PAIRING: SEBAEK (Sehun x Baekhyun)
Genre: Angst
Length: 1,995
Description: How to move on?

Wednesday 9th June 2010

Dear Baekkie hyung,

By the time you read this letter, I won't be in Seoul anymore; I'll be on a plane flying to London. I'm sorry that I didn't give you a chance to say goodbye, but this is something that I had to do; I hope that you'll understand.

You're probably wondering why I had to leave without saying anything. And the truth is, hyung, it was killing me knowing that I walked away from you, from us. I shouldn't have made you choose between me and....... him. And I didn't even let you make a decision, I just made it for you. I should've stayed and fought for this relationship but I let my pride get the better of me and let it all slip through my fingers. And now, I spend each day thinking about what a huge mistake I've made and the heartbreaking reality that there's nothing I can do about it. It's too late, you've already moved on.

I want you to know that I don't blame you for anything. I know it wasn't your fault, it was all on me. I'm sorry that I was such a jealous boyfriend, I know that I should've trusted you more. Instead, I pushed you away and towards............ him.

Speaking of, I genuinely wish that the two of you are happy together. And don't worry, I know that nothing happened between you two until after we broke up. But I really hope that....... Kyungsoo...... I hope that he makes you happy, something I failed in doing.

I know that we fought a lot, but it wasn't all bad, was it? Well, it wasn't for me anyway. I can only remember the good times and how much we laughed. Ah, I'm sorry hyung, I didn't mean to bring up the past. That's what we it is now though, right? It's all in the past, memories that will soon be replaced by new ones, which won't involve me.

This was supposed to be a very brief farewell letter and yet I can't seem to stop writing; I really need to stop now though before I break down completely. Hyung, even though it breaks my heart to think about you, I don't regret being with you, not even for a second. I will cherish each and every moment we spent together and I will never forget you. I won't ask the same of you, because I know I don't deserve it.

I love you, Byun Baekhyun.
I've always loved you.
And I always will.

Forever yours,
Oh Sehun

--

To: Sehunnie
From: Unknown Number
05 Feb 2012 16:28
Hi Sehunnie
It's Byun Baekhyun

To: BB
From: Sehunnie
05 Feb 2012 16:44
Oh, hey hyung

To: Sehunnie
From: BB
05 Feb 2012 16:46
I can't believe I bumped into you again after all this time
And in London no less

To: BB
From: Sehunnie
05 Feb 2012 16:46
I know
Small world, I guess

To: Sehunnie
From: BB
05 Feb 2012 16:47
But you're looking good

To: BB
From: Sehunnie
05 Feb 2012 16:47
Thanks hyung
So are you

To: Sehunnie
From: BB
05 Feb 2012 16:48
You're too kind

To: BB
From: Sehunnie
05 Feb 2012 16:53
I see that you and Kyungsoo hyung are still together

To: Sehunnie
From: BB
05 Feb 2012 16:54
Ah, yes
This holiday to London was all his idea
He's always wanted to visit

To: BB
From: Sehunnie
05 Feb 2012 16:54
I see

To: Sehunnie
From: BB
05 Feb 2012 16:55
And how about you?
Are you seeing anyone at the moment?

To: BB
From: Sehunnie
05 Feb 2012 16:55
No, I'm not

To: Sehunnie
From: BB
05 Feb 2012 16:55
Oh, well

To: BB
From: Sehunnie
05 Feb 2012 16:56
There hasn't been anybody since you

To: Sehunnie
From: BB
05 Feb 2012 16:56
Sehunnie

To: BB
From: Sehunnie
05 Feb 2012 16:57
I know
Sorry, hyung
But I meant what I said in my last letter to you
There is no one else
But you

To: Sehunnie
From: BB
05 Feb 2012 16:58
I'm still with Kyungsoo

To: BB
From: Sehunnie
05 Feb 2012 16:58
I know
But if there's any part of you that wants to give us another shot
I'll move back to Seoul in a heartbeat
Or you could stay here with me

To: Sehunnie
From: BB
05 Feb 2012 16:59
Sehunnie
I can't
You know I can't
It wouldn't be fair

To: BB
From: Sehunnie
05 Feb 2012 17:05
But what about me?
I know you're afraid I'll walk out again
But I promise that I'll never do that again
I've learned from my mistakes
And letting you go was the biggest mistake of my life
I'm older and wiser now
And I'll never hurt you again
I still love you, Baekkie hyung

To: Sehunnie
From: BB
05 Feb 2012 17:07
Sehun, please

To: BB
From: Sehunnie
05 Feb 2012 17:09
Please, what?
Just tell me what I can do to fix this
To earn your trust and forgiveness

To: Sehunnie
From: BB
05 Feb 2012 17:13
Please stop
I forgave you a long time ago
But I've moved on
There is no us anymore
And there never will be
I don't want you wasting your life holding onto the hope that we might get back together again because there's no chance of that ever happening
It's over, Sehun
Let it go and move on

To: BB
From: Sehunnie
05 Feb 2012 17:14
I see

To: Sehunnie
From: BB
05 Feb 2012 17:14
I'm sorry, Sehun
I don't mean to hurt you
But you need to understand that we were never meant to be

To: BB
From: Sehunnie
05 Feb 2012 17:15
I
I understand

To: Sehunnie
From: BB
05 Feb 2012 17:18
Maybe it's best if we just stay out of each others' lives
For good, this time
Let's pretend that we never happened

To: BB
From: Sehunnie
05 Feb 2012 17:21
And is that what you really want, hyung?
To not acknowledge the love we once had for each other?

To: Sehunnie
From: BB
05 Feb 2012 17:21
Yes

To: BB
From: Sehunnie
05 Feb 2012 17:22
Okay, then I'll respect your wishes

To: Sehunnie
From: BB
05 Feb 2012 17:22
Thank you, Sehun

To: BB
From: Sehunnie
05 Feb 2012 17:22
I guess this is goodbye then

To: Sehunnie
From: BB
05 Feb 2012 17:22
Goodbye, Oh Sehun
I wish you well

To: BB
From: Sehunnie
05 Feb 2012 17:24
You know what?
No
You can pretend like you've never loved me
But I can't do it
I refuse to

To: Sehunnie
From: BB
05 Feb 2012 17:36
Please don't contact me again

--

Monday 21st October 2013

Dear Byun Baekhyun,

I know that the last time we spoke, you asked for me to never contact you again. For over one and a half years, I've respected your wishes but there is something I need to inform you now.

I've met someone, his name is Chanyeol and we're actually getting married next week. You were right, hyung; you're always right. I had to let you go and when I did, I met someone who makes me happy. I'm not going to compare him to you because you are two different people and I don't want to insult our relationship. But I think I finally have some closure on our relationship, even if it did take me over three years to get it.

I want to thank you for everything that you've done for me, and even though our love wasn't eternal as I thought it once would be, it changed me and shaped me to become the man I am now. I don't even know if you still remember me, or if you'll even bother reading this letter. But I just wanted you to know that I'm finally happy now and I hope that wherever you are, you are too.

This will be the last time I'll ever seek correspondence with you again, I promise.

Best wishes,
Oh Sehun

--

To: Baek
From: Soo
21 Oct 2013 20:57
Baek, are you okay?

To: Soo
From: Baek
22 Oct 2013 02:11
He's getting married.

To: Baek
From: Soo
22 Oct 2013 02:11
Who is?

To: Soo
From: Baek
22 Oct 2013 02:11
Sehunnie

To: Baek
From: Soo
22 Oct 2013 02:12
Oh, Baek

To: Soo
From: Baek
22 Oct 2013 02:14
It hurts, Soo
It hurts so much, I feel like my heart has just been ripped out of my chest

To: Baek
From: Soo
22 Oct 2013 02:17
Then why have you been lying to him for all this time?
For years, he's thought that we were together.
Why didn't you just tell him how you feel?
Why didn't you tell him that we went to London to find him so that you could tell him that you still wanted to be with him?

To: Soo
From: Baek
22 Oct 2013 02:21
I don't know why
I just chickened out
When he said that he still loved me and wanted to get back together
It was like a dream come true
And I wanted to say yes so desperately
But I
I pushed him away 
And now it's too late to tell him that I still love him and that I've never stopped loving him

--

Tuesday 21st October 2014

My Sehunnie,

I don't know why I'm writing this letter because I have no idea where to send it. The last letter you sent had no sender's address and you didn't keep in contact with anyone when you left for the UK all those years ago, so there's no way of finding out where you live.

I wanted to explain what was going through my mind back when we were still together. We were constantly fighting about my friendship with Kyungsoo and each time you implied that I was anything but faithful to you and our relationship, was like a dagger through my heart and I just couldn't take it anymore, Sehun. I needed you to trust me and in us but you couldn't; you just walked away from everything that we had together. I was so angry at you for doing that, for abandoning me like that. So I let you believe that Kyungsoo and I were dating, but we never did. He was only and will only ever be a platonic friend.

The fights were destroying us, not just us as a couple, but as individuals. I wanted to save you from becoming a distrusting and possessive boyfriend that you were slowly becoming. I knew that it was only a matter of time until you woke up one day, hating the person you had become and it would've been because of me; I didn't want you to resent me for that. I wasn't able to show you that you were the only person in my heart. If I'd been able to do that, then maybe we would've still been together.

It's probably around your one year anniversary with Chanyeol, isn't it? Congratulations! I hope married life is treating you well. And even though you've managed to find happiness with someone else, I won't be able to because it's only ever been you and will only ever be you.

I'm sorry, Sehunnie. I'm sorry that I couldn't give you the security that you needed. I'm sorry that you had to doubt our love. I'm sorry that I failed you. There was never one single moment that I even contemplated being with someone else other than you. But this is all irrelevant now because you've moved on just like I foolishly instructed you to and I'm here alone with nothing but a broken heart that no amount of time will ever be able to heal.

I love you, Oh Sehun
I've always loved you
And I'll always will

No longer the man you love,
Byun Baekhyun

A/N: Sorry? I blame the Sebaekians who made me want to write angst and so I wrote this last night when I shoud've been sleeping and now I feel kinda broken. I hope yall are happy. You know who you are. Yes, thanks much.

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