Before.

- They are inseparable ! yelled Himchan. They do everything together.
BAP members laughed very hard, teasing Youngjae and Daehyun, who were looking shyly at each other. They were at a radio enregistrement, diriged by Ryeowook. On this program, Ryeowook could ask everything he wanted at his friends, and, of course,  he didn't hesitate asking about the life on their dorm, their pre-debuts and, for sure, about girlfriends.
Ryeowook asked Yongguk, Himchan and Zelo about their first girlfriend, and continue with Youngjae :
- And what about you Youngjae ? Do you ever fall in love ?
Youngjae looked at his feet and whispered slowly :

- I... I never know real love. I already have girlfriends, but their never loved me as much as I loved them. I wish that one day one person could love me as much as I love her.
The silent felt on the radio.

Ryeowook tried to lift up the mood :
- Well, well, and is there a message you want to say to one member ? Himchan said that you have a strong friendship with Daehyun. Can you tell him something ? If today was your last day, what to you want to say to him for the last time ? 

Youngjae swallowed and looked at Daehyun. He smiled and started to whisper : 

- When I came in the group, you were my only friend, and the person I could talk to freely, even until now, is only you. And since we're both in BAP, we have talked about a lot of things. If things are hard to me, I always talk to you about it. In the future as well, I hope that you continue to take care of me. I love you.
He ended his sentence with a long "u" and a cute wink.
The boys stood up, and everyone was laughing, particulary Zelo and Jongup who were yelling and fanboying over Youngjae and Daehyun.
Ryeowook ended his show while trying to calm the boys :
- Ah seriously, you're right Himchan, they will spend their life together.

Now.

It was a beautiful day of may, with flowers on the grass and birds in the trees, and a bright sun in the sky. BAP members were outside their dorm, taking advantage of the warm air. Himchan was turning on the barbecue, with delicious meat on the side. Zelo, and Jongup were playing football with their bags as goals.  Yongguk was planning their schedule for their week of holiday.
Youngjae was lying on a hamac, his sunglasses and earphones on, while reading a book. And Daehyun ? He was reaching Youngjae, with small steps, hesitant. Youngjae saw him coming and removed his music. He saw a gleam of anxiety in the eyes of his friend :

- What's wrong Daehyun ? You seem so stressed.
- Hum, Youngjae, I have something important to tell you.

The smile of Youngjae felt down. He knew that he had to be serious while looking at the worried face of Daehyun :

- I... Hum... I don't want this to separate us. My friend. My precious friend. I...

Youngjae shook the shoulder of his friend. Daehyun worried him :

- Daehyun ! Daehyun ! Keep calm. I'll understand.
- I'm... I'm dating a girl.

Youngjae held his breath. Daehyun was dating a girl. His heart was about to explode. The blood rose to his temples. He can't believe it. His walls, his convictions were crashing down. He tried to take a deep breath but he started to cough. 
Daehyun took him quickly in his arms :

- Youngjae ! Youngjae ! I'm sorry I don't wanted to...
- Daehyun...

Youngjae started to breath normally. His voice was trembling but he tried to speak clearly :

- Daehyun... I'm so... happy for you.

Daehyun had his eyes wide open :

- Really ?                                                                                                                                                                                 

- I'm serious Daehyun. Congratulations !

Daehyun smiled and hugged him strongly :

- Oh Youngjae you're the best friend in the world. I'm so happy that you understand. 

Youngjae smiled painfully. He tried to don't show the state of shock he was in. Daehyun put his head on Youngjae's shoulder and whispered in his ear :

- I'll never forget you.
- You promise ?
- I promise.

One day of dating.

Daehyun came while holding the hand of a girl. She was a beautiful girl, with long hair and pretty smile. She was wearing a blue dress and was smiling brightly. Daehyun was looking at her proudly. Youngjae was waiting Daehyun. He told him that he would present him his girlfriend today. Youngjae had mixed feelings. He was sad for their friendship. But happy for Daehyun. It was like a part of himself was leaving. Daehyun and his girlfriend arrived and Daehyun introduced her :

- Hello Youngjae ! Here is Hyorae, and Hyorae here is Youngjae, my best friend.

Youngjae bowed and answered politely :

- Nice to meet you. 

Hyorae smiled and bowed politely. And they leaved Youngjae for a romantic walk.

Youngjae smiled while Daehyun was waving him. He really didn't know what to think. Hyorae seemed nice, but he had a bad foreboding. He didn't hate her, but he didn't like her either. And he questioned himself about the friendship between himself ans Daehyun. Will it became weaker ? Or will it completly dissapear ? Youngjae was worried about that but he decided to doesn't tell Daehyun. He has the right to enjoy his relation. Youngjae returned to the building for training. Even if he didn't know what to think about this girl, she put an angel smile on Daehyun's face. It was all that Youngjae wanted. He wanted his friend be happy forever.

One week of dating.

Youngjae picked his phone. Daehyun was calling him.

- Hello Dae...

- Hello Youngjae ? Can you tell the manager that I have a problem or a family event. Or invent something. I have to assist at Hyoyie dancing competition.

- But Daehyun, it will be twice in a week. The manager can...

- Youngjae, you're my friend or not ? Please, it will be the last...

- Okay, it's...

- Thanks !

And he hanged up the phone.

Youngjae sighed. Daehyun changed so much in one week. He went to the repetitions only twice. Youngjae didn't see Daehyun outside of the entertrainement, and he realized that he missed so much his friend. He tried to call him everyday, but he didn't answer, or he said that he was busy. During the repetitions, he didn't say a world and didn't talk to anybody. And even if someone asked for something, he answered angryly. His singing became agressive and his dance less precise. He was in his own world, close and far away. 
Youngjae tried to persuade himself that it was normal. That it was just the start of their relation. The start will be more passionate, and after they will be in a sweet stable romance. Youngjae clung at this hope. This hope that Daehyun will change. This hope that their friendship was strong. This hope that nothing could separate them. He clung at this hope like a buoy. He tried to persuade himself that they were inseparable. Daehyun couldn't erase their friendship. He promised.  

One month of dating.

- Daehyun ! It's your turn ! Zelo warned Daehyun. They were dancing to One Shot and Daehyun forgot that it was his part. He quickly went to the middle of the stage.
Youngjae clenched his teeth. Daehyun was to dissipated. Although he became closer to s and restarted the repetitions, he stayed his head in the clouds. 
The song ended. Yongguk took the mike and started to speak :

- Thank you for supporting us. We are honored that you are our fans. Thank you so much for this award. Now I will give the mike to Daehyun because he can't stay calm...

Yongguk was right. Daehyun was jumping behind him, which amused Youngjae. Daehyun took the mike and spoke quickly :

- Firstly thank you for this award. We didn't know that our song will be as soon at the first place. But I have something important to tell you...

The members looked at Daehyun suspiciously. What he could say ? Youngjae hoped that he will not talk about his relationship with Hyorae. It wasn't on a award ceremony where it would be say. The members held their breath :

- I'm dating a girl. She's a beautiful girl, she's name is Hyorae. I... 

They heard upset screams from the crowd. Some fans left the crowd immediately. BAP quickly ran in the backstage. Yongguk pushed Daehyun on the wall :

- You're stupid ! Look at what you have done ! Fans are leaving ! And what have you said it right in our comeback ? You want to make us sink ?

Jongup pull down Yongguk arms. 

- Stop Yongguk. If he wants to shout everywhere that he's dating her, let him handle this situation.

Yongguk left, and Zelo said to Daehyun :

- Excuse him, he's upset. But what you have done isn't very smart. Cogitate more for the next time.

All the members reached to the dorm, except Youngjae, who was waiting Daehyun :

- Please Youngjae, don't leave me alone.
- Daehyun ! I'm your friend ! I will help you don't worry.
- I don't know what to do...

Youngjae had an idea. Even if it wasn't fair for him, he will do everything that could make Daehyun closer to him. While lying, he could appropriate Daehyun's attention.

- I know ! I will just say that it's me who told to to say that.
- You, you will do that for me ?
- Of course !

And Daehyun hugged him. Youngjae was happy to recover his friend, but a part of himself told him that it wasn't a good way to keep Daehyun on his side, but he ignore it. Daehyun was with him. Only that counted. 

Two months of dating.

Daehyun told the manager that Youngjae told him to say that he was dating Hyorae. Youngjae has been very deprecate, but he didn't care. But his hopes were vain. Daehyun spent more time with Hyorae. This devotion didn't serve him.
Youngjae shook his head. He musn't think about it. Because today, Daehyun will come to spent a little time with him. And Youngjae was impatient. When he heard the door ringing, he jumped in the arms in the arms of his friend. 

- Youngjae you strangle me…

Youngjae recoiled and smiled. Daehyun laughed and they reached together Youngjae's bedroom. 

- What is that ? asked Daehyun, showing a cute stuffed toy, which represented a baby rabbit.

- Oh, it's precious. Youngjae hugged the plush and closes his eyes. He seemed enjoy the moment, his breath ruffling the bristles of the stuffed rabbit.

- What's his name ?

Youngjae took a deep breath and looked at the black eyes of the rabbit :
- The name of the person I love the most. Even if it can't love me, I will love it until the end. Even it's a one-sided love, I want to cherish and protect it. Even if it hurts, I wish it can be happy forever, even when I'm gone. When I'm sad, I hold it and the world appear better. For you it's just an object, but for me it represent a person who's my everything. I will make everything for her. 

There was a silence for a few seconds, and Daehyun replied :

- You, you love someone ?

- Youngjae blushed and Daehyun started to nag him :

- Who is it ? Who is it ? Did I know her ? 

And they started to squabble and laugh. They recovered their friendship. They spent their time as before, laughing and smiling. Daehyun was happy, so Youngjae was. They so enjoyed the moment that they didn't see the time passing. Daehyun left Youngjae hours after, and Youngjae had a smile frozen on his face. 

Three months of dating.

The phone of Youngjae was ringing. It was 1am, and he was sleeping in his bed. The ringtone woke him up. It was Daehyun. With a tired voice, he 
picked up his phone.

- She broke up. 

Youngjae instantly awoke. 

- What ? But why ? It will be only three months... Where are you ? 
- I'm coming. I'll arrive soon.
- Ok I wait for you.

Youngjae waited for Daehyun hanging up. He went outside and looked for Daehyun's red car. He saw it and ran over his friend. Daehyun felt in his arms. His warm tears felt in Youngjae's neck. His breath was jerky and his eyes red. 

- Daehyun...
- Youngjae, it's over. But I still love her. Why love is so cruel ?
- Don't say that Daehyun. Maybe she was just upset.
- No. She was serious. She was the reason of my life.

It started raining. Daehyun's tears mixed with the rain sound.

- I don't deserve to live anymore.
- Daehyun...

Now Youngjae was crying too. Lightning streaked across the dark sky. Daehyun's voice was just a whisper :

- I'm precious for nobody now.
- No Daehyun. Think of your family, of BAP, of the fans...
- After two weeks nobody will miss me.

Think of me...
But these words kept stuck in his throat. Youngjae couldn't speak, while looking at Daehyun turning back in the wet mist.

Four months of dating.

Even if Youngjae didn't like when Daehyun spent much time with Hyorae, seeing Daehyun as depressed as now made him so sad. Daehyun spent his time in bars, drinking and drinking. He didn't want to see anybody. He went sometimes at repetitions, with red eyes and dark circles. In the medias, there were so much scandals about him : alcohol, violence, membership of BAP,... 
Daehyun was sinking. Youngjae, him, lost his smile. Seeing his friend without helping him was killing him in the inside. Each time he saw Daehyun crying, it was like he recieved a thousand stabs in his heart. But he couldn't help him. Daehyun was avoiding everybody, and Youngjae was scared. He was scared about the reality. He was scared about his friend was sinking. 
Youngjae missed the times when Daehyun was far away with Hyorae. He was far away, but he was happy. Youngjae wanted to draw an eternal smile on his face. But he knew that everything he does, he could never bring it back. In their despair, they hurt each other. 
One day, late at night, Youngjae saw Daehyun leaving a bar. He ran toward his friend :

- Daehyun ! You're drunk !

Daehyun looked at Youngjae with his red eyes :

- Don't... Leave me... Alone...

Youngjae caught Daehyun when he was about to fall. Daehyun was completly drunk, but he started to speak, his eyes closed, his voice trembling :

- Youngjae. My friend. My precious friend. Today I realized. There is someone who never left me. It's you. Thank you for all. Today, I realized that I haven't choose the best way. I musn't get far away from you. From BAP. From the fans. You are my oxygen, my family. I will never let you  go. I need you.

Daehyun was crying. But it wasn't tears of sadness. It was tears of hope. Youngjae was speechless. His friend was back. But he was upset over himself. Why he didn't help Daehyun ? Why he didn't be near him when he was crying. He decided to protect Daehyun's happiness. Even if it hurts him, he had to pay for the friend he wasn't  when he had to be here. 
Youngjae hugged Daehyun strongly. He will never left him. The wind carried the low breath of Youngjae, who was whispering so softly that he didn't know if Daehyun heard him : 

 
- Don't cry. Youngjae is here.

Five months of dating.

Daehyun gained some weight. His eyes lost their red. His smile came back. And BAP were at the top of their popularity. After the promotion of One Shot, their could take some rest. They won many awards, and forgave Daehyun for his mistake. They were closer as never. In Seoul, the month of october was cold. Youngjae and Daehyun, after all this events, decided to hang out in the cold streets. They didn't spent much time together the last weeks. They decided to met at this bridge, above a river, this bridge they used to spend their best memories. 
Youngjae was the first at the frozen river. He leaned on the bridge's barrier, and contemplated the river. And his thoughts went to his friendship with Daehyun. Like the river, this last months, it moved, they get farther, they get closer, they hurted each other. They changed. Youngjae smiled. It was great thinking of their past friendship, even  if it just reminded how farther they get now. He hoped that today will bring back their old complicity, but he knew that will not be that easy. He hoped that it wasn't lost. But inside himself, he knew. He knew that Daehyun was already gone. 

- Hey ! Don't tell me that you're got so old here that you're deaf.

Youngjae turned back. Daehyun smiled and waited his friend. They started to walk silenty. Their friendship was so frozen that they didn't know what to say. Daehyun was looking around, without a word, contemplating the world with his bright eyes. Youngjae was quiet, but was smiling. He saw the light inside the eyes of Daehyun. If Daehyun was happy without him, it doesn't matter. If Daehyun had to be happy far away, Youngjae accepted it. He didn't want to hurt Daehyun anymore. He wanted Daehyun to fly highter and highter. And he didn't wanted his own tears to wet his wings. The river have not to melt. Daehyun have not to see Youngjae suffering. 
They didn't say a word. Daehyun, awkwardly, asked Youngjae :

- It's very cold. I don't like winter. Do you like it ?

The Daehyun Youngjae missed already knew the answer, but he answered like nothing happened :

- I love winter. I like the way the ice froze the world. I like the way everything became white. I like the way the snowflakes seems like teardrops. But I like december the most. The long nights. The snow. The stars in the eyes of everyone during Christmas. The memories frozen in the ice. The couples who kiss under the mistletoe. The moon which reign over the cold sky. The shy sun in the misty morning. And above all, the ice doesn't melt. 

Daehyun was dazed :

- The, the ice doesn't melt ? I don't understand. What does it means ?

Youngjae smiled. 

- And the water became ice. Isn't it beautiful ?

Daehyun looked at him weirdly. His phone rang, and, relieved, he left Youngjae while apologizing.
Youngjae stand a few minutes. It hurt seeing that they couldn't say a thing. They used to talk all night long. They used to laught with nothing. But this complicity will never come back. Youngjae knew it. Slowly, at the speed of a snowflake falling from the sky, he let him go.

Six months of dating.

This day when they walked in the cold streets didn't change anything. Daehyun was always smiling and recovered the friendship with every member. He was even close with Youngjae. Nothing seems changed from before. They laughed, smiled together. But Youngjae knew that something was broken between them since this day he passed with Daehyun. He knew that if Daehyun was really back, he should want to understand. Maybe he was also scared. Scared of the evolution of their friendship. Scared of if it was lost. Scared of évidence he couldn't caught it up. It doesn't matter now. Daehyun smiled. It was all that matter. 
Youngjae and Daehyun were alone in BAP dorm this night. They were composing a new song, as they did before. Their work was interrupt by Youngjae's ringtone. He answered to the phone. Suddently, he went to the next room. He didn't wanted Daehyun to listen. Seconds... Daehyun continued to work. Minutes... Youngjae finally came back. Daehyun didn't notice immediately his red eyes, but he perceived tremor in his voice when he asked him if he was alright : 

- Y-yes.
- What was it ?
- No-nothing.

For the first time since months, Daehyun looked right in the eyes of Youngjae. He saw his eyes in the dark filled with tears. 

- Youngjae, don't lie. What's wrong.

Youngjae couldn't hide his detress this time. He burst into tears. Daehyun took him in his arms. It was a long time he didn't held his friend as close as now. Youngjae's sobs filled the room. Daehyun held him tightly. It was a unpleasant feeling that didn't know what to do. After Youngjae dryied his eyes, Daehyun could ask him :

- What happened.

Youngjae, who looked like a baby in Daehyun's giant arms, painfully answered :

- My brother. He has a cancer.

Daehyun was speechless. One more time, he didn't know what to say. He just surrounded the little body of Youngjae in his arms. He gently rocked like a baby. Youngjae started to cry. But not because of his brother. About the pain he gave to Daehyun while crying. He didn't want Daehyun to suffer because of him. He was upset over himself. Youngjae decided to never make Daehyun sad. He will never show his sadness. Because Daehyun's expression now, confused, worried, Youngjae didn't want to see it anymore. He will hide his pain. For erase his. He didn't wanted Daehyun to see him cry. He will clamp his teeth, lift his head, because if he sees him cry, Daehyun will be hurt, and he will be just sadness in his life. And Youngjae didn't want Daehyun to resume him as sadness, he will not cry, and will just thinking in his head while looking at the ceiling. He will swallow, even if his throat opposes. And he will looking at him while smiling.
When the room became quiet, Daehyun whispered, like a hope, like a promise, those little words Youngjae wanted to remember for eternity :

- I'm here. I'm here...

Seven months of dating.

They finally got back together. This separation made their relation stronger. Daehyun and Hyorae were the happiest couple in the world. They even moved together. Daehyun smiled, with a giant smile which almost reach his ears, the first time since months. He was happy.  Youngjae lost the notion of happiness. He didn't know if himself was happy or no. Only Daehyun can makes him smile. But now, Daehyun wasn't on his side. He kept walking, without goal, every night. Every night, he lost his smile in his cold breath. Every night, the past Youngjae disapeared a little more. He always hide his pain. Daehyun never have to see him crying. Youngjae was the one who have to suffer. He thought that it was better like that. He retreated into himself. He burned from the inside. He needed help, but even himself rejected this thought. No matter how much seeing Daehyun with Hyorae was painful, Daehyun smiled. It was the only thing he wanted. Youngjae just forget himself. 
What he can do ? It was like he tries to catch water. Daehyun was leaving. Without a word. How mad he felt, how many tears he shed, it could never bring him back. He was lost. Since a long time. 

This night, Youngjae was alone in their room. But it doesn't matter for him. He liked laying on his lonely bed. He used to close his eyes and thinking of Daehyun. He wanted to think of the happy Daehyun he was now, but he only remembered the happy memories that had together. His tears felt. He wanted to think that Daehyun doesn't need him to be happy, but it only hurted. He blamed himself for crying for no reason. The person he wanted to protect was happy. Youngjae was clung at the hope that Daehyun will turn back and hug him. It was to soon for Youngjae to totally erase the past Daehyun. But he knew that one day he will saying goodbye at the friend he will never meet again. 
He went outside for this cold night of Christmas. There was nobody in the streets. Just the snow was following him. Silent, white, it was carying his growing pain. Youngjae walked without goal, just for feeling the cold wind on his skin. And took the time to think. His steps brought him at the bridge above the river. It was just ice and snow, which couldn't mix. This place was so familiar, and so foreigner. Youngjae had to let their memories go. They were trapped in Youngjae's head. He wouldn't see them leave him. Even if they hurt him, they were a part of himself. Even if his heart bleed, they reminded him how close they were before. Reminded what they have lost. These memories only brought pain, but Youngjae needed them. Why they are so far away ? Why they are so cold ? Youngjae used to look for the answer. But now, he didn't want to. While looking at his tears became ice and falling over the river, he smiled. His tears will never wet his wings. Because his tears were not for make him come back. His tears were just memories. Memories who will keep him near. Anywhere he will be. Always. Even if Youngjae will be gone. He will never forget.
Youngjae stood up and whispered in his cold breath, facing the river :

- I miss you.

And, without turning back, with a light smile, he added :

- And Merry Christmas.

Eight months of dating. 

Spending his time outside made Youngjae sick. He was laying in his bed all the day. His head, his throat, his lungs hurted. The month of january was stormy and rainy. But for  make his days shorter, his family, his friends and BAP members made visit. They brought for him fan letters, supportives messages and little videos to make him smile. 
In this period between pain, sleep and sometimes smiles, he tried to remember. He musn't give up. Even if the pain got stronger, he had to survive. For them. So he tried to remember for doesn't sink. 
This night was hard. Pain was everywhere. He felt his lungs burn. His mind became black. During one second, he thought of give up. Leaving quietly. Because Daehyun didn't need him to smile. Only one second. Because while dying, he will only bring sadness. Youngjae wanted to live. But his breath became weaker. He wanted at least remember what make him Youngjae. BAP was his life. BAP made him the Youngjae he wanted to be. So he remembered. Zelo and his buble tea. Zelo with his sunglasses. 

My heart beat slower...

Himchan trying speaking english.

I doesn't feel my body. Just pain...

Zelo taking his skateboard.

I doesn't see anything...

Yongguk composing a new song.

My mind is empty...

Jongup silent dancing in front of the mirror.

I... can't... breath...

Daehyun with this smile he always wanted to froze and carry at the end of the world.

This smile. The reason of live his life. He wanted to see it again and again. He didn't want to leave this world without seeing it one more time. It wasn't fair... But everything he could do, the dark was taking him.
Youngjae took a last breath :

- I will always miss you.

...

- You should not.
Youngjae didn't feel the trembling hand putting an oxygen mask on his face. 

Nine months of dating.

Youngjae was recovered. He quickly recovered his skills, and be on stage again. His voice even became stronger, with more emotions. The world was thankful to save their little angel. Youngjae was even more thankful because he saw this precious smile one more time. It was all he wanted. BAP was in difficults times this year : dating scandals with Daehyun and Hyorae, Youngjae who were about to leave,... But they only get stronger. 
Daehyun invited Youngjae at their favorite restaurant for celebrate his recovery. 
Youngjae was preparing himself for hang out. He chose clothes which still fit him. He lost much weight and many of his pants were too large. He seemed swim in his shirts, and his cheeks were a bit hollow. He covered his bony body with a large oufit, white and vaporous. He coudn't wear skinny clothes, if he didn't want to look like a skeleton. He tried to hide also his collarbones and his thin hands. He tried to eat in front of the members, but when he was alone he didn't feel the need to eat. He was out of breath during shows, and the repetitions exhausted him quickly. He was slowly dissapearing.
Daehyun picked him up with his red car. They didn't chat to much on the path, but they both have smiles on their faces. They talk only about BAP, and the future comeback. 
When they arrived, Youngjae almost fall while getting out of the car. Daehyun gently laughed and helped him. They ate some noodles, shared a piece of meet, and finished by walnuts cakes. They chatted like friends. Daehyun talk a lot about his life with Hyorae. And Youngjae was listening, his head on his hands, and smiling. He liked hearing how he was happy now. They had a little house, not far from Youngjae's flat. They had a dog, who was named Jack. The fridge doesn't close fully but they repaired it. They wake up every morning by the sound of the birds. Youngjae closed his eyes. It was just ordinary things, but Youngjae could hear them all day long. The voice of Daehyun was so deep and sweet at the same time. It was the last sound he will hear. 

- Youngjae ? Do you listen to me or are you already sleepy ?

When he opened his eyes, Daehyun was very close to his face, and his eyes were malicious and bright. And his light smile was at a few centimeters from Youngjae's face. Daehyun broke the silence :

- You look like a baby. You seem so tired. I take you home. 

Youngjae nooded. He was always tired this last weeks. Daehyun drove him. Youngjae forced his eyes to stay open and put his head on the window, looking at the trafic lights. When they arrived, Daehyun hugged him and whispered :

- Please take care of you.

And his red car went far away.
Before opening his door, Youngjae looked a last time as the place Daehyun was two minutes ago. Two minutes ago, his heart was beating here. But now, this beautiful sound was filling another place. Youngjae thought of the words Daehyun said.
And answered for himself :

- I try. I've tried. But it's painful without you.

Ten months of dating.

Today was the day Daehyun will propose marriage to Hyorae. Daehyun wanted absolutely Youngjae to be here. And Youngjae even suggest to help him to prepare his proposal. 
Daehyun was excited and ran everywhere. He decided to invite Hyorae at the cinema. 
Daehyun was at the same time stressed and was smiling brightly. He wanted this moment to be perfect. Youngjae smiled. Seeing Daehyun running like a child warmed his heart. He had twinkle in his eyes and couldn't stay still. Youngjae was amused and he contemplated Daehyun's smile, which he missed so much. 
They were talking about the way to present the ring. Daehyun wanted to  kneel down and offer the ring in a box. But Youngjae proposed to hide it in a rose and let it fall in her hand.

- Wow I love this idea ! It's the way you would like to propose to your future wife ?

Daehyun winked archly and tapped his shoulder. Youngjae looked at his feet. 
Hyorae will arrived in one or two hours. Like a timer, Youngjae saw this hours like the last moments he could spent with Daehyun. He realized that he was organizing the farewell of his friend. Daehyun was taking a different way. Today was the happiest day for Daehyun. Youngjae had to be happy for him, but it was to hard. It was hard looking at him and thought that they will never spend time together as before. It was painful. Painful to be on his side. But he needed it. He needed to make him happy. Because his smile was the most precious thing in the world. The life of Daehyun was taking off, and the life of Youngjae was plunging into darkness. They were madly making their inevitable farewell.

Hyorae arrived and everything went as planned. Daehyun was the happiest in the world. He was throwing his happiness everywhere, to everyone. He put feverishly the ring on his hand. Youngjae was discreetly watching them, if something were missing or if Daehyun panicked. But everything was fine. Youngjae was about to leave them alone when he looked back a last time. They were kissing. Daehyun had a hand in her hair and on her waist. Hyorae was embracing his neck. 
Youngjae was struggling to breathe. It was too much. Daehyun was kissing her. Daehyun was in love with her. Daehyun didn't need him anymore. He was happy without him. Even if it was Youngjae wanted, it hurted. He wanted to keep Daehyun on his side. He wanted him to stay forever. But he knew that it was impossible. Daehyun was leaving. They will never spend time as before. They will never spend their night at the phone. They will never laugh together. They were on a different road. Which will never meet.  Which will recede. It was their fate. Himchan was wrong since the start. They will not spend their life together. It was just a dream. Youngjae's lost dream. 
Youngjae went home with tears rolling down his cheeks. During all these months he vainly clung at a tiny hope, this little tiny hope Daehyun will come back. Will come and hug him strongly. Will fill the sky with his twinkles in his eyes. But now he knew. Daehyun will never turn back. He will advance.
The night had already fallen. But Youngjae couldn't see the stars. They left with Daehyun. The world was dark without him. Youngjae was condemned by his heart. Condemned to live with the shadows. Condemned to never see the light. 
Before falling asleep, Youngjae tried to remember the smile he always wanted to keep in his mind forever. But he couldn't. The only image who came was the lips of Hyorae on Daehyun's, her hair hiding his face.

Eleven months of dating.

They went on honeymoon this morning. Daehyun quickly said goodbye before leaving, and Youngjae tried to keep his smile. He hugged him in the cold morning, the door still open. Daehyun took Youngjae's face in his hands :

- Don't be sad. I'll be there in less than one month. 
- I'm not sad. I will just miss you. 

Daehyun smiled and hugged him tightler :

- See you soon.
- Goodbye Daehyun. 

Daehyun turned back, and without looking behind, he joyful reached his red car. Once he was gone, Youngjae whispered in the cold wind :

- I will always miss you.

He really meant it. Because Daehyun was leaving. Was flying towards a better life. Was taking a different way. But not just for a month. Forever.
Youngjae went to his bedroom. For the thousand time, he closed the door and only heard his own breath. He was alone. He just realized that Daehyun was gone. He only had memories. Memories frozen in time. Memories who didn't know their farewell. Memories where they were together. Memories which will never coma back.
Youngjae sit on his bed, and looked at the morning shadows, between moon and sun. He closed his eyes and still see them. Their ghosts. The ghost of their lost frienship. Here they laugh. Here they tease. Here they confess their worries. Here they were together. They only reminded Youngjae what he had lost. They hurted him each time he thought of him. But he needed this. He needed to remember the future they had to have. This lost destiny. 
This night, the next nights, Youngjae couldn't sleep. He spent his days crying and laying in his bed. He didn't eat, he didn't answer to the phone. He withered like flowers in winter, when they miss the sun.
The fate been too cruel for Youngjae. He chained him at a person who flies freely. Daehyun was the only one he needed. His life was him, but he was just a part of his life. Youngjae was sealed in a indestructible cage : his own heart. He haved to love Daehyun. Or die.
Youngjae didn't leave his bed. He was slowly sinking. His heart was in own prison. The wolf was inside him. If he wanted to kill the wolf, he had to kill himself. Youngjae knew that there were no outcome. He was condemned to suffer until his heart stop to beat.
One day, all his tears were fallen. His eyes were dry and red. His head was hurting. His mind was empty. Just questions.

Why my heart is bleeding ? Why am I calling your name ? Why are you filling my thoughts ? Why don't you answer ? 

He didn't want the answers. Because it will be even more painful. And he already knew it. The reality pierced him like a dagger. He was alone since the start. Alone with these ghosts. 
Suddently, he stood up. He wanted to rejoin them. Only the ghost were with him. The only one who were here when he cried, when he felt sad, when he broke down. Today, he will let him go.
Daehyun. I forgive you. And please forgive me. I let you go. It's what I had to do since the start. Don't be sad. You deserve to be happy. Sorry...
He was about to cut his wrist. He felt the cold of the blade on his skin. Then he saw it. The stuffed toy. The stuffed baby rabbit.
He thrown the blade and ran towards the stuffed rabbit. He held it tightly. And he remembered. Those words he said to Daehyun. Those words he will never forget. Yes. Nothing changed. He have to protect him. Youngjae was the one who have to suffer. He smiled for the first time since weeks. It was better like this. People who think so lightly of their own lives do not have the right to protect anyone. Youngjae thought that he will never make Daehyun sad. He will protect him. Everywhere he could go. Everything he could do. He will always be with him. While looking at the full moon, he adress a thought for his friend. He wished Daehyun could hear it. 

Even if I'm sad, even if I cry, even if I want to leave this world, I'll be here for you. You don't deserve to see how bad the world is. I'll make you happy for ever. Because you're my life. I will make everything for you.

 I live because of you.

 One year of dating.

BAP dorm was quiet but the members were running everywhere. It was Youngjae's birthday, and they will make a surprise when he wake up. 
- Jongup, where the hell did you put the cake ?
- It's Himchan who had to bring it.
- What ? It was Yongguk !
- Keep calm ! It's here.
- Zelo come here and stop playing with the presents.
- I forgot the present !
- Jongup where is your head ?
- Oh I forgot that it was already with the others.
- Okay everything is here.
- Wait ! Daehyun isn't arrived yet ?
- He will come soon.
- He have to hurry.

Their discussion was stopped by the sound of a door opening. Youngjae, his hair in a mess and his eyes barely open, walked in the room.
He was welcome by the members jumping over him. Youngjae brightly smiled. It was good recieved a bit of warm. He didn't know what to say, and the members . 
- Yongjie is about to cry.
- Oooooh let me see ! Let me see !
- You never see someone cry ?
- I never see Youngjae cry.

Youngjae hide his tears and looked for the one he more wanted to see. But he wasn't here. Daehyun wasn't here. Himchan saw his vexed face :
- Don't worry ! He will come soon. He's just a bit late.
Youngjae nooded. It was not the moment to show his sorrow. He blew the candles of his cake. The members were screaming :
- Make a wish ! Make a wish !
Youngjae closed his eyes.

Please, Daehyun, don't forget. 
No, it's too selfish.
Please, Daehyun, be happy.

He opened the presents. Bubble tea, books, clothes, cards,... But no one of these presents could fill his heart. His heart just needed a person, but he wasn't here. Even he he tried to enjoy his birthday, the shadow in his heart didn't stop to grow. 
The music changed. It was Thunder. 
Yongguk started to sing with the music :

When I turn the lights on in my room

Will someone hug the lonely me?

The ramen that I cook so badly

Who will eat it with me now?

You were the type who hugged me and said I wasn’t a quiet and cold person

When my hands were so cold that you didn’t let go all night

I miss it, I feel so frustrated today

Zelo continued :

In the end, I tell you to take care and forcefully hide my heavy heart, you don’t know (you really don’t know)
It’s not that easy to empty you out
In the end, I ask to hug you so I hugged you and forcefully moved my heavy feet, this isn’t right (really isn’t right)
It’s not that easy to empty you out

The next part, it was just the sound of the stereo. Youngjae closed his eyes, and tried to remember the sweet Daehyun voice he haven't heard since almost one month : 

Saying that I’ll forget you is so easy
I hate myself for trying to forget you

And BAP, together, sang with one and unique voice :

I feel like a fool even during the moment of separating
I say things I don’t even mean with a smile 

I’m OK, I’m not OK, I’m not not not OK
You’re still so deep inside my heart lady
I’m smiling but I’m not OK, I’m not not not OK

Your familiar scent still lingers in me

As the song continued, Youngjae slowly stopped to sing. He was lost in the lyrics. Yes, he knew now. Daehyun was gone. He accept it. Daehyun was happy. It was all he wanted. Daehyun wasn't here. It doesn't matter. Daehyun was Daehyun. And the world was shining in this warm night. Youngjae smiled. Just today, he will be happy. Because Daehyun will come just for him. He will hug him. He will show his beautiful smile. Will sound his magic voice. Will make his eyes sparkling. He will make the world as perfect as he could be. Because he will not forget. Because he promised. 

The song continued.

Trying to be strong only makes my heart hurt
Words you said to me
If you’re happy, I’ll never see you again
Words that I regret the most right now

In the end, I tell you to take care and forcefully hide my heavy heart, you don’t know (you really don’t know)
Your scent is thickly in me, nights without you hurts so much
In the end, I tell you I love you and forcefully swallow my heavy tears, this isn’t right (really isn’t right)
I pretend nothing is wrong, who will know my heart?

A strong sound stopped the song. Stopped Youngjae's heart. Stopped his hopes. Effaced the fragile smile on his face. Erased the bit of warm in his heart. Erased the lonely star in his eyes.

The clock rang. Midnight.
Daehyun didn't come.

You promised that you will never forget me. You promised Daehyun  You promised.