I was in the practice room with Junsu, waiting to start our daily hell training for the comeback, when Yoochun barged in the room with the palest face I’ve ever seen on him since the…”thing”. I still don’t have the strength to say the word “brea..”. No. It hurts.  

-Hyung…- he said approaching us holding his phone – you have to see this- he passed it to me and I shared the display with Junsu.

We were now watching the naver news and the first trending topic was “TVXQ Yunho talks about his upcoming drama and Jaejoong acting in Triangle”. I almost let the phone drop. My heart skipped more than a bit and my eyesight became blurred.

-Hyung…- Junsu held my arms tightly and I turned to him. He had a worried look on his face. . I have to pull myself together: I promise myself to not let them down again because of my hopeless feeling for him.

-Let’s start practicing- I said giving back the phone to Yoochun who was looking at me without understand – It’s not important right now- I forced myself to say it and everyone in the room knew it but they let it go.

We started practicing the choreography for “Back seat” and for two hours I was able to concentrate just on it. We then had a break and, without really thinking about it, I opened my twitter account and I had lots of mentions with reminds of the news. It hit me once again.

He mentioned me. I thought holding tight the phone, almost trembling. He said your name in public. It was what, the first time in 4 years? . Here I was again, completely overpowered by him. How can he still be able to have this effect on me? After all this time? After all we’ve been put through? I sighed.

I looked up to call for another round of practice but Junsu and Yoochun weren’t there.

-Where are they?- I asked to one of our dancers.

-They just left- he said pointing at the door.

I thanked him and stood up – I’ll go get them, we start soon after- they nodded and I left.

I searched for them everywhere on the floor but they were nowhere to be seen. I was almost giving up when I heard some voices behind the bathroom door. I walked near it and then stopped when I recognized the two voices.

-Why did you let him see that news?- Junsu attacked Yoochun.

-It would have been worst if he has found it out by himself- Yoochun didn’t regret his actions.

-…- Junsu almost never curse.

-Do you think he’ll contact him?-

What!? Hell no, Yoochun I’m not that masochist.

-I don’t think so…Probably Changmin will try to convince him but he won’t waver. I think he’s already regretting mentioning him like this – there was a sigh then he went on – I mean, the news Is already trending n1 on weibo with over than 10 millions views and mentions-

-Really!?-

Really?!

-Yes…It’s all over the net. The nickname “yunjae” wasn’t so used in a while-

I flinched at the mention of our couple name.

-Cassie are really going wild- I could see the small smile on Yoochun lips without even have to look at him. It sound even a little proud of our fans.

-It’s not something to be happy about- Junsu, was being pessimistic once again – Do you remember how he was back then?-

I gulped and the bathroom felt silent. We all remembered too well how I was after the…thing. Everyone was devastated by the lawsuit and so, but Junsu and Yoochun were together anyway so they had each other. I had to see him give me the back and walked away with my maknae. I had to silently sat in that damn court chair watching them leaving my side. And it was me who made them do it.

My heart ached so much, like it has hurt back then. Maybe more because for 4 years I tried so hard not to think of him; I desperately tried to remove that feeling from my heart. It was all in vain. There were other times, of course, during which I miss him, them. But I managed to go through it thanks to Junsu and Yoochun and thanks to the fact that he was really not part of my life anymore. But now…

Now he has mentioned me. My name ran on his lips. In public. Has he ever mentioned me to Changmin in these 4 years? Has he ever think of me? Was he still feeling the same?

I felt something warm ran down my cheek and when my hand felt wet, I realized that I was crying.

How can you do this to me?

-He still love him so much…- Junsu voice reached me once again. He was talking about me. No doubt. I can felt it from his tone of voice.

Then there was silence once again. I knew they were coming out soon but I couldn’t help myself from getting up from the floor where I just slid a moments before.

-Stupid Chung Yun-ho- I whispered holding my head. I heard the door opening and then my name screamed aloud by Yoochun. The only thing I know is that after that I was held by two warm pairs of arms. They didn’t let me go for a long long time and let me cry out all my pain like it hasn’t happened in a while.

Hours after that episode, I was in my house. Usually I would surf the internet but that night the computer was turned off. I laid on my big sofa with my arm covering the eyes and Junsu smooth voice in the background, played my music centre. Was it always that cold, my house? Or it was me?  

Our lives were really a mess. We were the ones going away and we were also the one regretting it so much. I recalled how Junsu insisted on singing a medley of our previous ballad at one of his concerts in Japan: how I tried to convince him not to do it and how he, stubbornly, went on with this stupid idea. I was there, when he started crying. His manager called me a moment before he started the medley and put me on speaker. He was trying so desperately to hold back the tears from the very start but then he just broke down. I cried and cried over the phone. I was feeling so useless. I’m their hyung and yet I put them into so much pain.

-How can I protect them, Yunho, when just hearing you mentioning my name makes me this pitiful?- I whispered.  

Suddenly my phone rang. I tried to ignored it but it kept ringing and ringing. Who the hell was this harassing at this hour of the night?

I got up and looked at the ID on the display: “Unknown number”. With a confused look I answered.

-Hello?-I was hesitant.

-Jaejoongie…- his masculine voice froze me. I almost forget how to breath – Jaejoongie…- he said once again. It was anxiety the one I heard now?

-Y…yeah…- finally I was able to answer back and to breath.

-You did well- a pause in which it seems like he was going to say something else then I heard the line going dead. 

Hi everybody :) After the news of Yunho mentioning Jaejoong i just felt to write this little one shot about yunjae. 

Personally, i think that they really don't contact each other often, or at all. But i also think that they really really miss each other a lot. Not only yunjae but the whole tvxq as 5. 

I hope you'll like it. 

Please rate and comment so that i can thank you for the support and learn from your feedback.