I was born on a night when the devils danced against the warmth of the earth, pouring its painful joy onto us. I was supposed to be born as the rainchild; gloomy and dark. However, a spark ignited in me and I cannot help but to giggle at the silly rain trying its best to spread the gloom. My mother would always tell me that on that night, I chased the devils away with my laughter that resounded throughout the street. I have never cried, and I never will because I know that deep down, I am capable of so much more than to feel the heaviness of the negativity the devils try so hard to spread. I refuse to let the devil win and I promise to always illuminate in every darkness that covers me like a blanket because only in the dark, can I shine my brightest. 

 

That changed when my mum conceded defeat. That changed when my father left to pursue happiness, drowning me in his own misery. But everything collapsed when he left. 

 

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The muscles that made me smile died. The sparkle in my eyes diminished. My birthday was no longer significant. The Byun Baekhyun that chased the storm away died, and in his place was Byun Baekhyun, the one that creates them. 

"You've changed." they said. 

I just hid myself.

"Why are you like that now?" they said. 

I am facing my fate.

"Smile, Baek." they said. 

Oh, if only they knew of the pain that I have to bear if I smiled. If only they knew. 

For all those days, I was alone. I only had that empty book which strangely gives me a sense of comfort. The lightbulb that settled itself amongst the plain vast ceiling shone on me, but strangely enough it felt dark. Strangely enough, I got a papercut although I have never touched its pages. A papercut that thumps against my skin, asking me to acknowledge its presence but yet, it stays hidden in the depths of the walls I built inside of me. 

I wonder how it got through those walls. 

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"Baekhyun-ah!"

I turned around, a smile planted on my face as I came face to face with a giant.

"Heol, stop wearing insoles for Christ's sake." I said, as I tried to maintain a 'omgwhatthehellareyou' face.

"I am chirst himself." 

"Congratulations Yeol, you have just insulted half of the planet a second ago." 

 

 

My body flew up as crystal beads rolled down my forehead, with a beat inside my ears that goes 'dumdumdumdumdumdum' like a drum. 

All of a sudden, it felt cold. As though the wind have comforted me by wrapping me in its embrace. Instinctively, I stood up and walked towards the empty book which gives me comfort and contained all my feelings because everytime I tried to pen down my feelings, the empty page seemed to be the best description I could find. I flipped open the pages and it slipped out of my grasp, landing on the floor with a page open. 

I stared hard at the words written on it. 

Handwriting so familiar, so distinct. The ink so fresh, as though it was written seconds ago. 

"Baekhyun-ah..."

I closed the book shut and fell to the floor. 

"This is not happening." 

Why? After I woke up from a nightmare, another nightmare greets me? Why?

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The next day, I woke up with my back stiff and it seemd that I fell asleep on the floor. I picked up the book and flipped through the pages only to find that the words were still embedded on the page. I stood up and felt my body shake and my vision blurred. The earth was wrapping itself against me, the curtains flew as wind gushed into the room and for a moment, I though that it was gonna take away all the breath I had in my measly pathetic lungs.

"Just... end it."

I said as the tears gushed down my cold cheeks to the bottom of my chin where it hung there, afraid to take the fall. The wind calmed down, the earth stopped spinning but I realised that it was me who have stopped swaying. 

Everyday, everytime I fall into a slumber, I will be dragged away by the devils as though they came to punish me for chasing them away on the day I was born. Never did I know that this year, they were getting serious. Every night, messages appeared on the notebook calling out to me until one day, I gathered all the courage I had and wrote back. 

"Who are you, what do you want from me." 

Although all I wanted then was answers, but deep down, I knew that the answer will hold too much truth, it is going to look like a lie. I don't need the answers now. 

Even before I can close the book, I ran out of the house. 

Out of our house.

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I ran and ran, letting my legs navigate the way and soon enough I ended up in a park and my legs no longer had the strength to run anymore. I found a bench and I gently placed myself there as though I am a fragile piece of  glass that will be shattered at any moment. 

I sat there allowing the wind to run its warm fingers through my hair, caressing my cheek, embracing my whole body. Thoughts ran in my mind like windmills, spinning and spinning. The events that happened, what...

At that moment, I felt someone sitting down beside me and instinctively, I stood up, ready to leave but a warm hand grabbed me. I stood there frozen, as though nothing would move and remain cold forever. However, the owner of that hand spoke, melting away all the ice. 

"Why are you leaving, Baekhyun?" 

I turned around slowly, not wanting to shock myself as tears started to flow uncontrollably. The tears that were once afraid to fall now fell with comfort onto the cold, smooth cemented path.

This cannot be true...

"C-Chanyeol?" 

"I'm back, elf." 

And I was embraced in the warmth of the sun that will never scald me. A warmth I was so familiar with, a warmth I missed, a warmth that can either break me or build me. 

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"Where did you go?"

"Oh, you know where I went." Chanyeol said with a smirk.

I missed that smirk. 

Chanyeol's hands found its way to mine and our fingers interwined just like before. 

"The notebook... it was you, right?"

"Yeap, I wanted to surprise you but you somehow never enter my room anymore. I was hiding there the whole time it was so miserable!"

His room... it was too dangerous for me to enter. It is a world so vague I'll get lost in. A world where truths and lies co-exists. A world where truths become lies and lies become truths. 

"It was too dark, Yeol."

"Now now, is that what a shining star would say?"

Before I could reply, Chanyeol lifted up my hand till it was in front of his face and he examined them. 

"Where did all these papercuts come from?" 

"I think I flipped through the pages too furiously, but I am fine." 

Our eyes met and Yeol's move surprised me, sending shockwaves everywhere. 

He was gently kissing all the papercuts and at that moment, I felt that he was the only cure to papercuts. Although he cannot cure others of their papercuts, he could cure mine. That was more than enough. But he knew. 

 He knew.

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We walked back hand in hand, and it seemed as though we are taking a path where time would rewind and stop for us at moments where we could make precious memories, although I do not like memories a lot. 

Memories are just a much more sophisticated way of describing one's pain, misery and happiness. 

However, this memory with Chanyeol was worth the sacrifices I will have to make. 

"Baek."

"Yeah?"

Chanyeol hesitated for a moment as his eyes darted around. A habit I love. 

"I miss you."

I miss you too.

I responded with a  small smile and pulled myself closer. I cannot bring myself to reply him and I was mentally kicking myself for my weakness. Why am I not strong enough to respond? Why are the words not leaving my lips although they are just at the tip of my tongue? 

I knew why, but I did not want to know.

That day passed so quickly and while we were on the streets, we met some of our ex-classmates.

"Baek! You look so different." They said. 

Difference is something I cannot differentiate anymore.

"Wow, you're back!" They said. 

I was never gone.

"You're smiling!" They said.

I am risking everything.

They never seem to know that happiness is not something that comes naturally anymore. They will never understand until they lose it. Happiness, is dangerous. You go on a quest looking for the key to happiness, but with every key you obtain, someone drowns in misery. 

I know, but I am still doing it.

I have been living in my own misery for too long and I too, want happiness. 

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When we got home, Chanyeol flopped down onto the (our) sofa and let out a satisfacted sigh. 

"While you were gone, I have-"

"You did well, Baek. You did."

That was it.

I just lost control and tears fell. 

It was so hard.

It was so dark without you.

I loved you. 

You...just left.

Now, you are back. 

Its painful. 

Those stupid papercuts. 

Your stupid kisses.

I hate you so much 

I hate---

"I am sorry Baek, I really am. I don't want to leave you hanging so I am going to complete everything right here and right now." 

Chanyeol said while hugging me but he suddenly kneeled down and he took out a huge box. 

"Byun Baekhyun, are you, the elf, willing to marry your mortal enemy in the Land of Midgets?"

I covered my lips not because I do not want him to see my lips quivering nor was I trying to not let a squeak escape from my mouth, because I would rather do all that now. 

I covered my lips because I do not want him to see me bleeding. (from all the biting of my lips) 

"Actually-"

Chanyeol stood up. 

"Don't answer me right now."

"What?" I said, confused. 

"Answer me when the time is right after you open this box and yes, you have the chance to reconsider." 

I smiled, and that night, it felt like the papercut behind the wall was gone. As though it was healed as our bodies melt into each other that night. The night I lit up the sky.

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The papercut, is gone. 

The book is gone too. 

So is Chanyeol. 

When Chanyeol was gone, I panicked and ran around the house screaming for him but only my voice resounded. 

I was left in despair. 

He left, again.

I figured that this was the right time to open the box thinking,

"That bastard dare to play this kind of game with me?"

I opened the box and in it was not a ring, but a book. 

My book. 

I flipped open the first page, and the other, and the other, and the other. 

I kept flipping and flipping and flipping and at the end of the book, I smiled, and I knew where to go. 

I know where Chanyeol is. 

I always have. 

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I took a taxi and I went down the alley and soon it seems as though I have arrived at a whole new world as the city diminished and soon got replaced by the vibrant greenery that only nature can pull off.

I was dressed in my best. In fact, I was dressed in the outfit that Chanyeol liked best. 

In my hands were some of his favourite flowers, Eglantine, and I have added some of my own. 

I added the Bird of Paradise, Arbutus, Everlasting and Honeysuckles. 

They held a special meaning I wish to convey to him.

I paid the taxi driver the fare, and I alighted from the cab.

I have finally arrived.

 

"I do, you giant. I will always say yes."

With my cheeks flushed and a smile on me, I said it as I place the flowers before the smooth marble stone with a face engraved on it.

A face I fell in love and got married with.

"Even if it was for a day, I knew. But I don't want to know the truth. You knew too, the truth about those papercuts. 

You probably do not have the slightest idea how grateful I am towards you. To even breathe the same air as me, walk the same earth as me, and stand below the same clouds as me.

I love you, Park Chanyeol. I always have, since the day you burnt those papers for me, I knew you were the one. 

Fire feeds on oxygen but for me, you gave up your own oxygen so that the fire could continue burning all those paper away. For me. 

I love you, Yeol. I love you I love you I love you I love you so so so so so much."

The rain fell and my tears fell. The rain was the devil but an angel too. An angel that put out the fire to save me, but never would they understand that a paper fell in love with a fire, and that the fire does not need to be extinguished. A devil, because it killed my love.

Maybe that's where all the cuts came from.

From the blades of itself. 

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"Seeing you so sad, I broke a rule."

"Every page I write on, it takes away a minute of my life."

"Hahahaha, Life."

"I was only given a week to see you. You know, a holiday."

"Every rule I break claims a day of my so called Life."

"That rule was this, communicating with you."

"It seems like this will not work out."

"I promised to burn these papers for you so I gave it up, my oxygen."

"I saw the fire diminishing in you so I thought maybe I could help."

"I love you so much I did it."

"Baekhyun-ah"

"I broke another rule." 

"I hugged you. That was me, the "wind"."

"I broke another rule."

"Seeing you so close to me made me do it."

"I appeared in front of you."

"But this only takes away like an hour from my life or something."

"I broke another rule."

"I touched you."

"I was told not to let my existence be known as it might create some sanity problems but it, I need you."

"I broke another rule."

"I talked to you."

"I broke a rule yet again, for you."

"I kissed you."

"I am left with 5 hours but I decided that since today, I did everything I could to take away those pain, I might as well. So, I'll break the last one."

"And this rule is exactly 5 hours."

"I might or might not have proposed because I thought that I deserve at least that much for all that I have done for you."

"I love you Byun Baekhyun."

"Forever and always"

"I'm fading."

"Will you marr-" 

Correction. Its Park Baekhyun now, I said, as I got ready to visit his grave. 

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[A/N: Hi guys! Thank you for reading till the end of this chapter! I hope that you can continue reading it to clear some of the doubts in your head! UGh I love all of you so much we need to become a society. (If you even know what I am talking about.) Also! If there are any tense errors, please do forgive me! My tenses are horrible.]

Poster Credits to: Run run graphics, done by Choicememeho.

 

Bird of Paradise - Given by a woman to a man to symbolise faithfulness. 

(I know baekhyun isnt a woman (or is he >:3) but you know what i mean.)

 Arbutus - I love only you. 

Everlasting - Unfading rememberance

Honeysuckle - Bond of Love & I Love you.