Even though I love you… love can be interpret in different ways.

After all these times of looking at you from afar, I feel like I know you. I would have that happy and tingling feeling when I see you walking around, whether it be to your car or to your classes. I feel so fluffy and soft, this warmth that embraces me. And even though you don’t know me… or even my existence, I never fail to cheer you on. Slowly, step by step, I somehow got closer to you. Closer and closer, I could feel us bond, our relationship has now progressed to a comfortable and wonderful friendship. Although I displayed a calm exterior, I was jumping for joy internally whenever I met you. “Oppa!” I waved when I spotted the shape of your back outside of my classroom. We greet each other with smiles, but you seemed to be just as happy as I was. And as time progress, I could feel us getting so close, almost to the point where… I was closer to you than you are with your boys. You would always choose to hang out with me instead of playing basketball with them. You would call me late at night when you were frustrated, when you were lonely and when you simply wanted someone to talk to. We were so close that I  felt like we were an item.

As months passed, I noticed that you were getting a bit more intimate with me. I noticed that you would casually hold my hand as we walk to class. And I would question our relationship and the status I had with you. You, being you… you’re perfect. So handsome, so charming, so approachable and yet you choose to stay with me while the other girls cling onto you. Their personalities all blossomed and out-going. While I was not as spontaneous as them, I was not as bold and perky like them. And it made me feel good, that you would choose me over them. That you chose to pay attention to me.

It wasn’t until our hand holding session turned to hugs and even into tiny kisses. My heart fluttered with every touch of yours. But… I was confused. I was confused as to whether I was your girlfriend… whether you had the same feelings as me. I wanted to know, yet I was afraid of the change within our relationship. If I brought it to your attention would you avoid me… would you be mad?

 “Oppa… Junsu Oppa… what do you think about me?” I tried asking him questions, hoping he would get the hints but… no luck. “You’re adorable! You’re my best friend! I can’t do anything without you!” He laughed. Oh how his laughter tickles me and brings laughter and joy to my life. “I… that’s not what I meant… well you have to say that! You’re my best friend… what I meant was…” I nervously looked at him.

His profile, so mesmerizing and as I gather up my courage to continue, he turned his head and stared right into my eyes. I froze, his gaze was so intense and beautiful… I couldn’t breathe nor could I figure out how to breathe. “Yah… are you okay? Your face looks a bit blue… and reddish… are you sick?” He touched my forehead and I felt my face burn up in embarrassment. “Uh… n-no… I-I’m fine…” I nervously laughed and looked away. “Well… okay then. Now… what were you saying?” He asked. I stared at the crunchy red leaf that lay lifelessly on the ground. “I… was just wondering how you thought of me…” I swung my legs back and forth, distracting myself from thinking straight.

But to my surprise, he cupped my chin and pulled me into a kiss. I blinked, clueless as to what was happening. His lips… were on mine… so soft and warm. The sweet taste of juice lingered, the smooth motions of his lips caressing me. when he pulled away I couldn’t help but lean in again and kiss him. He looked at me surprised… “I love you…” He blurted out. I gasped and blinked my eyes in confusion…

“But we’re friends…” I muttered, my eyes wouldn’t leave his beautiful face. “Does that mean… you don’t love me?” His voice cracked and I could see tears piling in the edges of his eyes. “NO!” I shouted. “I… love you too…” I hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek.

…

I never knew at that moment… I would regret saying that… Now that I think about it… I regret every laying my eyes on him. He was just so beautiful that I couldn’t resist… But I know now… under all that beauty was something I couldn’t deal with. His controlling personality that crept up. The sides of him that I’ve never seen. Jealously, unreasonably jealous tantrums from him. From verbal fights to physical pain…whether it was the strength he used to grab my wrists or the strength he used to slam me against a wall.
“Why did you hug him!?” He roared, his eyes… those soft gentle eyes were quickly changed. They no longer warmed my heart, now… they stab my heart, pricking little holes that made me bleed slowly and painfully. But my love… my attachment to him… it was too strong. I loved him too much, but I couldn’t forgive him for all the pain he caused me. Whether I was with or without him. The constant reminder that he was watching my every move. The worst part was that… the fear of him grew more and I was terrified. I had no more friends… my relationship with everyone else was cut off. Yet, I couldn’t be completely mad at him, because he would treat me so sweetly when we’re alone. He would cuddle his body against me and we would watch the sappiest movies. I didn’t dare look at the male lead… I couldn’t imagine his anger from my admiration. His kisses were rougher… but they were also so bittersweet. I was content with just being the way I was… I was thankful that he didn’t take away my most treasure ity. I knew that situations from these would result in … and worst… death. But I knew Junsu was not that type of man. He was not! He was amazing… even when his flaws were now seeping it’s way to the surface.

“Why did you stay after school to talk to that bastard of a teacher!? You like him don’t you!?” Junsu shoved me against the wall. His arms trapped me from escaping and his violent eyes pinned me against the wall. Fearing someone would see, I tried to hug him but he shoved me harder against the cement wall. “You ed him didn’t you!?” He growled. “NO! Oppa! I didn’t, I just wanted to retake the test I failed!” I quickly explained. “Please… I love you,” I weep, my tears streaming down my cheeks. He dipped his head down and kissed me aggressively. He snuggled his head in between my neck and sighed calmly. “I knew you loved me,” He kissed a trail up my neck. I knew I was safe… safe from his anger…for now.But I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t take the abuse and the hurt that he caused me. I had enough… and I was willing to start over and let him go. “Oppa… I beg of you… let’s just end this,” I pushed him gently away from me. His anger sparked again but I was no longer afraid. “What!?” He bellowed. “I… want to end our relationship,” I confidently said. “You did sleep with that bastard!” He punched the wall beside my cheek. I flinched but I was in no position to back down. “Please Oppa… let’s end this on a good note. I don’t want hatred to be the last thing I have for you… I love you… but I hate you more. I hate you for what you’re turned my life into. And I can’t tolerate you anymore,” I stated and confidently explained.

Tears piled up his eyes and he cried helplessly. I knew… he was heartbroken… but he broke my heart a long time ago and if I can deal with being a dead heartless person… he can deal with just a little heart ache. I walked away, not daring to look back at the cruel sight. I knew this decision was hard… and I promised myself that I wouldn’t go back to him… nor acknowledge the pain he caused me. Good bye Kim Junsu… I am no longer yours to torture.

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Listening to a depressing and sad song will get you in the mood to write sad things. I'm usually not like that but I really want to learn how to write in different genres. This was a quite one-shot that I did within an hour. I hope to receive a lot of criticism. What you liked and what you didn't like. Tell me how I can improve. Practice makes perfect right? So Yeah, did you enjoy it?