'Just take a deep breath' I thought to myself. 'Breath in. Breath out. Breath in. Breath out. I can't... I can't do this!'

"1549!" the judge called.

I looked at my chest where the number was pinned on. 1550. That was my number. I will be next. Oh my god. I'm going to be next!! I need to go to the bathroom. No! What if they call my number before I come back? I need water. No! I drank it all. Shoot. I have waited thirteen years for this day. Thirteen years. It's half my life time and in those days I experienced things I never want to again.

'Calm down,' I told myself.

"1550!" the judge called.

No where to run to now. I breathed in and walk in, hoping to look confident. When I enter the room, my eyes automatically shift to the one person I wanted to avoid. Jessica from Girls' Generation. Jessica and I were friends when we were in America. But she debuted and we drifted apart, with a long story in between. Jessica looked even more surprised than I was. I took my eyes off of her and looked around the room. There were five judges in the room. SM Entertainment's CEO Lee Sooman in the center. I was amazed how I was stading right infront of him. I saw him on televisions and YouTube ever since I was young, but I'm finally stading infront of him, auditioning. Jessica was to his right, BoA to his left. Actress Lee Yeon Hee to BoA's left and Super Junior's Eun Hyuk on Jessica's right.

"Stephanie? Stephanie Hwang?" Eun Hyuk asked.

"Tiffany," I corrected him." I go by Tiffany."

"Ok, Tiffany, whenever you are ready," he said.

I breathed in and out several times before opening my mouth. When I do open my mouth no sound would come out. I panicked for the slightest second. I didn't know what to do. I imagined this moment, more than I could count. I was sure I could be confident, but it wasn't working. Then I remebered what Jessica told me, before we drifted apart.

"How are you going to perform with me in front of millions of people when you can't even do it in front of our own friends?" she would say, hitting her chest out of frustration. "Tiffany, I will always be next to you. Just take a breath and be confident!"

I'm not sure if she was able to see the future or not then, but here she was, sitting in front of me for my chance to become a singer and sing with her on a stage. I calmed myself again and thought about the beach near my house in San Francisco. I could barely hear the peaceful waves. The seagulls. The sun glaring down on me. I took a deep breath. Then I sang the song. The song that will hopefully change my life.

Yesterday, you saw me with someone

and mistook us for being together.

But things aren't always as it seems

.

.

.

Why are we fighting over something that never happened?

Was our friendship not strong enough?

It's all over.You are gone. Forever.

.

.

.

You won't look at me,

but I need you to open your ears

and I need you to listen to me.

Things aren't always as it seems.

.

.

.

What happened to our friendship?

Was our frienship not strong enough?

It's all over. You are gone. Forever.

The whole time I was singing the song, I was looking at Jessica. She tried her best not to look up, and wrote something feverishly on her paper. After I finished my song, I looked around the room to see the expression of the judges. They were all busy writing something on their paper. I didn't know what to do, and then my eyes met Jessica's. She looked away fast, but I already saw her looking at me. I knew why she was avoiding my stare and why she was staring at me. After I took my eyes off of her, I looked around the room. It had a nice warm blue colored walls with pictures of SM artists. 

"I don't think I heard this song before. Did you write this song?" Lee Sooman asked.

"Yes," I replied. "I wrote it for my best friend a long time ago."

 

 

After I exited the room, Jessica came after me, as I was the last auditioner for the day.

"What on earth are you doing here?" Jessica asked. "Do you REALLY have to destroy my life even more?"

I looked at her shocked. I told her more than million times. It wasn't me.

"And the song?" she continued. "Why did you sing that song of all the songs you have written?"

I smiled, sadly. At least she still remebers that I wrote this song for her.

"You know what? I don't care anymore. Just stay AWAY from me!" she yelled. Giving me a cold glare.

"Sica," I start. "I..."

"You what?!" she yelled. People were now staring at us. Acknowledging the glares she said quietly, "Just go back to where you belong."

I just stood there looking at her storming out of the building. I sighed and started walking after her.

Then someone called, "Fany?" I turned around to see who it was. "It's you Fany!"

I turned around to see Krystal, Jessica's younger sister. She ran to me and hugged, but is little awkward becuase she was a bit taller than I was. I guessed Jessica didn't tell Krystal about the incident.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. "OMG! Did you audition?"

"Yea," I replied, forcing a smile.

"I missed you so much!" she said.

"Me too," I replied. "You grew so much. You use to be this tall" I said pointing to my waist.

"Fany, come on. That was nearly fifteen years ago." she said, scoffing.

I remebered Krystal as a shy, chic little girl, never smiling much, always hiding, but full of mischief. Although it really was fifteen years ago, I always thought Krystal would be the same, and I would recognize her immediately. Watching her on televisions, I have always been amazed how she was able to stand infront of such a large crowd and sing and dance so beautifully. 

"Well... The Krystal I remember always hid behind her sister." I said, laughing now.

"Tiffany!" she replied, full of embarassment.

"Do you still hide in the bathroom to cry?" I said, teasing her.

"I'm not even going to bother..." and she walked away.

"Hey Krystal! Wait up!" I said, chasing after her.

As I run to catch up with her, I saw someone familiar. Puzzled, I stopped and turned around. But no one was there anymore.

'It can't...' I thought to myself.

"Tiffany, come on!" Krystal yelled.

"Coming!!" I yelled back, while thinking, 'It can't possible be, can it?'

 

Krystal wanted to show me around the building, and I gladly followed her. It isn't everyday that I can have a tour around the SM building. At the main entrance, a giant star with the words "SMTOWN" greeted us. When we entered the building, F(x) member Sulli came to meet Krystal.

"Sorry Sulli," Krystal said. "I can't go today. I'm showing Tiffany around the building."

"Aw," Sulli said. "I'll just go with Jiyoung."

 

"This is Mr. Lee's office," said Krystal, showing me the room on the third floor. "I guess he his not back from the auditioning room."

I was half-glad and half-sad that he wasn't in his office. It was sort of large, typical looking office. I expected SM's CEO's office would look different, but I guess not. Posters of many artists were up on the wall, along with bookshelf full of CD's, a desk with many, many papers, and a window with not-such-a-great-view. Then we moved onto different parts of the building and saw four recording studios. The recording studio was divided into two smaller room; one where the singing happened, and two where the edting happened. And the I saw three dance studios, a big room with mirrors of three of the walls with humongous speakers on two of the corners.

"Wow," I said after the tour. "It would really be great if I can get in."

"Yes!" Krystal exclaimed. "It would simply be amazing if you were a trainee and I was your sunbae. I would help you out a lot and Sica would, too!"

The thought of it made me smile, but only for the slightest second, as I remebered Jessica haven't entirely forgiven me.