L A V E N D E R - 02

May 4th, 2014

I spent the entire day thinking about how to approach HoWon. I was slowly running out of time; with barely 20 days left, and SungGyu being the only means to contact HoWon, I was basically getting more nervous by the minute. I cringed at the mere thought of telling SungGyu about Professor Lee. It was embarrassing enough that SeRi knew about my hopeless crush on him; I would never hear the end of it if SungGyu found out about it. But regarding how things were developing, it seemed like I’d have to tell SungGyu about my situation whether I liked it or not.
 
Speaking of whom - he had texted me earlier this week, asking me to keep my schedule free for the 21st. He said he would give me more details later, and I had planned to bring up the Professor Lee-HoWon issue then, but unfortunately SungGyu hadn’t contacted me for three days. And so far I didn't muster the courage to initiate the kakao-talk conversation by myself, as SungGyu must’ve been busy preparing for Infinite’s comeback later this month. (Which, since it hadn’t been technically confirmed yet, I officially knew nothing about).
 
“Yah, MinAe, are you listening?” JaeJin suddenly asked, jolting me out of my thoughts.
 
Damn. I had no idea what he was talking about. I guiltily looked up from the cabbage I had been chopping. JaeJin was on the other side of the counter, where he was supposed to be cutting all kinds of vegetables into bite-sized pieces, since it was late afternoon already. We usually used this time of low customer-frequency to prepare for the busy dinnertime ahead. But instead of being productive, he was leaning with both of his ellbows on the counter, scrutinizing me. I tried to remember what he had said – which was hard since I hadn’t even noticed at which point he had started talking to me.
 
JaeJin shook his head. “You’re always lost in your thoughts lately; is something bothering you?”
 
Hell yes, something was indeed bothering me. But I couldn’t really tell JaeJin about my problems because knowing him, he’d just straight out tell SungGyu I needed HoWon to appear for my teacher-crush’s daughter’s birthday party to safe my Business English Class grade. Why, thank you but no thank you. 
 
I sighed, trying to come up with a credible answer that didn’t give away too much. “It’s just…” I searched for the right words that would sum up everything but all I came up with was a simple, “Nothing.”
 
JaeJin raised his left eyebrow, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “I don't buy it.”
 
I bit my lip. “University?” I tried but unfortunately it sounded more like a question.
 
JaeJin groaned in disbelief at my answer and walked around the counter. “My major is law. Plus, I’m one year ahead of you. I won’t buy into you being stressed out because of your economics major. But something is obviously getting the better of you – maybe there’s some way I can help.”
 
I realized I had to give JaeJin some kind of answer, or he wouldn’t be satisfied. Whereas I didn't want to tell him about the whole HoWon issue, telling him half the truth wouldn’t cost anything, would it? 
 
“I have a special assignment for my Business English Class,” I finally said, carefully picking my words. “And I have to hand it in roughly three weeks and I haven’t even conducted field research on it. I’m way behind and I have no idea how to get started.”
 
Luckily, JaeJin took the bait. “Well it’s just an assignment. How much of an impact could it have on your grade?”
 
“Enough to make me fail if I don’t produce something worthy,” I said, inwardly congratulating me for the smooth answer.
 
“What? How?”
 
I shrugged, trying to dodge the subject. “Our teacher is half-American. I guess it’s an American university thing.”
 
At this JaeJin brotherly patted my shoulder, trying to console me: “I really wanted to help you…but since it’s for English classes it’s sure to be a literary assignment,” he started to grin, “So I guess me not helping you will be of better use to you than me helping you…”
 
I laughed. Indeed, JaeJin was lousy when it came to any kind of work that required literary finesse. I guessed it was one of the side effects of writing one too many legal case studies over time. 
 
“Your fault for choosing an useless major like economics,” he concluded nonchalantly, which made me lightly smack his lower arm at his lack of compassion. 

“It’s not useless!” I defended my major.
 
“Still to be in your-,” he started but stopped mid-sentence when the entrance bell rang. We’d left the door to the kitchen open for situations like this, so we could be at the front in a matter of seconds. Still, we didn’t expect the first customers to come in for another 20 minutes and JiHyun was only scheduled to join us in about 15 minutes to take over the waitress job.
 
The mischievous grin died from JaeJin’s lips as he, looking over my shoulder, recognized the customer. "You've got to be kidding me," he mumbled before he raised his voice, his eyes fixed on the entrance. "What the hell are you doing here?" 
 
"It's been a long time, Kang JaeJin," a very familiar voice cheered from the door.
 
Without missing a beat, I spun around and indeed; my suspicions were proven right when none other than Kim SungGyu sassily grinned at me from the door. He was wearing his Thom Browne sweats (did he ever even wash them?), an oversized black jacket he hadn’t bothered to zip up, a beanie, and, covering half of his face, a black face-mask. I reckoned the mask and beanie were for privacy purposes. I smiled when I recognized the cross necklace dangling from his neck. WooHyun had certainly hit a jackpot with his birthday present.
 
"Get out," JaeJin said flatly, while brushing off his hands on his apron and walking toward the front desk. 
 
At his undisclosed bluntness, I quickly followed him out of the kitchen. "JaeJin! Show some manners, he's a customer, after al!" Said that, I nudged him in his side with my elbow, pretty hard too.
 
He instantly cried out in pain and rubbed where I had hit him. “How do I deserve this?!”
 
I ignored him, and instead greeted SungGyu who had curiously watched our short interaction.
 
"Is there a place where I can talk to you in private?" SungGyu asked me point-blank nodding toward the big display windows as he pulled the mask down to reveal his face. "I’d rather not have people find out about me being here."
 
I nodded. "Sure, you’re lucky my uncle isn’t here today. He’d kill me for having strangers in the kitchen."
 
Turning around, I shot JaeJin a glare that made clear he’d be dead in no time if he told my uncle about me breaking the house rules. Then I beckoned SungGyu over to the backside of the store.
 
JaeJin was about to follow us but the door bell went off again, signaling another customer entering the store. It was a middle-aged woman with blonde-dyed hair. She started talking the instant she set foot in the store. “Hello, I’d like to order a delivery for my company. Can I have the dishes delivered at seven P.M.?”
 
I saw my chance to get rid of JaeJin for the time being: “JaeJin-oppa? Can you please take care of the customer?” I asked in my sweetest voice, showing JaeJin my brightest smile.
 
Unfazed by my (admittedly lacking) aegyo, he just gave me the stare; thankfully he didn’t get worked up but subsided to my request and attended to the woman.
 
SungGyu and I lost no time and quickly headed into the kitchen before the woman could catch a glimpse of him. I sat him down to the small table in the far back, where I sometimes did my homework when no customers were in the shop 
 
"Do you always work shifts together with JaeJin?” SungGyu pouted as soon as he sat down. 
 
I chuckled at his apparent jealousy. "We get along pretty well so uncle Jang usually matches our schedules. JaeJin was my instructor when I started working here so we’re naturally good at splitting tasks.”  
 
SungGyu took off his beanie and ruffled through his hair in the attempt to make himself look more presentable. “I think he doesn’t like me.”
 
I rolled my eyes, waving him off. “He’s my sunbae at work and at university too, so....I don’t know, maybe he’s just overly protective when it comes to other guys since my ex-boyfriend was a jerk."
 
SungGyu looked at me in surprise. “Ex-boy-friend?” he said, tilting his head as he stressed every syllable.
 
I groaned inwardly, instantly regretting having brought up the issue. I usually tried to avoid HyukWoo to come up in conversations but somehow it had slipped my lips just then. There were too many things he had screwed up; not to the extent where I would have developed serious issues, but insecurity still remained. First boyfriends naturally left an impression, especially if they just dated you to get closer to your co-worker. Yep, HyukWoo had dated me for a full three months only to get closer to JiHyun. Hence, I kept my distance from dating ever since. (I mean, who's more unattainable than a university professor?). But listening to my friends’ talks about boyfriends and dating I was pretty sure I wasn’t missing out on too much - apparently relationships were more nuisance than leisure. 
 
I defensively crossed my arms in front of my chest. “Don’t do that.”
 
SungGyu raised his eyebrows, his surprised expression turning into a questioning one.
 
“Don’t be so overly surprised at me having had a love-life of some sort. It makes me feel like it’s unimaginable,” I sulked, involuntarily voicing my inner concerns.
 
He laughed at my words. “No, what I meant was: Why did you never tell me?”
 
Oh. Leave it to me to over-interpret his choice of words. I tried to disperse the sudden awkwardness by clearing my throat; but with the embarrassment flushing my cheeks I just ended up producing a semi-chuckling, semi-choking noise.
 
As SungGyu caught on, he smirked at me. “You okay?”
 
“Uh,” I stuttered, struggling to regain my composure. “It was way before I got to know you. I was only sixteen then. Nothing too serious.”
 
SungGyu thankfully ignored my awkward demeanor. Instead he tilted his head again and pursed his lips, processing the new information. “So it was four years ago?”
 
“Roughly. Why does it matter?”
 
A few seconds ticked away in silence. Just when I was about to drop the issue and ask him why he came to pay a visit in the first place, he started talking again. “I think he likes you.”
 
What? I must’ve looked pretty damn clueless because SungGyu nodded in the general direction of the kitchen door. “JaeJin. I think he has a thing for you.”
 
“Ew, no,” I blurted out. “We’re just friends. He’s always been like that.”
 
“Well, then he has always liked you,” SungGyu deadpanned, looking very serious.
 
I shook my head at the impossible prospect of JaeJin harboring romantic feelings for me. While he was good-looking, he was definitely not boyfriend-material. And he was too much of a show-off to me about being the womanizer he was at university for having a crush on me. 
 
“He’s the brother I never had, really. Anyone who has known us for a fair amount of time would agree. Plus he changes girlfriends, like, every other week.”
 
SungGyu wasn’t convinced but dropped the issue nonetheless with a muttered “If you say so.” He proceeded to search for something in the various pockets of his jacket. Eventually he produced two credit-card sized blue plastic cards. "Actually the reason I came was to give you these."
 
He stretched out his hand with a smug, self-satisfied expression, indicating for me to take the cards. When I eyed them curiously I realized there was something written on them:
 
Infinite Comeback 1-2-3 Showcase
05/21 08PM MELON Music Hall Seoul
Special Entrance & Backstage Pass
INFINITE STAFF
 
Since I didn’t instantly react but only kept staring at the passes, SungGyu explained: “I told you to keep the 21st free for this. It’s Infinite’s next concert. Since I wasn’t sure if I’d be able make it happen I didn’t tell you the details as to not disappoint you in case it didn’t work out. I just got the passes today and I came here straight after dance practice to tell you the good news.” 
 
“Wow...” I stuttered, still speechless. SungGyu had never done anything like it.
 
SungGyu smiled victoriously. “I went through hell to get you these. So I really hope you can come. It’s the first Korean showcase for our new album and DongWoo and WooHyun kept nagging me how you’ve never been to any of our concerts. I thought maybe this would be a nice occasion for…all of this. Oh, and feel free to bring a friend. I’ll be pretty busy with performing so I got you two passes in case you’d get bored on your own.
 
“I don’t know what to say. I didn’t expect this,” I said, suddenly feeling guilty for never really caring about SungGyu’s idol-life. Sure enough, I hadn’t even listened to all of their albums, although SungGyu had given me their signed versions as they came out. Taking into account I had also only ever watched two episodes of Weekly Idol starring them when they had done so many variety shows, I sure was a lousy friend. I made a mental note to catch up.
 
“How about this: You come to the concert, cheer Infinite on, and go all fangirl-crazy over SungGyu-oppa?” SungGyu proposed, rubbing his hands with glee.
 
The hopeful, yet unserious way in which he pronounced it made me laugh. It was weird imagining me doing fan-girl things.
 
“I’m being serious!” SungGyu tried to complain but then joined in my laughter, before turning serious again. “Okay, try and learn the fanchants then? That’d make me really happy. Just don’t bring JaeJin. Any other friend will do, except him.”
 
I rolled my eyes. “He’s really not into me.”
 
SungGyu grinned smugly. “Still, I’d rather have you bring one of your pretty girlfriends to my show.
 
I was about to give him a lecture about being completely -driven, when suddenly JaeJin pushed the door to the kitchen open. “MinAe, sorry to interrupt but I need your help at the front. JiHyun just arrived and she’s attending to the customers but she still needs to change into her uniform. I don’t know where they all suddenly came from,” that said, he spun on the heels and was about to leave when he remembered something, turning our way again. He nodded his chin toward SungGyu. “You better get him out through the back-door. We have five tables with customers in the front. I don’t want to risk any headlines.”
 
Before SungGyu or I could even process what he said, he was gone again.
 
“Well,” SungGyu chuckled, getting up. “He made his point clear. I’d rather get going then.”
 
Still startled by the sudden gift I had to pull myself together to not blankly stare at the backstage passes and zone out, thinking about what a bad friend I had been. It was a sad fact that I had never really cared about Infnite and that I actually needed something like this to shake me up and realize.
 
“I’ll show you the way out through the back door,” I mumbled, but then suddenly remembered something. “Wait don't you want some jjajangmyun? It's on me.”
 
SungGyu laughed. “I’d love to but I have to diet now. Thanks anyways. I’ll definitely take you up on your offer once promotions are over, though.”
 
I suspiciously eyed SungGyu’s lanky stature. I could’ve sworn he had lost at least 15 pounds since SM Entertainment had taken over Woolim. I wondered how much more weight they wanted him to lose but soon there wouldn’t be anything but bones and skin left of SungGyu.
 
“Don’t give me the speech, MinAe,” SungGyu interrupted my train of thought, already knowing what was going through my head. We had talked about this issue far too often since I had noticed his massive weight-loss few months back.
 
So I just sighed and apprehensively shook my head. There was no time to argue about his dubious health anyways, so I went over to the back entrance and carefully checked the back alley for other people. Luckily it was empty except for a stray cat that was hungrily approaching a few garbage cans across the street. I gestured for SungGyu that it was safe to follow me outside.
 
“So here is where you turn into the delivery girl?” he concluded, stepping into the fresh air, as he let his eyes wander over the two delivery scooters leaning on the wall next to the door. He absentmindedly pulled his black beanie over his head, hiding away his auburn-dyed hair. Constantly taking care of not being noticed must be hard, I thought. But apparently it had already become a second nature to him.
 
Catching up on my train of thought – or just reading my facial expression – SungGyu sighed, suddenly looking a bit lost. “I shouldn’t complain but it’s such a nuisance to be honest. Sometimes I wish I could just be a normal person for a day or two. It would be so incredibly relaxing.”
 
As I saw him standing in the alley, apparently unable to move like any normal human being, something dawned me. “How’d you even get here? I doubt you took the subway or bus.”
 
He shrugged. “My car’s around the corner.”
 
I could’ve slapped myself. Of course he’d own a car. He wasn’t a sickly rich, famous idol for no reason.  “Oh.”
 
Noting my expression, he shrugged. “Although, I’d love to take the subway for a change.”
 
I tried to imagine SungGyu riding the rush-hour subway. He once told me he didn’t like crowded areas, so rush-hour would most probably be the death of him. I realized just then, that this was the first time we were meeting outside of the rooftop. It must be difficult for him to navigate public places, judging from all his recent fame. Their comeback later this month would definitely only increase their popularity, resulting in even less personal space for the members. Poor guys. 
 
“Not having any privacy must be hard," I told him, ignoring the small voice in my head telling me that they had chosen that life for themselves. 
 
SungGyu shrugged apathetically. “You’re about as private as it gets for me. I don’t think there is anything else of my life you can’t look up on the internet. Sometimes it really scares me to think about it.”
 
We stood in silence for a few seconds; but when the stray cat from earlier meowed loudly, it reminded us of where we were.
 
SungGyu awkwardly scratched his neck. “I should better say good-bye now.”
 
He hugged me goodbye, and normally there wouldn’t have been anything unusual about it but this time he held the hug a lot longer than usual, coating me with his scent. And when he finally pulled away, he didn’t back up. He just kept standing in front of me, both of his hands holding onto my sides, letting his eyes wander along my features, as if in deep thought. Remembering the awkwardness of what had happened in his kitchen, I tried to not meet his eyes, and instead focused on his chest. But my attempt was futile because as I felt his stare stop to linger on my lips, I looked up to him by reflex. Seeing how close his face was to mine my mind suddenly went blank, only leaving me to notice the alluring smell of his body mixed with the sweet scent of a perfume. I swallowed hard when I felt my heart rate pick up.
  
"MINAE!”  

We were so caught up in the moment, that when JaeJin’s voice suddenly echoed through the entrance, it made SungGyu and I break eye contact when we jolted up in shock.
 
When we realized our exaggerated reaction, we both laughed loudly. And with that the comfort we usually shared in each other's presence was all back again. The awkward feeling just then must’ve just been my mind playing tricks on me. Again.
 
“Actually,” SungGyu cleared his throat, scratching the back of his neck. “MinAe, I’m not sure if you want to do this, but I’d love it if you could come. It’s just a single short performance but the setting is nice and I think you’d really enjoy it. There are a lot of other performers too.”
 
“What?” I said, not catching on at all to his sudden change of topic.
 
“There’s a beneficial event called New Life for Children the day after tomorrow,” SungGyu explained. ”We’ll be having a stage there. Do you want to come watch us perform? It starts around three-”
 
“MINAE!” JaeJin’s voice reminded me that I was officially still on duty.
 
“Sure,” I quickly agreed, glancing at the door. JaeJin sounded quite pissed. “I have some spare time so I’ll try to make it.”
 
SungGyu grinned. “Thanks! I’ll message you the details. Now you better go back to your slave-driving co-worker.”
 
He pulled me into another hug, muffling my laugh at JaeJin’s new nickname. But this time he pulled away as prompt as usual, only leaving my nose full of his perfume. It was a manly, yet sweet scent. It was new for him to wear perfume but I couldn't help think I had already smelled it before. Strangely, it made my heart beat faster.
 
See, I told myself, when no awkwardness surrounded us after the hug; it had just been my mind imagining stuff earlier. And my mind playing tricks on me with the perfume.
 
„One more thing  - the main song on the next album,” SungGyu suddenly said, taking a few steps backwards while pulling up his facemask. He said it so fast and softly that I barely understood. “Listen to the lyrics, okay?”
 
“MINAE, get the  in here, we need your help!”
 
Without much further thinking I turned around in annoyance and shouted, “I’ll be right there, find some chill!” through the door to make JaeJin calm down. But when I turned back to ask SungGyu what he meant, he was already gone.
 
I sighed, as I headed for the door. Something about SungGyu had been subconsciously bothering me the whole time and I hadn’t managed to figure it out. Maybe it was the part where he was being a far better friend than I was, despite his heavy schedule and difficulties to maintain a private life. But when I re-entered the kitchen and closed the door behind me, my eyes fell on a bundle of lavender my uncle had hung on the wall for decorative reasons. And it hit me.
 
Lavender. Patchouli.

lots of love xoxo JaeRin