It was a week ago that I broke up with hyukjae, I’ve seen him during classes but as I told him we acted like stranger, I was happy now, I gained back my friends, they were happy to see me smile again, to have their friend again, but Heechul was always my priorities, we were always together when I wasn’t at school he was always with me at night since he  was my neighbor, he was older than me, all my friend don’t  know about Heechul, I don’t know why but I didn’t have a chance to tell  them about him, because I always think that he don’t like to have younger friends other than me so I let it go I just hang out with him when I get back home ,even when I was with hyukjae, they have  never  met, chillie refused to see him so I didn’t force him to, he was like my secret friend and to tell the truth I ‘m happy that I was his only dongsae that way he won’t have another one to hang out with since he has this soft spot for the younger, or maybe it was just me.

I was now sitting in the yard, I was little bit sad since last night I couldn’t see Heechul he went to his hometown, and I felt so lonely even with the bench of I have Heechul was my only true friend so I preferred to stay alone now since I know I will snap at any one since I not in the mood, I know I ‘m depending on Heechul so much but it was out of my control. I sit down under a tree and closed my eyes hoping that it will calm down.

I was deep in thought until I heard a voice that I was so longing to hear:

“You still beautiful like always”

My eyes now ware wide open and there he is he standing near me and looking down at me with a look I’ve never sow it before. I t was confusing I couldn’t read it; I tried to find something to say just to get rude of this awkward silence so I said:

“That’s the first time you compliment me, did you hit your head or something?”

“I went to her to ask her out, when I was ready to confess I was looking at her but I only sow you”

He said ignoring my question, I just waited for him to finish I just wanted to know how it’s going with, I just wanted to make sure that he is happy now so I can go on in my life. But I didn’t know what he means that he only seen me, I decided just to listen until the end.

“I sow you when you confessed to me and how cute you were with that flushed face of yours, I sow the sparkling eyes when I accepted it, I sow your babbling self when you talk about you day, when you tell me what happen to your cute dong when you didn’t give him the ball, I sow you telling me that you love me every chance you get to, I sow also the hurt when I say that I don’t, I saw your disappointed eyes when you talked and I was lucking of reaction, I sow the hurt in your eyes when I get touched by other, I sow the want  to stay beside me as long as I don’t push you back.

But above all this I saw myself waiting for you to get mad that others touched me ,I saw myself listening to you and your funny stories and telling myself how cuter you could be, I saw myself wanting to change that ” I don’t love you “ but my stupidities always prevent me to, I saw myself looking at that girl which was just waiting for me to say something that’s is not for her but for the one I truly love, I saw myself looking at her only because she was like donghae who  was once cheerful and full of energy and happiness that no one can’t stay sad just by looking at his angelic smile and that smile was gone because of me .

I saw the hyukjae that loves donghae so much, But I didn’t see donghae how will forgive hyukjae for his stupidity and accept him back, I didn’t see donghae who will give hyukjae another chance to prove to him that he will love him until death of him .

Will I saw it one day donghae?”

I was now crying trying to hold my sobs with my hand, it was too much to handle, am I dreaming or he was doing prank on me, but looking at his glassy eyes and the tears in his cheeks wouldn’t lie, because I’ve been in love with hyukjae for so long and I didn’t saw him crying even once.

He extended his hand for me and asked again:

“Will I donghae?”

I didn’t knew what to do, will I be able to risk to lose myself again, should I believe on him again ,I was struggling with myself until I heard my phone ringing ,it was a message and it was from chillie,I read it

“He loves you,

Go for it, find your happiness hae, and don’t think so much.

Don’t tier your little brain fishie”

I didn’t know how in the hell he knew about this but the only thing that I found myself doing is to take hyukjae hand and in a second I was up and he was hugging the day light out off me. Will it won’t hurt to try since he said he loves me that was the thing that may gives me the securities.

We skipped class and went for a walk in a park it was silent until I decided to break it by asking:

“Did you knew Heechul?” he chuckeled and then nodded.

“how ? why?”

“I prefer you ask him you won’t believe me and you can misunderstand the whole situation so let him tell you, he is waiting for you any way”

“Waiting? Wasn’t he at his home town?”

“No, he is there; I’ll wait for you here ok.” He said and kissed my lip gently, I looked where hyukjae pointed and I found Heechul sitting with his back on a tree.

“Heechul?  What are you doing here? What’s going on?” I asked after hugging him.

“will you listen until the end?”

“yes” I was scared ,and I was dying to know what is it.

“I told you before that I work as a waiter, didn’t I?”

“yes”

“Don’t be mad ok? Actually that restaurant wouldn’t accept male waiter, and I was so desperate to have a work, so I pretended to be a woman and the owner accepted me since you know people always mistake me as a girl, so I’m a waitress at that sea food restaurant that you used to go with your boyfriend.”

I gasped at that and I was so shocked that my friend was pretending to be a woman, ohh don’t tell me he was …

“Don’t you dare to think about it? I didn’t know that it was me the girl that made your boyfriend waver and if you try to remember I was trying my best to not let you see my face when you came and I wasn’t trying to flirt with him ,I just couldn’t look at and I focused on hyukjae so you can’t recognize me. I didn’t mean to be the one to break you tow apart.”

So hyukjae get back to me only because of…

“And again don’t think that he come back to just when he discovered that his crush is not what he was waiting for” I don’t know how can he know what I was thinking?

“Then how?”

“ yesterday after work ,I was going to change but my boss told me that there is a costumer that wanted to see me urgently and that he wouldn’t go unless he sees me and since I need to change back to be a male than I need to see him like this so I let him in. When I saw him I was scared I knew that it was me that girl how you talked about, you never told me the name of the restaurant and I never thought that out off all the waiter it was me how took your man away, I was really scared that moment, but thinks god he just stood in front of me for so long but didn’t utter any words, to tell you the truth he looked crazy he was first little bit embarrassed but he kept looking at me and then out of blue he cried and then he said :”I love him, I ing love him an d I was so stupid to think otherwise.”

I knew than that he meant you, so I just said “yes you are, he is an angel and it took you so much time to figure it out. So we talked he told me that he saw the old you in me that’s why he thought that he loves me. By the way he knew that I’m a man only an hour ago since I met him before he went to you he was so scared to go and confess, so I just told him to be brave and fight for you even if you reject him he should try again, but and didn’t know that you’ll accept him this fast.”

“It was your message”

“wow I didn’t knew that I have this affect on you.” He said playfully I punched him lightly in his arm and laughed at his comment.

After a moment I could see the sadness in his eyes I was trying to find something to say but when he looked at me in the eyes, It was like electricity was all over my body and I stared back at him not and there’s one question in my mind, and like always he knew what I what to ask so he said:

“I’ll be fine, actually there is someone tried to ask me out, his name is siwon, he is a nice guy, and I can tell that he can make me happy, I asked him to be friend for now and see what will happen and he understood.”

I don’t know if what I heard made me happy or sad, there is something that makes it hard to breath, but I shrugged it off and hugged my friend just to let him know that I’ll be there for him whatever it is.”

With that we parted away, I went to hyukjae who was waiting for me and he went to the opposite side, why I feel like I’m leaving a very important things behind? Why I feel like there is something very important that was taken away from me?  was standing know in front of hyukjae he hugged me instantly and I just couldn’t bring myself to hug him back, I turned my head to look at Heechul and I only saw his retreating back and with that I was a crying mess.

Was it really peaceful now?