10 things i hate about Park Chanyeol.

His stupid laughs. He always laughed at my awkwardness everytime I was around him. He knew I’m a stiff girl and having Chanyeol around me really not helping. I liked him since years ago. When we both wore diapers and he was my best friend. Of course he liked me too, i was his bestfriend though. We spent the after school time together under the tree. He played his guitar and I sang. But I was not like the only girl he knows. I was just one from bunch of girls that lucky to get to know him. I confessed to him. He laughed. And laughed harder. And harder. I couldn’t believe when he said he knows about me liking him. And he kinda waiting for this, for me confessed to him. In the end he said he likes me too. But then he always laughed and teased me when I can’t contain my heart everytime I was around him. He knew I like him that lot and he made joke about it. Gosh, I hate him.

His lame jokes about me. The entire school knew he is the “Happy Virus Park Chanyeol”. He made many friends. He loved to make jokes and it was like his charm. No. Not with his jokes about me liking him. He told the whole story when I chase after him. Oh well, I was not THAT desperate! He admitted he likes me too, but STILL. Ugh, i hate him so much.

His rough and loud voice when he shouted to call my name. It was so disturbing I’m not even kidding. I was happy he calls me by the name but NOT during the ing physics test. Or in front of the toilet when I am in the cubicle. Or in the library which allows no voice. At the cafeteria. Everywhere. How could he??

His daily annoying ‘i love you’ to me. Those words are so meaningful to me. Moreover, someone like Chanyeol, who I like a lot, was the one who says it. How could I’m not happier than this? But he said it like most of the time. In the morning, when I just woke up to his calling only to say those words. The whole time when he met me at school. When we were in a date, I could count how many times he says those words. And don’t forget the night before sleep too. Every. Single. Time. And i was wondering if that just... words. Unimportant words that could you say out loud without thinking. Without meaning. I didn’t know.

He was a stubborn sleepyhead. I slept a lot too. But Chanyeol never woke up with his loud alarm, hard knocks on the door, even me myself tried to wake him up. He was helpless. I was not that kind of girlfriend who turns upset whenever their boyfriend not picking up their calls, not replying their bunch of texts, too late to pick them up to date just because they are fall asleep. I really was not the one. But no one slept as much as Chanyeol. Sometimes I was wondering what he’d been through to deserve those amount of sleeps. Maybe i’ve reached my limits. I just hate it.

When he was with his friends. I really. Really. Hated it. I knew he still need the time for his friends too. I didn’t forbid him or something. He never asked me to go with him too. And he spent the time with his friends without bothering to reck of me. He just said sorry afterwards. I didn’t need it.

How he was so concentrated and couldn’t be touched on when he’s with his guitar. Music was his life. I did understand that. I loved music too, but i was not as dedicated as him. I felt like guitar is his second girlfriend after me. Well, . Did i just feel jealous over a ing guitar? I might be crazy of him. Yeah, indeed.

His habit to drink everytime he felt so stress. I didn’t know what’s bothering him that night when I found him bends over on the side street near my house. I ran to him and grabbed his shoulders. He was shaking and rambling. His eyes looking at everywhere but me. I slapped him on the right cheek. He stopped. And looked into my eyes. He gripped my arms ‘til they turned red, turned me over and pinned me against the wall. His lips crashed onto mine. Hard and hot. I didn’t like it. It was like rage kisses. And i tasted salty. He cried.

He was ing short-term memory human being. I knew he always forgets what books to bring at school. Copying my tasks. Doing homeworks at school. But recently he even forgot our date plans, our anniversary date, my birthday, HIS birthday. How did you think you’re feeling when you struggle to plan everything for his birthday party. Set everything. And ended with he’s saying “Oh, today’s my birthday? Really?”. I was so pissed off.

He never told me about him. Never. You might not believe me but he didn’t tell me his dad pass away. I knew it weeks later. From his friends. Did you know the feeling? I was his only girlfriend and i was the last person who figure out about it. What am i to him? He didn’t text or call me when he’s absent for school. One ing month. I was like an idiot for the whole thirty-days. Did he just leave me? Did he want to forget me? But then he was back and grinned at me. Once again saying sorry because he went on vacation. No, Chanyeol. No.

I hated him like that. I hated him ‘til every single cell inside his tall body. I hated the fact that I hate and love him at the same right time. I couldn’t understand my own feelings. I just... loved him too much. I loved him with or without his flaws.

10 things i hate about Park Chanyeol.

His stupid laughs. Those laughs that sounded so nice to my hearing. Despite I hated how he’s laughing at my dumb face everytime he shifts closer to me, nose touched nose. I loved the sound of his laughs. And when he pinched my cheeks, saying ‘you’re cute when you’re awkward around me’. How could i hate him?

His lame jokes about me. He told the jokes when I confess to him under our favorite tree, after school time. How i ruined my words when i was trying to confess. And he laughed. And his friends laughed in unison. I swore he won’t stop until the tears covering my eyes in embarassment. Then he would hugs me and kissed my forehead, shoo-ing at his friends and turned back to me, whispering ‘thank you for confessing to me’. I couldn’t help but smile. God, i loved him.

His rough and loud voice when he shouted to call my name.

“Nanaaa! Nanaaa!” During physics test and we both were asked by the teacher to come to the teacher office.

“Nanaaa! Nana-ssi! Are you inside? Come out quickly! Nanaaa! Are you having constipation or what?” then I came out abruptly from the cubicle with red face and dragged him away.

Sometimes he didn’t shout, just whispered. “Nana!” But still.

“NanaNanaNanaNanaNanaNana!” and the whole library looked at me in judgemental glares.

At the cafeteria too, we sat next to each other enjoying our meals when he suddenly shouted “Nana-ya! Feed me, Nana-ya!” I shoved the french fries into his mouth before he shuts and happily chewing his foods. I told him to stop calling me like that ((i loved his voice though)), but then he said ‘calling your name is my favorite thing to do’. I froze.

His daily annoying ‘I love you’ to me. Well, it was not actually annoying. My heart jumped and skipped fast everytime those words come out from his mouth.

“Wake up, sleepyhead! I love you.”

“Good morning, Princess. I love you.”

“Gimme your homework paper. I love you, okay?”

“Ugh, please don’t cry. You looks so ugly. No, no, no. I’m sorry, Nana. You know i love you, right?”

“Nite, my precious. I love you to the moon and back. Dream of me.”

Those really ARE sweet words okay I acknowledged. I felt like being thrown to the sky and never back. I was just wondering if those are just some words with no intention but then Chanyeol said, “I love you, Nana. I really do. Are you bored hearing it?” then he chuckled, sending vibration to my body in his embrace. “But sorry I can’t stop and won’t stop. I like to tell you that i love you. I just feel like there’s no much time enough for me to say that........ i love you.” After that i realized how much i like his daily ‘i love you’ to me. it was music to my ears. And i started to miss his ‘i love you’. Not because he stopped saying it to me. It was just... no one who said it to me again.

He was a stubborn sleepyhead. He really slept a lot. Everytime I visited his house, I found him sleeping on his bed or his couch with television still on. But then he started to sleep at class too, during lessons. Once we planned a date, and I was waiting for the sake two hours but he didn’t come to pick up me. He called me then and said he’ll gonna there in minutes. He came with his tired face and swollen eyes. I was upset before, but seeing him like that made my heart hurts. I caressed his cheek and told him to cancel the date. He frowned and asked me if i’m mad at him. But i just said “Go home, Chanyeol. You look tired.” I forced a smile when he finally bid a good bye to me, and i could feel my heart aching seeing his weak steps back to home.

When he was with his friends. Chanyeol got so many friends because he was so friendly and easy-going. Not like me. I got to friends with Chanyeol just because we grew together in our childhood. We grew older, and he started to meet many people and being friends. While me just felt grateful Chanyeol still wanted to accompany me everywhere because I don’t have any friend. But he always restrained me from meeting his friends. I didn’t even know why. And i didn’t try to know why, so i stopped trying and kept away from them. But one day, this friend of him named Kai approachs me. I was sitting alone on the bench because Chanyeol still busy with his band mates. Kai sat next to me in silent. I didn’t bother to talk to him because I knew Chanyeol won’t like it. So i just kept my mouth close. Kai cleared his throat and turned his body to me.

“I know Chanyeol won’t let you talk to me, or his other friends. Tsk, that kid.”

Then he chuckled. I just looked warily at him and checking if Chanyeol was around.

“Don’t worry, Nana. I just wanna say something to you, and you only need to listen.”

I knitted my brows at his words, but kept my ears open. Kai looked uneasy, then he opened his mouth.

“Chanyeol talked about you a lot. He told everything about you to us. Chanyeol really loves you, Nana-ssi.” He paused, and took a deep breath before continuing. “I’m begging you... i’m begging you, don’t ever leave him. Eventhough he told you so, don’t do it. You’re his strength, Nana.”

I kept silent, i didn’t know what to do. And why did Kai tell about this to me now. I really didn’t understand. But before I could ask to him, Kai already stood up abruptly and tapped my arm lightly.

“Please remember what I said, Nana.” Then he left.

Chanyeol came to my sight with his big smile afterwards, and I immediately gave my smile back to him. Since the time i knew, there was something wrong.

How he was so concentrated and couldn’t be touched on when he’s with his guitar. I could not resist but the sight of him holding a guitar really was a beautiful sight of him. He gripped his guitar and adjusted it on his lap, brows frowning while strumming the strings. Beautiful.

Then he played and deep voice came out from his throat, made me thrill. He didn’t even bother to look at me who sat right beside him, looking at him intensely. Like i wasn’t there, but i didn’t even care. Usually he would play one full song and even singing to it. But lately he was just singing one part of a song, then stopped. Frowning his brows in confusion, i didn’t know. Then started again. And paused, more frowning. In the end he gave up and took a look at me. For the first time he noticed me when he was with his favorite guitar. But i was not even happy.

His habit to drink everytime he felt so stress. I never knew before he could be this desperate. At least he could call me and tell me his problems instead of drinking and then i found him laying down on the street. His rage kisses that nite, i could never forget it. I tasted his tears, and the kisses slowly turning into bitterness. I pulled myself, broke our kisses. He looked so lost. I hugged him tight, so tight that his shirt dried my tears away. I asked him why and more why. He wasn’t answering. I wouldn’t let him go, not before he spoke to me.

“I won’t hurt you, Nana. I don’t want to. Let me like this, enjoying the pains. You’re the reason behind my smiles. If you hurt too, then who else could make me smile?”

He cried, and I bite my lower lip harder, preventing any sobs escaped from my throat.

He was ing short-term memory human being. He forgot to bring this, he forgot to bring that. He forgot to go here, and there. He forgot what he’ll gonna do after he jumps abruptly from his couch. He forgot our important dates. He forgot to say his daily ‘i love you’. He forgot to annoy me. He forgot the key of the songs. He forgot everything. He forgot me.

I was scared. So scared as when he opened his eyes into the sight of me. And he didn’t react. He just kept silent, watching me in confusion. I froze at my spot too. Slowly tears covering my eyes, and started to roll down through the corners. I couldn’t help it. I turned my heels out from the room, ran and ran ‘til i was out of breath. I fell on my knees, and my tears drop one by one to the ground. I cried so hard, i screamed at the top of my lungs. Rain started to fall. Harder and harder. I didn’t ing care. I was broken. I faded away. ‘He is dying, Nana.’ He was dying... God, Chanyeol who i loved was dying...

He never told me about him. Not even when he was in the end of his life. He was bad. He was so cruel. I hated him. One month he left for vacation, he said. A vacation of the medical cure. His first surgery without me accompanied him, beside him and cheer for him. Holding his cold and trembling hands. Saying that everything would gonna be okay, just like he always told it to me. But no. I was not even there. He left me like a fool. I was upset and grumbling over him here, while he struggled to his life there. And when he was back, I threw my anger on him. He acted as nothing happens. He ruffled my hair, pinched my cheeks, told me I am such a crybaby. Everything looked so fine.

Then he suffered again.

“He is dying, Nana.”

I clenched my fists. Bearing with the pain of the rain water washed away the blood of my knees, and the wound on my heart. I lifted myself up, body soaked with water. I took the steps back toward the hospital. I was trembling and i couldn’t even make a proper step. But then i reached there. Chanyeol’s room.

He still there, laying down on his bed. Eyes staring at me as i appeared again in front of him. He frowned at me with the body all wet. I loved his frowns. Made him looks like a curious child. I gulped down my saliva, slowly walked closer onto him.

“Hi.”

I smiled.

He muted.

“Do you remember me?”

Of course no, Nana. He wouldn’t remember you.

I let a soft and short laugh.

“Just kidding. We haven’t ever met directly, by the way. But i am your school friend.”

He kept silent. But i saw his eyes turn wider as usual when he’s interested with something.

“My name is Nana.”

Once again he frowned.

Chanyeol, could you feel it? The word of my name. Could you feel something?

“Please...” i bite my lip, tried not to sound so desperate. “Please say something.”

He opened his mouth. Hesitated.

“H-Hello, Nana-ssi... Nice to know you.” He paused. “My name is... name is...”

His eyes moved so fast around the whole room, trying to recall something.

“Chanyeol.” I voiced. More like i was forcing myself. “Of course i know your name is Chanyeol. The Park Chanyeol who the entire school knows. You’re popular.”

If there was the best acting award, it should be given to me. I smiled widely to him, but inside my heart was aching as i could barely breathe.

“My name is Chanyeol...” He sounded more like wondering. “Yes, Chanyeol.”

But then he smiled after he said out his own name. Like he was so proud about it.

God, i wanted to hold him. Told him that he’s okay with me. Screamed into his ears that there’s no one understands him more like i do. That he could only look at me, care at me. Just like yesterdays. And how much i wanted to shout his name whenever i see him. Told him my daily ‘i love you’ just so he knew how much i love him. Let him sleep on my lap whatever how long it would take, i would never bother him. I swore i won’t be upset if he spent the most time with his friends, telling a joke about me, told everything about me to them. I didn’t care, as long as he’s happy. And if he forgot how to play his guitar, i would gladly take his guitar over him and play it instead of him. I knew i don’t know how to strum it or what song i should play, but at least i could sing. I would sing every songs he likes ‘til my throat hurts and i couldn’t let out any voice again. I would take over what he has done to me before, to make me the luckiest girl in the world. I would do anything, i swore to God! But please, please don’t make him leave. He said i’m his strength, but he was my everything. He said i’m his reason to smile, but if he left, whose reason to smile again am i? He needed me. I lived for him.

“Let’s get along, from now on. Park Chanyeol.”

He smiled. His last smile because of me. His last smile i saw before days turn dark. And i could not find the reason why i live here again in this world.

There are things i hate about Park Chanyeol.

And there are more things that make me love him deeper. And deeper.

hello hi hello i edited this like at 1 in the morning so-

idk.

i...dk.

why did i post it.

don't kill me.

bye.