for subduedblue's prompt: Suho is a door to door salesman who frequently makes his rounds in Kris' neighborhood. Kris always buys everything Suho sells because he can't say no to him.

written for angelforalien (same story if you've already read it; I just fixed some typos)

At 7:00 AM, the potted-plant alarm clock on Kris’ bedside came alive, jolting Kris out of a pleasant dream. With an eagerness that would shock his mother, he shut off the beeping clock and raced to the bathroom, grabbing his special-occasion luxury soap and shampoo on the way to the shower. The scalding water did nothing to ease his nerves.

Today, Kris was going to see the man of his dreams.

After spraying on a light mist of cologne and blow-drying his hair to the perfect just-got-out-of-bed-but-still-effortlessly-y look, Kris pulled on a tight t-shirt and the jeans that gave him the illusion of possessing a . He then turned to his stuffed alpaca toy.

“What do you think, Ace? Hot, right?”

Perhaps too stunned by his owner’s attractiveness, the alpaca did not reply.

At 8:10AM, Kris pulled out the bag of gourmet organic coffee beans his mother’s boss had given her as a Christmas present. He didn’t know what was so great about them, but the picture on the bag was nice. It showed the elegant silhouettes of two ladies sipping coffee against the backdrop of a charming villa in some sunny Mediterranean country.

At 8:25AM, Kris the TV to the golf channel. He sat down on the couch, barely absorbing the words coming out of the announcer’s mouth, as he glanced periodically out the window.

At 8:45 AM, the doorbell rang. Kris’ eyelids, which had been drooping, flew open. He sprang out of his seat and raced to the front door, heart pounding. Be smooth. He counted to 10 alpacas in his head before opening the door.

Kris then leaned against the doorframe in what he hoped was a casual manner. “Hey,” he said in what he hoped was an equally casual tone.

“Good morning, Kris!” came the voice that had been replaying in Kris’ mind all week. “I hope I’m not disturbing you…?”

Suho Kim, also known as the man of Kris’ dreams, was wearing a gray suit today. His blond hair was styled perfectly, his fair skin was sweat-free, and not a button or zipper on his person was out of place. Everything about him was immaculate. In one hand was a brown case; in the other, a clipboard. He smiled, and Kris felt like melting to the floor.

“No! Not at all,” Kris reassured the other man, wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans. “I was just...watching some golf...” He gestured toward the TV screen.

“Really?” Suho’s smile grew. “I love golf.”

Because Kris definitely had not spent an entire afternoon searching up Suho‘s name and sighing over his Exo Co. company profile, which listed hobbies such as golf, crosswords, and public speaking, this came as a complete, 100% surprise.

“Oh. What a coincidence. Cool.” Kris coughed. “I like golf too... It’s cool. Especially people who play golf. They’re cool.”

Unfortunately, that was the extent that Kris’ brain could come up with. But Suho didn’t seem to mind. Still smiling, he set down his clipboard as he opened his case.

“How are you doing today, Kris?”

“I’m cool; how about you--”

“Great, because I’m about to make your day even better! Suho pulled out a pack of paintbrushes. “I know you like drawing, so I brought this innovative, must-have tool. The brush lights up in the dark, in case you ever experience a power shortage while painting.”

“I...Sounds useful,” Kris agreed, hypnotized by Suho’s moving lips.

Suho smiled hopefully. Kris reminded himself to play it cool. Folding his arms, he adopted a neutral expression and nodded at Suho’s case. “What else do you have?”

“Oh…” Suho looked slightly disappointed as he glanced through the items on his clipboard. “Uh, well, I have a catscratch post that doubles as a coffee table. I also have a gardening shovel that holds an iPod, so that you can tend to your vegetables and listen to music at the same time! But you’re probably not interested in either...”

“Sure,” Kris interrupted. “I love gardening.”

Suho cast a doubtful look at Kris’ unkempt front lawn.

“I’ll take the cat thing too,” Kris added. “I’ve been thinking of getting a cat sometime...”

...which would be never, actually, because he was allergic to animal fur. But Suho didn’t need to know that. Just like how he didn’t need to know that Kris’ closet was full of unopened boxes of products from Exo Co.

“Let me go get my checkbook,” continued Kris as Suho’s beam returned in full force. “Actually, do you want to come in? I was just about to have breakfast and I accidentally made too much coffee.”

“I’d love to!”

Kris shuffled to the kitchen, hoping that his blush wasn’t too visible. Suho followed behind, making a polite comment about the abstract landscape piece decorating Kris’ wall. It was actually supposed to be a self-portrait, but Kris decided to forgive Suho for his untrained eye. Even Suho couldn’t be completely perfect, after all.

As Suho sat in one of the chairs by the counter, Kris poured coffee into two mugs and handed one over to Suho.

“Thanks, Kris.” Suho’s fingers brushed against his. Kris gulped.

“No prob.”

This was their fourth coffee “date” (or so Kris liked to call them in his mind) but Kris still found himself tongue-tied around the other man. Suho looked like he’d walked out of an MCM catalog. Kris couldn't even remember the last time he'd worn a suit. He glanced discreetly at his reflection against the counter to make sure that he still looked presentable. Presentable, put-together, and mature.

“How’s your work going?” Suho asked as he set down his briefcase. A few weeks ago, on their second “date,” Kris had told Suho that he was an artist, leaving out the part where he was still a college student.

“It’s good. I’m on a bit of a break right now. Finding inspiration, you know.”

“How’s that coming along?”

“I…” Kris glanced at Suho, who was blowing carefully at the coffee. His delicate lashes, perfect nose, small lips, strong jaw, fair skin… “I think I’ve found my inspiration.”

“That’s great! Wow, this is delicious,” Suho sighed as he took a sip of the coffee. As Suho closed his eyes in appreciation, Kris discreetly dumped his cup down the sink.

Kris hated coffee.




Twenty minutes later, a significantly poorer Kris saw Suho out of the door. Kris waited for Suho to disappear around the driveway before slamming the door shut. Immediately, he stripped off his uncomfortably tight shirt and pants, flinging them at the nearest surface. Then, practically , he collapsed to the couch. Kris screamed silently into the cushions and fist-pumped the air.

Ding dong.

“Uh, Kris?” Suho’s apologetic voice called out from behind the door. “I think I forgot my jacket. Could you let me in?”

Kris jumped up from the couch, frantically scrambling to pull his clothes back on. “Y-yeah, hold on!”




*

Kris could still recall his first fateful meeting with Suho Kim of Exo Co., exactly eight weeks ago. It had been the second day of summer vacation, and Kris was still catching up on all the sleep he’d lost during finals week. Thus, he had not been happy to be awoken at 8:45 AM by the ringing of the doorbell.

However, his irritation disappeared when he opened his front door to a short but incredibly handsome man. For a moment, Kris wondered whether he was still dreaming.

“Good morning! Could you tell me how to find 100 China Street?” Handsome Man asked, revealing two rows of bright white teeth.

“U-uh, that’s me,” Kris replied as he frantically tried to smooth down his bed head.

“Oh, wonderful!” The man put down his briefcase to offer a handshake. “Hello, my name is Suho Kim from Exo Corporation! Before you slam the door on me, may I interest you in a once-in-a-lifetime deal…”

Dazed, Kris listened and nodded along as Suho said something about an eco-friendly alarm clock. By the end of the speech, Kris had whipped out his wallet and handed over $39.99 to the beaming salesman, who promised to deliver the clock next week.

“Thank you for your interest!” Suho called, waving Kris goodbye. “I hope to see you often!”

“I’ll be here,” Kris promised. “Always…”




And so began Kris’ newfound love of Sunday morning shopping. Every week, Suho came by his house without fail, toting the latest “revolutionary,” “ergonomic,” “life-changing” product, rattling off statistics and testimonials with a wide smile and perfect teeth. Each time, Suho left Kris with his heart and account balance significantly lighter. Kris lived for these weekly interactions with the sweet-faced, sweet-voiced salesman. His house became cluttered with unused gadgets. His mailbox was stuffed with magazines from 13 different subscriptions that Suho “highly recommended.” Kris had to cut back on his usual clothing purchases in order to afford Suho’s wares. But seeing Suho’s beam as he dug out his checkbook each week was worth it.

Unfortunately, not everyone seemed to agree.

“You know he’s probably laughing at you right?” was Luhan’s only comment when Kris relayed the most recent weekend’s events. “You have no game at all.”

Kris glared at his ex, before turning to his other friends.

“I think it’s cute,” Tao said supportively. “But…” He frowned. “Is this why you won’t go shopping with me anymore?”

They were gathered around Kris’ living room, as usual, with Kris’ latest delivery as the centerpiece of their discussion. Kris suspected that his friends didn‘t actually care for the products he’d ordered; they simply liked to make fun of him.

“Is this a baby carrier?” Chen snickered as he pulled out a pastel object.

Kris flushed. “Yeah, for you if you ever get Liyin to go out with you,” he snapped.

“Hey!”

“You fish?” Tao wrinkled his nose as he pulled out a fishing rod.

“And golf?” Lay asked, pulling out a set of golf clubs.

(“They’re my favorite outdoors brand!” Suho had proclaimed, eyes practically sparkling.

“Oh, m-mine too.” )

By the time they’d depleted the box of its contents, Kris’ friends were regarding him with varying degrees of amusement and pity.

“So once again, you’ve been spending all your money on random crap,” Chen concluded.

“It’s not...they’re not...I just have lots of interests,” Kris defended.

“Please, the only thing you’re interested is this guy’s . Just ask him out already.”

“I’m working on it,” Kris replied. “You can’t rush these things.”

“In other words, it’ll be another ten years before he asks for the guy’s number. Trust me, I’d know.”

“Shut up, Luhan.”




The next week wasn’t much better.

“Look, I’m just saying, this Suho guy probably just sees you just as a walking checkbook.”

Kris frowned. “No he doesn’t.” In addition to selling him a limited-edition, highly-discounted plushie set, Suho had given him some great coupons so that Kris could save even more money on his next purchase from Exo Co.

“Really?” Chen pointed at the box of the week. “How much did you spend this time?”

“Not that much…”

“Kris, we’re trying to help you out here. You don’t want to get customer-zoned, do you?”

“Says the person who goes to Xiu’s Cafe every day just to stare at the barista.”

“I, wha—” Luhan spluttered. “That’s completely different!”

He received four snorts in response. Luhan scowled, before turning his attention back onto Kris. “Look, I know these salesmen types. If you want Suho to see you as a viable partner, you have to stop being such a pushover. Be firm. Here, I’ll even put it in your phone.”

Ignoring his friend’s protests, Luhan grabbed the phone out of Kris’ hands.

Be firm!!!!

“Tell Suho you don’t want to buy his stuff anymore,” Tao agreed. Then, under his breath, “then you can buy me stuff again.”

“Tell Suho you think he’s hot,” Chen added.

“Just ask him out,” Lay sighed.




1. Be firm!!!!

“Hey look Suho, I, uh…”

“Good morning Kris! Get excited, because I brought something over especially for you!”

“...I don’t think I…oh, wow, really?” Kris’ heart fluttered at Suho’s last three words.

“Of course! And it’s all for the low price of $59.99! But…” Here Suho’s voice dropped, and he leaned in closer so that the soft strands of his hair barely brushed Kris’ cheek. Kris swallowed. “...since you’re my favorite customer, I’ll give you a special $10 discount. And some more coupons.” Suho winked.

“You don’t have to,” Kris protested weakly.

Suho simply smiled up at him.

Well…just one purchase couldn’t hurt, right? As Suho continued blinking up at him, Kris reached for his wallet.




2. Tell him you don’t want to buy his stuff anymore.

Kris felt like crying when he woke up to the sound of his alarm clock plant, accompanied by the heavy patter of rain against the windows. Seconds later, a flash of lightning illuminated his room. There was no way that anyone would be out on a day like this.

Mournfully, Kris put on the outfit he’d specially prepared. Hugging Ace to his chest, he made his way downstairs. The coffee beans went untouched. He flopped onto the couch, after flipping the channel to the basketball channel.

So engrossed was he in the game that he didn’t register the sound of the bell at first. When he did, he jumped out of his seat. Could it be…?

“Suho?! What are you—it’s raining!”

“Rain or shine,” Suho quipped, looking much too cheerful for someone who was currently drenched in water. “Speaking of which, are you interested in purchasing an umbrella that changes color with—”

“Are you crazy?” Kris yelled as thunder boomed in the background. “Get inside! I’ll go get a towel.”




“I’m really sorry for the inconvenience,” Suho apologized for what was at least the twentieth time. He was dressed in Luhan’s old clothes, since Kris’ were at least two sizes two large. (Fortunately, Suho had been too polite to ask why Kris owned a pair of Hello Kitty pajamas.) His hair was still wet and his lips were slightly pale, but Kris personally thought Suho had never looked more beautiful.

“You can stay forev...um, I mean, as long as you want,” Kris replied as he sat carefully down on the couch next to Suho. To distract himself, he fiddled with the TV remote. “Do you want to watch some golf or something?”

At that moment, the power went out. Kris cursed the storm.

There was a flash of lightning. Seconds later, the walls shook with the force of the thunder. Suho made a distressed noise, and Kris felt a pair of hands grab onto his arm.

Never mind. Kris loved the storm.

“Sorry,” said Suho sheepishly when he realized he was holding onto Kris. “I’m not really a fan of thunderstorms.”

“It’s ok,” said Kris quickly. He was starting to prefer this version of Suho—pajama clad and clingy—over the suited version that visited his door every Sunday.

Suho cleared his throat before detaching himself from Kris. “Oh! I almost forgot, I also came over to deliver your latest purchase.” Suho retrieved the soggy package and coupon book by his feet and handed it to Kris.

“Oh, right…”

As it turned out, the storm was a perfect opportunity to test out the brand-new light-up paintbrushes. The light from the brushes cast Suho’s face in a rainbow glow. Kris thought he looked like a neon angel from outer space.

"We also carry light-up pencils, markers and erasers!" Suho offered, mistaking the wonderstruck look on Kris' face. "Would you like to purchase some?"

Kris nodded distractedly.




3. Tell him he’s hot and you're into him.

Before Kris knew it, August had flown by. He received an email from SM University, reminding him to register for his classes and schedule a meeting with his academic advisor.

“I can’t believe it.” Kris, Luhan, Lay, Chen and Tao stared morosely at their laptops as they compared timetables. “We only have four more days of break left.”

“Well, you know what that means.”

“...start studying?”

“Uh, no. We’re going to have one last epic game night.”

“I’ll order the food,” Kris volunteered, as Lay began setting up the controllers.




Kris woke up to a pounding headache and the pleasant sight of Lay’s drooling face hanging off of the sofa. Empty boxes of pizza and beer cans littered the coffee table. On the TV screen were the vestiges of last night’s game—they had all died. Kris glanced around the room, doing a quick inventory. Somehow, he had also lost his shirt and pants somewhere through the course of the night. So had Chen... A vague memory surfaced in his brain, which Kris resolutely pushed away as something buzzed beneath him. Kris reached behind his boxers, pulling out his phone.

wake up sleepyheads! went out to buy breakfast, heading back right now. ^^ what a beautiful morning!

As always, Kris cursed Luhan’s imperviousness to the effects of alcohol. Kris closed his eyes with a groan, the pain of his hangover impeding his attempt to get up. He had a feeling there was something he should be doing, but he wasn’t quite sure what…

The doorbell rang.

“Ugh.” With a sigh, Kris pulled himself off of the cough. “In a sec!”

Kris yanked the door open with a growl.

“Luhan, you’d better have some ing painkillers or…” he trailed off.

“U-um…” Suho’s wide eyes darted briefly to Kris’ torso, “...I can come back later?”

The seconds ticked by. Suho shifted nervously as Kris attempted to kickstart his brain. He was aware that there were dried pizza stains on his boxers and very possibly around his mouth, not to mention the game-controller-shaped imprint that must still be on his face. He was a mess. Ten weeks of trying to look cool in front of Suho—destroyed in less than a minute. There was no way this day could get any worse.

“Yo yo yo, I’m back!” Luhan cried, a box of donuts and tray of coffees in hand. He stopped short when he saw Suho. “Oh hey, are you that sales guy Kris is obsessed with?”

Suho blinked.

“Hm...” Luhan gave Suho a critical up-down scan. “I guess Kris does have a type.”

Face flaming, Kris grabbed Luhan and yanked him none too gently into the room. “Sorry today’s not a good day bye,” he mumbled more to the floor than to Suho as he slammed the door shut.




“Now, Kris, there’s no need for violence,” a nervous Luhan stuttered as he hid behind a still-asleep Lay, oddly shaped strawberry donut held out as a peace offering. “Look, Xiumin made us special Hello Kitty donuts…”

“Luhan, come out where I can see your face,” Kris growled. Two aspirin tablets later, he was now awake enough to process just how much Luhan had ruined his life.

“Just put the bottle down first, Kris...And, look man, if anything, I helped you out.”

“Helped?” Kris was close to screaming. “More like embarrassed me in front of Suho! He probably thinks I’m a complete loser now.”

“You kinda are,” Chen piped up. Kris chucked a pillow at his head.

“You stay out of this!”

“Go Kris!” Tao cheered from the side.

“Come on!” Luhan pleaded. “Knowing you, you’d probably take ten years to ask him out. It took you an entire semester before you said hi to me, remember?”

“I try to forget,” Kris growled. What had he ever seen in Luhan?

Two donuts and a coffee-drenched Luhan later, Kris was feeling slightly better. Maybe Suho hadn’t heard Luhan, he convinced himself. Maybe he’d just dreamt the whole thing up. Suho would show up again next week, as usual. And Kris would be cool, as usual. Things would be normal. As usual.




4. Ask him out.

It was with great trepidation that Kris opened the door the next Sunday at 8:45AM. School had been in session for a week now, so it wasn’t quite as hard to get up in the mornings.

“HI!” A deep voice boomed. “WOULD YOU LIKE—”

“You’re not Suho,” Kris interrupted.

“HUH?” The new salesman, a tall guy with huge eyes and ears and an ill-fitting suit, blinked. “OH, YEAH, SUHO DOESN’T DO SALES ANYMORE”

“Oh.” Kris tried to ignore the stinging feeling disappointment and rejection. Not even a goodbye—he must have really turned Suho off.

“ANYWAY, SUHO TOLD ME YOU ORDERED THESE? HE WASN’T ABLE TO DELIVER THEM LAST TIME. OH, ALSO HE INCLUDED SOME AWESOME COUPONS—”

Kris grabbed the box and book from the guy’s hands.

“SO HEY, WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY—”

Chanyeol blinked as the door slammed shut. He wondered if he’d gotten the wrong house. Suho had told him that the guy at 100 China Street was a great customer.




“I’m sorry, man,” said Luhan, patting Kris on the back. “But hey, if Mr. Perfect Salesman couldn’t handle you in your naturally stupid state, it wouldn’t have worked out anyway.”

Kris glared at Luhan, even though he did have a point.

“Can we still look at the weird stuff you ordered?” Tao asked eagerly. Lay elbowed him. “Uh, I mean, sorry Kris that your summer romance ended in heartbreak and disappointment...”

“It’s fine.” With a sigh, Kris dumped the latest box onto the coffee table before turning on the TV. His friends descended eagerly.

“Wow, a solar-powered toothbrush!”

“Scented light bulbs!”

“Annual subscription to Women’s Health…?”

“Um, Kris…”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. The stuff is stupid, I’m stupid, and you’re all going to laugh at me. Leave me alone.” Kris grumbled.

“Well, yeah. Glad you finally realized. But you should take a look at this.” Kris yelped as an object smacked him in the face, obstructing his vision.

It was another Exo Co. coupon book. There was a post-it stuck on the cover.

Extra discounts for my favorite customer! Use it well ;)

“Congratulations,” Chen snorted. “You managed to find someone as lame as you are.”

Confused, Kris flipped through the pages. His eyes widened.

*~~Free movie tickets for 2~~* *~~Unlimited texting~~* *~~Dinner at the DO Diner~~* And at the bottom of each coupon:*~~Call Suho Kim at 100-0522 to claim this offer ~~*

In fact…Kris rushed over to the recycling bin, digging out the coupon book from last week. And from the week before.

They all said the same thing.

Kris all but shoved his friends aside in his haste to grab his phone off the table.




*

“I’m glad you finally called.” Suho said as he settled into the chair across from Kris. “I was starting to think I’d misread all your awkward attempts at flirting.”

“They weren’t awkward,” Kris protested.

Suho smiled into his menu.

This was their first official date, courtesy of the DO Diner. The owner had rolled his eyes when Kris had presented Suho’s coupon, muttering “finally” under his breath. They had then been ushered to a secluded corner, where a grinning waiter with a Baekhyun nametag had lit a single candle and sprinkled their table with rose petals, much to Suho’s annoyance and Kris’ embarrassment.

As Suho studied the menu, Kris reached into his pocket and the coupon he’d made last night. He was planning to give it to Suho later tonight, if everything went well. It had taken him hours to draw, and his friends had mocked him mercilessly for it. But then again, what did they know about romance?

Luhan was wrong; Kris had so much game.

****Free kiss. Offer expires TONIGHT. Renewable up to INFINITE times.****