(Epilogue)

The car came to a stop just by the corner and Baekhyun took a full minute to sit back and take a breather. The three-hour drive was more exhausting that he had ever thought, even though he should be used to it by now. The weather was perfect for a visit, not too sunny yet not showing any signs that it would rain anytime soon. Baekhyun released the breath he didn’t know he was holding, letting it out in a sigh before grabbing the bouquet of flowers that sat on the passenger seat, leaving the car.

There were people he recognized from five years ago, people who had been in his position at that point of time. He doesn’t know them but he knew that once upon a time not too long ago, they had all been lost, mournful and meaningless. Somehow they have made it through, and so had he. It had seemed almost impossible and even now as he stood there overlooking the beauty that was presented before him, he still couldn’t believe that he could smile again. His silence was interrupted by the ringing of his phone, the same chorus of ‘Ring Ding Dong’ startling him.

He frowned upon seeing the number that flashed on his phone screen, not in the mood to answer the call because he had been angry and he still is. Pursing his lips, Baekhyun put his phone into a silent mode before chucking it into his car through the window. Today he wanted to be alone.

Baekhyun finally made a move, walking towards the area in which the memorial was held. He passed by stones after stones, already memorized the one he’s visiting by heart. It was placed at the far end from the entrance and when he finally reached it, Baekhyun smiled down at the stone, slowly putting the bouquet of flowers on top of it before taking a seat on the ground, not even a little bothered by the dirt. He had done this so many times, if felt as though it was his second home.

His hand reached out to caress the words engraved on the stone, a name he chants every night in his sleep. The smile that grazed his lips was beginning to falter as he felt an increasing weight on his chest. It was a different kind of weight; one that isn’t full of worry and fear but of longing and absence of someone who had meant – who still means – so much to him.

There’s a frown that formed on his forehead as he remembered the raised voices from the night before – of misunderstandings and trust and doubtfulness of one’s loyalty, and he couldn’t remember a time like that before the incident five years ago. He was still angry from last night’s heated argument, still not used to being shouted at for saying out what he feels. He wanted to blame something or someone but he had only himself to reprimand. He should get used to it; he should because it’s been a year.

Baekhyun sighed yet again, letting his hand fall onto his lap from spending almost five minutes caressing the carved stone. He smiled again, breathing slightly labored from the blurring of his vision. He’s used to that, and he knows when he blinked, his cheeks would get wet. He wiped at his tears with his sleeves but continued to smile before he began, “Sehun-ah, I’m here again today. I’m sorry I couldn’t find the time to visit you for the past two weeks; I had a lot of work to do.”

He fell into a silence that rang loud in his ears, torn between wanting to let it all out and keeping it inside. Despite his thoughts, Baekhyun decided that if anyone was to be the first to know of his heartaches and problems, it would be Sehun. So he smiled again and he continued, “Last night I had another fight with YiFan. He accused me of having feelings for Jongin and for a while, he reminded me of you when you were jealous.” Baekhyun chuckled humorlessly. “But he was really angry when I joked about it and he actually believed that I do like Jongin that way. How could I, though, when Jongin’s already engaged to one of my best friends? YiFan’s doubt for my loyalty hurts, Sehun. And