A/N : This chapter contains Jessica's memories. It's a flashback.

That time Donghae got rejected. He confessed his feelings, his undying, first love to that girl and yet he got rejected. I didn’t exactly know what the reason why and I just could say that the girl was stupid. What a fool she was to let such perfect human being slipped out of her fingers. I didn’t know who she was back then. I didn’t know what actually happened. It was just a rumor between us, trainees, which happened to be true.

Sadly back then I had started liking this certain sunbae of mine. Yes, my love for Donghae had started that early. And the rumor about him confessing and getting rejected was like, I don’t know, it was hard to explain. It was like a blow to me, yet it was like a fresh wind. As cruel as it might sound, I was a little bit relieved that he got rejected by whoever this girl was. But I didn’t say anything, not even to my closest friend back then. No one knew my feelings for Donghae. It should be kept hidden, at least for this while.

But then one day, that day, weeks later after Donghae confessed to that girl, I did the same to Donghae. It was after my usual dance practice with Hyoyeon. I wasn’t that close to her before but we were put in the same small group of practice and I was left alone in the practice room, gulping my bottled water, completely exhausted to even move back to my room. Hyoyeon totally left me there but I had nothing to complain. Even though she stayed, we wouldn’t know what to talk about anyway. So I just sat there, leaning against the wall while listening to songs on my ipod. I was so lost in thought when the door opened, and there he was. Donghae, looking so good as always as he stepped inside the room. He frowned at me but then a smile creeped up to his thin lips.

“Sooyeon? You are alone?” he asked, making my heart thumped faster than it normally should. I quickly shook my head and looked at him.

“No. I had practice with the girls before and it was done, and,” I stuttered slightly. Damn, it was not the first time we talked casually like this but I just couldn’t help myself to act normal around him. Way to go, Sooyeon. I scolded myself. But Donghae didn’t seem to mind it. After saying whether he could do his dance practice routine, and after I said sure, he fished out his phone and played a hip-hop song then began to move his body graciously.

He looked defined. He looked so, so beautiful dancing so freely like that and I just couldn’t stop staring at him. My eyes were like fixed and I was deeply drawn to him.

And when he was done dancing, I suddenly blurted it out. “I like you.”

He was wiping his sweat with a small towel he brought before when I said that suddenly. I bit back my tongue and closed my eyes for a while before opening them again only to find that Donghae was looking at me with wide eyes. Probably he was surprised.

“I like you,” I heard myself repeating the words again. My tongue moved by itself, my voice came out by itself despite my brain kept scolding it. As cheesy as it might sound, but probably it was my heart that screamed ignoring the warn of my brain.

Donghae stayed silent. He seemed so lost in words but I didn’t blame him. I would be gaping like a fish as well if I was in his shoes. And so my mouth opened up again. “I heard everything about you got rejected. Rumors spread like viruses. And,” I stopped, looking away to the door before averting my gaze back on his face, his eyes, his deep, doe eyes. “And I just want you to know that she can’t see just how nice you actually are. I.. I don’t know whether I’m capable or not, but let me try to fix your heart.”

-

And by that said, somehow, me and Donghae ended up dating secretly. No one knew.  No one besides Taeyeon.

She was my roommate and she caught me red-handed smiling so stupidly over a message of Donghae she peeked in. after that she forcefully read everything in my inbox and pulled out the truth from my mouth. I made her swear not to tell anyone though. And apparently, she was someone you could depend and trust on.

Never did she tell anyone. She even congratulated me and cheered my relationship with Donghae. I never, ever found a friend like this before. I just trusted Taeyeon with everything I had.

“Where are you going?” Asked Taeyeon, one day when I was about to go out with Donghae for a date. It had been two weeks after I confessed and we got together. And it had been a week after Taeyeon found out everything. I looked at her and bit my bottom lip.

“You are going out with Donghae, aren’t you?” She pestered again with small voice and I obediently nodded my head. “Are you aware that, that this is dangerous for your career? And Donghae’s career too?”

I sighed and nodded again. “Look, Taeng, I will be extra careful no one will find us. I promise.” Quickly I said. But before Taeyeon could answer me again, I ran away to the place me and Donghae had agreed on.

We had a blast that night. We went to watch an comedy action movie. We laughed through the show. And then after that he took me for dinner. It was not that luxurious dinner as we had no money back then. It was just a simple dinner at a fast food restaurant, yet the food tasted demurely delicious. I never did eat something so delicious. Probably because I was so happy? I’m not sure.

Then he took me to walk around the park. We played in a sandbox then sat on swings, talking till late, before going back to our dorm.

It was such a blast.

And I never enjoyed being myself to its fullest before as I did around him, back then..

-

A month later, our relationship was still going as smooth as ever. He was so sweet to me and he took really good care of me. I couldn’t ask more.

I couldn’t. even though he never did once tell me that he loved me. Or even liked me back. But I decided not to pester him about me knowing he was the shy type. Though he was a romantic guy, still, he was a baby in relationship. It was cute really!

But one day, he kissed me. On the lips.

Gosh. All he did before was holding my hands. And the intimate thing he did was kissing  my forehead.

But that day. He kissed me on the lips!

We were alone in the practice room. Or so I thought, because soon after that, our kissing picture got leaked out around.

It made my heart drop.

What happened? Who did something so cruel like this?

Suddenly all the trainees gave me looks. The look like I was the dirtiest thing on earth. Even Hyoyeon refused to talk to me before. She didn’t give me the look though, she just, acted like I was not around.

I sent message to Donghae and he didn’t answer me. I didn’t see him around as well that day. It totally broke my heart as I walked back to my room.

Taeyeon was there to greet me, though. She stared at me and decided not to say anything as she pulled me into her arms. And by that time, I broke down.

I was known as an ice-princess. That title I had been carrying up till now. I got that title because, simply, I hid my feelings well behind my mask. But not that day. I broke down in Taeyeon’s arms and I cried so hard to sleep.

Taeyeon tucked me in and I could feel her lips on my forehead. That was all I need. A mental support.

-

The next day, Donghae hadn’t called me or sent me anything. I just stared at my phone blankly. I didn’t eat, I didn’t go out to practice. I just didn’t want to meet people right now. I didn’t want to meet Hyoyeon and the girls in my practice group. I just, I was not ready.

I could hear Taeyeon sigh at my condition. She sat on my bed and stared at me intently before finally she opened for the first time after the picture spread out. “Donghae was here,” she told me. “But he couldn’t wait that long because you know, eyes everywhere. He cant contact you right now because prolly his phone got taken away from him. I’m not really sure.”

And by that I started to tear up again. I buried my face in between my knees and covered my head with both arms.

Taeyeon sighed again as she reached a hand to caress my arm. “I’m sorry that this happened to you, Sooyeon-ah. You know that the world we are about to enter is cruel. The places you thought were safe, they are not. No where is safe anymore. There wont be any privacy. And people would do anything to bring you down.” I could hear she talked slowly as if not to hurt my feelings. But I just didn’t know what to feel anymore. It had become numb. I was scared, I was scared of Donghae’s career. His dreams.. did I just destroy them just for my selfish happiness? He wanted to be a singer more than anyone. He wanted to make his father proud… I just.. I didn’t know what to do.

-

Apparently the rumor died down after few weeks. After that, none of me nor Donghae tried to contact each other again. And that fact was killing me. He didn’t even try to reach for me. He must have found out that I was such a nuisance for his future.

But it was not true.

All he did was to protect me because yes, truth be told, I was being bullied after the truth about me and him dating leaked out.

Few days after that, Donghae asked for a break up.

I accepted it of course. I had nothing to cling onto him. I didn’t want to be a wall between him and his dreams. I only wanted him to be happy. So, I accepted it with a smile as a façade, and a broken heart on the inside.

-

Donghae debuted as one of Super Junior members. His group was doing really well when I, debuted as Girls’ Generation with Taeyeon, and Hyoyeon, and another six girls. My group didn’t get accepted that well at first. But we were doing well since we had each other. Me, and my other 8 angels. We supported each other and we were there, that was all that mattered.

One day, I was strolling around the SM building after practicing when a group of girls were standing in front of a big television, airing a music video by a girl group from another company, 2ne1.

“There. She is the one Donghae oppa confessed his love to,” one of the girls stated noisily before realizing his mistake and died down her voice. But her friend next to her didn’t learn as she widened her eyes and raised her voice.

“Park Sandara?”