Chapter 11: Thumping of the Heart

My mom always taught me not to promise when you’re too happy and not to make decisions when you’re mad.

And she was right.

When you promise, you make people expect. When you decide, you make people expect.

The mouth is powerful. Once the word has come out, you can never take it back. You can’t act like you didn’t say the words you uttered. You can’t just erase those words from the minds of those who heard you.

You can’t just heal the hearts you have hurt with your decision or your promise.

For the past five years, that was everything that’s in my mind. Well, aside from all the regrets. But the things is, I made the biggest decision of my life when my mind is clouded by all the possibilities.

Possibility of losing a best friend that I have loved so dearly.

It wasn’t as easy as one two three. I wish it was. But that decision costs too much. I had to give up the man that I love.

It was hard because every second of the day that had passed, I have always been thinking of what could have been, what might have been.

If I didn’t face the problem cowardly, would L.Joe be mine today? Would Minji still be my friend? Would Jiho move on and stop loving me too much?

But now’s not the time to think about those. It's too late. I'm 5 years late.

Jiho just pulled down the park and he is smiling at me widely right now.

Should I tell him what happened?

What if he gets mad?

I don’t want him to. But I don’t want to lie to him.

I’ve learned my lesson. I shouldn’t lie to him because the consequences of my lie would kill me and take me down. Just like our previous relationship.

His smile disappeared when he saw me looking at him, bothered. His expression softened and he held my hand. “What’s wrong?” He asked me.

And that’s it.

You all know that feeling when you are holding all your tears back but then someone notices that something is wrong with you and then he asks what the problem is then you just lose it. You just break down and cry.

Jiho sighed and he pulled me close to him to hug me tight.

“Byunghun,” I sobbed. “He…he…” I couldn’t even continue my words because my sobs are not stopping.

“Sssshhh,” Jiho cooed me as he caressed my back and hugged me tighter. “Don’t cry, Hana. It’s your birthday.” He told me but I couldn’t just ask myself to stop crying.

It hurts. So bad.

“He asked me to stay close to him again.” I managed to say it straight in between my sobs.

Jiho froze. I felt him straighten up. He held my shoulder and he gazed at my eyes. “Will you?” He asked. “Do you want to stay close to him again?”

I sighed and looked down.

I heard him exhale loudly. “Do you still love him so much? Do you still want him in your life?” He asked again.

I lifted my head to look at him but his face is shouting the words pain and sadness.

I sighed and wiped my tears. “I told him I’m not going to.” I replied.

Jiho stared at me. “But do you want to?” He asked.

I gulped. “I have to.” I replied and looked at his eyes again. “If I didn’t, I would just be repeating everything I did. I would just be another hindrance to their love story.”

Jiho looked at me. His expression softened. “Hana-“

“I don’t want that.” I shook my head. “I deserve my own happy normal love story, right? I don’t deserve to be the other woman.” I told him.

He looked at me for a while before he sighed. “Yes. You deserve better.” He told me then he took my hand. “I will give you your normal love story, Hana. If you could just make me.” He smiled.

I smiled weakly. “I thought you would.” I replied and he pulled me into a big hug again.

This is what I need.

A new beginning.

--

“Hey, taste this!” Jiho waved a cotton candy stick on my face.

I looked at him. “No. I don’t like sweets other than ice cream.” I shook my head. “Can’t you remember?” I asked him and rolled my eyes.

We are sitting at the park right now. It’s almost 8PM and we are loitering here watching all the kids and some couples.

I don’t really get Jiho. How could he just go out in public like this when he is a well-known celebrity? Won’t there be paparazzi following him and writing an article about him?

“No. I remember it all. But I want you to taste it. It’s sweet and it’s good.” He replied then he make me take a bite.

He looked at me as I savor the cotton candy. “What?” he smiled. “Sweet right?” He beamed.

I rolled my eyes but then I cracked a smile. I can never frown in front of Woo Jiho. He just makes me smile for a million reasons.

“Hah! This must go down the history! I made Kim Hana eat cotton candy!” He beamed and he spread his arms around the air and started dancing a celebratory dance.

I just shook my head at his childishness.

Tell me now. How do I stop smiling when I am with him?

I just can’t.

“Come on.” He held my hand. “Let’s eat something.” He said as we walked back to his car.

I narrowed my eyes on him when we didn’t get inside the car. Instead, he opened the compartment and I saw a picnic box.

Jiho took it then he grinned at me. “How about a picnic dinner?” He asked me.

I chuckled and we went back to the park.

He spread the cloth down so we could sit on the grass. He then started to bring the food out one by one.

I watched him do it on his own.

He brought out a lot. He got rice, pasta, steak and… seaweed soup.

He opened the soup first and he gave it to me. “Happy birthday, Hana! You’re getting old!” He teased and I rolled my eyes at him. But then I smiled.

Only Jiho can surprise me like this.

Other girls would want a man who would take them to fancy restaurants, make them a dinner in candle light with violinists in the background.

But nah.

For me, I just want a man who would constantly make me smile. A man who would surprise me with his simple gestures and simple gifts. A man who would hug me when I am feeling low and whisper me words that would make me fine again. A man who would respect my decision. A man who would tell me if I am doing it wrong and guide me to do it better.

A man like Woo Jiho.

And looking at him right now, I can’t help but tear up. He’s always there for me. Who wouldn’t fall for him?

“Thanks.” I said as I blinked the tears.

He cupped my cheeks and wiped my tears. “Don’t cry. It would look like I’m hurting you.” He told me.

“But these are happy tears.” I replied. He looked at me. “Thank you, Woo Jiho. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for making this day a happy one.”

He smiled. “I would want to make you happy every single day of your life.” He told me. “I can’t promise we won’t fight. But I promise you that I won’t let a day pass without making up. I won’t let you sleep mad at me. I won’t let you sleep crying because I hurt you.” Then he kissed me on the forehead.

My heart began racing again.

When Jiho says these words, I can’t help my heart from beating too fast. That’s probably normal.

But right now, it’s thumping really loud. I bet he could even hear it.

I looked at him. “I want to love you again.” I told him. “Please make me love you again.”

He smiled and hugged me. “Your wish is my command.” He breathed deeply and kissed my hair.

--

“Hana,” Jiho called me when he pulled up to the building of my pad.

I looked at him.

He smiled and shook his head. “Nothing. I just want to call you.” He replied.

I rolled my eyes at him but smiled.

He held my hand. “Thanks for coming back.” He told me. His voice turned serious.

I smiled at him. “Thanks for accepting me back.” I replied.

He chuckled. “I already told you. I would always want you back. I would always accept you.” He told me. “That’s because I love you. So freaking much.” Then he kissed the back of my hand.

I chuckled. “I know. I can feel it.” I told him and hugged him.

I felt Jiho stiffen. He must not have expected this. “You’re the best, Woo Jiho.” I whispered and he laughed.

“I know that, Kim Hana.” He beamed and had to hit him playfully.

He took my hand again. “Come on. I’ll walk you to your door.” He told me then he unbuckled my seatbelt.

This kind of Woo Jiho makes me really feel stupid for dumping him for L.Joe 5 years ago. If I had loved him more, I would have been the happiest woman now. I would’ve been Mrs. Woo or what.

But I somehow like it now.

We are starting over again.

The elevator door opened and we went out only to see L.Joe leaning by my door.

I froze and held Jiho’s hand tightly.

“Here goes the mad man.” Jiho muttered as he walked me to my door.

L.Joe looked at Jiho. His eyes are angry. He looks pissed.

“I guess you are leaning at the wrong door, Lee Byunghun.” Jiho spoke.

L.Joe looked at me then his gaze went to my hand interlocked with Jiho’s. I bit my lip and looked down.

“Move aside, Lee Byunghun. Hana needs to rest.” Jiho ordered.

But L.Joe didn’t even move a notch. “What if I don’t want to?” He challenged.

Jiho sighed hard then he let go of my hand only to hold L.Joe’s collar. “Look here, Lee Byunghun.” He said as he pushed L.Joe to the wall. “I don’t know what’s going into that mind of yours but you must know that you should stay away from Hana.” He lunged him.

“You had your chance, Lee Byunghun. And you let it slide.” Jiho spoke again. “So, off. Hana’s not yours. Never was. Never will.” He gritted his teeth. “You should just be happy with your Namjoo and get the out Hana’s life. She doesn’t deserve a jerk like you.”

Then Jiho let go of him and took my hand. “Get inside.” He ordered.

I paused for a moment and looked at L.Joe. He is looking back at me. Probably waiting for what I would tell him. But what would I even tell him? I’m done talking to him.

I looked at Jiho and he smiled at me. “Good night, Hana.” He beamed as he pushed me inside my pad.

Maybe this is really how it is supposed to be. Maybe I really belong to Woo Jiho. 

 

 

--

I read your comments and most of you are wishing for #TeamHanJoe. Hahaha.

What's the score now? Zico-?; L.Joe-? HAHAHA!

I made a new name for Zico-Hana too! #TeamHanZic HAHAHA! Or #TeamZiHan?  HAHAHA!

Thanks for reading! I hope you comment more. :) 

Love you all!

-RChampagne <3