The front door hit the wall as it opened, the bang echoing through the too quiet apartment.

Chanyeol didn’t even hear the sound though as he saw red. All he could see was red. His own heart seemingly stopping for a second as he registered what he was seeing. Finally unfreezing from where he was standing at the still open doorway and running towards his best friend.

Towards Baekhyun, who was lying motionless on their red carpet.

Except they don’t have a red carpet. They never had one.

Dead.

That one word just keeps echoing in Chanyeol’s mind with every new day.

He feels like throwing up and his head hurts and everything is a daze. Chanyeol feels sick and he wants to call his best friend more than anything in the world but he can’t.

The boy won’t be able to do that ever again because Baekhyun is dead. His best friend is dead and he didn’t even know he started cutting again.

He didn’t know anything.

How could he not notice? How could he let this happen? How…How is he supposed to continue with his life when there is no Baekhyun. It’s not possible. He can’t imagine living without Baekhyun but he has no choice now.

The other took away his choice away the second he took away his own life.

And Chanyeol didn’t even notice something is wrong.

He should have noticed. He should have stopped him. He should have done so many things. But it’s too late now.

It’s all wrong now. Without Baekhyun the world is just wrong.

It took Chanyeol weeks to be able to step foot into their apartment again. But no it wasn’t theirs anymore. It’s his. Only his. Because there is no more Baekhyun to make it theirs.

In those weeks he hasn’t slept throughout even one night but at least he could breathe without his whole body hurting. He could stand on his own two feet. But it wasn’t the same anymore. Without Baekhyun it just wasn’t. Without Baekhyun he couldn’t imagine living. He can’t imagine the world without Baekhyun but now suddenly he has to live in it. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t normal. It wasn’t right. It didn’t feel real. Nothing felt real anymore.

However, this time as he walked inside feeling like a ghost, and his footsteps echoed through the apartment he saw a bit of white from the corner of his eye. And as he looked closer Chanyeol saw it was a folded piece of paper on the coffee table, right next to the still red carpet that made his eyes fill with tears as he noticed it.

Still he took a few deep breaths and took the blood stained paper with shaking hands.

Opening it, there were only two words written. But they brought the red haired boy to his knees.

Only two words and it was hard to breathe again.

I’m fine.

He thought he knew heartbreak but it was never like this. It had nothing on this. This was heartbreak. This was dying. And worse than anything, Baekhyun wasn’t there to fix it. Baekhyun wasn’t there to make it better. Baekhyun will never be there to make it better again.

That was when it all finally clicked and it made everything so much worse. So much more painful. He loved Baekhyun. He always loved Baekhyun but was too afraid to see it. But now he did. He remembered all the years. All the wasted time he will never get back. All the time waiting for him he will never have with Baekhyun. All the time Baekhyun will never have.

His chest hurt and it was hard to breathe but the tears still continued streaming down Chanyeol’s face as he clenched a piece of paper to his heart like his life depended on it.

Because for the first time he felt as Baekhyun has been feeling almost all his life.

Dead, hurt, broken…

No more blue and no more smiles, because when Baekhyun took his own life unknowingly he took Chanyeol’s too.

And now everything is gray. All the color is gone.

“Baekhyun please come out! Please!” Chanyeol banged on the bedroom door with all his might, trying to get the other one out.

It’s been hours since Baekhyun locked himself in there. Something he did the second he noticed what Chanyeol saw.

And he hasn’t stopped shaking in the corner since.

“Go away! I don’t want to see the look. Not from you. I don’t want it!” Baekhyun yelled back, not even thinking of moving. He can’t handle to see the disgust and disappointment again. Most definitely not from Chanyeol. Not from the only person he let in after so long.

He should have ran away while he still could. Before he fell so hard.

He should have listened to himself.

Too late now though.

All he can do now is wait for Chanyeol to give up so he can go home. Run away just like he was supposed to all along.

This was all too good to be true. He should have known better. He doesn’t deserve happiness. Doesn’t deserve someone as caring as Chanyeol.

The skin of Baekhyun’s palm broke under his nails and blood trickled forth.

But it wasn’t enough. He needs more.

“I’m fine. Go away.”

“No! Please don’t say that! Never say that!” Chanyeol was nearing hysteria. Fine is not good. Fine makes his blood run cold.

Baekhyun can’t be fine. He won’t allow it. He will make sure he never feels fine again.

“Promise me.” The red haired boy spoke the words for what seemed was the thousandth time.

And Baekhyun understood what he wants right away. If only he could give him the answer he wants without it being a lie. If only…

“I promise.”

I promise you will be in my heart until the end.

As the blade sliced through pale skin like butter Baekhyun fulfilled his silent promise.

He didn’t let go of Chanyeol, until the very end.

Until everything went black.

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Sorry for the wait but only one more chapter to go. And yes this was mostly the dreams of the 'past' because next chapter focuses only on the present. Will try to update soon but no promises.

Thanks for reading and please leave a comment below.