Eunhyukkie: Heechul, hi...

Heenim: Who is this? What's your area code? I will not be harassed.

Eunhyukkie: Oh...Uh, hyung it's me, it's Lee Hyukjae, do you not have my number saved? Remember, Donghae's friend? ><

Heenim: Oh it's you... the ambitious one, moved to America, cries a lot. Yes I know you.

Eunhyukkie: Yah, I don't cry that much! Anyway, will you help me with something? it's for Donghae ^^

Heenim: Help is a funny word. I don't want to bind myself into a contract in which I become your slave boy, so will I help you with "something" is a question nil of an answer. Define something, maybe I'll offer an answer you may or may not seek.

Eunhyukkie: Ok...Well, there's no slavery involved at least, but I'm thinking of flying back for christmas and I wanted to make sure Donghae doesn't find out. Think you can handle that?

Heenim: That's quite the burden to carry. You want me to... lie to Donghae?

Eunhyukkie: No no, you don't have to lie!! You just...miss out certain things and make sure noone says anything~ please hyung, I want to surprise him ;;

Heenim: And what if Donghae looks to me, with those awfully large, gorgeous eyes and asks "Heechul-hyung... w-will Hyukjae make it home for Christmas..?" what do I say then? You animal!

Eunhyukkie: It's ok...I've kind of already told him I won't be able to come back until next year so he won't be giving you any puppy eyes. I'm sorry, don't get angry! :(

Heenim: I'll help you out, but it'll cost you. I don't go doling out my kindhearted tendencies to just anybody – excluding my dearest Donghae.

Eunhyukkie: Ok, what do you want?...

Heenim: Me? I want many things. World peace, cats running for president, a completely utopian society run by our feline friends. But, I would call those things unattainable... for now. To appease me, I'll take some cat toys for Heebum.

Eunhyukkie: I'm not sure I can do much about an idyllic cat-ruled society but I'll definitely buy Heebum lots of cat toys. Thanks Heechul ^^

Heenim: “Heechul-hyung” you newly American bastard!

I placed my phone on the table with a sigh of relief. Despite my efforts to get over my irrational fear of Heechul, my stomach still tightened when my fingers typed out messages to him. Perhaps it was still the memory of the last time I argued with him lingering in my subconscious.

Heechul had nominated himself as Donghae's rather aggressive protector, some years ago when they first met in school. He had taken him under his wing while I remained detached from the exclusive group of older boys, leaving me to sulkily push my food around my plate at lunch times, Shindong and Sungmin trying their best to cheer me up while I glared at the table of older boys practically fawning over Donghae at the other side of the cafeteria.

That remained the routine for a couple of weeks. Sure, Donghae still chatted happily with me in lessons, and still met with me to play football and study after school, but during lunchtimes he belonged to Heechul and his group of troublemaking friends. I still remember that feeling of keeping my bitterness bottled up while he laughed on, completely oblivious as usual. Maybe it was then that I first realised my feelings for him were more than platonic friendship, or it might even have been earlier than that....I've loved him for so long that those lines become blurred in my memory.

Finally I snapped, lashed out at him in a way that was unfair but has always been my defence mechanism.

"Hyuk? Hyukkie why aren't you playing?" Donghae's confused smile as I let the football slide past my still feet into the goal behind me. I was staring at him, my trapped anger bubbling at the surface...and this time I was unable to restrain it.

"What am I to you?"

"Uh..." Donghae's eyebrows creased but the smile stayed tentatively on his lips as he tried to read my emotions. He was so incredibly good  at that, understanding me even without any words passed between us...so how could he be so blind to my feelings towards him? "I'm not sure what you mean."

"Am I...some kind of toy that you can  throw away when you want to go ing play with Heechul?" My feelings of abandonment came out in a twisted smile as Donghae's mouth opened with shock.

"Wh-what?! Lee Hyukjae you're my best frie-"

"Don't give me that bull!" I was shouting but it didn't matter, there was nobody in the field to hear us, "You dropped me pretty fast once you got a better offer from those pot heads."

Donghae barked out a laugh of disbelief, staring at me with wide eyes, but I carefully rearranged my expression to make sure he saw nothing of the thoughts lingering underneath the surface. That wouldn't be helpful to anybody at the moment, and the middle of an argument was hardly the ideal moment to confess to him.

"Heechul hyung isn't a pot head, and he takes damn good care of me...why are you being like this? Are you jealous?"

"Jealous? Of you? I wouldn't touch them with a barge pole." I snorted, trying my best to lean nonchalantly against the goal post and cursed myself when my foot slipped on the muddy ground, but it didn't matter. Donghae hadn't seen, he was too busy laughing with a malevolence I rarely saw in him.

"Not of me. Of them, for being with me.  That's what this is all about, isn't it? I can't have any other friends apart from the Great Lee Hyukjae."

I blinked. Gulped. Digested what he'd just said to me. Then turned and started to walk away.

"Run away to your new friends then, Donghae, I can't deal with you anymore."

"Hyukjae! HYUKJAE!" The shouts came after me, getting more and more panicked until Donghae's voice broke off in a faint sob and he stopped calling after me.

I managed to make it to the end of the road before the tears escaped from my eyes and splashed onto the hot pavement. It was quite an admirable effort, and I left Donghae standing in the middle of the field after that long ago childish argument, thinking I no longer wanted to be friends with him when the truth was completely the opposite.

Heechul of course dealt with me the next day, and being pushed up against a locker in front of a small crowd with his leering faces inches away was the image that remained in my memory. He'd said a lot of things that day that I didn't want to hear...but looking back, most of it was true. After that, we had created a delicate balance of friendship between us all until the end of the year when Heechul left. Donghae continued their friendship, but selfishly I was relieved that I know longer had to share his attention during school.

But those were confused adolescent emotions. If I had thought I wanted to be more than friends then, it was nothing compared to now; but my self control had grown too. I had barriers and locked away memories and a whole variety of fake smiles to deal with that now. In my opinion I was a master of hiding my feelings now, and nobody could see past my mask.

...which is why when Kyuhyun asked very casually how long I'd been in love with Donghae I think it was fair enough that I sprayed coffee all over him.

"Oh come on, this is a new polo shirt you asswipe!" Kyu muttered as he half-heartedly dabbed at the marks on his shirt, "I was just curious."

"How did you...?! I'm not in love with him, he's my best friend."

"Hyukjae," Kyu leaned in, frowning with his eyes far too knowing for my liking, "There's no point in lying to me. Have you even told anybody before?"

"I haven't even told you!!" I gulped, "Because it's not true..."

Perhaps I hadn't been convincing enough, or maybe he'd known all along, but Kyuhyun's thoughtful gaze somehow made me feel more exposed than if I was standing in the middle of Times Square. So I did the only thing I could think of, and changed the subject.

"Anyway, how's Mama Cho?" I managed with a forced smirk as Kyuhyun's ears and cheeks turned a violent shade of red. It wasn't that I had anything against Kyuhyun's mum, quite the opposite; I'd spoken to her a couple of times and she was one of the sweetest people I'd ever spoken to...but it was so easy to tease Kyuhyun about it that I couldn't resist. Besides, it had the desired effect of distracting him from his interrogation for now.

They were a very close family, and I think the separation was hard on his family back home because he called them every Sunday, speaking in a soft cooing voice and referring to his mum and dad as 'mama' and 'papa'. Personally I found it a welcome break from listening to him grunt one word answers or make sharp remarks at random, but it must have embarrassed him a lot to know I could hear his cute conversations.

___________________________________________________________________________________

I mostly spent the days up until Christmas trying to make the days go faster. I had an advent calendar that I opened first thing in morning, but the excitement of Christmas paled in significance to the thought of being back in my home country, and by the time I boarded the plane that would take me back I was almost shaking with delight.

Kyuhyun was equally happy as he sat down next to me, and I took advantage of this strange new version of my friend who chatted away happily about the things he was going home to while I looked out the window at the fluffy sea of clouds. I was going to be there soon, home after months, I'd be able to hug my mum, tease my sister about her new boyfriend, go and visit my favourite corner shop ahjumma whose occasional free chocolate bars and energy drinks had got me through my entrance exams. But the fact I was getting closer to Donghae made my heart pound pathetically in my chest.

Deciding sleep would make the journey pass more quickly, I closed my eyes and slipped into confused dreams until the invasive bleep of the fasten seatbelts sign woke me with a jolt. Slightly disorientated, I opened my eyes. I had slept with my cheek against the window, and a grin spread across my face as I saw the Busan coastline and Korea's familiar landscape spreading out before me like a patchwork blanket.

I scampered towards the bag collection with my hand clutching Kyuhyun's arm as he stumbled groggily behind me, his eyes still half shut. The second we were in sight of the entrance I was attacked by hugs and kisses as my family ran forward, with Kyuhyun pulled away from me by his mum, who waited her turn to wrap me in a tight motherly embrace and giggle about how handsome I was.

After hurried goodbyes I was crammed into a car with my dog on my lap and I smile on my face as I looked up at the Seoul skyline- so different from New York- that I loved. Even being able to poke my sister’s arm as she teased me gave me the strong urge to grin like an idiot. But before I went home to eat with my family, there was someone I had to see…Donghae still didn’t know I was here, and it would be cruel to keep him waiting. Besides, Heechul had told Jongwoon a couple of days ago, and I knew it was only a matter of time before he folded and told Donghae everything. Not that I could blame him, it was very hard keeping any kind of secret from those puppy eyes.

My dad pulled over at Donghae’s apartment and I waved while I was running. I felt a little like I was in a bad rom-com when I started to dash up the stairs instead of taking the elevator like a normal person would, but honestly my nerves probably wouldn’t be able to take standing there waiting for those numbers to slowly move down. I was gasping by the 4^th floor but kept going until I finally reached the 6^th. I stood clutching the slight stitch in my side for a second before walking up to the door and their apartment, clearing my throat nervously. How would he react when he saw me? It scared me because I had no idea. But when I knocked on the door and I heard his voice, I didn’t care anymore, because however angry he was, it was still going to be Donghae standing in front of me.

“Who’s there? Jongwoon did you forget your keys again or-?”

And suddenly I was looking into Donghae’s shocked eyes, an uncertain smile on my face.

Suddenly I was home again.

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HEY HI HELLO It's Jess here, I think we're gonna start adding author's notes just because you know, you guys are cute in the comments andit would be good to let you know what's going on hehe. ONE THING uhhh, we've both started college now so even though updates are still going to be pretty regular because we love this we might not be able to manage weekly updates anymore as you probably saw. Also I freak out over comments idk, and from now on at least one of us is gonna reply to every comment~ but yep, thank you so much for supporting us!! CHRISTMAS EUNHAE FLUFF COMING VERY SOON HEHEHEH