So.. you're probably wondering what this letter is about. I think it's mostly so that you realize this: My seventh grade year isn't part of my life anymore. It's in my memories, sure, but I don't dwell on it.

Since the last time I've seen you, I've been fine. What I thought previously in the first letter I wrote you - that you were a big reason for my smiles - it was BS that I was telling myself. I never needed you. Not for a minute.

By liking you, my self-esteem went down. I felt terribly about myself - was I pretty enough? Was I being too annoying? Did I look.. fat? Ask anyone from my old schools - I never thought about those things before. I didn't realize until later that you were a nightmare. Something from hell.

I think some big reasons as to why you were so mean to me are:

1) You were a -faced jerk.

2) You knew that I liked you a lot. Enough to keep liking you again.

When people found out I liked you.. They didn't disapprove because you were ugly or whatever. You really weren't. If I didn't regret the past so much I would say the same today. Now, I can't look at you without a bit of resentment. Anyway, they disapproved because of your personality. Your own friends even agreed. They called you a jackass. 

**

Yoseob: Everyone hates him, yeah, but Siwan's my friend. Sure.

Jiyeon let out a laugh crossed over with a scoff. Figures.

**

I think that through my insecurities... Only my friends made me feel better. That's why I'm lucky to have them. Even through my whines and complaints and tears.. They put up with it. It made me better. I just hope you know that I don't hate you. I just.. strongly dislike you.

Look, in that letter where I told you how it would be if you never hated me, I came up with another imagine to go with it.
 

If I never liked you, I wouldn't have had so much regret during the year. I never would've been so insecure about how I looked. I never would've thought about what must've been wrong with me for you to hate me so much.

I never would've gone through all the hurt and pain that I did. I never would've wasted nine months on your sorry . I would never have to tell anyone, "I used to like Im Siwan." I never would've felt embarrassed at the laughs. No, not embarrassed that I liked you, I never felt shame of that, but just the laughs. The judgemental laughs.

But I also would never have had to regret putting my friends through so much work. Comforting me, giving m