It was one of those rare days when, wait no, it was the first time for Kyungsoo to look at Kai during the whole period. It's usually the other way around, and Kyungsoo would do anything to avoid that big grin greeting him everyday, the reason being his heart beating awfully fast at the sight and it's really, really annoying.

 

His heartbeat was the only thing he could hear clearly, muffling the teacher's voice now a low murmur. It's the case since this morning when he, for the first time, greeted Kai first and the boy replied him with a short nod, not looking up. Kyungsoo didn't try further and just took his sit next to the taller who was surprisingly listening to the teacher.

 

Never Kyungsoo thought he'd crave for one glance from Kai. Never. The boy is always staring at him with that goofy smile Kyungsoo wanted to slap so many times. Never he thought he'd be the one waiting for Kai to look back but not only, he wanted Kai to smile at him, he wanted Kai to ask him if they could work together, if he could copy his notes, he just wanted kai to notice him. Suddenly he wondered if that was what the boy felt whenever Kyungsoo gave him the cold shoulder. Because for sure, that sensation of your heart being stabbed repeatedly was anything but pleasant.

 

When the bell rang, Kai didn't wait for him.

 

 

***

 

 

"Okay, what's wrong?"

 

Baekhyun looked at everyone with an annoyed expression. Why didn't anyone stop him when he recalled them his whole date with Chanyeol? Night part included. He hates being stopped, but he hates it even more when nobody listen. At least, when Kai stops him, it means that he acknowleged his presence. It's enough for Baekhyun to give him a glare, a few curses, a few slaps if he's in the mood and finally drop the awesome subject with a smile. Being acknowledged is far more important for him than people listening to his story. Because yes, he can always call his best friend later who has no choice but to listen to him however, right now, even Luhan wasn't giving a and oh god, it was so irritating.

 

He hit the table with his fist, finally receiving some attention and glared at the two boys next to him. Especially Kai who didn't stop eating as if his food was more interesting, and it's just not acceptable because nothing is more interesting than Baekhyun. "I swear to god if nobody tell me in the second what's wrong, I will kill everyone sitting around this table."

 

"Baekhyu–"

 

"Ah no Luhan, don't try using your pretty little face to make me calm down. It won't work. And if you're wondering, yes I will kill you too."

 

Sehun sighed and posed his fork to pat the head of his shocked boyfriend. "Baekhyun, we don't know." The latter was shaking and clenching his teeth from anger, Sehun sighed again. "We really don't know."

 

Baekhyun narrowed his eyes, searching for any form of lies on Sehun's face but there was none. Anyway, he has no reason to lie, but at the same time, Sehun's good for hiding his emotions, but again, he has no reason to lie. "...Okay, I believe you, now you tell – where are you going?!" He stood up, ready to follow Kai who suddenly get up, walking towards the exit. "Kai where are you–" An arm stopped him from stepping further. He looked behind him. "What's the , Kyungsoo?!"

 

"Baekhyun please, calm down."

 

The way Kyungsoo's voice cracked at the end removed any trace of the previous frown on Baekhyun's face who sat down at Kai's place. "Hey, what's wrong?" he asked calmly, posing his hand on Kyungsoo's slumped shoulder who didn't move nor reply.

 

"Kyung–"

 

"Baekhyun." The concerned boy turned around to see Luhan shaking his head, silently telling him to not ask anything after he saw Kyungsoo's glistening eyes. Baekhyun soon noticed too and his own eyes widened. He looked at Luhan again, then at Sehun, desperatly trying to understand what was happening but both look as taken aback and worried as him.

 

Nobody talked after that, even when Kyungsoo wiped his tears away with the back of his hand.

 

 

---

 

 

"I'm going to die."

 

"..."

 

"Sehun, I'm dying."

 

"Okay."

 

Kai straightened up and removed the pillow from his face to let Sehun see his incredulous look. But it was not like Sehun cared when he's playing.

 

Wait, no.

 

He just didn't care at all.

 

After a few seconds of Kai staring at him mouth hang open, Sehun said, "I canceled my evening with Luhan just to hear you complain about your life and wanting to end it. As your best friend, if you really want something, I'll give it to you or at least help you getting that thing. If you want to die, knowing that it's also what I want right now, then no problem."

 

Kai fell back on the couch and reached for the pillow that fell on the ground to put it back on his head. "You're a horrible person. I don't even know why I stay with you. I should have leave you alone that day when you were being bullied."

 

"Your friends were bullying me."

 

"Yeah, I think that's why I started hanging out with you. I learned the real personalities of those s thanks to you. But still, I helped you and it's not what you're doing right now."

 

"I never asked for it."

 

Kai whined, "Sehuuunnn..." Voice muffled for still being under the pillow. He started sobbing.

 

"Okay, what?" Sehun asked, posing his game controller on the table and turning to face the sprawling corpse next to him. Kai sat up, looking at Sehun with a dejected face who he hoped, could bring some sympathy on his best friend face.

 

It didn't.

 

"...Kyungsoo's mad at me.."

 

Sehun looked at him for a good minute, his gaze transforming into a glare each passing second before shaking his head slowly before returning on playing his video game. "Next time, tell me something I don't already know."

 

Kai gasped. "How do you know?!"

 

"Kyungsoo's always mad at you."

 

"..."

 

"..."

 

"Good point, but this time it's not the same! He hates me." Kai started sobbing again, "he hates me. I'm done. My life too. I changed my mind, help me please, I want to die."

 

Pressing hardly on the buttons of his game controller, but to no avail as he saw a game over coming accross the screen, Sehun sighed. "Kyungsoo doesn't hate you."

 

"He does! He told me himself!"

 

"You know when sometimes we say things without thinking, or when we say the opposite of what we're actually thinking? Well, that's what happened."

 

Kai took a candy on the table, Sehun's words making him want to eat again, to live, making him feel the sweet taste. "How are you so sure?" he asked with a little voice, wanting his best friend to reassure him more.

 

"Because I know Kyungsoo, but mainly, I know you. I know how annoying you can be, I also know how much I want to choke you to death sometimes but I don't because you're just stupid and it's not your fault. I know you for five years and I'm used to your idioty, which is not the case for Kyungsoo who has to support you for a month now. I don't blame him for using the word 'hate'. I swear, if you were at our place, you would have use it a long time ago. We're just patient and you're just lucky to have us."

 

Kai blinked, every words slowly sinking in his head. Thankfully, he was also used to Sehun and his infamous ramblings that have no effect on him anymore. He only registered what was useful to his situation right now, which was nothing. "What an amazing friend you are Sehun. You sure know me well, I'm so touched by your words you don't even know.." He faked a smiled, clutching the pillow tightly to not throw it on the boy who didn't care about anything but his game. He had to hug it tighter to not do it when Sehun spoke up.

 

"I know and you're welcome."

 

 

---

 

 

Luhan handed Kyungsoo a cup of hot chocolate he just prepared, after earning a little thanks from him, he took a sip of his own cup. A little moment of silence passed before he said,

 

"So Kyungsoo, tell me what happened."

 

Luhan was in said boy's appartment, after Kyungsoo called and asked him if he could come at his house, Luhan refused, saying that he would come instead. So here he was, sitting next to the boy who was looking at nothing but the brown liquid emanating steam. Luhan was patient, waiting a few minutes in silence for his friend to gather his thoughts and eventually say with a weak voice,

 

"I'm a bad person."

 

"Kyungsoo.." Luhan scooted closer and wrapped an arm around his friend. "What happened?"

 

"...I don't really know? I-we were here, in my house, he said something stupid as always but I don't know why I took it so badly. I.. I think he didn't understand why I suddenly asked him to get out and he laughed it off. But I was so mad, I said some hurtful things and pushed him outside, closing the door after." When he thinks about it, Kyungsoo lost his temper really easily... He finally get the strengh to lift his hands to let the chocolate warm up his inside.

 

"What hurtful things?" Luhan asked, leaving soothing touches on Kyungsoo's arm as he rubs it up and down repeatedly.

 

"I.. may have said that I hate him?"

 

Luhan stared at Kyungsoo who looked at him in the eyes for the first time since he get inside, remorse written all over his face. But Luhan knew that it was not the only thing. "What else?" Again Luhan was patient, waiting for Kyungsoo to took two, three sips of his hot drink before finally replying, without looking at Luhan this time.

 

"I said that I didn't like him, that I wish I never met him and that he doesn't exist.." Seriously, he says that to Kai everyday. He didn't expect Kai to react so seriously to it by not talking to him the whole day. Maybe it's because he usually say it by annoyment bordeline joking but never while yelling. He sighed. "Really Luhan, I didn't mean it. I didn't know he'd be so hurt by my words, I really don't mean them.."

 

"I know Kyungsoo, but I'm not the one who should hear this."

 

"I tried to talk to him but-but..."

 

"You didn't try enough?"

 

Kyungsoo looked at his half drink chocolate he posed on the table and nodded slowly, uncertain of what he was agreeing to.

 

"You were so scared of how he'd react that you stop yourself whenever you where ready to talk to him, right?"

 

How could Luhan understand it so easily? And why did it feel like he knew everything Luhan just said but he didn't want to admit it?

 

Luhan posed his empty cup on the table. "What did Kai said for you to respond like this?"

 

"Something about having a girlfriend," Kyungsoo mumbled.

 

Luhan frowned. "But, it's not true?"

 

"Of course it's not true! He was again telling me one of his bad jokes, but it was really not funny, at all. But, I don't know why I get so angry, habitually, I don't say anything." Only thinking about how serious Kai sound yesterday, make a frown appear on Kyungsoo's face.

 

"Because you're jealous."

 

"Because I–" With wide eyes, Kyungsoo turned his head to see Luhan smiling gently. "I- what-who? Me? jealous? Kai? What– Why?"

 

"Because you like him, a lot."

 

Kyungsoo blinked. "You mean... like how you like Sehun.. and how Sehun likes you? That's what you mean?"

 

Luhan nodded, patting Kyungsoo's shoulder at the same time who tensed at his words.

 

"Ha..." Kyungsoo sneered nervously... "You're kidding right? I'm not in love with Kai as you and Baekhyun thinks since that day at the cafeteria. I just feel... weird. Yeah, that's right, I just feel weird whenever he's around. You know, like it's really hot all of a sudden. My heart do this annoying thing whenever he looks at me and it's worse when he talks and it's like it's going to pop out of my ribcage when he smiles. Those exasperating smiles that make me want to slap him because of how beautiful and perfect he looks. Those smiles that leave me in a dazed state because it's bright and he looks happy which make me so pleased. I find myself wanting to be the reason behind them more often and oh my god."

 

Luhan saw the way Kyungsoo's eyes widen more and more of terror, as if he realized what he just said.

 

"Oh.my.god, oh my– no, no no no. This is not possible." Kyungsoo laughed nervously. "You and Baekhyun couldn't be right for all that time." He laughed and laughed until tears were b from his eyes and blur Luhan's approving or sorry face he didn't know, it was too fuzzy, but he mostly didn't care. "I'm not actually in love with..." His eyes widened, suddenly understanding the gravity of the situation, he whirled his head towards Luhan. "I'm not..." he trailed off, waiting for Luhan to finish his sentence and get him out of that ing nightmare that his mind was playing. That nightmare where he's in love with

 

Where he's in love with

 

With

 

 

 

 

"What are you doing?" Luhan asked, standing up as well.

 

"Me?" Kyungsoo asked sounding awfully calm, and considering the circumstance, his sweet smile made Luhan confused. But also relieved, because it seemed like he understood and accepted having feelings for Kai. "Oh nothing. I'll just pour myself a glass of water and while I'm at it, I'll open the drawer, take a knife and stab myself."

 

As he watched with wide eyes Kyungsoo disappearing into the kitchen, Luhan gasped and ran after him.

 

 

"Kyungsoo!"

 

 

---

 

 

"So, you do as I said okay," Sehun said opening his front door.

 

"Yes!"

 

"You're determined?"

 

"Yes!"

 

"Sure?"

 

"Yes!"

 

"So, it's okay if you talk to him now, right?"

 

"Yes– what?! No! Why do you want me to–"

 

Could this day get any worse? What did Kai do to deserve such a punishment? He's not a bad person. He's always good to everyone, greeting everyone, helping everyone as much as he can. So why does life don't help him when he needs it the most? Why does life hate him so much? Why was Kyungsoo standing in front of him, looking equally or more as shocked as him with Luhan next to him? Why is everything so difficult? Why didn't he die earlier in Sehun's house? Why? Why?

 

After a few seconds of silence and exchange of stares, Sehun did the first move. Walking towards Luhan, he grabbed his arm and pulled him inside his appartment, cutting anything his boyfriend wanted to say by a, "Well, see you guys." Then closed his door.

 

"What have you done? Are you serious?! You can't leave them alone! Kyungsoo's terrified and–"

 

Sehun put his index finger on Luhan's mouth earning an incredulous look from the blond boy. "Do you hear this?"

 

Copying Sehun, Luhan put his ear on the door. "What? There's nothing."

 

"Exactly. You know what it means?"

 

Luhan shook his head.

 

"It means that our job is done." Sehun walked to the couch, turned off his game and put on the TV. He then tapped the spot next to him, signaling Luhan who didn't move from the door to sit down. After a little struggle with his thoughts, Luhan complied, still frowning, he took the place next to Sehun, trying to appease his mind by looking at the door.

 

"Stop being so worried. I'm sure they will talk calmly and tomorrow, everything will be back to normal."

 

"...I guess you're right.." Luhan absentmindly said after some time.

 

Sehun rolled his eyes because Luhan was still not done looking at the door. To make him remember about his presence, he cupped the boy's face and turned it towards his own. When his eyes landed on Luhan's surprised ones, he leaned forward. "Stop thinking about them,"  he ordered and closed the little gap that was left between their mouths. Subtly pushing him down on the couch, he smiled when he felt two arms wrapping around his neck and a pair of lips eagerly returning each of his kisses.

 

He was working on making his boyfriend forget about anything that wasn't him and, by the melodious sounds that were escaping the boy's lips, Sehun is proud to say that he was doing a rather good job.

 

 

---

 

 

As he looked at the vegetation around him, Kyungsoo thought that the nature was really nice. Weird how he suddenly became aware of the different type of flowers and plants, how their colors are slightly faded by the night but still beautiful. Weird how he noticed that little snail walking between the grass at his feet, weird how he wouldn't have give a about it if it wasn't because of a tan boy sitting way too close to him. Weird how that same boy asked him to take a sit on one of the benches in the park to talk but didn't utter a single word since they're here for a few minutes now.

 

It'll be great if he could go home before the sun show up again so, Kyungsoo took a deep breath before saying, "I'm sorry, about what I said." He saw from the corner of his eye Kai slightly turning his head towards him and thought that it'll be perfect if he could hide on a shell like the snail just did. "If I've hurt you, I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention." Now Kai was staring at him and Kyungsoo gulped, suddenly feeling sick. The difference with all the other times this happened being that now, he knows why he react like this. He swallowed, he'll maybe feel better if he tells Kai about his feelings?

 

 

 

 

He scoffed.

 

 

 

 

Are you stupid, Kyungsoo?

 

 

 

 

"It's the red rose Luhan planted for Sehun, and the pink roses are from the garden of Sehun's mother."

 

Kyungsoo looked in front of him, he couldn't see them clearly from where he was but, a little further, under a tree, there were little pink points and one little red in the center. "I know, Sehun told me the story a few weeks ago, when we were coming back from work."

 

"Did he also tell you that it's where they shared their first kiss?"

 

Kyungsoo tensed. Why was Kai talking to him, to him, about Luhan and Sehun's first kiss? It was not like he didn't care but, just, why? "...No, I didn't, but why are you tellin– me... this...?" He looked with wide eyes at Kai who turned him around, his hands firm on his shoulders, burning the skin underneath even with the two layers of clothing Kyungsoo was wearing. As much as Kyungsoo wanted to push Kai away so the boy won't notice the heat climbing on his cheeks, he could just stare mouth slightly parted at Kai's serious face. A serious face ready to tell something important.

 

But Kyungsoo didn't know that it would be that important.

 

"I like you. I'm sorry for making you mad yesterday, I just say random things when I'm nervous, and I'm always nervous around you. I'm not the smartest and I know it's difficult for people to trust me because I'm always joking around, but I'm asking you to trust me right now, I'm not kidding, I really like you and I'd do anything to prove it to you just, just give me the opportunity to do so?"

 

Kyungsoo couldn't believe his own ears. The grip on his shoulders intensified as Kai grew more nervous, it was almost hurting him but he didn't care right now because what did Kai just said? Something about liking him? Him? Kyungsoo? Kai liked him? Him? Was it his imagination or Kai was leaning forward?

 

Oh god, it was not his imagination! Kai was leaning in! Like, to kiss him! Him! Kyungsoo! Oh my god, oh my god. Okay, calm down Kyungsoo, just close your eyes and experience your first kiss.

 

 

 

 

 

On the cheek.

 

 

 

 

 

Kai kissed him on his cheek.

 

 

 

 

 

On. his. cheek.

 

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo opened his eyes in pure annoyance. With irritation taking over his whole body, he glared at the stupid blushing boy a few centimeters too far away from his face. "Are you ing serious?!" he yelled, unable to believe what just happened.

 

"I- s-sorry! I didn't want to– I just wanted to show you that I meant what I said, I just wanted to–"

 

Kai sure talked a lot for a person who wanted to prove he liked someone. What he didn't understand was that Kyungsoo didn't need words but actions. How amazing that his mouth could do both but he choose the former. Seriously, how stupid this guy could be? That was why Kyungsoo put both his hands on the boy's neck and crashed their lips together.

 

When he pulled away, he looked right into Kai's wide, stunned eyes and said, "Tell me another story about your imaginary girlfriend and I swear I'll kick you so hard, you won't ever be able to walk again. Am I clear?"

 

The terrified glint in Kai's eyes was enough of a yes for Kyungsoo who took advantage of his state to kiss him again, slowly this time, to make him understood that yes, he was giving Kai opportunities to prove him how much he liked him, and also that Kyungsoo was going to enjoy every single one of them.

 

 

 

---

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