Oh the sweet smell of scrambled eggs on a cold Saturday morning.

 

Gaeun didn't waste a minute, engulfing in the desirable aroma. She sighed in pleasure with every bite savoring the delicious breakfast in front of her. 

 

There was something about a large plate of eggs on a worn out table with the view of snowy houses and sidewalks that gave her a sense of familiarity. 

 

"Slow down child, at this rate you'll explode." Her mother called from behind her, snapping Gaeun out of her trance. 

 

She scrunched her eyebrows and tugged her lips into a thin pout. Dropping the fork she turned around,

 

"I prefer explosions thank you very much," She laughed.

 

Her mother smacked her lips, tightening the strands of loose hair covering her face. She was in a pale night gown that looked new and revived. Gaeun blinked in confusion for a second. 

 

"Where is that from?" She asked in awe, pointing to the gown with her fork. 

 

Her mother faltered for a moment, looking down at the gown and back up quickly.

 

"It isn't respectful to talk when you're eating." She mumbled, walking swiftly to the fridge and sticking her head inside. 

 

She knew her mother. She knew the fridge inside out. There would be no reason for her to be 'searching' for anything. But still, she kept quiet and continued to eat. 

 

After what seemed like twenty minutes, Gaeun moved along the kitchen counter helping herself to more delicious assortments. Her mother kept still, opening cupboards here and there and silently grumbling about this and that. 

 

"Aren't you going to eat umma?" Gaeun finally asked, sitting back down on the dining table. 

 

Her mother turned around, kissing her teeth then rummaging through another sliding drawer. 

 

"Where are the wine glasses?" She called in frustration completely ignoring her daughters request. 

 

Gaeun stuffed another forkful of eggs into , chewing furiously, "Aren't those for special occasions?"

 

Her mother gave a slight nod, fishing through the cabinets beside the fireplace. 

 

Gaeun craned her neck so she was in view of her mother and close enough to hear everything she was mumbling. 

 

"It is a special occasion." She said.

 

Gaeuns ears perked up and she gave her mother a sudden look even though her back was towards her.

 

"We haven't had those in forever." She said under her breath, a slight pang of guilt hitting her. 

 

Her mother shook her head, still too focused on whatever she was looking for. 

 

With a sublte sigh, she slid her feet back to the kitchen in disappointment. She pulled out a chair and sat across from Gaeun who had stopped eating. The few strands of hair she tied up had fallen back to their places in mocking and the bags under her moms eyes were visable. Too visable to Gaeuns liking. 

 

Getting up, Gaeun walked to the fridge, pulling out an old box of 'Make It Yourself!' grilled cheese. 

 

She pulled open the wrapping a bit too furiously. Frankly it annoyed her. All they had to sell in this neighborhood was boxed food and canned drinks. Nothing relevantly fresh or homemade. 

 

With an emotionless expression she tossed it in the microwave setting it accordingly to the time written on the wrapping. 

 

"There's news from Mr. Jung that there is a family moving in," Her mother broke the silence.

 

It was her way of telling her daughter to sit but indirectly. Accordingly, Gaeun paced back to the table and took a seat eyeing the latter,

 

"What we need is real food not new residents." Gaeun mumbled, leaning her head back on the seat. 

 

"You can go tell that to Jung and get kicked out of here." Her mother chuckled in between a yawn. 

 

Mr. Jung was somewhat of an unelected mayor. He was sort of the respected authority in the neighborhood. He announced news and sent out special letters for different meetings and events he wanted to hold. He knew everyone and everyone knew him. It was like a mutual democracy to some. No one ever complained or asked questions as to why he was the spokesperson and it was kept that way since as long as she could remember. 

 

"I might go out to buy some welcome gifts later on," Her mother pursed her lips.

 

Ding Ding

 

Gaeun stood up, rushing towards the microwave and pulling out the sandwich. Some cheese had stuck onto the white surface of the machine and she frowned, picking it off hurriedly with her nails. 

 

"Maybe you shouldn't umma, you know every cent means alot to you," Gaeun spoke seriously, her fingers still scratching at the cheese. 

 

She could hear her mother scoff from behind her. 

 

"That doesn't matter. As a sign of my respect and welcoming I'm going to buy them some flowers and a few pastries perhaps." 

 

Gaeun furrowed her brow. Her insides were heating up quickly. It wasn't as though she didn't want to make her mother look bad in front of these people, she just knew the struggle she went through for money and it was probably best to save everything they had instead of wasting it on individuals she barely knew. 

 

"But umma, can't you just show up? A smile and hug are the most sincere," Gaeuns voice was almost pleading. 

 

Her mother shifted in her seat. 

 

"I'm not going to look bad Gaeun. I'm going to show up with a simple gift. It's not as complex as you're making it."

 

The grilled cheese sandwich was getting colder by the second. Gaeun began to scratch at the cheese harder wanting to cool down the ball of rage and confusion in the pit of her stomach.

 

"Your reputation is more important?" She asked, bewildered at her mothers intentions here. 

 

"Respect is." Her mother countered quickly, the tone in her voice raising by the second. 

 

Gaeun was hurt almost. It was like her mother didn't care about their financial situation anymore.

 

"Umma, we need the mone-"

 

"Will you stop talking about money child?" Her mother stood up, her voice cracking. 

 

Gaeun didn't flinch. Although she had never heard her mother project her voice that loud, she didn't flinch. 

 

 Whenever they spoke about money in general her mother would be picky and scold her to save, save, and save some more. When Gaeun had spoke about being careful with their bills her mother would agree in less then seconds. Why was it that she was so sensitive about a topic that was far from foreign to her?

 

She was captured in the moment. Her eyes tearing up before she even realized she was sad. Hurt.

 

"I have no interest in continuing this conversation any further." Her mother spoke.

 

And before she could even move a finger, the lady was gone. 

 

Gaeun tilted her head back, refusing to let herself cry over something so stupid. 

 

Removing her finger from the microwave she noticed the cheese was long gone. But she was scratching so hard at the stale white surface she managed to leave a few marks that dug through the machine. 

 

"Aish," She managed to fake a smile.

 

With a low spirit she glanced at the grilled sandwich beside her. The cheese had almost froze in its position and looked unappetizing to be honest. 

 

She picked it up by its edge and hovered it over the decomposition container. With a frown, she lingered for a moment before letting it slide out of her fingers. 

 

What a waste. 

 

-------------------

 

"I'll be expecting you my prince," Gaeun frowned at the intimacy her mother was expressing over the phone. 

 

It just wasn't like her. 

 

"Ah, don't think too much about things like this my child. Just be open about it." She continued, flipping through the channels of the small TV a few inches in front of her. 

 

Gaeun stretched her legs, folding them over her mothers lap.

 

"Yes of course child!" Her mother laughed, tossing the remote on the empty space beside her. 

 

She landed on a documentary about the economy and Korea's status of power. It was the usual.

 

"I'll prepare it well. Travel safely my child." 

 

 

Gaeun tightened her lips. The host of the show seemed unmoved, bored almost. It was starting to rub off on her and her eyelids began to drop.

 

 

"I'm leaving now," Her mother hummed. 

 

Gaeun barely managed a nod. Her body was falling asleep faster then she could realize. After moments of stirring, she felt a pair of soft lips fall on her forehead and a few seconds after that, the front door creak open then close. 

 

Silence.

 

One hour? Two hours? Three? She couldn't tell how long had passed before she heard a voice.

 

"You hate me so much you have to act like you're asleep when I come around?" 

 

Gaeun let out a shaky breath. Someome had invaded her sleep and interrupted her sweet silence. She cracked open an eye, already expecting todays intruder.  

 

Dressed in black, Jongdae gave her a cheeky smile. His socks were soaking wet and his toes were curled up in discomfort. The hem of his skinny jeans were wet as well and Gaeun bit her lip to stifle some laughter. 

 

"I actually knocked out," She groaned honestly. Sitting up so she could stretch her arms and back. 

 

A sudden sense of pain blurred her vision for a moment and she gulped in panic. Her breathing slowed and she gestured for her cousin to come closer. 

 

Confused, Jongdae neared her, his forhead scrunched. 

 

"Tablet. Get me a tablet," She managed to speak.

 

With a second glance, he stood up and dissapeared behind the corner. 

 

His vanishing made her feel alone. Her head throbbed and gave her a dull ache. Even felt dry and constricted. 

 

She felt the beads of sweat rolling down her back and forehead. 

 

Jongdae returned, two pills and water in hand. Calmly, he placed the back of his hand on her forhead and immediately pulled back. 

 

"Oh ," He cursed aloud, grabbing onto her shoulders and with sudden force, dragging her back down. 

 

He tapped on the bottom of her chin, and she opened a creak. Tossing in the two tablets, he placed the brim of the cup at her lips and titled. With slow movement, she was able to empty the cup and he threw her a quick thumbs up, grabbing the hand towel beside him. 

 

He dabbed at her forehead first, making sure to get every drop of sweat. Then he moved to her back and then a little above her collarbone. 

 

"Jongdae," She croaked. 

 

"Shutup," He pulled off his jacket, tossing it on the ledge of the chair and leaning back with Gaeuns legs behind him. 

 

"I'm not sick," She mumbled, sitting back up. 

 

Jongdae gave her a look. He leaned over and pulled her shoulder back, forcing her to lie back down. 

 

"It's just a headache. Nothing serious I promise," She played a smile. 

 

The boy gave her a one-over. Her long messy brown hair was tangled and each exhale was hesitant and audible. 

 

"Are you sure?" He asked, clearly worried about her pale complexion.

 

She gave him a nod and stretched her arm out to give his shoulder a light squeeze.

 

"I hate that you're so persistent," He sighed, getting comfortable in the warmth of her small home. 

 

She let out a small laugh, "When you put it like that I seem like a horrible person."

 

"Then you're single minded," He shrugged, making a face. 

 

"I like determined, it makes it seem like I'm worth something," She thought, pursing her lips. 

 

Noticing Jongdae's silence she shifted her eyes towards him. He was looking down, his brown curly hair falling over the tip of his eyes. His jaw was clenched and his expression seemed tense. 

 

"Sorry, I know you hate when I do that," She finally spoke.

 

With nowhere else to look but down, she fiddled with her thumbs.

 

"Do what exactly?" He pressed, looking at her was a strong gaze of admiration and culpability. 

 

She bit her lip, not knowing whether to reply or not. 

 

He was probably the only person in the world that could read her like a book. She was so vulnerable under his arm. It was like everything she had ever lived up to and all the strength she had grown  onto would vanish in seconds when he stood by her. 

 

"When I make myself sound like a wreck," She sighed finally, knowing he didn't tolerate vague responses. 

 

"Stop doing this to yourself," Jongdae pleaded, his hand found hers and he held it with a strong grip. 

 

His hand was cold to the bone. 

 

He must have been outside for quite a while. She thought, giving him a small smile. 

 

"I hate to bring this up," he started, looking her in the eye, "but you've been so different ever since the whole you and Baekhyun thing. You're better than that Gaeun-ah. Don't ever think otherwise." 

 

She was at a loss of breath. The minute his name fell out of his mouth she felt a sensation of recollection and memories flood through her mind. They were painted so clearly, some were too real to be true. She had longed for his touch, to hear his voice one more time.

 

But she was better then that. 

 

With enough courage to scare away a mouse, she faked a nonchalant shrug, "That was a whole year ago. It has nothing to do with him," She lied. 

 

Jongdae blinked slowly, obviously ignoring her weak bluff.

 

"I have no idea what happened that night and neither do I have any intention to but I'm just worried."

 

Gaeun nodded. She understood his sincerity and plead in his voice. But the last thing she wanted was to be reminded of him. 

 

"I know Jongdae. And I'm sorry that I'm such a burden," She had mumbled the last part. 

 

"Where the heck is that jerk anyways?" He questioned, looking back out the window as if he would see him standing right there. 

 

The sudden thought made her knees weak. That was where he used to call for her. He used to bang on the window all night until she noticed he was there. With a cheeky smile he would point to the front door begging her to unlock it so he could come in. She would often and play a fool. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I have no idea. I guess somewhere up north where he's studying," She finally replied. 

 

Her eyes were stinging from the sudden remembrance of those precious minutes with him. She rubbed her temple, her headache coming on stronger. 

 

"At least he's doing something with his life," Jongdae smiled, patting her on the head. 

 

Was that supposed to cheer her up?

 

"How bad would it have been if I dated a cheap bastard," She tried to joke, laughing a bit to much. 

 

Jongdae let out a laugh, his shoulders bouncing slightly. 

 

"Are you planning to visit him one day?" He asked suddenly, his expression still amused. 

 

"And why would I do that?" Gaeun questioned. 

 

She never even thought of seeing him after that night. In fact the only thing she had planned to do was avoid him. 

 

"I don't know. Show him what he missed?" He smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. 

 

Her lips fell into a line. 

 

"He hasn't missed anything. It's probably the other way around." And that was probably the most honest thing that had ever left that evening.  

 

Jongdae furrowed his brow for the thousandth time that night, "Meaning?"

 

"Meaning I'm the one who would probably die if he showed up at my doorstep," She sighed.

 

"You would not, shutup," Jongdae mused and she looked up at him. 

 

He was a bit taken back at the seriousness in her eyes. 

 

"I cry inside when I hear his name Jongdae, what makes you think I could survive seeing him again?" 

 

The boy paused for a moment, taking in her words before shaking his head. 

 

"You're fine don't worry," He reassured her. 

 

Gaeun mimicked his gesture, shaking her head at his response also. She wasn't fine. She was far from it. 

 

"I'm terrible and everything that happened is my fault. I don't know how I could ever live knowing that I'm the reason for what happened," Her head was throbbing heavily, nearly making her arms numb and her vision unsteady. 

 

"It's not your fault!" Jongdae shot up, now sitting with his shoulders straight, "It's not your fault Gaeun." 

 

"I'm guilty of alot Jondgae. I...I don't understand where I turned though. When did I become the way I was to him?" She looked up, remembering the words he had said to her that night. 

 

"You aren't at any wrong. You're just Gaeun and that's all. If he can't handle Gaeun then he was never the right one to begin with," Jongdae tried to reason.

 

She wouldn't take it. 

 

"Then maybe being Gaeun was the problem." She said finally. 

 

Jongdae let out a frown and pulled her chin up so she was looking straight at him. 

 

She didn't need pity. She knew better.

 

"It's okay, I'm okay," She smiled, turning away so she wasn't under his grip any longer. 

 

Jongdae's arm flopped down on her thigh and he pained watching her. 

 

She was smiling, beaming almost. He decided to let it go for now. He knew she could break with one more word that left his mouth. It wasn't healthy to be fed off of old memories. The mind could only hold so much and she was cracking, breaking down and in need of repair. 

 

"I was right Gaeun-ah. You're way too persistent," He laughed, adjusting his seat on the couch so he was leaning on her. 

 

She chuckled, bearing his heavy body weight and shifting a little so she was comfortable,

 

"Determined." She corrected.