“It’s been a month, a ing month.” I rested my elbows on top of my knees with my face buried into the palms of my hands. Doojoon, who was just a few years older than me, sat closely and listened to my words of sorrow. A desperate sigh filled the gap between us. I could tell he was cautious of what to say, thinking it might make me angry or even more sad.

“Have you guys been keeping contact?” He finally said something. I was relieved that he was listening to me, but the question only caught me off guard. I was silent for a moment and didn’t bother to tell the truth, but I knew I had to—even if that meant being yelled at by my friend.

“He’s been calling and checking up on me, but I didn’t respond to any of them.” There I heard him sigh with anger. He took a moment to process what I had said and calmly asked for a reason, however, I was the one to take out my anger. I was the one to yell at him even though he did nothing wrong.

“How can I ing talk to him like nothing happened? How can I continue to be his friend when I lied and betrayed him like that?” I sobbed. I sobbed with the same amount of love I gave to him–to Hyunseung. “Why didn’t I say no?”

“I would tell you not to be stupid right now, but I’ll be more considerate and just say you should find the answer yourself.” He rubbed my back to soothe the tears I was choking back. I released yet another sigh and sat in silence.

A muffled ringing was softly playing like it was covered by a cloth. I turned my head to the left and to the right, trying to figure out where the sound was coming from. A hand roughly brushed over my shoulder in which the sound got even louder.

“I’ll leave you to it.”

I grabbed the phone from his grasp and watched him leave the apartment. It got cold all of a sudden. I read the caller ID and was immediately feeling hesitant to answer.

“How has he been? Is he doing alright?” I skipped the greeting and hurried to finish my sentence. It all came out as mumbles, but I could only focus on trying to end the call as quickly as I can.

“Honestly, he hasn’t been talking to me lately. It always feels like he is giving me the cold shoulder when I’m with him.” I could sense heartbreak in the other’s voice. “I don’t blame him though. It isn’t right of me to pop out of nowhere like this.”

“I shouldn’t have dragged you into this.” I emphasized each word so that it was easier to hear.

“Is that an apology?”

“There is a possibility that it is.”

There it was again. The silence concealed the tension when both of us kept quiet. There were so many questions that I wanted to ask, but I just couldn’t find a way to word them correctly. It was as if a zipper was sewn onto my mouth, keeping it closed to prevent me from saying a word.

“When are you going to talk to him?”

A pause after a pause. I couldn’t bring myself to utter anything. My eyes were shut closed and the grip from my grasp was getting tighter every minute.

“When I’m ready.”

The line went dead. I threw my phone to the other side of the couch and held my head. I felt mental and couldn’t focus on anything except for Hyunseung. Without realizing, my b