Himchan blinked his eyes open, squeezing them shut when bright lights shone into them directly, temporarily blinding him. He tried opening them again, a blur all he could see, while at the same time he was hit by the sound of beeping close to his ear. Furrowing his eyebrows, everything slowly came into focus: TL lights and a white ceiling were the first things he actually saw, until he managed to turn his head and took in the rest of the room he was in.

A hospital. That was where he was. The only question was: why? He tried to recall his last memory, but doing so only made his head hurt. Deciding that the easiest way to find out what the hell had happened was to ask the doctor, he searched for the button that would allow him to call for a nurse. It was only when he moved that he registered the soreness in his body and when he noticed his arms, he realised they were scabbed in several places, and he could see the beginnings of scars. An IV drip was stuck in his skin and wires emerged from under his hospital gown, which were attached to the beeping machine beside him.

Feeling sick at the thought of what the rest of him might look like, he pressed the button one, two, three times, hoping that someone would hurry up and get to him so he could ask a few questions.

Luckily it didn’t take very long for a nurse to rush inside, a gasp leaving when she saw him, like she hardly believed it.

“Mister Kim, you’re awake! I’ll call the doctor!”

Himchan opened his mouth to stop her, but she was already gone. He sighed and comforted himself with the thought that at least she had gone to get someone who might be able to provide him with some answers. They should at least manage to tell him what had happened, how bad his injuries were, and when he could leave.

Not long after, a slim, attractive woman with black hair and a sweet smile came in, instantly making him feel a little more at ease.  “Mister Kim, good to finally see you up. I am your doctor, Song Jieun, and I’ve been treating you since you were first admitted. The accident did quite some damage to your body, but we have high hopes that, with the help of therapy, you will be able to regain full control of your legs.”

Himchan frowned and heard her continue about temporary paralysis due to a fracture in his spine, something she was confident would heal ‘eventually’, broken ribs, punctured lungs, and a broken tooth or two. He knew he should be shocked, because this all sounded a lot more serious than he had expected, but he was too confused about what on earth was going on.

“What accident?” he asked, his voice hoarse, interrupting his doctor as she explained the metal pins in his hands – something he hadn’t even noticed yet, though now that he was paying attention to it, they did feel slightly different.

She opened and closed , looking flustered. “Ah, sorry, I think I got a little carried away,” she apologised, nodding at the nurse he had seen earlier, who now entered with a small box and some water. She waited until the nurse lifted the plastic cup of water to Himchan’s mouth, and he drank from it eagerly, his mouth dry like sandpaper.

“You were in an accident two weeks ago, and in a coma until just now,” Doctor Song continued when Himchan had swallowed. “It seems you lost control of your car on a steep hill; the vehicle was found upside down at the bottom. Frankly, you’re lucky to even be alive, because your car was completely crushed.”

Interesting, but something didn’t add up here. Himchan declined the cup when it was held in front of him again and stared at his doctor suspiciously. “There has to be a mistake. I can’t even drive, so how could I own a car?” Oh, sure, he had thought of getting his driving license, but something always got in the way, usually a lack of money or simply not having the time to take regular lessons. He didn't see why he'd be lied to, but there was definitely something wrong.

Doctor Song gazed at him in concern before exchanging a look with the nurse. “Well, your driving license was found at the scene and the car was registered in your name,” she explained as the nurse showed Himchan something from the box: his license. It was undoubtedly real, though a bit battered, but in this photo he had black hair, while he had been keeping it blonde for ages. Not to mention that he shouldn’t have a license to begin with, unless it was a very amazing copy.

“Mister Kim, I should have asked you this sooner, but… What is the last thing you remember?” Doctor Song asked kindly.

“Everything’s kind of fuzzy, to be honest,” Himchan replied, receiving an understanding nod from the doctor. He squinted and thought more deeply, until finally a memory seemed to resurface of him on a train after leaving the office. “I remember being at work, going home…” He bit his lip. “But that’s it. No car, I can tell you that.”

“And when was this?” Doctor Song inquired urgently. “What was the date?”

Himchan looked at her weirdly, although something started to dawn on him. He swallowed down the bile that was rising in his throat. Surely it couldn’t be what he feared it was. That was something for novels, dramas, not for him. He took a shaky breath before answering. “Seven, eight September, I’m not completely sure.”

“Of what year?”

“2011.”

Instantly, Himchan knew this was definitely not two weeks ago. Doctor Song turned towards the nurse and instructed her to get someone by the name of Jung Hana, whoever that was, before returning her attention to Himchan.

“The current date is the twelfth of February, 2014. Don’t be alarmed,” she assured Himchan, whose blood had drained from his face. “This is not uncommon. Sometimes it’s something in the brain that’s trying to suppress a traumatic experience, other times it can be caused by a physical injury. There are multiple possible causes. Considering your injuries, I'm leaning towards post-traumatic amnesia: generally caused by head trauma, something you certainly suffered from. What type of amnesia it is precisely is something we'll have to look into and that is my colleague Jung Hana's area of expertise. She will speak to you, I will discuss your file with her, and she will do her best to diagnose you and see if we can't find a solution. It doesn't have to be permanent.”

Himchan nodded, not wanting to show how panicked he was. He had just been told he had lost over two years of his memories and despite the doctor’s words, he knew it was possible to never regain these. And even if he did, what was he supposed to do until then? He had no idea if he still had the same job, if he had moved house, if he was seeing anyone; nothing. He didn't even know what was going on in the world, what to expect once he did set foot outside.

“Has anyone come to see me?” he asked softly, hoping for a change of subject. It wasn’t as though he had expected people to be crowding his bed, but it would have been nice if someone had been there for him. He knew he couldn’t expect his parents, because last he remembered they weren’t talking and he doubted that had changed. But there were other people, friends, and why weren’t they here? Did they not care?

Doctor Song smiled and nodded once. “Oh, yes. I haven’t seen him myself, but the nurses talk about him frequently. I’m afraid I don’t know his name, but from what I heard he’s very good-looking and he drops by often to see how you're doing. He’ll probably visit you again soon enough.”

That didn’t help Himchan at all, because he knew plenty of attractive men, but he nodded anyway. At least someone cared, which was a slight comfort, although he was sure he had more than one friend. He did in his memory, in any case. Or was this person a boyfriend? As far as he knew, he was single, but a lot could have happened in two and a half years. 

“Doctor Song, Doctor Jung is here,” the nurse announced, having returned. Doctor Song, who had just explained Himchan’s injuries in more detail, nodded her thanks and told her she could go, inviting in the other doctor, a blonde-haired woman with a cute face. Perhaps he had landed in a drama after all, because surely these doctors were all too attractive to be real.

“Mister Kim, this is Doctor Jung Hana, one of our most experienced psychologists. She will be able to help you while you recover. Doctor Jung, this is Kim Himchan; I believe Sunhwa explained his situation to you.”

Doctor Jung smiled sweetly and bowed, Himchan inclining his head in return. “It’s nice to meet you, Himchan. Is it okay for me to call you that?”

Himchan nodded warily. She seemed nice enough, but he wasn’t looking forward to speaking about his thoughts and feelings, no matter who the listener might be. He also didn’t see how this could possibly help him, but he supposed the doctors must know better than he did. Perhaps there was something in talking that could jog his memory somehow.

“I have to see some other patients now,” Doctor Song spoke up. “Himchan, why don't you and Doctor Jung become acquainted with each other? And I will check on you again later.” She gestured at the box the nurse had left behind. “This box contains the possessions that were found on you, or what’s left of them. Perhaps you can go through them together.”

She nodded at them both before leaving the room, offering Himchan a reassuring smile as she did.

“For now we’ll stick to introductions,” Doctor Jung said calmly. “Because trying to do too much so soon could work against you. My name is Jung Hana, but feel free to call me Hana if that makes you more comfortable.” She took his chart from the end of the bed and grabbed a chair. “Now, your name is Kim Himchan, correct? Date of birth 19th of April, 1988?”

Himchan nodded quietly.

“Why don’t you tell me something about yourself? Your occupation, for example? Family, friends, girlfriend?”

“I don’t…” He took a deep breath and smiled awkwardly. “I’m gay.” A sense of great relief came over him when Hana merely nodded, without judging. “But I don’t have a boyfriend either," he added hastily. "That I know of, I don't... I don't know what happened since then. Erm… No siblings, and my parents and I lost contact after I came out. They’d prefer no son over a gay son.”

He smiled bitterly, still clearly remembering the day he had confided in them. His mother had cried and asked why he couldn’t be ‘normal’, told him he was an embarrassment to the family, and his favourite: she asked how he could do this to her. Because clearly his uality was a taunt in her direction. While she was saying all this, his father had sat there stoically, arms crossed as he stared into the distance. It wasn’t until his mother had become silent that he had spoken, but only to tell Himchan he was dead to him. “I won’t have a gay son. Therefore, I have no son,” had been his last words to him.

“As for friends…” This was more difficult, seeing how he had no idea who his friends might be now. “Last I remember, I had a few friends, but my best friends were Moon Jongup and Yoo Youngjae. They’re not straight either, and we met each other in a club. I work in an office where I do data entry, which is pretty simple and boring. Pays okay, though, and my colleagues are alright.”

He looked at Hana questioningly, wondering if he should say more.

“That’s very impressive, Himchan,” Hana complimented. “Despite your parents’ disapproval, you accept yourself the way you are. You found a job, friends. Of course we can’t be sure yet what happened during the time you’ve forgotten, but we’ll get there.” She looked at him curiously. “You seem awfully calm, though. Most people would be freaking out.”

“I guess it hasn’t hit me yet,” Himchan replied shortly. Honestly, it all felt like a dream to him.

Hana smiled in understanding. “It is a lot to take in, and you haven’t had time to process it yet.” She glanced over at the box Jieun had pointed out earlier. “Would you like to go through your things? Perhaps something will trigger a memory. Although that’s not what we’re looking for just yet, it can’t hurt.”

Himchan bit his lip, nervous about what there could be, but he agreed anyway. It might be for the best, and he had to admit he was curious about his current life.

There wasn’t much: his driving license, which he had already seen, his phone (a fancy thing with a big screen, though it was now cracked and didn’t look salvageable), passport, clothes (mostly tatters; he asked Hana why they had kept them, but she seemed unsure as well, saying she never handled that aspect; apparently the hospital usually preferred to leave it up to the patient), an iPad (something he had only heard about, but according to Hana it was the latest model; also broken), his wallet, hand sanitizer, a packet of gum, and an empty notebook with a few pens and pencils.

His wallet contained a bank and credit card and some of his own business cards which showed a phone number he didn’t recognise, though it was apparently his own. Apparently he still worked in the same place, now with the title of team leader. He smiled at the realisation that he had made a step up. Unfortunately there wasn’t much else to be found in terms of information, not even as much as an address, but it was a start. By the looks of it,  he hadn't been doing too badly in life.

“Do you think I’ll get my memory back?” he mumbled nervously after they had put everything back.

“I believe there’s a big chance you will, yes,” Hana answered. “You’re not the first person to go through this and you won’t be the last, and in most cases people recover fully. It's more common than you'd think. You might even wake up tomorrow and miraculously remember everthing.”

Himchan nodded slowly, although he couldn't share the woman's optimism right now. “How can you help me then?"

“You’ve been through a traumatic experience,” Hana said, something Himchan was well aware of already and had been told to him by Doctor Song too. “Even if you do suddenly regain your memories, you might need help coping with the situation as it is. I can’t force you into therapy, but in the case of more lasting memory loss - temporary or not - I would like to schedule regular meetings with you.”

“Yeah, sure.” Suddenly he felt very sleepy and he couldn’t suppress a yawn. He apologised softly. “I think I need to rest,” he commented, surprised at the realisation. After having been in a coma for two weeks, you’d think he’d be rested enough. Hana smiled like she had expected this.

“It’s been a draining experience for you so far,” she explained. “It makes sense that you need to rest. Besides, your body needs to grow used to being awake again. It needs to build up its strength again.” She got to her feet and placed the box on the floor, next to Himchan’s bed. “I’ll leave now, but you can call for me whenever you want.”

“Okay,” Himchan muttered. He watched her leave sleepily, his eyes sliding closed before she had even stepped out the door.