'When the lights start to turn off, I quietly go to meet you
A flower blooms in the world that’s only filled with thorns
Why? Why not?
They whisper and go against us
Why? Why not?
We’re so in love

Don’t look at me like that
We’re just in love, that’s all
Don’t hate on us, however you’re viewing us
We’re just a little different
Just leave us alone'

After a numerous of songs both of us felt tired. I was siting...well more like lying on the coutch which wasnt very comfortable but wasnt that bad too. Jeongmin also sat next to me.

He sigted and I could see that he was about to tell me something, even tho I was distracted by singing my thouths were still in Jeongmin case. I was so worried, but also curious, what make him think to leave?


I rised my eyebrow as the silent keept in the room.

"I'm sorry, Im really sorry" Jeongmin placed his head on my shoulder and turned his eyes away from me.

"Tell me what is it" I decided to push it a little, I was hopeless for receiving any anwser.

"It's complicated" Jeongmin seem to be frustrated, I have no idea what is going on in his head

I just nod to myself, I can wait, and secretly I was enjoying the moment of being so close with him. I could smell sweet scent of his shampoo from his hair, it was a mix of vanillia and cynamone.

He known it's 'not manly' etc but he couldnt help that he liked sweets scents. But even manager told him to cut it off cuz some people could find it weird that a man is using such a girly cosmetics. As I kept thought I could find plenty of resons why he could want to leave.

Wouldnt everyone feel scanty by not being able to use something what you want to? Even stupid shampoo could become a small thing of happines. Being idol is a life of sacrifice, smaller or bigger its still the same. Jeongmin had to sacrifice a lot in the beginning.

"You remeber my parents right?" Jeongmin put me back to world with his words.

"Not that I met them but yeah, whats with them?" Dont know when I found myself his top of the head gently, like peting a cat.

"They want me to quit, for many reasons" He have shaken my hands of his head.

"Sorry" I apologized for my silly action.

"How come?" I went back to his parents subject.

"They were oposite the idea of me being an idol from the very start" He continue with telling his story. His head was still on me even tho he was protesting so much of me him.

"I know, but didnt they get over it?" I was kinda surprised.

"No, they actualy point out every failure which I or overally our group do" His voice turn down a little quiter

"You know how frustrating can be reciving a msg from your family after every music show just to laught over me "As I thought your not even in top 10"" A single tear shown up in his eye corner, but he tried to hide it.

"How humiliate is receving money from father every month just becouse 'he bet I dont have enough' even if I show print from my bank account he is like ' what part time job you did to get it?' That bastard. He hate that I have activity in Japan, he is so nationalistic..."

"Jeongmin..." I said softly as I wanted to hug him right now.

"And why mom is on his side?" He started to cry. He turend his head and hide it in my shirt.
Even if he hated it I started to his hair, just to let him know its ok for him to cry.

"I guess your parents just dont understand how you feel...It's not about popularity, you wanted to create music, to sing it with feelings and shere it with others. Yes you may care about money, everyone care. But for you the joy of making music is on first place, and I know it..."I spoke to him to calm him down.

" They dont care about my passion, they want me to be rich and have a big family!" He was in despair.

" You will have one in your time, but you are young why bother with it now?" Its a nonsense how his paretns are acting.

"I dont know if I will..."He said, or more like whisper to me.

What was it?I felt his heart pounting faster.

"Why so?" I tried to sound as normal as I could, but I felt my own voice shakeing.
There was again a silence.

"Beacouse..."


"... I might..."

"...Fell in love"


"...With a man"

He whisperd it to my cheast...like ...like he was speaking it to my heart. I felt my heart running a race. Co-ould it really be about me?Or its my delusion.

"Look...It's nothing wrong.."I decide to put my delusion on other side and first explain that there is nothing bad in being gay, or biual.

"Easy for you to say..." He told very coldly.

"Beacouse I'm gay?" Even tho his ious words sound kinda hurtfull i tried to stay calm.

" You get over it and just live with it, its not that easy for a no-..." He bite his tongue and put his head up to look at me with a 'Im sorry!" In his eyes.

"A normal person right?Thats what you wanted to say?" Now I probably sound hurt but I could stop it.

"Sorry, its not what I ment!Really, you know im ok with you being one" He even formed to bow to apologize me.

"So why you cant accept this kind of feeling?" I put my pride away to end this discusion.
He looked shocked as he was thinking about the anwser

"Thats why you want to leave?" I strike with my quesion when he was off-guard.

"Maybe...But its all those reasons together...not only this" He anwserd honesly mostly cus he was still feeling bad for saying those things to me.

"Jeongmin...it's not a reason to leave." Ofc I know it is hard for him, everything what he pointed out and I did. Sacrifaces, family, lack of popularity, confusion about his uality, its all a good reason to leave for most peopel, but not for Jeongmin who love music this much.

"Being reject from family? My father want to me disinherit me if I dissapoint him again!" He yelled at me. His eyes were watery again.

"Im sure he wont do it...he just want to scare you"  I looked at him, I was able to beg him to stay on my knees.
I couldnt live without seeing him, as a friend, lover whatever who,
I need Jeongmin in my life.