I let out a small sigh of relief as another SM Town concert had ended up amazingly. The smile never leaving my face as I felt genuinely happy at how every SM Town-ers really did their best.

“Sica,” I turned my head to the side and saw Taeyeon was calling for me from our changing room. Quickly I stepped through the hallway towards the room but my steps stopped when I heard Super Junior oppas approaching from behind me. I looked to the back and saw Hyukjae oppa and Jungsoo oppa were chatting animatedly, followed by shirtless Donghae oppa behind them. My breath hitched. It was not like I’m a ert I swear, but my heart just couldn’t contain this.

Yes, I had been being in love with him. Lee Donghae.

Apparently all the rumors about us dating before debuting were true. We were dating, once, and not for long really. He debuted first and he got super busy with the group promotions. He had been so cool and caring. And he was the best boyfriend ever. He could be the most perfect lover you could ever have. If only.. if only he loved me the way I did. Or I do up till now?

I shook my head at the sudden rush of memories in my head.

Hyukjae oppa noticed me and sent me his gummy smile. They walked closer and the infamous monkey patted my back rather harshly, making me shoot my ice glare to him which he only responded with a carefree laugh.

“Good job today, Sooyeon,” he said. I couldn’t help but smile at his compliment. I looked up and sent smile as well for Jungsoo oppa, and Donghae oppa.

“Rest well tonight,” Donghae murmured with his low, deep voice before walking away with his hyungs, to their own changing room. I bit my bottom lip and closed my eyes. A sudden rush of pain hit me and I almost broke down if Yoona didn’t scare the heck out of me out of the blue from behind.

“Unnie,” she chirped. “Go and change, we are going back to our dorms. I’m so tired,” added her cheerfully despite her complain about being tired. I could only sigh and shrug, slipping in the changing room, greeted by tired members who were sprawled all around the couches – and Hyoyeon was on the floor. Suddenly I felt guilty. “I’ll change up fast,” I said and quickly rushed to change my stage clothes into my usual shirt and jeans.

After that we went out of the room together, and walked to our mini-bus. On the way to the bus, we passed our EXO and Fx hoobaes, and as tired as I was, I couldn’t just walk away without bidding goodnight to them. Especially to Soojung, she would scream at how rude her sister could be.

“Good work, Soojung-ah,” I said as I saw her approaching me to give me a hug. “Rest well tonight alright?” I told her, remembering what Donghae had said to me before in front of the changing room. I couldn’t help but to let out another deep, heavy, and troubled sigh. Couldn’t he just go away from my head, like seriously?

It started to drive me crazy. It had been years already after our break up.

“Unnie,” Soojung smiled and pecked my cheek. “You too.”

I ruffled her hair, trying to distract myself from the thought of him. After bidding goodbye to her, I entered the bus and sat on the furthest in back seat. I sat near the window, and at the other side was Taeyeon, already snoring as soon as her touched the leather seat. I smiled silently. Our leader, must have been really tired after all these tours. And so I decided not to bother her and turned my head to look outside the window.

Super Junior oppas were getting ready to go home as well. I wonder would they go directly to the dorms or not because they had this routine to go out after the concerts finished. I smiled at how those grown-up men shouted and screamed around, how Jungsoo oppa scolded each one of them to behave better, how Kyuhyun oppa ignored their leader and slipped inside the bus with his game console. It was funny yet heart-warming.

And then I saw him. Looked really warm with his sweater and beanie, judging at how chilly the night was. He let out a huge yawn and walked pass Jungsoo who was checking s so that no one would be left out. And once again my heart skipped a bit before the usual painful sting followed through. I quickly looked down, averting my gaze to my lap.

Donghae… Donghae…

It was frustrating. Why was I the only one who was still hurting up till now? Not like he did hurt his heart when we broke up that time, though. But.. till when should I feel this way? Till when would I be punished like this? Punished for taking advantages of the vulnerable Donghae back then.

I closed my eyes and in a huge amount of oxygen into my lungs as I saw the memories of the young Donghae and Jessica on the back of my eyes.