— Found but Lost —

“Hmm?” she murmurs in response.

One step, two, an arm around a shoulder and she is so thin under his grip. Changmin peers down at the map covering the table, and Yoona doesn’t look up. “What is this?”

Her fingers reach up to his and she rubs his hand, cool to the touch, and then her hand falls back to the map, pointing at a country distant from home. “Wouldn’t it be so nice to travel some? I’ve been looking through places ever since I got back from work. I’m just itching to get out of the apartment, go exploring.”

Changmin laughs, and he runs his fingers through her hair, pushing the headband on her head forward slightly. She doesn’t yell at him like she normally would, eyes still trained on the flimsy paper in front of her, but there is a soft exhale that Changmin just barely catches. “What?”

“I don’t know.” She sighs again. "I just… I really need to get out.”

He pulls his hand back and it takes a minute, but then he’s pulling out the chair in front of her, taking a seat. “Have you been looking for work like I asked?” There is a pause, and Yoona doesn’t look up, but he hears the hitch in her breathing. He’s known her his whole life, after all. “Yoona…”

“I have! Just…” She looks up at him, and her eyes are sparkling, like the world is still in front of her (and maybe it is, but what does Changmin know anymore), “I just feel like there are more important things. I mean, the gift store is nice. I like it.”

“And is that what you want to do with the rest of your life?”

Her gaze drops from him, then, and she looks to the map in front of her. Her hands trace over the colored countries, the light blue water, pausing over words too small for him to decipher. “No. Maybe.” Yoona sighs. "I don’t know, Changmin. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I just want to live."

The sun is beating down on her neck, and Yoona rolls over, falling on to her back. She turns her head to the side and watches Changmin breathe – soft, steady inhales and exhales, quiet snores and his hair mussed up. She smiles and scoots over to him, wrapping her arm around his bare chest.

“Changmin,” she whispers, nuzzling her head into head into his neck, and he groans but says nothing. It feels like it’s been so long since she’s woken up in his apartment with him at her side, peaceful and calm. No running, no stress.

“Changmin. Wake up.”

She shakes him lightly, tightening her grip around his waist and squeezing at the warm flesh.

Changmin yawns, and then he is blinking at her, innocent eyes and a pretty gaze. “Yoona?”

“Hm?”

He breaks out into a smile, and Yoona thinks she should be used to the morning breath but she wrinkles her nose anyways, smiling back at him. “What are you doing up? It always takes you so long to get out of bed.”

“I just… felt alive. Awake.” Yoona reaches for his hand and interlocks their fingers, one corner of her lips turned up. “And for the record, I am still in bed.” Changmin laughs, pressing a kiss to her cheek, and she smooths his hair off of his forehead with her freehand before propping her head up with her arm. “I have to run by my apartment later, I forgot my work outfit at home and I’ve got a shift tomorrow.”

Changmin shifts so he is lying on his side, looking at her, and he an eyebrow. “Why don’t you just sell that place? You’ve practically moved in already.”

Yoona tenses, and then she drops his hand, rubbing at her neck. “I like – I like having my own place. Just in case.”

“In case?” He’s looking at her, now, with that warning gaze of his, and she feels herself breaking under it like usual.

“Just, you know.” Changmin’s eyebrow is still raised and Yoona deflates, falling on to her back. She counts the stars glued up on the ceiling of his bedroom, the little breaks in the call and the uneven coloring the one time she had accidentally gotten food up there. “I’m not ready to settle down. I still want to travel, look around. I can’t… Give that freedom up yet.”

Changmin sighs, and she closes her eyes. “Yoona, you don’t have to give up anything.”

“I know, I know. I just… I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

She feels his hand enclosing over hers, braces herself for the soft yoona that follows, before tugging her hand out of his grip and throwing the sheets off of her.

“I’m going to wash up. Get out of bed soon.”

Yoona pulls herself out of the bed and doesn’t wince when Changmin sighs loudly; she pretends not to see the arm tossed over his eyes or his tight grip around the sheets.

(“she doesn’t want to do anything! it’s as if the whole world is ahead of her, like she has nothing to lose.”

“she’s young, changmin. you both are. you should enjoy it.”

changmin snorts, nudging the chinese girl’s shoulder with his own. “as if you’re so old, song qian. stop talking like y