Kyuhyun POV:

Everyone noticed that you changed. I did first. My sweet little angel wasn’t laughing anymore. Like now. You just sit there – staring holes into the air. Not moving a single muscle, not even blinking once.

I sit opposite of you. Worried. What else can I do? I asked you one night about it. You just said that you didn’t changed at all. The next day you stopped begging for my hugs, my words – me in the night. You stayed in Eunhyuk’s room. And it felt like I ran back in time. When your father died.

I noticed that you stopped whispering ‘I love you’`s into my ear, when we lay in bed again like you told me to when you first told me that you loved me. I miss those times. I miss this laugh of yours. I miss you. I love you, Donghae.

I can’t stand it anymore. You won’t talk to me. I know that.

I walk inside of your room. It’s dark – I always thought you hated the darkness, but it seems like this changed too. I search through your desk, your wardrobe, your bed. Finding things I never wanted to. I believed that something happened in your family, that something happened to a person you liked… But this?

What was that, Donghae?

Taking drugs?

“What are you doing here?” I hear a cold voice behind me and turn around. Eunhyuk hyung. He knows – I know that.

“For how long?” I simply ask. He stares at me weirdly, finally after a minute or so seeing the things I am holding in my hand. But he’s not answering me. “Hyung!” I yell. “Tell me!”

“Who knows.” is the only silent answer he gives me. I feel the anger inside my system and the hate toward whatever it was. You`re taking drugs, Eunhyuk knows, he knows and he didn’t stopped you. Now I know what these little red point on your lower arms are. You told me it’s a little allergy. It’s not.

“Why didn’t you stop him?” I hiss. He just stares at me again.

“You’re the boyfriend, right?” he hiss back, even more dangerous then I did. He was full of hate as well. I didn’t knew that Eunhyuk knew about us, Donghae. You told him, right? I should have thought about that. But Eunhyuk isn’t just making me allegations for not realizing that. He hated me.

The syringe falls out of my hand, breaking as soon as it touches the floor. My brain began to work. He knew. Better then I thought he would. Because he knows you, better then I do. Because he loves you and he hates me, because you love me. You still do, right?

“You know nothing.” Eunhyuk hiss again. I know I do.

Donghae, you’re not the only one who changed. Eunhyuk hyung changed too. You changed together, right? You’re with him, when you don’t want to be with me, right? He isn’t the Eunhyuk hyung who’s dorky and happy anymore. He became dark, just like you and your room.

“He’s with me.” he tells me to make me jealous and angry. I can feel it. “Everytime he’s not with you, he’s with me. In my bed. Begging me for hard, rough that he wouldn’t forget.” I bit my lips. It hurts hearing this. It hurts very much to say. But that’s not you anymore. Neither you nor he are still the persons you used to be. You’re broken and that hurts the most.

“We’re having , taking the drugs, have again.” Eunhyuk grabs my collar. “Why?” now he’s the one screaming. “Why? Isn’t he loving me, but you instead, when I can give him everything that you can’t?!”

I just stare at my hyung that I used to love like a brother. Maybe I still do, but I can’t feel it right now. No not now. “I can’t change that.” is all I answer. I can see that he’s fighting with himself if he should punish me or not.

“Hyukjae! Kyuhyun!” both us turn around and see Leeteuk and Donghae standing in the door. Donghae holding Leeteuk’s sleeve like a scared kid. “Both of you stop right now!” Our leader screams and Eunhyuk stopps grabbing my collar. “What the hell are the both of you thinking?”

“I…” Eunhyuk begins but stopps. He never had been good talking to a Leeteuk who was like this. I’m better in things like that.

“Hyung, We’re fighting about Donghae.” I say, all three of them widen their eyes.

“What?”

“Hyung-“ I begin but Donghae interups me.

“It´s fine again.”

“No Donghae. Hyung, Eunhyuk and Donghae need help.” I say in a serious tone, catching Leeteuk attention with it. “They… they’re taking drugs.”

The moment I spoke it out loud Donghae began to cry and Eunhyul to punish my face. Leeteuk just stood there helpless. I know what I did – don’t blame me. But I think it’s the best, for all of us.

“Hyukjae!” Leeteuk screams again and Eunhyuk stopps punshing my face. It’s bleeding already. “Is he right? Tell me. Dammit tell me, Lee Hyukjae!”

“He’s right.” cries Donghae against Leeteuk`s arm. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, hyung. I’m a bad son, I know that. I’m so sorry. I’ll leave Super Junior if you want me too and-“

I stared at Leeteuk. Did he just slapped Donghae? The kid he swore taking care of?

“Never say that again, Donghae.” Leeteuk hug Donghae tight. Tighter then I ever seen them hug before. “I already lost some of my kids. I don’t want to lose you to. Please don’t leave Super Junior. I… We can help you and Hyukjae. We can go through all of this.” Leeteuk cried as much as Donghae. And even Cry baby Eunhyuk was crying now.

This night Leeteuk comes out of his room, his eyes all red and puffy. “Donghae is sleeping now.” He says to me. Eunhyuk is sitting next to me. He hadn’t said a single word this day after what happened.

“Hyukjae.. tell me why.” Leeteuk beg. I want to know too. But I can’t say that. Not now – not in this situation.

“Donghae, he…” Eunhyuk searches for the right words to speak. “One day he came to me and asked me what his good points are and what his bad. I told him…” Eunhyuk hugs his knees. “One hour later he came back asking me why the hell Kyuhyun was loving him, when he had all those weak points.” Eunhyuk stopps here. I can feel Leeteuk look at me.

I nod. “Donghae and me are a couple.” I answer his silent question. “We wanted to say it to you, when Heechul comes back.”

“I think… I think this was the moment Donghae completely broke down. He” Eunhyuk hicups two times. “He was weak already. I think some people at his new drama hated him and bullied him. He’s so weak.” Eunhyuk began to cry again. “It’s my fault.” Eunhyuk cries. “I gave it to Kyuhyun though. I hated him because Donghae was loving him even he begged me for .”

Leeteuk hugs Eunhyuk again. I put my hand on his shoulder as well.

He tells us the whole story how Donghae got the drugs how he started taking them – how they took them together. He told everything. “I swear, hyung. Donghae and I will go to a clinic. We need help. I know that now.” Leeteuk just nod and brings Eunhyuk in his room.

“Kyuhyun?” I look up. Donghae is standing there. Was he there the whole time? No. I think he waited till Leeteuk and Eunhyuk left.

“Yes?” I ask. He stands there awkwardly.

“See.. I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to.. and I still.. I still love you… I did the whole time and…” Donghae cries again. I stand up and hug him.

“Don’t think too much. I still love you, too. Much more then I ever did before, now that I nearly lost ya.” I told him and kiss his forehead.

“Why do you love me so much?” he ask. His eyes telling me “I’m not worth it.” No he is.

“Because you cover all my weaknesses and I cover yours. We’re perfect together. No, you are perfect and I get a bit of your perfectness as well.” I carefully lift his head and kiss his soft sweet lips. “Don’t let anyone tell you different, Donghae, okay?”

He just nod and cry. I love you Donghae, more then I love anything else.

“I know.” he cries. I’m glad you know.