(Part 5)

Silence rang loud in Baekhyun’s ears as he sat in a room packed with men and women, children and adults, some crying, some angered and some, much like him, numbed. There were noises everywhere, coming from his right and his left and everything is in a chaos but he couldn’t find it in himself to bother. He sat where he had since he had first reached the airport, smiling then, excited. He felt smaller than he had ever been, surrounded by company he didn’t want to have. Every breath he took felt like a stabbing to his chest, fingers trembling where they clasped on his lap. His eyes were puffy from the crying fit he went through upon receiving the news.

He watched as his fingers continued to tremble, raising his hands up and covering his face with them to hold back the sob that was rising up his throat. He managed to keep it in, releasing it in a form of a shaky breath. In the darkness behind closed lids, his hands on his face, Baekhyun saw an image of Sehun, of how Sehun had looked like when they last held each other. He could still feel Sehun’s arms around him, could still remember sneaking his fingers through the hole of those ripped jeans Sehun wore as they sat on this very seat before Sehun had to go. He could still feel Sehun’s lips on his, and when they had lingered on his forehead a second longer.

Baekhyun uncovered his face, breathing in violently for the memories were too much to withhold. His palms were wet from the tears he didn’t know had fallen and wiped them off on his jeans. They come up again to wipe his cheeks and he winced at the sharp pain that shot through his chest when he took a deep breath. Sure that his cheeks were dried, Baekhyun clasped his hands together once again on his lap, shaking his foot as if the action could stabilize the way his heart beat at his chest. He’s waiting but it felt as though he had waited forever. His head throbbed and he was weak everywhere.

There was a squeeze on his left shoulder that made him look up, meeting Taemin’s own pair of puffy eyes whose lips smiled down at him. He attempted to return it but it was as if his lips were frozen in a frown. Taemin sighed, patting Baekhyun’s shoulder. “Hyung, maybe we should go home first and you can get some rest. You need to sleep and eat something.”

Suddenly a little ticked off, Baekhyun looked away and gripped at the edges of the seat he was sitting on. “I’m not going anywhere until he comes back.”

Taemin hesitated, “But hyung, you need –”

“I said I’m not going anywhere,” Baekhyun snapped, raising his gaze up at Taemin sharply. “What I need is Sehun to come back and I’m not going anywhere as long as he’s not here.”

For a few brief seconds, Taemin looked hurt but it was soon washed over with a kind of understanding, nodding his head and exhaling his breath. “Okay, then. At least let me go and get you something to change to. Jongin will buy you food and you’ll have to eat, okay?”

Baekhyun doesn’t answer, eyes travelling back to the space in front of him and he could see people still crying, a few pacing the floor and he felt like screaming but all he could do was hide his face in his hands again. He didn’t realize Taemin leaving, just the way it was hard to breathe and his palms were wet again from his tears. They wouldn’t stop coming no matter how much Baekhyun tried to hold them back. His shoulders were beginning to shake from his sobs, head increasingly throbbing.  

He didn’t realize how long he had stayed in that position, vaguely aware of Jongin coming back with his lunch which he ignored. He had no appetite, anyway. It could have been an hour, Baekhyun wasn’t sure but he only looked up when he felt a tiny hand tugged at his forearm. Letting a frown etch onto his forehead, Baekhyun eyed the little girl closely, curious to whatever she wanted to say.

The girl flashed him a smile that he couldn’t return, “Who are you waiting for?”

Not, ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ or ‘Everything will be okay’. What happened, she asked and Baekhyun finally realized that he wasn’t the only one awaiting their return. “I’m waiting for my boyfriend.”

“I’m waiting for my dad,” The girl spoke, lips forming a pout. “Will you be angry if they don’t come back?” Her question startled him, and he had to spend a minute too long to answer it.

Baekhyun blinked once and surprisingly no tear fell down his cheek. He thought about her question, thought about the waves of emotions that was so close to drowning him and decided that no, no he wouldn’t be mad. He flashed her a sad smile, but she doesn’t return it. “I don’t think so.”

The smile she wore upon hearing his answer was heartwarming and she patted the back of his hand and it was rather unsettling but Baekhyun was speechless. “Mommy said if they don’t come back it’s only because angels need good people like them to take care of heaven.”

Her words ripped out an ugly sob from within his throat but he nodded and he kept nodding even when his vision blurred once again but he was so used to it so he didn’t bother wiping those that stained his cheeks. There was something that was blocking his airways and he tried to hold back any more of his tears but he couldn’t help it. Breathing hurts and he had to clasp a hand over his mouth to keep from sobbing again. He should be stronger than her but why is it that she looked more ready to let go than he could ever be? Why isn’t she sobbing in her mother’s arms? Why is she here?

She’s so hopeful and deep down Baekhyun knew he should be too, that he should hold on until he could no longer. But the hours were passing by them and there were no news, no miracle of the plane surfacing from where it had completely disappeared. He could feel sorrow that lingered in the air, loss, hopelessness, but if he looked into each pair of eyes that have shed those mournful tears, he knew he would see a sliver of hopefulness in them. There was nothing left for them to do but hope.

Somewhere in the middle of his helpless sobbing, the little girl’s mother came up to pull her away, muttering an apology to Baekhyun with a sad smile, reddened eyes gazing kindly into his. She must know how he feels and in the midst of it all he wished no one else had to face the pain that tore at his heart but there were a couple of dozen others; dozens of those who fear the loss of a loved one.

And when she pulled her daughter away from him, Baekhyun could once again see the way Sehun had walked away the day he left for the meeting, clad in only his favorite pair of ripped jeans and his blue button-down. He could see Sehun’s smile that didn’t reach his ears, could hear his sad ‘I love you’ and remember those eyes that had gazed at him with so much love and he wished they won’t be the last time. He leaned back and closed his eyes, shut them as tightly as he could and his hands so they wouldn’t start ripping at his hair.

Despite many others who would know how he was feeling, Baekhyun had never felt so alone.

He watched as the water pooled in his hands that cupped under the tap, bringing them up to splash the water at his face. It was refreshing, somehow, and his swollen eyes felt just slightly better with the wash. At a single glance of his own reflection in the mirror, Baekhyun almost couldn’t recognize himself. He looked rather lost, reddened puffy eyes staring mournfully back at him and hair stuck out in all the different directions. He closed his eyes, fingers gripping at the edges of the sink as he attempted to calm his breathing. It was hard to breathe properly and his head was throbbing violently.

Baekhyun released a shaky breath and opened his eyes again only to see Taemin standing next to him. He wasn’t surprised, unable to return the smile that Taemin flashed at him. The younger boy stepped forward and held out his arms, handing Baekhyun the pair of clothes he had gone home to get. “You should get changed, hyung. And then we go get something to eat, alright?”

He wanted to protest, to say that he didn’t want to eat but he found himself nodding anyway. Fifteen minutes later Baekhyun was dressed in fresh new clothes; his own pair of ripped jeans and a white pullover that Sehun had gotten him for his twenty-second birthday. Once he was fully dressed, Taemin took the initiative to comb his hair back, putting the wild strands into place. They were silent throughout and it wasn’t uncomfortable but as Taemin put in the effort of making him look presentable, he couldn’t help the uneasiness and parted his lips to speak.

However, it was Taemin’s voice that came, hesitant and slightly afraid. “Hyung, I’m sorry.” He had stopped combing Baekhyun’s hair, pocketing his comb in his back pocket.

Baekhyun gazed in confusion at one of his two best friends, but he barely managed a frown. It took a lot of his str