sooyoung didn’t realize it at first. 

it was slow and grew in rhythmic motions behind her pulsating heart. every now and again it’d flinch or squirm, and every time it would hurt her just a bit - but never, never did it come barging in. 

“sooyoung!” 

“huh?” the taller of the two whipped her head around, eyes sharp and tight-lipped.

“were you evening listening?” juhyun questioned, eyes narrowing, “i was just talking about how my--”

“girl’s you’re up!” the stage manager yelled out in their direction, throwing his hands up in the air in a fury of movements after seeing no response.

juhyun gave a sullen look towards the short man, not because she had to go up on stage, but because she had to cut their conversation short. with an exasperated sigh, she hurried her legs, not caring to notice sooyoung’s glossy eyes and parted lips at her retreating figure. 

/ 

“you’re a lot quieter than usual...” seulgi prodded carefully as she got into the van.

“i’m just tired.” sooyoung lied.

seulgi, for one, was tired. she opened to protest but had not enough strength to go through with the action; she gave the taller girl a lethargic nod and fell back into the chair.

sooyoung glanced back at juhyun’s sleeping figure, with wide opened, limbs sprawled all over the backseat, hair disheveled, lips pink and bare, it was a sight to see but sooyoung couldn’t stare too long. 

she pulled her eyes away, trying to control the erratic beating of her heart.

/ 

his name was taehwan. he had a nice toothy grin and smelled like everything sooyoung loved but even then, sooyoung did not love him. 

they dated because sooyoung had not the slightest idea of what to do about the ever growing frenzy inside her heart. it kicked and it punched. it was a tsunami and sooyoung had already drowned. 

he kissed her on their third date, near her lips, but not on them, that’d be “undignified, i’d never do that. i’m a gentlemen!”. after the date she exfoliated twice.

on their fifth date, he cooked her a small meal, nothing special, but it made her smile. he touched her where it was appropriate and said all the right things. their laughter would echo recklessly throughout his apartment the whole night. 

/

sooyoung did not know but juhyun would wait up for her every night she was not home. 

she’d curl up on the sofa and count down the time until she heard the lock come undone then head back into her room without a word.

she did not know why she did it.

all she knew was that it felt right.

/ 

taehwan looked at her, soft eyes and small smile on his face as he leaned in, his thin lips a mere distance from her one’s. sooyoung stared up at him wide-eyed and unable to move. 

he tilted his head and dove right into her soft lips.

she closed her eyes, wishing that it was juhyun she was kissing instead.

/

some nights sooyoung would stay up late and spend the whole night tossing and turning. this was one of those nights.

out of the darkness, a small figure emerge, her feet moved in small steps and voice a low whisper, “what’s wrong?” 

but juhyun didn’t have to ask that, because sooyoung never had an answer for her, but she always asked anyways.

“how long have you been awake?” juhyun inquired as she got into bed with the other.

“a couple hours” 

juhyun said nothing further, knowing the only thing sooyoung wanted was her undivided silence. 

-

“you know my.. my.. boyfriend right?” sooyoung found it hard to say the world aloud, especially to the girl besides her.

juhyun did not answer right away, she laid motionless on the bed for a while.

“..yes” 

“what do you think of him?” 

“you know how. i think he’s a nice kid.”

“i know but.. what do you really think of him?” 

juhyun’s eyes flickered over to sooyoung with her eyebrows furrowed, “what?”

sooyoung didn’t need light to be able to identify juhyun’s reaction.

“what’s your honest opinion of him?” 

“i like him. he makes you happy.” 

sooyoung glanced over at juhyun, it was pitch dark and she could not make her out in the slightest, so she inched closer to the girl, hugging the girl’s arm, you make me happy, sooyoung thinks as she drifts off into sleep.