It’s early at night. You stand in front of my room door. You can just open it, I don't mind. But still you wait for me to open it for you instead. I swing the door and see you there. You are crying. I ask you what happened. You said he is a jerk. I ask you to come in. I sit you on my bed. You said he was with another girl. You said he cheat on you. You keep crying, it’s like you just lost something that really important for you. You keep sobbing. Your first heart broken. I hate to see you like that. I hug you. I said you deserve better. I said it was his loss. I said he is so stupid. I said you will find someone who is right for you. I am way better than that guy. Why can't you see that?

...

You run in front of me. We are late for our third class because you talked too much in our recess time. We keep running to the stairs to our class in the second floor. It’s in the half of the stairs, you suddenly lost your balance and fall. I run after you right away. I catch you. I land on the floor with you on top of me. You are shocked and said you are sorry. I smile a little and ask are you okay. You said yes while I feel the pain in my left hand. I think it’s broken. It hurts badly. I said I think I have to go to hospital. You asked why. You asked am I okay. I said my hand is hurt. I sit in that school car with you crying beside me. One of our teacher sit in the passenger seat while the school driver drive us to the hospital. You keep crying and said you are sorry. I said it's okay, it’s a lie, it isn't okay, it hurt so bad, I think it’s broken. I keep trying to be calm as I close my eyes to hold the pain. I step out of that room with my left hand in gypsum hang in front of my chest. Doctor said I have to wait for a month and I have to meet him once a week to do regular check up. He said I am not allowed to move my left hand. Well, I can't move it anyway. You run to me and keep saying sorry. I said it's okay. I said I am okay now. I said don't worry. You asked why did I do that. You said I should not have done that. I asked you what do you want me to do. I asked you if you want me to just stay there and let you fall. You keep silent. I will try my best to protect you with all of my life. Why can't you see that?

...

It’s our graduation day. You run to me after received your graduation. You hug me. I said congrats. You said congrats, genius, our valedictorian. You smile widely. You look so happy. I am happy too. You said thank you. You said thank you so much for always be there for you. You said you love me. I said I love you too. You said I am your one and only best friend. I will always be there for you. Why can't you see that?

...

It's Friday night. You sit beside me in my TV room couch. We are doing movie marathon. It's in the half of second movie, you asked me why don't I have a lover. I am shocked a little bit. I said I don't know. You asked if I want you to introduce me to someone. I said no, thank you, I am okay. I just want you. Why can you see that?

...

It's 9 at night. You sit behind your desk, busy with your work. You should have been at home hours ago. But, you have more works to do. It’s not the first time, it happened several times before. I stand in your doorstep. You look up to me and smile widely. You asked me to come in. You said thank you so much for coming. You said it was scary to be in this big building alone. I give you foods that I bought in my way to this work place of yours. Your eyes are sparkling. You keep smiling. You said I know you so well. You said you are very hungry. You asked why am I so nice to you. You really asked me that. Can't you just figure it out? I am so nice to you. Why can't you see that?

...

It’s the day I release my first novel. You run to me and hug me. I said thank you for coming. You said congratulations for my first book. You said you are happy that you are my friend. Days after, my book became one of world best-selling books. You said I am amazing. You said you proud of me. You said you know I will do good. You are my motivation. Why can't you see that?

...

It was 8 in the morning. You call me. You whine while babbling your problem out on me. I am listening as I chew my breakfast. You said you supposed to go to a business meeting to the other city. You supposed to use your car but it’s not working. You guessed there is something wrong with your car. You keep whining as you said you will be very late if you take public transportation and you don't want it happen. You ask me what do you have to do. You sit on the passenger seat of my car while I drive us to another side of this country for your business meeting. You were so happy when I offered to take you there with my car. You said I don't need to drive you there. I insist. I said I am free. You said how you hope to be an author like me so you can have some free time and work leisurely. You are wrong. It's not that easy to be an author. You said I can just lend you my car. I said it's dangerous for you to go alone. You said thank you so much as you smile widely. You can count on me. Why can't you see that?

...

It's 11 at night. You stand in front of my door. You know the pass code but still you wait for me to open it for you instead. I swing the door leaves and see your puffy red eyes, tears all over your face. You cried. It hurts me to see you cry. Why can’t you see that?

I ask you to come in. I lead you to sit in the couch. Our couch. The place we were usually cuddling, you were cuddling on me every time we do movie marathon and I end up waking up with you sleeping in my arm in the next morning. The place where we sit and talk, just both of us. You want to talk in some nice cafe but you know I always prefer to be home. You talked about your day, about everything to nothing while I keep paying close attention, listen to your every word. You turned away sometimes and then looked back to me, when our eyes meet you know I am paying attention, I saw you smile a little, maybe you were grateful that I was listening. My eyes never leave yours when you say every single word. Why can’t you see that?

I slid closer to you and warp my arm around your waist. I caress your back as I ask what happened? There you again, said the things that I've ever heard from you before. You said your heart is broken. It's broken by this stupid guy who doesn't know what he just miss. Stupid guy who doesn't know how lucky he is to have an opportunity to be with you. Those guys are so bad to you while I treat you so well.  Why can't you see that?

I keep trying to calm you down as you keep sobbing, pour your tears out. You said it hurt so bad. You said you feel pain in your heart as you keep gripping your chest. You said you like him but he just see you as a prey. You said he just want you in his bed while you want love. I love you so damn much. Why can't you see that?

I keep caressing your back and say you deserve better. I said you are to precious to be treat that way. I said it's okay, you will be fine. I am here. Why can't you see that?

I keep you in my arm as your sobs subsided. We stay still in our hug until I realize you fell asleep. I lift you and put you on my bed. I take off your cardigan, I put the blanket over you and make you comfortable. I watch you sleep as I feel my own pain. I care about you so much. Why can't you see that?

It's 8 in the morning. The last time I checked, you still deep in your sleep. I don't know broken heart person can sleep well but I guess you are fine now. Right after I finished making breakfast for both of us, you step out of my room. I said good morning and you smile a little. I asked do you feel better and you said thanks to me. I can heal you, I am your cure. Why can't you see that?

...

It's 10 at night, days after, you are perfectly fine. It's like that night never happened. It's like you never broken heart. Just like before, you will pass your broken heart phase. You call me. You said you met this cute guy at your work place. You end up talking to me about this guy all night, just like everytime you like someone. You work all day, me too, I suppose to be tired but I keep accompanying you, hear about all stuff you like about those new guy. And you too, you should be tired but seems like people in love doesn't feel tired. I'm never tired on you. Why can't you see that?

...

It's Sunday. You sit in front of me, across this table in an ice cream shop. You asked me to go to shopping like we usually do. I said okay. You said you are tired after those shopping thingy and asked me to buy some ice cream. You talk and I, like always, keep listening. You suddenly ask me, again, why don't I have a lover. I said, again, I don't know. You asked if I want you to introduce me to someone. I said no need to. My heart belongs to you. Why can you see that?

...

It's weekend. You have a dinner with him in a nice restaurant. You invited me to come. You said you want to introduce him to me. He introduce himself as your boyfriend. I sit awkwardly there as I try to finish my food as soon as possible. It chocke me to be there, watching you cling on him. I am in great pain. Why can you see that?

It's late. He drive us to my apartment. You said you want to stay overnight. I lay in my bed with you beside me. Being yourself, talkative person, you 're blabbering about how nice he is. You asked me if I find him nice. I said he is nice, because he is and you smile widely. You ask me if you look good with him. I bite my lip I want to scream my heart out but I end up saying what you want to hear. I can be good for you. Why can you see that?

...

It's 8 at night. You asked me to go to your friend birthday party with you. I said yes. There are so many friends of you there. You introduce them to me. You have so many friend because you are very sociable while me, the opposite, a sosial awkward. I only have you. Why can't you see that?

...

It was 11 at night. You stood in front of my door. You know the pass code but still you wait for me to open it for you instead. I swing the door leaves and see you there, jumping of your excitement. You keep jumping with a wide smile all over your face. I am happy to see you happy. Why cant' you see that?

I asked you to come in. You keep jumping on your way to the couch. You said he just proposed you. It cracks me. You said yes. It crumbles me. I am freezing for a moment. I hope the world where I stand will fall and swallow me right at that moment. I can't. I thought I can't endure the pain that I felt in my heart. But, you are smiling. You keep talking excitedly telling me about how romantic he was. I gulp the lumps in my throat. I said congratulations and I end up lying as I tell you I am happy for you. I am happy because you are happy but it destroyed me to know that you are happy with someone else but me. I am destroyed. Why can't you see that?

...

It's 7 at night. You're lying while I am sitting in the edge of your bed as I dip this small white towel in to the bowl of hot water. You catch a cold and you called me. Here I am taking a very good care of you. I wonder why didn't you call him instead of me. You suddenly ask me, again, why don't I have a lover. I said, again, I don't know. You asked if there was someone that I like. I said yes, I have someone that I love. You asked why I don't make that person to be my lover. I said because that person doesn't see me that way. I can't see anyone else, I have fallen too deep for you. Why can't you see that?

...

It's the day, I am here watching you tie your vow. You are married now. You walk to me before you leave. You said thank you. You said thank you so much for always be there for you. You said I am so important for you. You said you want us to keep being together forever. You said no one can replace me. You said you love me. I said I love you too. You said I am your one and only best friend. You have tears in your eyes, me too. I know your tears is for your happiness, mine, the opposite, my tears is for my misery. I said congratulations and I end up lying as I tell you I am happy for you. I am happy because you are happy but it destroyed me to know that you are happy with someone else but me. Then, you turn around and walk to him. I am watching your back as you walk away from me, from my life. So, this is how it feel to let go of someone who isn't even mine to begin with. So, this is how it feels to pretend to be happy over my failure to be with you. So, this is how it feel to be apart when we never even together. I watch your back keep moving away as you walk to your new life, your new story with someone else who isn't me. I am miserable. Why can't you see that?

...

It's 3 at noon. You sit beside me in a bench in the park near your house. There are some other family playing with their kids not far from us. You sit beside me as we watch a kid playing happily with the other; a kid, your son. You talk a lot like always, you talk about your life and how naughty your 4 years old kid is. And I, like always, keep listening. You suddenly ask me again. You ask me about those person that I love. You ask me why don't I confess. I said I don't want to ruin the relationship that I have with that person. I said I don't want to make that person scared and avoid me. I said it's better to be friend than a stranger. I don't want to lose you. Why can't you see that?

...

It's the premier of another movie that I wrote. You are there. I said thank you for coming. You said congratulations. You said I am awesome. You said you proud of me. You said you envy my creative mind. You are my inspiration. Why can't you see that?

...

It's lunch time. You called me in between your work. You whine and complain to me. You told me you are so busy until you can't even go for lunch. You said you are gonna die soon. You sit on the couch across of me in your office room. You keep talking while you chew your lunch that I bought for you. You said thank you for coming. You smile widely. You said thank you so much for the lunch. I am right here, when will you realize? I will do anything for you. Why can't you see that? 

...

It's Saturday. You are sitting across me as you scoop a spoon of ice cream into your mouth. We are in your son 10^th birthday party. You said thanks for coming. You said you are getting bored. You suddenly ask me again. You said I have been single for too long and asked if I aware of that. I said I know. You asked me how long have I liked that person. I said It has been so long. You asked me if that person is the reason why I never have a lover along this time. I nodded. You asked me who is that person. I just smile and you do not pry further. That person is you. Why can't you see that?

...

It’s 3 in the morning. My phone rings. Your husband call me. He said you admitted to the hospital. I stand there, staring blankly at the emergency room. Doctor comes out. I run to him along with your husband. He asked the doctor what's with you. I asked him if you are okay. The doctor said it was brain aneurysms. He can't save you. It causes your sudden death. I am freezing there. It feel like everything is spinning. My mind went blank. I can't felt my surrounding. My knee feel weak. I can't hold it. I fell on my knee. There are great pain in my heart. It's so painful. I grip my chest hardly. Those pain still there. I smack my chest. Those pain won't go away. I cry. I cry. I cry. I can't lose you. Why can't you see that?

...

Days after, I sit there like a corpse, staring blankly in front of your grave like I usually do. I lost the light of my eyes. I lost my everything. I want to scream but nothing came out. I need you. Why can't you see that?

I sit in my room, staring blankly at nothing. My tears fall out of my control. I start sobbing. I start sobbing. I keep crying for the nth time since I receive that dreadful news. I want to scream but nothing came out. Why? Why do you have to go like this? Why do you have to leave me? Why do you have to go this fast? I let you walk away from my love life with that man. It's so hard. I still love you even until this moment. I keep telling myself that it's okay as long as I can see you. I keep telling myself that it's okay as long as we still be best friend. But now, you leave me. You really leave me. I can't see you anymore. I can't see your beautiful smile anymore. I can't breathe your soft scent anymore. I can't be with you anymore. I lost my source of happiness. You are the source of my happiness. Why can't you see that?

I walk unsteadily to my closet and open it. I look up and see a blue box. It's not that big and not too small either. It's a gift that you gave me on my birthday, my last birthday before you become a married woman. I open that box. A necklace is lying there. I never wear that necklace. You once asked me why. I said it's so precious. I said I am afraid it will broke or lost. I said I just want to keep it save. You giggled to hear that. You said I am weird. I appreciate you so much. Why can't you see that?

I stare at that necklace with a blank mind. I keep staring at it absentmindedly. My eyes catch something. There is something at the edge of the box, something like a very small ribbon with the same colour as the box. I pull it, another layer of the box opened. There is a pink envelope. I take it. I can smell your scent come from that envelope. I open it, there is a letter. A handwritten letter.

Dear you,

Happy birthday! You are 26 years old now *gross* hahaha... but wait, we are at the same age *cry* hahaha. It's okay, time flies, life goes on.

Actually I want to confess to you through this letter. I should not have done this, that's why I have to put this letter in a hidden space of your gift. If you read this, it mean that you found the hidden space.

I fall for you. Since the first time we met, when I approached you who sit alone in your chair in the first day of our Junior school. I just don't know what got into me, I had a gut to approach you, so I did. And that moment you looked up to me when I greet you, that moment when I see your black eyes, I was drowning without even know why.

I keep falling deeper into you. You are so nice, too nice to me, you are loving and caring, you are mature and understanding, and you are willing to bear this childish and the talkative me. I don't know why, but I like how you are calm and quite, you make me calm too. It makes calm when I am with you. It makes me feel like everything is gonna be okay when you are by my side. You are so comfortable to be around. You make me be me.

I want to know how you feel about me. But, I don't know how. I tried to have boyfriend to see how you'll react. But, you congratulated me and said you are happy for me. I keep trying and it still the same. You are so quite and bad at expressing your feeling. From the way you react about this boyfriend thingy, you clearly have no feeling for me. But, I refuse to believe it.

You were there every time I got my broken heart, fake broken heart. Maybe that time I really like one of them but I love you, only you. So, it's not a big deal if they cheat on me or else, I will pass it easily because you are there by my side. When you caressed my back and said I deserve better, I want to say that I want you. When you keep calming me down and said I will find the right person, I want to say that person is you.

But, I don't want to ruin our friendship. I am afraid if I tell you my feeling, you will be awkward with me and I don't want it to happen. I don't want to lose you.

You will never know how happy I am when you said 'I love you too' everytime I said 'I love you'. But then, it makes me sad that my 'I love you' and your 'I love you' are different.

I was so shocked when you said you have someone that you like, you even said you love that person. It broke my heart, a true broken heart not the fake one. I really want to know that luckiest person on earth who is loved by you but I don't want to pry further because I know you will tell me if you want. You never know how I hope that person is me.

I have a fiance now, I will get married soon. We are getting older. You know I have a dream about a happy family. Only you don't know that my happy family dream is with you.

I fall too deep in you. You are all that I want, why can’t you see that?

Now that you have read this letter, you decide your next move. If you feel the same toward me, please, let me know., please, tell me no matter what. Because you are my happiness and I will leave everything to be with you. But, if you don't have the same feeling for me, please, don't leave me. I am begging you. Please, don't avoid me. Please, keep being my one and only best friend. And pretend that you never read this letter.

I love you, Taeyeon!

Your best friend who will always love you.

I should not made you wait for my love confession.

I should have understand you and your heart which love me sincerely.

If only I tell you the truth about my feeling for you all this time.

If only I can turn back in time when you are here beside me.

If only... If only... If only...

I want to scream out,

"TIFFANY, I LOVE YOU!",

it finally comes out.

Now, it feels like the world stop spinning. I grip my chest. The pain is too much for me to endure. I start to see everything in black. I close my eyes as I cry soundlessly.

***

______________________________________________________________________

'Why can you see that?' Because you never ask them to see. Yeah, there are that kind of people, they are insensitive. They can't get your hint. So, tell them, tell them that you love them before it's too late. Because, if it's too late, no matter how loud you scream, they will never be able to hear you. Don't you agree? 

So... hey, you! 

Yes... you!

I love you!