She realizes how quiet it can be when she’s the only one in a room, when others are not surrounding her, when she’s tired to the bones, and when she’s feeling number than ever.

The lights are off, and even with the TV on and the noise of the cars outside the window, she still feels as if she was the only living thing that Friday evening.

The noises she heard, everything, was drowned out as she went deeper and deeper into her train of thoughts while looking up at the blank ceiling of their dorm, no particular thought stayed long in her mind. She just thought of random things: food, rest, sleep, the girls, sleep, sleep, sleep.

She was the only one there, partly because the girls had other errands to do and friends and family to visit but mainly because her schedule for the evening had been cancelled.

She’s supposed to be happy, supposed to be feeling really ecstatic because she has no schedule for the next two days; the fact that she can eat, sleep and play all she wants for the next two days needs no explanation on why she should be happy about it.

But she’s too tired, too out of it that she can’t even think of what to do next as she lies there on the couch, unmoving and barely even blinking.

She continues thinking, continues to ride her train of thoughts even though she’s getting lazier and more tired by the minute and if she continues, she might even doze off right there on the couch.

She feels something hard on her left buttock; before she could reach for it she realizes it’s only her phone. She frowns and furrows her eyebrows, and her thoughts directly shift onto another topic that is him.

But she shakes her head in an attempt to shake the thought of him away, because she doesn’t want to think about him, at least not now when she’s exhausted. She doesn’t want her mood dampened now that he has entered her mind.

He’s probably still busy, probably still practicing for the concert or maybe even performing on their concert right at this moment but she doesn’t know because she doesn’t even know what time it is. She had stopped caring, a long time ago, merely because with caring comes expecting and expect is a six letter word, she remembers, and so is ‘broken’.

She sighs. How does merely the thought of him drives her to the edge of insanity and make everything complicated for her in the end? She wonders this, but doesn’t really plan on finding the answer; that would be too tiring.

She closes her eyes and succumbs to the silence around her. She might as well enjoy the free time she has.

-

He feels his chest tighten, and he doesn’t know if it’s pain or if it’s because he’s so happy that they’re finished and the next concert is still in two weeks, that means he can rest and rest all he wants to for at least a week or so and just the thought of it makes him happy to the clouds that he can’t breathe.

He’s smiling, so the pain in his chest must be because of the latter and not the former. Still with a smile on his face, he walks behind his fellow members, all cheering and congratulating one another for another job well done. The concert went on perfectly and smoothly, that he couldn’t be happier for all of them.

“Good job, boys, good job,” says one of the staff as they give their microphones back to him. He doesn’t who it is since his vision is slightly covered with beads of sweat coming down from the front tips of his hair.

Junmyeon wipes them off for him. “Nice job, Han,” he tells him while he does so.

He might be older, but Junmyeon is a lot more mature than he is, that’s for sure. He smiles and lets him wipe the sweat off for him. “Thanks, you too,” and he’s still so out of breathe that uttering those three words seemed difficult for him.

Junmyeon could tell, so he pats his back and smiles as well. “Go on and change, you can sleep in the van. It’s a long ride back to the hotel anyway.”

He nods. “Thanks,” it was so typical of Junmyeon to be this way. They walk side by side to the changing rooms and were the last ones to get dressed out of their costumes.

Sehun claims for the shotgun and he lets him, for this time only. “Sure thing, kid,” he punches the younger one playfully by the shoulder and they both laugh before Sehun runs off to join the others. He and Junmyeon are the last ones again.

He feels his phone vibrate, and his heart skips a beat when he does. He fishes it out his pocket, fumbling with it as he did before opening it to show a text message that was not from her.

He sighs before putting it back in his pocket. “Hey, Junmyeon, did Eunji – did she call or text –“

“Huh? Well, yeah.” Junmyeon says just as his ears turn a rosy color similar to pink. “She did, before the concert actually.”

“How about after?”

“No, but I texted her,”

“Oh, good for you,”

“Bomi hasn’t texted you yet?”

“No,”

He swore he heard Junmyeon chuckled before he turned around and glared at him; that wiped the smile off his face. “Just give her more space,”

He sighs, but before he says anything, he climbs in the van at the very back beside a sleeping Jongin and Junmyeon sits on his other side and Kyungsoo closes the door for them. “It’s been days, Junmyeon, it’s been too long since I last heard her voice. I can’t live like this.”  

“Girl troubles, Han?” Jongdae asks while playing a game on his phone, the sound effects made him think that he was playing flappy bird.

“It’s Bomi troubles for him,” Kyungsoo comments before putting on his earphones.

“Still not talking to each other?”

“They’re not even communicating yet,”

“Oh, bummer,”

He tries his best not to roll his eyes at them, but fails miserably at it. Sometimes, the boys are just no help at all when it comes to love. At least, not these boys. Yixing and Baekhyun were at the other car; he should’ve been there with him.

But still, Junmyeon was here.

“You should call her when you get back to the hotel.”

“But –“

Junmyeon smiles. “You should call her when you get back to the hotel, Luhan.”

“What if she’s busy? It’s 10 pm in Seoul, she might be asleep if she’s not filming. I don’t want to disturb her.”

“I’m sure she’s still awake,”

“How’d you know?”

“Eunji,”

“Oh, I see.”

“So, just call her later.”

“I will,”

And just like that, Junmyeon nods as if he feels satisfied and maybe he does but he wouldn’t know because Junmyeon closes his eyes and tilts his head against the window and sleeps soundly like Jongin and Kyungsoo.

With the sound of the car’s engine vibrating underneath them and Jongdae playing flappy bird, he had never felt so tired and so alone with nobody to talk to.

The image of Bomi comes to his mind, but he can’t talk to her. At least not right now.

-

22 messages, 15 attempted calls and 3 video messages later, she still hasn’t responded to any of them and it makes him worried to the bones because of the many possibilities and reasons on why she isn’t picking his calls up or replying to his text messages.

What if she’s really angry at him? What if she wants to avoid him? What if she’s just plain busy? What if she’s been kidnapped? What if… what if… what if…

“This is so frustrating,” he mutters when his back hits the soft and silky sheets of his hotel bed with his phone still touching his ears and the ringing sound still echoing in his head. “So so frustrating,”

He sighs when she doesn’t pick up yet again and wipes a palm across his face in frustration. “Bomi-ah, what have I done wrong this time?” he says softly as if he didn’t want the other members hearing him but that would be impossible since they were at the floor above his, in their manager’s room watching movies and eating takeout Chinese food.

He’s alone in his shared hotel room with Tao and he wishes he wasn’t. He wishes a lot of things actually. He wishes that Bomi were there with him, he wishes to basked in her ambiance and embrace, he wishes he could tell her how much he really loves her, and he wishes that their fight had never happened (and honestly, he doesn’t even remember how it happened or what caused it, all he knows is that he’s ready to lay down his pride just for her)

But it’s hard, you know, kind of: keeping a relationship with another idol hidden from the public. It was hard, it took guts to even date someone who makes your heart go wild and crazy in the world of stardom because just one wrong move might cause you your entire career, and he doesn’t want that. Not now when they’re at the top of their game.

He knows being with Bomi, the nation’s fairy, was a huge risk but it was a risk worth taking and besides, he could only be young once and he might as well savor and enjoy the feeling of being in love while he’s at it.

He feels himself closing his eyes, because what use is staying awake if Bomi wouldn’t even talk to him? He might as well sleep.

Just when he got used to the silence around him, the door opens and the sound of rushed footsteps enters his ears and his hotel room. He bolts upright from the bed and glares at Kim Junmyeon, who’s entering his room while talking to someone on his phone.

He rolls his eyes at his presence.

“Hey, Junmyeon, she’s not –“

“Luhan? Oh yeah, he’s here.” he said, unfazed by the glare the older was giving him. “I think he was just about to sleep. I don’t know, you ask him. Yeah, sure, here you go.”

“Who –“

“It’s Bomi.”

His eyes widen and he feels his heart racing inside him. Bomi. He struggles to get out of bed and grab the phone from Junmyeon’s hand. He was smiling; just the thought of her on the other line of the phone he was holding made him smile.

“Hello?” he was nervous, he was sure of it and he could even hear it drip from his own voice. But he couldn’t really help it, not when she’s there, talking to him on the phone.

“Luhan,” her voice – soft like silk and sweet like honey. He realized how much he’s missed her, and it makes his heart ache and swell at the same time, but he’s still smiling despite it. Quite frankly, he doesn’t understand what he’s feeling right there and then but whatever it was, it made him go and say a full on rant to his girlfriend.

“Bomi, look, before you say anything, I’m sorry, alright? I’m really, really, really, super duper sorry, okay? I mean, I don’t even remember what we fought about that day on our concert in Hong Kong, but I am sorry nonetheless. I am so sorry, I don’t care if it was your fault or maybe even mine but I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight with you now, baby, because I miss you. I can’t fight with you, not in a situation like this. I’m sorry. I really am. I love you, so forgive me, please?”

He lets himself breathe. Bomi doesn’t say anything right away, but instead, she just breathes in the receiver and it makes him even more nervous than he should. He turns around and sees Junmyeon looking at him with his arms crossed against his chest, seemingly amused. He then realizes he must’ve sounded stupid. It was too late now.

“Luhan, it’s okay.” He missed her, so much and he wanted to hear her voice even more that he presses the phone tighter against his ear. “Really, it is. Honestly, I don’t even remember what we fought about either. I’m sorry too. I forgive you, but do you forgive me?”

He almost laughed. “What? Of course! I never really was mad at you, nor can I do that because… frankly, that’s impossible.”

That made her laugh, and her laugh made him smile. He just missed her. He just plain missed her. “So, where are you? Why didn’t you pick up my calls or anything? I sent you two dozen texts the least and called you more than 10 times. I even sent video messages to you.”

“Oh, wow, really? I’m sorry. I left my phone at the dorm, I’m sorry, I was in a hurry going out. I’m at a restaurant right now, but I’m outside while the others are still eating. I’m with the girls, as usual, and our managers.”

He loves how they can go back to normal, just talking and telling each other everything, even after a fight. He loves that. “That’s okay. Don’t eat too much though, it’s probably what? Midnight there in Seoul? Just eat a few spoonfuls, okay?”

“I think it’s probably too late for that now, Luhan. I just ate 4 servings of meat.”

He laughed out loud, and she did too on the other end. He doesn’t realize that Junmyeon had left the room, nor does he realize that Bomi was actually calling through Eunji’s phone. But it didn’t really matter at that time, because all he wanted to do was listen to Bomi’s voice all night long if he could.

“It’s weird, you know,” she says in between their whispers and exchanges of I love you’s and I miss you’s. “How I despised you just a few hours ago, because I was so tired and felt so numb that I didn’t want to do or say anything. And you made things worse, just the thought of you, because you wouldn’t call or text or – or anything. I felt so frustrated.”

“I felt that too, when you didn’t pick up my calls? Or respond to my texts? I felt that too,” he said. “But I now know you left your phone and you didn’t mean to, so for that I forgive you, Bomi. I’m sorry for not calling you these past few days. I thought you needed some space.”

“I did, but a few hours would be okay, Luhan. Just a few hours, and not days.”

He chuckles. “Noted,”

“But it’s okay,” it was like he could feel her smile right there and then. “We’re here now and I wish happy days would last long for us.”

“I wish so too,”

He hears mumbling in the background, and some other noise he couldn’t identify. Then Bomi says: “Alright, alright, give us a few more minutes.”

“It’s been an hour and a half, Bomi! It’s a miracle Eunji’s phone is still on.”

That comment made Luhan laugh, and it was only then that he noticed how hot Junmyeon’s phone felt against his ear and hand. He knows it’s time to say goodbye, but he doesn’t want to. He still doesn’t want to.

“Luhan?”

“Bomi, you have to go now?”

He hears her sigh. “Sadly, yes.”

“It’s okay. There’s still tomorrow.”

“I promised to call first tomorrow, so wait for me, okay?”

He smiles. “Yes, okay.”

“I don’t want to say goodbye yet.”

“I feel the same way. You don’t have to, Bomi.”

“But it’s not goodbye, you know. It’s see you later.”

He smiles even more, and he imagines her smiling too. “Alright. See you later, Bomi. I love you, always have and always will.”

“Bye, Han. I love you to the moon and back.”

He only lets go of the phone when a minute of silence passes and he doesn’t hear her voice anymore. He felt himself still smiling despite the empty feeling he felt inside his chest.

And suddenly, he missed her again and it’s crazy, he knows, because he had just been talking to her not five minutes ago. But he guesses this is what love does; it can never make you have enough of it. 

- ; i know this probably seems a little long and it really is, because wow. it's longer than i expected, oops. sorry for that. but anyways, i hoped you liked it. please do comment!