“Doojoon?” you whisper quietly.

“Yeah, it’s me” he smiled at you as he makes his way to your side. He sits beside you but his eyes are not on you. He looks the other way. “How’s life _____ah?” he looks at the mini waterfall on the top of the pool. He turns his head to after a while when  he listens no answer. “____-ah?” his voice makes you come back to reality. You blink your eyes and look at the other direction. Your cheeks are burning. Shy.

“Fine. I’m fine” you say as you lift your head.

“Good” he replies.

“How are you?” you ask him awkwardly.

“I’m good” he nods his head as he smiles at you who’s looking back to the ground.

“Good” you whisper. 

Both of you just keep quiet make the situation goes more awkward. You can see him takes a glance of you by your corner eyes before he sighs. “Long time no see ____-ah” he tries to break the awkwardness between you two.

You nod and smile at him “ yeah, so long.” He nods his head as the sign that he agrees with you.

“Why?” he asks suddenly. His eyes are looking to the ground. His facial expression changes.

“Why….what?” you asks, giving him a questioning look.

He stared at you deeply. You can see anger and sadness there. You know what he’s saying about now. You avoid his eye immediately, seems like ground is more interesting than him right now.

“I-I…scholarship, I told you right? I-I moved…I…”

“Do you hate me that much?” he said. His words stabbs you right in your heart. You stare at him right in his eyes, now you know how deep you have hurt him. He chuckles bitterly before he looked away. “I shouldn’t confessed to you that night” Tears silently rolling down on your face you wipe it quickly so he doesn’t know.

“Doojoon-ah….”

“No, It’s okay, I’m okay now” he smiles at you, wide smile this time but still it seems fake for you. “What about now? you have finished your college?” he changes the topic.

“Yes, so I came back here” you gave him a smile that make his heart flutter. A smile like there’s nothing happened with you two. Your genuine smile. “So you’re a good actor now?”

“Whoaa….you’re watching me all this time?” he teases you

“Yah! You never change Yoon Doojoon, full of yourself” you stick your tongue out.

“Only when I’m with you I can be like this ____-ah” he chuckles. His words make your eyes stare at him. “you have someone now?” he asks, looking down, doesn’t ready hear your answer.

“Yeah, I come with him” you say.

“I know” he said. Your eyes widen. “I have meet him a couple times, he’s so in love with you” he chuckles. He has been looking you all this time, he never knew that he was so close with you but he can’t get a little closer now just like back then.

“I’m so shocked when I borrowed Jonghyun’s phone, I just know that’s you.” he chuckled “I’m looking for you when I have tour in Japan, but I never knew that we’re that close ____-ah,” he looked up to the sky.

“How did you know I was in japan?” you ask.

“Silly, who do you think I am? I was your bestfriend, and you talked about Japan, arts, Japan, arts, I’m the one who accompanied you when you followed that Tokyo National University of Fine Arts and Music’ scholarship program. That’s your dream” He says.

*Was?* his word break your heart. You didn’t think that he still remembered your daydreams.

“Gayoon told me too, but it’s too late when I found you” he whispers.

“You’re bad at searching” you chuckle

“No, it you who the best at hiding” he looked away again

“So what about you? found her?”

“Gayoon” his answer break your heart “Thanks to you” he fakes a smile, so do you.

***

Flashback

After his confession, the only thing you did was crying. Weeping your own self. Felt like a fool because being a coward just to say you love him too. Felt like a fool because letting him went away. You cried your self to sleep.

Day after, you woke up in a mess. A bunch of messy hair, a pale face, a pair of swollen eyes and a broken heart inside your body. You could feel headache at the back of your head. That day, you just knew two things, fisrt you just knew that you could cry a whole night because of a man, and second, you never know that cried your self to sleep could give you a great back-headache. You’re such a strong girl, you almost never cried. But this time, it’s different. It’s the first time you were so afraid to fallen to someone. First time you hold your feeling because you’re afraid you’d lose him.

You have awake for an hour but you still didn’t move from your bed. Seemed like your heart would broke even more when you move. You just laid there, stared at your phone screen. You saw his wide smile beside your face. You smiled as you remember that’s the best selca you took with him after 20 times tried though it still half and half. You and him never good at took selca.You frowned immediately as you remembered last night, and a tears rolled down from your face once again. You hurried wiped it throwing your phone away and dragged your self to the kitchen. Took a glass of milk and took your letters. An envelope caught your eyes, written in Japanesse letters, Tokyo National University of Fine Arts and Music. You read it. You did it! That scholarship program you followed, you got it.

“I get it! Doojoon should know this….” You blurted out, the realized that you have hurt him last night. You looked around as you sat on your couch, your place felt so empty. Your hands touch your lips that he kissed last night, you could still feel his. At this hour he have arrived at your place and knocked on your door like crazy to wake you up and steal your snacks. Suddenly you heard a knock on your door. Thought of it’s Doojoon made you ran to the door and opened it hurriedly. You found a girl in front of your door. Gayoon. Your smile dropped for a while then you tried your best smile.

“Waah…so fast” you shrugged your shoulders and smiled slightly, opened the door wider for her to come in. Gayoon, she’s your new bestfriend, since Doojoon was a year above you, she’s your classmate. She’s your bestfriend but you didn’t tell her everything, you never trust to people much. You’re scared. You’re afraid of betrayal. You’re afraid that someday they’ll hurt you. You only tell everything to Doojoon.  

“What’s goin on with you? you look terrible” she said as she took a choke from your fridge.

“I’m fine. Insomnia” you lied as you laid your self on your couch covered your eyes with your arm.

“People could die young if they didn’t have enough sleep-time” you glared at her. “what? It’s true” she said took a gulp of her choke. You covered your eyes with your arm again. “____-ah?” you replied her with a what-look. “where’s Doojoon oppa?” your heart break even just heard his name.

“why you ask about him?” you asked her.

“A-Ani…it’s just this hour he’s here” Not only you, someone else’s even know it.

“I don’t know.” You shrugged your shoulder

“_____ah, can I ask you a favor?”

“What?” you strightened your body

“Don’t laugh at me, and promise you’ll help me, okay?” you jus nodde immediately without knowing what it is.

“Help me to have a date with Doojoon oppa” she said.

“What?” you eyes widen

“Why? I love him from the first time I saw him with you, would you ____-ah?” she sees you with eyes that full of hope.

You could feel your heart burnt down. But you nodded your head. You’d leave him soon and you didn’t want to leave him in this kind of situation.

 “Thank youuuu ______ah, you’re so kind!”

***

“Can we met? I have something for you. Usual place, 7 p.m. okay? J ” you send that message to Doojoon. *I’m sorry Doojoon, it’s the only thing I can do for you, you have to move* you take a deep breath before let it out. You know it’s not fair for him, you knew his feeling for you but you, not only reject him because of your fear, your selfish reason, and now you have set a date for him and another girl.

Suddenly your phone beeping. He replys your text. “Ok” he said simply. Tears rolls down on your face, he never say no to you. Wipe your tears quickly you made your self back to pack. You’ll departed tommorrow night, 7.30 pm.

***

Doojoon were arrived at the usual café you and him go often. He scans the whole café to find you but you’re not there. A girl waves her hand at him. Gayoon. He smiles as he walk to her table.

“H-hey…doojoon” she greets him shyly.

“hey, what are you doing here?”

“I…”

“Ah..do you see _____-ah, she said she wanted to meet me here” He cut her as he looks around again. She shooks her head, didn’t say a word but blushing. “really? Aish…she must be late, she said she has something for me”he said make her blushing more.

“A..doojoon, she won’t be here” she says, make doojoon confuse, “that something is…” doojoon gives her a questioning look. “ is…this date, me and you, I asked to help me have a date with…you” she confesses. But doojoon only stares blankly, doesn’t believe at what he have just heard.

“date?” she nodded *how..could you do this to me ____-ah, you knew my feeling, aish…did I make you uncomfortable? Do you want me to forget you? Okay, if that’s what you want*