I sit in my dark room. The curtains closed, the light switched of. I like the dark. Very much to say the truth. I remember the times where I used to hate it, but times chanced.

I chanced - you changed.

I don't know who of us changed more... or less. But we changed. And that's the only thing I can say. I know that somehow this one night changed me. I love you, have this skinny love for you. I want to tell you that more often.

But I don't do it.

That night. I sigh as I remember that night. Moonless and just him and me.

He came home crying, I was the only one awake waiting for you to come back. He entered the living room where I watched this American movie. The same movie we watched when you first told me that you loved me. I still like this time the best. He had stared at me while crying silently.

I'm his best friend.

So I walked up to him, hugging him without asking for any reason. We could. We always know each others hearts. He broke up with his girlfriend that night. He loved her. In an other way I love you.

An other way he loves me.

I love you - don't forget that. Let it be the last thing you remember. But that night... I couldn't love you. I hadn't the strength to wait for you more and let him cry. I had to love him.

My best friend.

First I just kissed his cheeks softly and he stopped crying. Then I kissed his lips softly and he looked at me confused. None of them know about our skinny love.

They still have no idea - but believe me, I do.

I sit down on my bed. The same bed I sat down when he bend over my body, kissing my lips hungrily, touching the bare skin of my body, touching me everywhere I wanted him to touch me. Where I desired for his touch. He and I loved us in a way we can't.

In a impossible way for us to do.

I realized that this night. I still think about it today. Maybe this thought helped me to change. I love you - I would scream it out into the world if you wanted me to.

But you don't.

You just come to me at night, when both of us finished our schedules. I sit on your lap or in between your legs then, you hug me from behind then and stay the night with me like you promised me.

I love those moments, I love you.

But I miss him at those moments the most. Eunhyuk and his kisses everywhere you would never kiss me. I love you though.

I stare into the darkness of my room, seeing the things lying in the blanket next to me.

They changed me too. I first took them when I started to believe that we never could love each other in a way I wanted us too. You are happy, I know that and I love you; I still need him and this nights filled with mind-blowing, senseless, sinful, hard and rough and those syringe filled with mind-blowing, senseless, sinful, hard and rough drugs.

I really do love you and your soft romantic words you whisper into my ear here and then. I really do love the way you hold me when we're sleeping. The way you take so much more care of me then of the other members.

If it wasn't for our skinny love I would have married you right away. I couldn't though. I visited Eunhyuk's room at least four times a week at night - telling you I don't want to loose him as my best friend when I share this love with you - telling him to me until the only thing I see are the stars in the back of my mind.

The soft Eunhyuk I knew got rough and nasty. We play the naughtiest games in those nights, with me wearing leather and nothings, straps and linguine, being cuffed or tied down.

I love it and he loves it too.

I took the drugs in those nights I can't be with him - where I stay at your side, a few hours before you will be home.

Like today.

He noticed the small red points on my lower arms and he asked me about it - I told him the truth. At first he wanted me to stop, then I took them before we had and he loves me like that even more.

So we began to take them together.

I changed. I love the skinny love we have - with soft kisses and silent 'I love you's. But it's just not enough.

It never was - it never will be.

It knocks on my door and I open. He's there. Ready to take the drugs, then to take me. We became addicted. We just can't stop anymore. Those four times became to small.

We do it everyday now - every time we have a few hours.

He brings the bag along. I know everything inside. The toys, the cuffs, the ropes, the role play outfits.

"I prepared." I say to him and he just smiles. Walking inside. I close the door. I'm sorry, Kyuhyun, I really love you, I do, he knows, I know, You know. It's just that it's too late to turn around and stop.

I sit down on my bed. Pushing the syringe into my veins - pushing the whole drug inside my system.

I love you and He loves me.

He's the snake from paradise. ing Eva senseless under Adam's eyes. Getting her pregnant with himself. It's just that you can't see.

You'll never know - because he have our skinny love.