1 month later

Ryeowook and I are back to normal. Wait… That’s a lie right there if I say that we are back to normal. I mean… Ryeowook and I talk about daily stuff and our individual work and that’s about it actually. We don’t joke around anymore and we certainly don’t touch or do fan service anymore. Ryeowook doesn’t act like he usually does with me which is touch and care for me all day long and I don’t cling on him anymore. It’s a huge difference and even the fans can point out how distant we have become but it’s all my fault, so who am I to complain?

The hyungs knew that something had happened between us and they have pestered me endlessly to tell them what happened but I told them that it’s nothing. Apparently, Ryeowook told them that it was nothing too and that only got the hyungs even more suspicious. The hyungs believed that it had something to do with Hyungsik and my jealousy over Hyungsik and Ryeowook’s relationship and in a way they were partly right. But that wasn’t the whole story and I hope to hell that the hyungs will never figure out what really happened between us.

“Aren’t you going to eat that?”

I shake my head and push my food away. I take out my phone and start playing some games I downloaded awhile ago but pause and look up when I hear someone clearing his throat. Ryeowook is looking at me with narrowed eyes and his arms crossed over his chest.

“Stop using your phone, Kyuhyun.” Ryeowook scolds me. “You need to eat.”

“I ate ramen with Kangin hyung last night and I’m still full.” I answer, rolling my eyes.

Ryeowook gives me a disapproving look but his phone on the table vibrates and he starts paying attention to his phone. I catch him smiling and a part of me breaks a little knowing that it must be Hyungsik giving Ryeowook a good morning text. I clear my throat and give Ryeowook a disapproving look, mocking him.

“Stop using your phone, Ryeowook.” I imitate Ryeowook’s high voice.

Ryeowook grins a little and puts away his phone. Donghae interrupts us and start telling us about a crazy fan he met last night and the whole group listens to him attentively, laughing now and then. In the middle of this, I take a glimpse at Ryeowook and I catch him looking at me. Ryeowook quickly looks away and pretends to continue eating while I smile a little to myself.

Ryeowook and Hyungsik are still dating and as much as I hate to say this, I’m glad that it’s Hyungsik that is dating Ryeowook, of all people. Everyone can clearly see how Hyungsik is crazy in love with Ryeowook and I’m glad that Ryeowook deserves the love he is getting. But I cannot stop myself from thinking that Ryeowook might still have some feelings for me deep inside. I mean… I catch Ryeowook stealing glances and blushing when he’s around me. Plus, Ryeowook cares a lot for me too, maybe even more than the other members. But… I wonder if it’s all just Ryeowook’s personality or if it really is true that he still likes me.

If you ask me if I am jealous over Ryeowook’s and Hyungsik’s relationship, I will truthfully say yes, of course I am. I didn’t even know I had feelings for Ryeowook until I kissed him and once I got a taste of him…. I felt like Ryeowook and I are meant to be together. I wanted to mark Ryeowook as mine, I wanted to own him and just be with him for the rest of my life. But … I missed my opportunity and now Ryeowook belongs to Hyungsik. If you ask me if I am going to do anything about Ryeowook and Hyungsik’s relationship then I will give you a no. I decided that even if it hurts, I am not going to do anything about their relationship. I hurt Ryeowook and I drove him straight into Hyungsik’s arms. Ryeowook sought out comfort from Hyungsik and he gave him just what he needed. Ryeowook is happy and I think for me that is all that matters.

“Alright everyone, finish up your breakfast and get ready for hair and make-up.” Our manager signals us.

We have a photo shoot for our album jacket today thus the reason why all the members are all together having breakfast in the morning. Usually, it’d be near impossible for members to have breakfast together since none of us liked having to wake up early when we didn’t need to. Since I’m not eating, I head for hair and make-up first dreading the day before it even begun.

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