17/01/2015: 

Hello :)

I've added on to chapt 3 if anyone wants to go back and read that again, but it's not like when I changes chapt 1, you won't really miss much by not going back.

thanks for your support, hope you enjoy this chapt.

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Chapter 4

Walking into the quiet and placid silence that surrounded the pastel coloured room created a stabbing sensation within Hyukjae’s heart.
  He had never felt guiltier in his existence than he did then as he looked at the pale faced man resting endlessly in the metal rod and thin cushioned hospital bed before them. This had been all his doing and the thought alone bit at his every nerve, leaving him tense as he clutched to the railing at the foot of the bed where he stood.

Hyukjae watched as Donghae moved from where he’d stood behind him to kneel beside his father. He saw the tenderness in Donghae’s touch as he brushed some dry strands of hair out of his father’s face and back into the greying mass atop his head. The gentleness in each move Donghae made as he went about fixing the laying man into a more comfortable position sent heat rising to Hyukjae’s heart and chills running down his spine. The man he saw before him looked thin enough to be skeletal and what remained of his body was dry and inert like the sweet prunes he’d eaten just days ago, except… the sight before him wasn’t in the least bit sweet. It was painful. It brought remorse to his heart, tears to his eyes.

He sniffled, unable to control the fullness of his emotions, and Donghae turned to face him. Donghae’s tears seemed to flow invisibly, his face vacant of the salty liquid but his eyes reflecting his tortured soul, he had run short a while back, the tears long dried. Hyukjae hadn’t been there to see when, and it wounded him to know that.

The two boys stood there for a short silenced moment, searching each other for what next to say. Donghae had felt it right to bring the other to his father’s bedside, but he hadn’t thought any further than that.

The silence lasted too long as each diverted their gaze to anywhere elsewhere so as not to seem too exposed. Donghae, having gotten back onto his feet while pampering away at the stale pillows that proved insufficient support for his father’s neck, looked back to his sleeping father. Hyukjae, having found the slight but meaningful exchange between them unnerving, looked down at his feet, fearful of what he might reveal if he were to look back up again.

This entire scene had been his doing. He had failed at his mission and had failed at his existence. What use was a fallen angel to those who needed him most? He had come crashing from the heavens with naught else but his determination and now look where he was.
   He had caused the pain that he was supposed to amend. He had neglected to see that he was going astray. He has allowed himself to wallow in denial and get hooked onto an existence that was both higher and lower than him.
 

   He had failed, and now he stood before the man who has suffered the consequence of his failure, and the boy who he had permitted to lead him amiss.
  “I’m sorry” said Donghae, breaking the thick silence with a whisper that contrasted so sharply against the deep noiselessness. Hyukjae was tempted to look up at the uttered words but he found his head too heavy to abide. He shuffled from one heavy foot to another and let his fingers slide along the curve of the metal rail, cold beneath his hand.
  Words were necessary right then; words to take the blame away; words to mend the pain; words to fill the quietness. Words were failing him right then, he couldn’t bring himself to speak, to say that no apologies were needed, to own up to his doing.
 

  Donghae didn’t speak again and neither did Hyukjae. The prior pulled the lone chair in the room closer to the bed and sat in it, watching as his father’s chest moved ever-so-mildly up and then back down again. He counted three breaths, six breaths, nine breaths, twelve, and then he reached out to hold the still-warm hand that felt too small in his own full one now.
 

  Donghae thought back to the times when he and his father used to compare hand sizes, how big his father’s hand always was and how strong too, but now… now it felt barely able to lift one finger in the air in reprimand, now it felt too thin to carry any comfort, now it felt long and out of place in his own plump hands, yet Donghae clutched to that hand, he held it like the life would soon flow from his hand back into the needy one his father now possessed if he refused to let go. And he refused to let go, but that made no difference. The hand was still thin as ever, a hand that had once been so strong; it was lifeless as Donghae held onto it, it was dead.
 

  Just as the hollowed face with cheekbones piercing flesh so thin that it looked just about ready to tear. His father had aged fifty years in a week and Donghae feared that by the time it came the moment to let go, there would be nothing else but bone to cremate. It seemed that with each passing day they lost more of Lee Seungyeon.
  He looked so defenceless and dependant as he lay there with tubes coming out of his arms. They made him look weak and shameful, and this made Donghae feel ashamed.
 

  He should never have even thought to bring anyone there. To witness this was distressing in the least and so listening to Eunhyuk try to hide his tears made his shame all the more. He had brought a stranger into such fragile territory without warning, he had thrown him into the pit that he himself was trying to dig a hole out of.
  Eunhyuk had proved to be good company for him in the last few days, a good distraction to say the least, but Donghae had decided to be selfish and throw him into the darkness that surrounded his life without prior information.
 

  Their talks to date had been casual and random, senseless and foolish. They had helped Donghae forget and pretend that all was well. While he had been around Eunhyuk, he had only once found himself overtaken by his deep inflictions. Even then, a singular embrace from the latter had found him calm and forgetful once again. Eunhyuk just seemed to have that kind of effect on him. But now him being here, where all the imposing feeling flowed so freely, richly, and strongly, that dulled the forgetful nature Donghae had grown to adopt while in the presence of his new friend. In fact, he could feel the latter feeding off of the morbid energy in the room and that left him feeling regretful.
  He should never have brought Eunhyuk there. This had been a bad idea.

“Eunhyuk, I think we should go now” said Donghae as he stood up from his chair. He turned to find that the other boy still stood in the exact position he had left him in when he’d sat down minutes ago. He hadn’t moved save to fidget with his fingers tracing lines on the railing in front of him. Donghae found this discomforting. The air between them seemed to grow more awkward as the seconds ticked by and at that moment both boys needed some fresh air.
  Donghae bid his father a whispered goodbye and headed out the door, expecting Eunhyuk to follow but when he turned his head to see if the other had done so, he found the passage behind him empty. Confused, Donghae made his way back to the hospital room where his father slept in pursuit of his friend only to find him standing next to his father’s bed with the still man’s hand in his.
 

  “Nice to meet you Sir” heard Donghae as he finally registered that Eunhyuk was speaking to the unconscious man. He continued to listen from the door as the monologue resumed, Eunhyuk seemingly unaware of his presence in the room.
  “I’m your son’s friend now. I’m here to look over him. I’ll protect him, I swear, but please forgive me if I’ve failed you. I will make it up to you Lee Seungyeon. I-”
  “Donghae, what is he doing here?” both Donghae and Hyukjae heard from behind. Donghae had been too busy listening to what Eunhyuk was saying to notice the figure that had placed itself beside him. He turned with a jolt as he looked at his brother, sullen-faced as ever since the day their father fell into the coma.
 “Donghwa-”
 

“Dad is not some kind of freak show to go showing to all your friends Donghae. And since when are you and Eunhyuk even acquainted?” At that point, Hyukjae had already taken it upon himself to make his way to Donghae’s side, he linked hands with the boy who coward under his older brother’s confrontational stance, giving Donghae some comfort in the face of his irate brother.
 “Eunhyuk and I are friends Donghwa. I wanted him to know what was going on in my life and-”
  “it’s none of his business what goes on in OUR lives” interrupted Donghwa. “Who’s to say that he won’t go telling the world what a shame it is for us