A/N: A bit long. Enjoy!

Chapter 8

Senior year, 2010

“Hey, Cho.”

She spins on her heel behind her and nearly jumps back in shock. Jongdae is sitting back on a seat next to hers in AP Calculus, the seats separated in columns as his legs take up some of the walking space between the two seats.

“Hey Jongdae, what’s up?”

He leans back even more and stuffs his hands in his pockets, smile still on his face. But then it morphs into shy embarrassment, his hand reaches up to rub the back of his neck. No one else is around them to witness the incident and Cho isn’t used to seeing this side at all whatsoever.

“I was thinking about asking Kate to prom sometime this week, and since you’re the only other girl in AP Biology that I somewhat talk to, can you help me?” Jongdae asks in a quiet voice.

She’s stunned, honestly. How did they go from neighbors to helping one side with a prom proposal? But Cho’s always had a soft spot for the boy and she beams softly. “Of course, Daedae. What’s your plan?”

Jongdae’s back straightens and his eyes light up in elation, automatically launching into his plan and Cho listens attentively. He wants to do it at his house, but he doesn’t feel like dragging anyone out just for this and Cho just happens to live a few streets down.

The plan is initiated two days later when Cho drives the short distance to Jongdae’s house to help blow up some balloons. She’s already planned a “study session” with Kate at Jongdae’s (“So Jongdae and I are studying for calculus this Friday and I’m really bad at explaining, so we were wondering if you could come to help?”) and once all the balloons and flowers are arranged neatly, Cho nods in approval.

“Thank you, again,” Jongdae says when they’re sitting outside on his driveway and waiting for Kate to arrive. But before Cho can come up with a witty reply, Kate’s car pulls around the corner and Jongdae stiffens before standing up and brushing off dust. Cho follows and does the same, waving at Kate when she comes out with her five-subject spiral for calculus.

As they walk towards the front door, Cho notes that it’s good Jongdae’s parents are out and takes out her phone to get the camera ready. But when everything is said and done and the biggest smiles are on Kate’s and Jongdae’s faces, there’s a camera ready to be used in Jongdae’s little quest to the proposal stationed in his kitchen.

Shots are snapped, gratitude is given, and Kate stays back because Jongdae really does need help with calculus while Cho doesn’t and she gives a last wave to them before getting in her car and driving the thirty seconds back to her home.

When she’s settled in her room, fan on low speed and back against quilt covers, she feels like she’s done something great in her life. She was part of something beautiful, part of something that made others happy. But then her stomach closes in on itself, her heart becomes hollow, her eyes tear up. She feels empty, sick to the bones, and wants to do nothing but rush towards the toilet bowl and puke her guts out.

Cho doesn’t understand--why must she feel this way?

Why must she feel like she’s finally come to terms with the fact that something so simple and beautiful will never grace her life?

She swallows her tears and grabs the earbuds off her nightstand before stabbing it into the audio jack of her phone and putting her “soft ” playlist on, closing her eyes and willing herself to escape from the world.

-

Mid-October has rolled around and Cho finds herself talking on Skype with Wei again for the nth time. They’re starting to get the feel of each other, comfortable enough to crack jokes here and there. She’s chuckling again at something Wei said while jotting down some stray lyrics.

“Have you had a girlfriend before, Wei? I mean, concerning your current and future status at SM, it’s not bad if you did or will.”

“I’ve dated a couple of times, but I’ve never had a long relationship before. Or maybe I should say serious relationship,” Wei offhandedly replies. Cho nods and jots down a couple more words, frowning then scratching it out and scribbles a few more new ones. “What are you doing? You’ve been making faces this entire time,” he laughs when Cho throws a glare at the screen.

“I’m just getting some lyrics down based on our conversation, see what kind of songs we can do. We’ll definitely have a couple of upbeat songs, but the album should have its fair share of ballads. And then we need to figure out your title song.”

“Who are you going to get to pre-record it?”

“I’ll do it myself,” Cho waves her hand nonchalantly. “We’ll worry about your title song afterwards.”

“You sing?” Wei exclaims, surprise evident in his voice.

“Not well, at least. Which reminds me, I’m doing a gig at a bar in two nights, if you want to come and hear. It’s pretty low key, in case you’re afraid of getting recognized. You interested?” Cho comments.

“Naturally, I’d want to hear how well my lyricist sings, so of course. Message me the address,” Wei says with no criticism whatsoever. He believes that if one can sing at a bar, then one can sing pretty well.

Cho hums in agreement, understanding that Wei means no harm whatsoever and types in the address for him, along with the time and date as a reminder.

“Hey, how does this sound? ‘Every time you throw your head back, I’m reminded of everything that I lack. And at each laugh that falls off your tongue, I think why can’t we be one?’” Cho asks out of the blue, letting Wei process the words for a few seconds to make up for the spontaneous question.

“It sounds nice. Are you aiming for an ambivalent feel or…”

“In a sense, I guess. It’s supposed to be happy but also sad. He’s happy to be by her side, but he’s disheartened by the possibility they can’t become anything closer. Seems cliche, but I think it suits you a little. Which brings me to my next question, have you ever been in love?”

There’s a pause and a clicking of a tongue coming from the other side of the screen.

“Honestly, I don’t think so. But then again, what is love anyways?”

-

No Taemin by her side this time, Cho is sitting in the Sky Lounge with a hot chocolate after work hours. Her phone is in hand, a thumb hovering over Minseok’s name.

He still has made no move to contact her, not even on her birthday ever since he updated his Snapchat story with the high school girl of them longboarding through Seoul. Skype calls between the two had stopped since she ran out on him on that fateful night, and now she doesn’t know if she should just send something to him and hope that he’ll respond. At least, she needs to know if he’s alive and doing well, right?

She bites her bottom lip and texts Minseok the address of the bar she’s singing at tomorrow night, along with the time. But nothing more is attached, a text that could be viewed as some cryptic place in a crime investigation show. Cho continues to bite her lip as she turns her phone downward and slides it onto the table before bringing the cup of hot chocolate to her quivering mouth.

She’s clueless and fighting for answers. She’s scared less and running out of solutions. She’s never been so frazzled until now with the prospect of Wei, Jongdae, and Minseok all being in her life. And just as she’s about to pick up her stuff and head home, her phone makes a water drop sound, the notification ringtone for her messages and stuff.

First, she thinks it’s Minseok, but then again it could be Alysa, Arianna, and Mimi. But when she unlocks her phone, it’s from Jongdae. His contact picture sends Cho flushing again at the reminder of how she got it and she wills herself to stop being such a high school girl.

“What’s crackalackin’?”

“Who even says that anymore, Jonggie?”

“Yah “o(>.<)o” stop calling me that. But srsly, what’s up?”

“Nothing much, just chilling. And mAKE ME. I DARE YOU.”

“Old habits die hard, eh?”

“You bet.”

“Come on, let’s go somewhere.”

“But what if I’m busy?”

“If you were, you wouldn’t be texting back so quickly right now.”

Cho curses under her breath and lets out a breathless laugh. Jongdae’s always somehow made her calm and de-stressed, one of the perks of being his friend. He gives a sense of simplicity, something Cho greatly needs in her life planned by nothing but chaos.

“Go where?”

“Have you had dinner yet?”

“Not yet. Why?”

“I’m taking you to this Chinese restaurant. You’re probably craving it, aren’t you?”

“It better be good. You know how disappointed I was with the last one I went to. Give me like half an hour to get home though.”

“I’ll pick you up at SM. Coming rn.”

“Wait what whoa hold on you don’t have to do that.”

“Cho, shut up.”

Cho quickly gathers her belongings and glugs down the remaining portion of her drink before managing to catch the elevator before it closes. And instead of Taemin, she gets Jonghyun.

“Why do I always end up in an elevator with a SHINee member?” She mutters somewhat to herself and somewhat to him.

“The famous Jung Cho. It’s nice to finally meet you,” he grins happily and holds out a hand for her to shake. She does just that as he continues to speak. “Taemin’s said a lot about you.”

“Taemin needs to grow up, that’s what,” she says sweetly. “Noona’s taken too many people under her wing already.”

Jonghyun cackles at her statement and gestures for her to walk out first whenever the elevator reaches the ground floor. He waves and throws up his hood before strutting in the direction of the backside door for employees only and Cho is left to stare out the windows for Jongdae’s car.

She doesn’t have to wait long, surprisingly, when Jongdae sends a text of his arrival but also to tell her that he can’t get past all the fangirls and is parked down the street. Cho chuckles and takes a side door that’s closer and instinctively hugs herself a bit to bear against the cold. From here, she can spot his car, a humble black Hyundai Accent and Jongdae seems to have spotted her by the way he gets out, shuts his own door, and stands by the passenger door.

“Hey,” she grins at him. Jongdae returns it with his own signature eye smile. “Hey.”

“Thanks for coming to pick me up, even though you didn’t really need to.”

“Pleasure’s all mine,” he attempts in a British accent while making circles with his arm as he bows jokingly. Cho snorts and lightly whacks his shoulder to signal he can stand upright again. They’re still laughing as he opens the car door for her and she slides in neatly, subconsciously taking in the clean linen smell of the car as Jongdae makes his way around to his side.

“Click it or ticket,” he sings and Cho rolls her eyes while buckling herself in. “We’re definitely still in America.”

“Cho, please.”

“Jongdae, I’m hungry. Let’s go.”

-

“So what are your plans for tomorrow?” Jongdae asks after swallowing a mouthful of soup.

The restaurant is slightly rundown, but Jongdae assures that it’s healthy. He’s been here a few times more than not, and according to him, “No stomach bug, no foul.”

Cho is surprised by the authenticity of the food once their orders have come out, accidentally slipping out a thank you in Chinese and causing the ahjumma to startle slightly while she was serving their food. Needless to say, she was very happy to meet someone who could speak Chinese and converse with her in her mother language. Cho asks her how they make a couple of dishes and Grandma (as she’s forced to call her now) is fine with telling her how.

“Is he your boyfriend?” Grandma asks in Chinese and giggles like old people who gossip while Cho quickly waves her hands in front of her in denial.

“Definitely not,” Cho replies, pouting at the continuing sound of laughter.

“Keep him, he’s quite a catch. And very very handsome!” Grandma cackles again and leaves them to eat in peace.

“Grandma!” She whines and huffs, turning around to face Jongdae who was a very amused expression on his face.

“What was that all about?” He asks in curiosity though the playfulness is evident in his voice.

“Nothing,” Cho grumbles and flushes at the whole boyfriend topic memory. She angrily stabs at her fried green onion pancake (葱油饼) and masticates the goodness. “You’re right, this is really good. So much better than the sorry excuse of mapo tofu I had last time at another Chinese restaurant.” Air quotes are given around the word ‘Chinese’ and Jongdae chuckles before digging in.

“So, plans?” He brings up again and Cho finishes her bite of sauced handmade noodles (打卤面) before replying.

“Work, and then I have a gig tomorrow night. It’ll be my first one so I’m kind of nervous.”

“You sing?” Jongdae gapes and Cho chuckles at his familiar response with Wei’s. “You’re not the only one surprised. I’m kind of rough, not varsity choir material like you were,” Cho teases.

“Well, if you’re singing at a bar, you must be pretty good. When and where?”

“It’s at 7PM at a basement bar just a couple of streets that way,” Cho points to her left. “Not really popular, but people go there. Are you thinking of coming?”

“If there’s nothing else to do, then yeah, definitely. See if you’re on par with my varsity choir voice,” Jongdae snickers and Cho flicks some sauce from her chopsticks, whooping when a drop successfully lands on his face.

-

How the next twenty-four hours passed, Cho will never remember. She’s genuinely nervous about her first gig, fingers fiddling with the handle on her guitar case. The owner’s already greeted her tonight and assured that there’s no way she could disappoint him, even though Cho’s pretty sure there’s a lot of room left for disappointment, and hands her a glass of water before her time starts.

The indie band before her must have quite the fandom base, considering the amount of girls sitting attentively with their chins perched on their hands, drinks untouched for minutes at a time. She feels like she’ll be overshadowed, but she’s always wanted to try something new. This was out of her comfort shell, so why not?

The band bows and thanks the crowd, some customers not caring and others cheering in response. She waits until they’ve packed up and left before she walks up on stage, adjusting the microphone and her stool before taking out her guitar. The owner does some quick introductions as she quietly tunes her instrument, giving a small smile to the audience when they clap. Why she chose this bar over more famous ones was because it had a reputation for attracting polite customers.

“Hello everyone. As you all heard, my name is Jung Cho. This is my first gig tonight and I’ll be singing a covers and some of my own pieces over the course of the next hour or two. Please enjoy.”

Light applause follows her short self-introduction as she quickly strums a few chords to warm her fingers up. Pick still in between her fingers, she looks out at the audience again before taking a deep breath and starting with Hackensack by Fountains of Wayne.

Cho strums through the first few chords and closes her eyes to fall into the music, much like how she did with piano and violin back in her high school years. “This one is for Jongdae,” she thinks to herself and sings.

I used to know you when we were young

You were in all my dreams

We sat together in period one

Fridays at eight fifteen

Now I see your face in the strangest places

Movies and magazines

I saw you talkin’ to Christopher Walken

On my tv screen

But I will wait for you

As long as I need to

And if you ever get back to Hackensack

I’ll be here for you

Cho’s eyes flutter open as she plays through the small riff, gaze not really focused on anything. With the lighting, she realizes she can’t really see anyone out there and the illusion of the lack of audience somehow calms her as she starts the next verse.

I used to work in a record store

Now I work for my dad

Scraping the paint off of hardwood floors

The hours are pretty bad

Sometimes I wonder where you are

Probably in L.A.

That seems to be where everybody

Else ends up these days

But I will wait for you

As long as I need to

And if you ever get back to Hackensack

I’ll be here for you

She’s sent down memory lane with this song, flashes of the CD playing on repeat in the car, windows down and wind trekking through her hair. The silent bridge is somehow more emotional than it originally lets on and she starts the end of the song.

But I will wait for you

As long as I need to

And if you ever get back to Hackensack

I’ll be here for you

And if you ever get back to Hackensack

I’ll be here for you

Cho sings the last two lines with no guitar accompaniment, just her voice and tiny clinks of glass hitting surfaces as her voice takes a spin on the last note, letting her voice smoothly fade into the background. Applause follows, louder than it was before the start, and she beams while bowing slightly on her stool.

-

Jongdae watches from the back and he can feel that sensation, little by little, of falling in nowhere, but blissfully and silently.

He is definitely in like with this girl named Jung Cho.

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