SEPTEMBER 2014

鹿

It was another tiring day, modeling started out as a passion, then it became a livelihood, and then everything went downhill from that moment.

“The usual?” The bartender said.

“En,” I replied in mandarin while nodding my head. The bartender’s my friend that I have known since I started my first shoot.

“You miss me that much to pop-by on a Thursday night? ” He said as he passed me my usual cup of drink. He knows, of course he knows that I always pop by every evening for a cup of drink, but he still asks.

“Hyung,” I said gruffly, “You know I come on a daily basis.” I picked up the glass of drink, and chinked it with the air in the direction of Minseok. If I have to pick someone that knows me the best, I would probably pick Minseok. He watch me blossom from a young innocent boy, unaware of the scene I work in into an emotionless heart capturing model. I was the pride of the industry, that’s what they said after my first shoot, and I had work so hard to continuously hear of them. I had won over the women’s hot favourite model Kris, and the idol of every male, Yixing. I should be happy with my career, perhaps a little too happy that I find myself lonely and distant from everyone in the field, searching for solace in the companion of a bartender and the alcohol he creates for me.

“And you would know that I ask you this every night,” He said with a smile before looking back to his book.

“Hyung,” I said, as he looked up from the counter. The bar was empty at this point of time, it was nearing 1am where everyone was mostly wasted, or had already left on this pointless Thursday night. “What’s that you are reading, you hardly read.”

“Hui En’s new book,” He said, as he lifted the cover up. “She outshined herself again.”

“She’s been writing again?” I asked, surprised. I don’t remember her writing anything at home.

“Don’t you live with her Lu?” He asked, “I don’t think she work in those corners right?”

“I don’t see anything in those corners, remember?” I replied, stretching out for that book lying between Minseok’s hands.

“Don’t lose my page,” He replied hurriedly, sticking a clean coaster between the pages before continue speaking. “I don’t get it, how can you guys pretend to not see anything in those corners.”

“We see it the way anyone can see it, we just learn to speak nothing and not bother, that way whatever the other person does, does not get committed to memory.” I said, reading the back of the book. The book was about an unformed being finding its self-worth throughout earth despite not being able to understand what it really is. The plot was kept simple, and yet it tugs on heartstrings. She really did outshine herself again.

“Wait,” I said, “How come I didn’t need to attend any release of the book or any press release of any sorts?”

“Haven’t you heard the news?” Minseok asked, narrowing his eyes slightly.

I shook my head slightly, not knowing what news Hyung might be referring to. Have the public finally realize of our false relationship?

“While most critics have been giving fabulous comments about this story,” Minseok said before leaning forward to say in a softer voice, “There is just this one critic, who was a psychologist before picking up book criticism as a retirement job, that claims that this are the thoughts of a very, extremely, mentally imbalanced girl.”

I was slightly stunned as I looked back and forth from Minseok and the book. And after a while, my eyes fell completely on the book that I was holding. She wasn’t anything to me but a false girlfriend, but I felt a pinch of responsibility. I racked my brains to conjure up any memories of her behaving