[PART TWO] HYUNSEONG

It’s been a month since the last time I saw you for the first time in so long. I was shocked to see you standing in front of me. I won’t deny that I felt betrayed when you left me all of a sudden. You didn’t even say goodbye. You just went ahead and disappeared from my life for 2 whole years and a few months.

I’ve already found a new love, but at that moment, I was overjoyed to see you. A surge of emotion and feelings overwhelmed me. Even though I told you that you’ve change, to me you haven’t changed at all. You remained the same as you were in my memories. Those eyes, your plump kissable lips. They were all the same as ever.

When you kissed me that day, I couldn’t express how much joy I felt. If I wasn’t caught off guard I would’ve probably held you longer. If I wasn’t frozen in place, for sure I would’ve run after you and chased you. But before I knew it, you were gone from my sight.

I completely forgot about my date that day. And I forgot the fact that I was in a relationship with someone because of you. All because of you. Because I couldn’t completely let go of you.

A knock on my door brought me back down from outer space. I quickly made my way towards the door. When I opened it, a lady who I didn’t know appeared. She bowed her head and greeted me politely.

“Annyeonghaseyo. Hyunseong-ssi?” she asked me, unsure of herself.

“Yes I’m Hyunseong.  And you are?”

“Excuse my manners. I’m  Lee Jeongmin’s sister.”

My eyes widened when she introduced herself. At the mention of your name I felt excitement rush through me once again. I realized that I really haven’t completely gotten over you. You were still in my mind.

“Are you busy? Would you mind if I come in?”

Without any delay I motioned for her to come in and to sit down on the sofa in the living room. I offered her some tea and a little bit of snack to go along with the tea. I don’t know why but it felt like I had to make myself appear very welcoming and kind. It was as if I was meeting my sister in law or something.

If you didn’t leave that day, then maybe she would’ve been my sister in law for real. But I guess fate wasn’t really on our side and the two of us just drifted apart. It would have been really nice is the two of us ended together Jeongmin, because I really loved you back then. Even now, my heart is still calling out for even though I have someone else already. I was torn in between.

“May I ask what you came here for?”

She ruffled through her bag looking for something. Once she found what seemed like a letter to me, tears began to trickle down her pale white face. She hesitantly handed me the letter before wiping her tears away.

“I think this was meant for you.” She told me. “I was unsure whether to give it to you or not, but I believe you deserve to know. When I looked over Jeongmin’s closet, there were piles, no, that’s an understatement, there were boxes full of written letters addressed to you, but he never sent them. I believe his feelings and emotions were written in them. This is the latest on that he wrote. If you don’t mind, I’d like you to at least read this one.”

“I don’t know… I… I…”

“Please. You don’t have to read it. I just want you to keep it.”

We talked for a while before she excused herself. I escorted her outside and we bid our farewell. Once I got back inside, I was contemplating whether I should read the letter or not. I picked the envelope up and made my way towards my room. I placed the letter on my drawer and forgot about it for quite a while.

I almost forgot about your letter. It’s been two weeks since I got it from your sister. If I wasn’t planning on rearranging and cleaning my room, I would’ve totally forgotten about it. I didn’t know if I was suppose to open it since you never sent it to me personally, but I had a feeling I just had to see the content inside.

Slowly I opened the envelope neatly. When I finally got it opened, I emptied the contents out on the table. Along with the letter was a picture of us together. I was embracing you from the back and you felt embarrassed about it that you cover your flushed face. You looked really cute in that picture.

Then a ring fell out from the envelope. I remember this ring pretty well. It was the first gift I gave to you as a couple on your birthday. The look you had when you opened that present was so priceless. You were on the verge of tears, tear of happiness. That was also the first time we made love. I could clearly remember the way you moaned my name endlessly, how you begged for me, how you wouldn’t let go of my hand. It was all memorable to me.

Before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face. It made me realize just how much I still love you, just how much I want to hold you in my arms. I needed you in my life. No one could fill in that void that you left in my heart. It had to be you staying by my side. My heart ached for you. I want to have you in my embrace once again.

I unfolded your letter to me with trembling hands. Then I proceeded to reading your letter.

To my one and only love, Hyunseong:

I don’t know how many times I’ve written a letter addressed to you, but I just couldn’t seem to find the courage to send them to you. I didn’t want you to worry about me. I wanted you to live your life without worries of my situation.

I’m sorry that I left all alone that day. It was really hard for me to let go of you the first time and the second time I had to let you go was even harder. It hurt so much to see you with someone else. But I know if you stayed with me any longer, it would be harder to let go. I thought that by leaving you, the pain would lessen, but I was wrong. Not only did I hurt you, but I inflicted more pain on myself.

I wanted to tell you the truth since the beginning but I was really scared. Scared that you would leave me. But most of all I was frightened that you would stay by my side and witness all the pain I was going through. Now I regret that. You see, the past 2 years that I have been away was all because of my sickness.

I was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. I couldn’t believe it at first, but I had to accept the fact sooner or later. The reason I came back was because I wanted to see you one last time before my time was up. I was told that I only had little time left. The doctors did the best that they could, but I guess I was simply running out of time.

Sorry that I didn’t have the courage to tell you. I just wanted you to be able to move on. When I saw that you found yourself a significant other, it hurt but I was happy for you. At least you would have someone to share your life with even if it’s not me.

Thank you for giving meaning in my life. I was only able to live this long because of you. Thank you for those precious moments that we spent together. For all those things that you gave to me. For giving me something more than I deserve. For that promise that you told me.

I guess all I’m really trying to say is that I want you to be happy. I want you to live a life of happiness and full of love.

I love you. And will still keep loving you until the day I die.

Sorry and Thank You.

With lots of love,

Lee Jeongmin.

Once I finished reading your letter, I cried and cried.  I remembered what I promised you that day. I wasn’t able to keep that promise at all. I couldn’t go after you. I was afraid to find you. I was a coward back then. I regret not keeping that promise. If I kept my words back then… would everything be different?

I miss you. I really really want to see you. Please forgive me for breaking our promise. I really love you with all my heart. I’m sorry.