t go far from me (don’t leave)
Never let you go

I want to find you
Where, where, where am I going?
To the place where you are
A better day, a better day, a better day
You’re like an angel

The reason I live is you
I don’t think I can see you anymore, I think I’m really dying
The person to love me is you
Shine on me in the darkness

Look at me now
Come to me now
(Come back to me, how am I supposed to live?)
Look at me now
Come to me now
(How am I supposed to live without you every day?)

When he opened his eyes, tears have flowed down his cheeks. He would hug Youngjae and whisper him to don't cry. He had to do this when Youngjae was here. But now it was to late. He could console him thousand times, but thousand times he let him cry. He was alone. But he always helped Daehyun. He always hide his pain. Daehyun suffered because Youngjae didn't want to be saved. And Youngjae didn't want help because Daehyun needed him. His tears kept falling. The stage were stangely quiet. He couldn't look at s. His tears blurred his eyes. Suddenly, a unique voice came from all the stage : 

- Don't cry ! Don't cry ! Don't cry ! 

He felt s giving him a giant hug. Daehyun heard Yongguk shouting : 

- Even we're about to fall, we will stand up. Even if we're destroyed, we will never give up. Even if we aren’t six on stage, we are six in our hearts. We are Warriors !

And Himchan whispered, just for the members : 

- Don't forget. You're not alone. Youngjae is here, he said while showing Daehyun's heart, we are here. Because we are With you.

Two months.

Today, Daehyun went to Youngjae tombstone. The weather was hot but clouds started to appear. He reached the stone and put down some flowers on it. He could read :

Youngjae 1994-2015. Forever kept in our hearts.

Daehyun fell on his knees. Youngjae body was down there. His cold body, without life. Now Youngjae was just that. Blood and mud. Life left him. He wanted to remember a happy Youngjae, who will one more time. Who will ask him to play guitar. But his lovely smile was lost. Lost under pain. Lost under death. He could never see him smile again. He tried to remember a smile, bright eyes, red cheeks. But he only remembered a pale hand laying on the ground. A cold ghost breath escaping from his lips. And his eyes. His eyes who couldn't see anymore. Empty frost eyes. The shine who was always there desappear in the stars, so Daehyun only thought of his glassy eyes clouded by the shadows who will lead him far away from him. He wanted to brought Youngjae back. But Youngjae decided to leave. He blamed him to left him alone :

- Why did you left me ? We had to spend our lives together. We had to laugh, dream and cry together. We have to fall and stand up thousand times more. Why don't you lift up ? Why don't you follow me ? Why have  I to walk alone ? I need you on my side. I thought you'll be here until the end. This place is too cold. Even fire couldn't warm up my heart. Why are you so cold ? How could you just leave me here to live without you ?Please hold me in your arms again. Please erase my pain. Why don't you be here ?

When he leaved, his tears mixed with the pouring rain and dipped the dark rose pointing a picture engraved in the stone. A picture with a boy with a cute smiling face. With sparks in the eyes. But this smile will never reappear. These sparks will never come back.

Three months.

This morning, Daehyun woke up in pain. He faced the reality. Youngjae was not here because of him. He couldn't save him. He didn't have to save him only this day, but all the days he couldn't see him cry. He was the one to blame. He didn't have the right to cry. All was his fault. But now, the only thing he wanted was to be on Youngjae's side. He needed him to much. His life without him was just filled of tears and pain. 

- Youngjae, I want to be with you.

But Youngjae was in another world. 
Daehyun ran out of his house. His mind was in slow motion. He only thought about Youngjae. He would rejoin him. He would die. Die like he had to three months ago. He could see him again. See his bright eyes and his beautiful smile. He could see him smiling. This image he didn't see for too long time.

- I will rejoin you.

He stopped on the middle of the road. He closed his eyes. And waited. Waited death.
Suddently, he heard the voice of a little girl : 

- Mom, why the man is on the road ?  Cars are bad if they doesn't see him.

- Kyawoo ! What are you... Come here now !

Daehyun opened his eyes. A little girl crossed the road. She was smiling. But this time, Daehyun saw the car coming. He ran over the little girl and protected her with his arms. The car avoided them. He felt the little heart beating on his chest. She was safe. He looked at her. He had a shock. She had Youngjae's eyes and his lovely smile. Daehyun heard his mom running toward them.

- Kyawoo ! Oh thank you thank you...
- Daehyun ?

A familiar voice called him. Daehyun turned back.

- Youngwon ? This is your...

Youngwon nodded.

- Yes. Daehyun, I present you my daughter, Kyawoo. Say hello.
- Hello Daeyoon !

Daehyun smiled. It was a long time he haven't smile like that. He was to selfish. He didn't think of all the members and the fans who will be destroyed. They don't deserve to see him die. He had to live for them. But now he was smiling. He haven't open his eyes. Youngjae never left. He was in this little girl who were looking at him with bright eyes. He was everywhere. 

Four months.

Daehyun decided to return at Youngjae's flat. He knew that he have to face the memories of his friend. His flat will be like Youngjae left it fout months ago. The flat will never know Youngjae death until the last picture, the last object, will be take off. Daehyun knew that there will be so many things who will remind him. The pictures they took, the baubles they bought together. There may be clothes on the floor, dishes unwashed or some dust on the furniture. It will be like Youngjae left it a few minutes ago. Like his voice message which Daehyun kept in his phone, this place will be frozen in time. Frozen in a world Youngjae never left. A world where Youngjae was alive. A lost world.
Daehyun parked his car and reached the door. But he couldn't open it. Too many memories inundate him. The day he left Youngjae in front of the door after shouting on him. The day they passed like true friends. All the days they spent together. Together. In this flat, they always be together. But now, it was desert. The ghosts were their ghosts. The Youngjae that only Daehyun knew. And the Daehyun that only Youngjae wanted. 

Daehyun started trembling and turned back. He was not ready to beat the ghosts. They were too strong and Daehyun too weak. He was about to cry when his phone rang :

- Hello ?
- Hum hello Daehyun. This is Hyorae. I just want to say... I'm sorry. I know, I broke up without thinking of you. I didn't want to... Daehyun, I'm still in love with you.
- It's that what you told me the last time.
- Yes, but this time I really mean it. Please Daehyun, I love you and you love me. We are still married. 
- No Hyorae, I want a divorce. I don't love you like I loved you before.
- All that because of Youngjae...
- No, what happened was all my fault. Youngjae had no impact in our story. It's just you and me. And you and me has no mean to be.
- But...
- Meet me at the bridge at midnight when you're ready.

He hang up the phone. Daehyun thought he did the only thing he could do. One page turns. The page of Hyorae and him. 
But the page of Youngjae couldn't be turned. It was incomplete. It was Daehyun who has to write the end of their story. He will not make a happy ending, because a happy ending they need to stay together. 
Their ending will be the ending that Youngjae wanted Daehyun to have. 

Five months.

Today, he had to met Hyorae. He woke up and picked his ring on the commode. He gave her a rendezvous at the bridge at midnight. He liked this place because there was a river underneath. Youngjae and him used to meet here, when they were not that famous. They used to share an ice cream or bubble tea, while looking at the little river. He went out of his house and walked. There was a full moon this night, and Daehyun admired his gleam in the waving water. The moon was so shining that it reminded him Youngjae's eyes. 
He heard the sound of heels. Hyorae was coming, with a red dress. She had a little black box in her hands.

- Hello Daehyunie !
- Hello Hyorae. 
She seem disappointed. But she continued :

- I think you were angry last month, so you don't want to divorce, don't you ? We can forget all about this and...
- Hyorae, I really want a divorce. I can't live with you anymore.

Her eyes started to file with tears :

- But... But I brought us this...

And she opened the little box. There were two gold rings in it, with their names written on it. Daehyun closed the box and looked at Hyorae's eyes, which were cold and empty of any trace of real love :

- Hyorae. I have to say you goodbye. Our story ends here. Please, don't hate me. I have loved you. But now, my feelings aren't there. Please be happy with another man, it's all I want for you. Don't worry, I don't hate you, but your presence is too painful for me. Our ways separate here, and I hope I'll meet you as friend.
Hyorae sais him goodbye and left him without turn back.

Daehyun looked at the river. 

- Youngjae, this is for you.

And he threw his own ring in the river. It sank slowly, and it disapear. But Daehyun thought that this ring just disapear from his world, and it already rejoin Youngjae heart.
Daehyun smiled. He imagined Youngjae founding the ring and reading the hide message in it : Together. Forever. He imagined his little cheeks lifted up and he will look at his sky. Daehyun opened his eyes and look at the dark sky filed with stars :

- Are you listening Youngjae ? I want to rejoin you as soon as possible. But I'm in this world. And you in another. I espect you. I am looking forward this day we will met again. The day I could look in your eyes and see the light that I miss everyday. But I know this day is not today. I wish you'll welcome me with open arms. And I know that you'll do. 

And he knew that if he could see the face of Youngjae in the sky, he will smile brightly from the stars.

Six months.

- Daehyun... He's dying...

Daehyun swallowed. He knew that Youngwon was suffering. He was at the hospital since a few weeks. But today Jungjia called him. His tumor grown too much. He was dying...
He ran into his car and drove to the hospital. 
No, no, no. Not him. Jungjia need him. And Kyawoo too. When he thought of the little girl calling desperately her father, his heart tighten. They don't deserve to be alone. 
He reached the hospital and asked to the reception :

- I'm Youngwon's friend. which room is it ?
- It's the room n.04, at the first floor. 
- Thanks.

Daehyun ran in the corridors and climbed the stairs. Sweat flowed down his neck when he opened the door. 
Jungjia was crying near the bed, where Youngwon was laying. The computer which noted the heartbeat of Youngwon was doing regular but slow "bip". Jungjia jump into Daehyun's arms :

- He's dying. He's dying... This is the end Daehyun. He will never wake up. We had a family. We had a destiny. We had a future. But now it just broke into pieces. What life is so hard...

Daehyun felt her hot tears wetting his shirt. He didn't know what to answer. 
Suddenly, a rough groan came in his ears. 

- Daehyun ? You're here ?

Daehyun knelt beside the bed.

- Yes, I'm next to you. 

- Daehyun, my friend. I'm leaving. Please take care of Jungjia. Of Kyawoo. They need someone. I can't hold them in my arms anymore. I miss so much their smile. I can't see their face anymore. I'm so miserable.

- Don't say that. You're not. Don't waist your oxygen. You need it.

- Daehyun. I have just one wish. I want them to became happy. I could rest in peace when I'll see a smile on their face. Can you do that ? For me. For Jungjia. For Kyawoo. For the baby...

- The baby ?
- Yes, Jungjia is carying our child.

Daehyun was dazed. Jungjia knelt next to Daehyun.

- Honey ?
- Jungjia... My dear Jungjia... My precious Jungjia. I don't want you to be sad. I don't want you to erase me. I just want you to be a happy part of you life. Just remember that you're not alone. You have Kyawoo. You have the baby. You have Daehyun. Find someone who can love you better than I did. Because you deserve to be happy.
- Young...

All the room was crying. Youngwon took a last breath :

- Jungjia... My last thought is for you. I just want to see you smile one last time. 

Jungjia painfully put her lips onto a light smile.

- Even if I'll don't say it everytime I'll want to, please remember that... That... I... Love... You...

The computer did a last bip, and the green line stoped to up and down. It could only be heard sobs and tears falling, and two hearts in mourning.

Seven months.

Hyorae had to leave their house in a few hours. Daehyun decide to collect Hyorae's things. He didn't want any trace of her. One by one, he removed her clothes she forgot in the wardrobe, the pictures of them, the little notes on the fridge. He also erased all the nights they shared at light of the candles. Their laughters which resonate in all the house. The days they passed contemplating the stars. He will erase her smile, her voice, her face. He will forget about them. Because the only thing that reminding will bring is pain.
His house became empty. Not like the flat of Youngjae, full of memories. He wanted to remember Youngjae, even if it was even more painful. 

I'll promise I'll remember you. Even if it's too late, you will fill my mind until my last breath. You will be my last thought. 

The sky got darker, and the night felt down quikly. He heard Hyorae take her things, without any world. Daehyun was about to reach his bed when he saw a dark shape on the floor. A jacket. The denim jacket he wear the day he went with Youngjae at the restaurant. The last moment they were happy together. He smell the jacket, hoping he could sence the perfume of Youngjae. But a bump in the pocket retained his gaze. He opened it and found a white piece of paper, which caught the gleam of the moon. He unfolded it. And his heart made a bouce in his chest. It was Youngjae handwritting.  And on the top little black letters : Coma. A song. Daehyun started to read : 

After you left, I lost control
I become drunk every night and stumble around
Spit out curses because I think of you, who was cold
I feel dirty
I overflow in anger, and scream
Your face that appears in the cracked mirror
It seems like our love that’s broken into many piece
I stand at the end of this tiring cliff, and
rip apart the memories I had with you
I don’t have it

What can I do What can I do
I get lost in a maze and stay in that spot
What can I say what can I say
It’s becoming blurred
I can’t see your face

I can’t move in the darkness
I can’t feel anything
Tears fall down
I’m trapped in memories of you, no
Please hold onto my hand, so that I can wake up
Please don’t go

Why did you throw me away like garbage
Just why can’t I do anything
Just why, why why do I throw all of the memories I had with you everyday

I’m sorry, I can’t help it
I can only look at you like this

You not being here not being by my side
My heart stops it’s the same as being dead
I can’t breathe living without you
I don’t even want to think about it
Believe me I can’t if it’s not you
It hurts so much
I think I’m going to go crazy
Your scent is deeply soaked
I think my heart’s going to explode
Even when I cry and cry and throw a tantrum, saying that this isn’t it
You, quite cruelly, say nothing

What can I do what can I do
Even if I struggle to wake up
I’m in that spot
What can I say what can I say
We loved
You were my everything

I can’t move in the darkness
I can’t feel anything
Tears fall down
I’m trapped in memories of you, no
Please hold onto my hand, so that I can wake up
Please don’t go

Why did you throw me away like garbage
Just why can’t I do anything
Just why, why why do I throw all of the memories I had with you everyday

You breathe inside of me
I’m looking for you
I want to hold you
Since my heart is burnt up,
I can’t hold back any more, because I might die

I can’t move in the darkness
I can’t feel anything
Tears fall down
I’m trapped in memories of you, no
Please hold onto my hand, so that I can wake up
Please don’t go

Please don’t go.
Daehyun's tears felt on the paper. He ran towards the window. The moon was full, and he imagined Youngjae seeing him from the sky. Daehyun wispered in the wind, some words only Youngjae could hear :

• I didn’t see your dark heart. All that because of me. I don’t go. I’m here with you. It’s just that I can’t see you now. But wait a little. I will keep the light. The light that shined on us. It still here.

And he put the paper on the wall, so it could reflet the moonlight. Before he closed the curtains, he looked a last time at the sky :

- And don't forget. Even if my wings are broken, even if the wind is strong, nothing can stop me to reach for you.

Eight months.

- Hello cute boy. 

Jungjia put the baby in Daehyun's arms. He was warm. He was alive. Daehyun smiled. He started to rock the baby. He closed his eyes. It was a strange and beautiful at the same time. He felt his little heart beat on his chest. A light and sweet heartbeat. Not sad as Youngjae's heart. Not sick as Youngwon's heart.  Not tired as Jungjia's heart. Not broken as Daehyun's heart. He was just pure. 
Daehyun wanted to protect this little heart. He wanted it to stay as pure as it was now. He looked in the eyes of the baby. He had Youngjae eyes. Daehyun looked away. He was not ready to see them. And it will be not the same light in his eyes. He realize that he missed so much Youngjae. He could never bring him back. The reality tighten his throat. Thinking of Youngjae after so long time was even more painful. All of his happiness left his body. His smile desapear. 

- He looks like him.

A weak voice erased his sad thoughts.

- Yes...

Jungjia turned his head :

- Don't blame him for who he is. They all have the right to live. 
- I didn't mind...
- I know what you think. He has beautiful eyes. Imagine that his eyes are the eyes of Youngjae who observe you in this world. You know that only his body left you. 
- I should. It's too hard. 
- It's the same feeling for my husband. But there is one bright spot in this sad story. Our baby will remind me of him every time he smiles. With him around, I could never forget about him, even if I wanted to. He'll be in my thoughts every second of my life. 
- You can't understand. You live for someone. You can make someone happy. Not me.
- Why are you living so ?
- Because if I live, I'm the only one who live with the responsability of his death. I'm the one who have to remind him. And if I die, the others will be devasted because of me. I don't want to break lifes again. 
- You don't live for you.
- No. I live for the others happiness.
- Wrong. You're completly wrong Daehyun. You live for him. You live for the life he wants you to have.

Jungjia looked at the full moon which appeared in the little window.

- If you really live for the others, you could them them that you have to move and leave this world alone. But you didn't do that. Because you have to live. Because he lives in you.

Daehyun stood up. He didn't want to hear anything anymore. Before he could close the door, Jungjia called him :

- You don't want to know his name ? 
Daehyun made a pause :

- Hum... Yes.

- The first part of his name represents two people with a giant heart. One taking care of me, and the second making everybody happy. This duo made everyone's day a perfect day. The second part represents a person who think of everyone instead of himself. Who cares just about don't hurts people. I wish my baby can look like these three angels. 
Daehyun couldn't walk away. His gaze was fixed on the deep eyes of the baby.

- Say hello to Youngdae.

Nine months.

- Hello Daeyoon !

Daehyun smiled. Even it was not his real name, he liked when Kyawoo called him like that. 
Jungjia smiled too. She was holding Youngdae in her arms. 

- You can go to the park. She will like it. Thank you for all Daehyun.
- Oh it's nothing. See her smile is the beautiful thing is the world.

Jungjia seem amused. 

- See you at afternoon.
- Bye.

Daehyun took Kyawoo by the hand. 

- You want some ice cream ?
- Yes ! I want cheesecake ice cream !

Daehyun brought it and go with Kyawoo to the park.

- I want to do swing ! Swiiiiiing !

Daehyun smiled and started to push her. She was laughing in the wind. Smiling at the world. But suddently, she stoped laughing and looked at Daehyun with her eyes wide open.

- Daeyoon, why the name of the baby is Youngdae ? 
- You know it. Young for Youngwon and Dae for Daehyun.
- No, mom, sais three angels...

Daehyun swallowed. He knew that someday he'll have to talk about him. He took a deep breath and, with a light voice, looked at Kyawoo and smiled at her.

- Young means also Youngjae. Who is Youngjae ? For Youngwon, it's a brother. For you, it's an uncle. For Jungjia, it's a friend. For BAP, it's a member. And for the world, it's a person. But for me, it's all of that. It's more than that. He's everything.

- And where is he ? Can I meet him ? I think he like ice cream. Everybody like ice cream.
- I'm sorry, Kyawoo, but you can't.
- But, but why ?
- He's in another world. But if you want to talk to him, wait for the moonlight and look at the sky.

Kyawoo looked at him, with those precious sparks in the eyes :

- Promise me that one day you will show me his stars.
- I promise.

Before walking on the way home, Daehyun took a last look at the park. On the bench he sat. On the street he crossed. On the place Youngjae fly toward the moon. On spot he gave him his heart.

Daehyun took Kyawoo hand, and shown her how beautiful the world was. Even if it wasn't Youngjae's world, there were too many things to enjoy. Daehyun lived for Kyawoo, Youngdae, Jungjia, BAP, the fans. But he admit that he lived also for himself. Is that Youngjae wanted. Daehyun didn't look back, and had a thought for Youngjae :

In the world were you exist, even if I'm not on your side, we keep living in each other. Because our love is eternal. Because ours hearts are one.
You always been with me, but I didn't see you because I thought your precious smile left this world. But I know that you are here. You always be here.

Ten months.

- I miss him. I don't want to forget him. I will remember him for eternity. I want to keep him as a beautiful memory.

There was a few seconds silence.

-I don't know what to do.

Himchan told him :

- Write. Write a song for him. 

Daehyun thought of Coma. This little precious piece of paper which mean so much for him. He had to make a song which can fly towards the sky. He wanted Youngjae to hear it. He wanted Youngjae to know that he always remember him. That he will always be in his heart. That he never forget him. 

He switched off all the lights. He sat in front of the window. He just wanted the moonlight to light the little piece of paper. A last look to the full moon, and he started to write. The lyrics came in his mind in one second. He only thought at the message he wants Youngjae to read. The message which will put a smile on his face. Which will make him know that they never be alone.

Even if I close my eyes

The light that shined on us is still here

I will keep our precious times deep inside

Even if pain comes many times

The days we promised eternal love

I will never forget those moments

Our promise to be together forever

I will keep it here forever

Even if I walk on this road for a bit

I will show you my everything.

Even if I close my eyes

The light that shined on us is still here

I will keep our precious times deep inside

Even if pain comes many times

The days we promised eternal love

I will never forget those moments

I remember.

Himchan eyes became wide-open when he read the song. A light tear was visible in his eyelashes.

- How, how would you name it ? It's just... beautiful.
- Youngjae like... liked winter. He liked december. And the snow is sparkling when it meet the moon.
Himchan looked at him weirdly.
- Daehyun ? You're alright ? You seem drunk. Just sleep well, okay ? You need...

- Youngjae, do you hear me ? My little Youngjie. My little shining star. My angel. If one day you'll hear this song, it is for you. Even if you cry while reading this, I know that you can see my everything. When we'll met again, I will be glad to show it to you. It's hard to wait for this moment, and I'm impatient to see your smile again.

The world was full of Youngjae. His scent, his laughter, his little sparks he threw in the sky. Daehyun just had his name on his lips, his voice in the ears, his angel face in the eyes. And he was smiling. Smiling for the moon. Smiling for Youngjae. Smiling for make him smiling as well.
- This song is for you. Because I remember.

Eleven months.

- It will be almost one year that I haven't see you...

Daehyun went to Youngjae's tombstone again. But this time he wasn't crying. He wasn't about to break down. He was even smiling. He sat next to the cold stone. Cold except the warm smile of Youngjae on the picture. Daehyun closed his eyes and whispers, just for his light voice to reach Youngjae world. 

- I'm happy that I finally found you.

Daehyun put the white rose on his heart. 

- I miss you. I know that you are dead. But I hear you. I hear all of you. We were here. Our lives matter. I wish you could tell me where you are now. I mean, I know you’re dead, but I think there must be something in a human being that can’t just disappear. It’s dark out. You’re out there. Somewhere, somewhere. I’d like to let you in. I want to much to see your smile again. But I have to put of returning to your side for a while. There so many things I need to do, I need to know here first. Will you forgive me making you wait just a little longer ?

Daehyun didn't wait for the answer. Because he knew that he will not hear it. He already knew it. He put the flower on the stone. White, like the snow. Like the moon. Standing up, he didn't look back. The night was coming. Daehyun wanted to see the stars. So he wait until the sun disapeared, and he closed his eyes :

- There is a thing that I didn't tell you as often that I had to do. Youngjae, I love you.

While opening his eyes, he knew that Youngjae heard him. Thousand stars were dancing all over the moon, sparkling the dark sky. Daehyun didn't know where was the earth, where was the sky. Where was his own world, where was Youngjae world. Because there were juste one world. Their world. Daehyun smiled :

- I'll love you until the end of times.
The tought of seeing your face warms my heart. It's been so long that I had forgotten what love even felt like. My love for you was replaced by sadness, and that sadness completly blinded me. But now I can see the world clearly again. I would that what which was shining in you continue to shine. I can't bring you back to me. But I forgive me. And I forgive you. 
I love you with everything I am. And now I can carry you, your heart with mine, everywhere I go.

One year.

- I have to meet our ghosts. 

Daehyun was holding the key in his hands. He didn't hesitate. He pushed the door. The sun lit the ground, the walls, the ghosts. But he didn't erase them. Because they need to stay. Because these ghosts were together. 
The sun also lit the dust which covered all, like a rain snow. The dust on the window where they used to admire the sunset. The bed the used to sit and talk all night long. The wall they used to covered with picture of them. All these memories shone again. 
Daehyun was breathless. He could do one step, then two, then three. Every corner, every shadow had his importance. 
One year ago, he was here. One year  after, he's still here. Youngjae never left. Is just that Daehyun couldn't see him. He was the moon, the sky, the snow, the flowers. He was everywhere. 
Daehyun would touch everything that made Youngjae the Youngjae that he remember. The candles which burned a half, the bowl of candies almost empty, the hat forgotten on the floor. This little pieces of him he wanted to froze in time, as if he never left. But he knew that Youngjae was gone. Forever. But this sad reality didn't break him down. Because their two hearts were  living in each other.
Daehyun reminded every little thing in the flat. He associate every of them with a souvenir with him. A jacket he brought to him, a bowl where they ate rice together, a movie they saw late at night...
Daehyun walked into the bedroom. And he saw it. The stuffed toy. The stuffed baby rabbit.

Before.

- What's his name ?

- The name of the person I love the most. Even if it can't love me, I will love it until the end. Even it's a one-sided love, I want to cherish and protect it. Even if it hurts, I wish it can be happy forever, even when I'm gone. When I'm sad, I hold it and the world appear better. For you it's just an object, but for me it represent a person who's my everything. I will make everything for her. 

Daehyun smiled. He will finally never know it name. He held it, like Youngjae probably held it when he was sad. 
- I wish you'll never be sad anymore, so call me and I'll fly to hug you.
He held the stuffed rabbit tighter, as if he could felt a heart beating over him. 

Suddently, Daehyun felt the little rabbit vibrate on his chest. And with a metalic voice, it said those words he'll keep in his mind for eternity : 

- Don't cry. Daehyun is here.