There’s cheers and screams and even more cheering, more reactive toward mine and Hyuk’s lips being squashed together rather than the welcoming of a new year. Kyuhyun bursts into a, slightly tipsy, burst of giggles dropping to the couch and wiping gleeful tears from the corners of his eyes.

There’s something about time that slows down the second his chapped, dry lips meet mine in a forced notion. The moment I realise that Hyukjae isn’t all that eager to pull away is a terrifying one, terrifying in the sense that things I’ve never wanted to think about are imposed on me and I’m not ready and oh my he still hasn’t pulled away.

Putting my apparent brute force to use I shove Hyukjae backwards, trying to avoid eye contact and failing miserably. His eyebrows knit together in some emotion foreign to me; it’s hurt, concern or, Hae why did you pull away, please come back and kiss me since my girlfriend can’t.

Without a second glance I turn and bolt for the bathroom, Kyuhyun’s laughter fades into the distance along with Hyukjae’s perplexed pleas. I throw myself straight into the tiled darkness and slam the door behind me, my hands shaking and breathing ragged. Instinctively, I lock the door behind me, ‘cause I can practically already hear Hyuk traipsing after me.

Maybe it was just a stupid joke that everyone was in on except me. Seems like the kind of thing that could happen, but, I don’t really see Hyuk agreeing to that; he knows I hate public humiliation.

Dropping to the cold floor and bringing my knees to my chest, I release a rickety breath, resting my forehead atop my knees and hugging them close to my body.

I never imagined finding myself curled up in a bathroom, fretting over a brush of the lips from Hyuk. My cheeks burned at the thought – at first, it was from bashfulness – but the more I thought about it, the angrier I got. What, because he doesn’t have a girlfriend to kiss I’m the next best thing?

Deep down I know that Hyukjae doesn’t have me as some second-grade back up; I know there’s thoughts and feelings behind everything he does, even the smallest thing. That’s what terrifies me. My head hasn’t exactly been in the healthiest of places lately and I’d be lying if I said the thought of his lips against mine never crossed my mind, but, that opens up a world of issues I don’t even want to consider.

“Donghae.”

There’s two weak knocks at the bathroom door. The voice is unmistakable, of course. I hear the door knob jiggle, along with the frustrated sigh of denied entry.

“Please open the door…”

Unfortunately my conscience overcomes my anger and I feel for the door handle in the tinny blackness, sliding back to my original seating spot once I’ve unlocked it.

“Leave the light off,” I murmur once I notice his hands feeling for the light switch. He nods and steps inside, closing the door softly behind him, leaving us both enveloped in the bathrooms cold gloom.

“You were off like a flash there,” he says with a forced laugh, taking a seat next to me on the floor, “Kyuhyun didn’t mean anything by it, Hae, it was just a joke, y’know.”

I snort and shake my head in disbelief, “Yeah,” I laugh without humour, “Kyuhyun didn’t; but you did.”

“I was just feeding my curiosity,” he grunts, “Kyu pushed us together, I just wanted to see what could happen, is that so bad?”

“It really is so bad… you have a girlfriend,” I say, glaring at him, “You don’t kiss someone else when you’re in a relationship – newsflash.”

“Stop making a huge deal out of this, kissing you means nothing to me.” 

My heart drops a few inches, “So, I mean nothing to you?”

Then – it’s Hyukjae’s turn to throw the tantrum; he screams and throws a few punches at the wall to his side. He’s never like this and I want to cry. He punches more empty spaces on the wall and I flinch and retreat backwards. I know he has words for me and I know I won’t like them.

“What’s with the ing inferiority complex, Donghae?” He snaps, keeping his back to me, “Nothing I do is good enough for you; I came home for you, I text you every day even when you’re mad and don’t reply, I tell you I love you all the time… what do you want from me?!”

“I – I don’t…”

“I feel like I’m fighting a lost ing war here,” he barks, finally turning to face me “I left my lips straining for you while you shoved me away and ran – and apparently you mean nothing to me?!”

My lip trembles and my eyes screw shut, eventually I can feel him close enough that his breath pours over my face in hot spews. I’m backed up against a wall with my knees gripped to my chest. I don’t open my eyes to see how close he is.

“Donghae,” he whispers, his voice suddenly low and husky, “Tell me what I can do.”

“Just… kiss me, please, kiss me.”

Hyukjae spares no seconds in closing the small gap between us, pressing his lips hard against mine. His hand fastens to the back of my neck and holds me into the kiss, massaging his lips against mine until I build up the courage to confidently reciprocate. I drop my knees to the floor and Hyukjae immediately situates himself atop my thighs, holding my chin with his other hand.

His tongue slips into my mouth and I mewl pathetically against him, tracing my hands up past his waist, past his shoulders until I find his hair, gripping it tightly in my perspiring fingers. The feeling of my chin held firmly between his thumb and index fingers was enough to send shivers shooting down my spine, never mind his fingers brushing the small hairs on the back of neck or his tongue wrapping around my own.

After what feels like an amazing eternity he pulls away to catch up on his jagged breathing, running his thumb gently along my jawline while I watch with fogged vision and uneven breaths.

The second kiss is rougher than the first. There’s teeth nipping on lips and nails scraping at necks. Hyukjae even abandons my mouth to pepper kisses along my jawline and down my neck. I make pathetic whimpering noises while he nibbles at my earlobe and without thinking I let it all get to my head and jut my hips upwards against his.

We go back and forth like that for a while, grinding against each other and growling in each other’s ears, kissing each other so hard that I’m pretty sure we’re leaving this bathroom with swollen lips.

Once we start letting out deep, wanton moans we both know it’s time to stop. Hyukjae terminates the session with a final, long kiss before rolling off of my lap and sprawling out on the floor, a panting mess.

[Message sent: January 1^st 2015 04:14AM]

Haekdonghaek: I’m cold.

Eunhyukkie: And I was sleeping… yah.

Haekdonghaek: Please come.

Eunhyukkie: Sungmin fell asleep with his legs over me, I don’t want to wake him.

Haekdonghaek: Alright.

It isn’t too long before I hear a thump of feet hitting the floor, followed by Sungmin’s sleepy groans then the incoming footsteps.

We hadn’t spoken since the bathroom, where we both decided that we would sleep separately tonight to help us get over the awkwardness of what had just happened. However after two hours of tossing and turning with my thoughts eating away at me, I cave in.

We both decided not to dwell on this; New Year, fresh start, clean slate. That was already bull. The feelings passed between us during those kisses were intoxicating and very, very real. I don’t know how someone just forgets something like that.

My bedroom door opens a notch and Hyuk slips inside, letting the door fall shut behind him. He doesn’t look at me until he’s lying down, on his side, nestled into the duvet and pillow.

“I’m not cold anymore,” I say, smiling sheepishly.

Offering a similar smile, Hyukjae extends an arm to my waist, resting his hand on my ribcage, “I’m gonna miss this, stupid university.”

“We’ll see each other soon,” I say, reassuringly, which shocks both him and me because I’m never the one to be optimistic about Hyukjae’s absence.

“Yeah,” he sighs, moving his hand up to my head and wrapping strands of my hair around his fingers.

I scoot closer to him, cloaking myself in his body heat and wrapping my arms around his neck. I can hear his heart thudding in his chest, and I can feel mine beating in my ears. We’d already breached the point of no return, threw ourselves over the barrier, what was the harm in one more leap of faith?

This time it’s me who brings our lips together. The fear that he might pull away is very real, right up until the moment he kisses back. It’s slow and gentle and nothing like before, when we were guided by our rather than our hearts.

He slides his fingers along my arm until he reaches my fingers and entwines our hands together, squeezing and smiling against me.

When he pulls away I’m already craving him again, a quick peck to my temple placates me for now.

“Goodnight Lee Donghae,” he whispers straight into my ear, “Best friends forever.”

That’s the problem though.

Heechul is more than bemused by the news of the New Year kisses. He’s washing up in the kitchen when I abruptly blurt the words out, causing him to drop and ultimately smash a glass. Then, he gives me an I-am-seriously-done-with-you look before fetching a broom to sweep up the shards of broken glass.

When I was little my dad used to tell me I was as fragile as glass, because I was always falling over and coming home with mysterious bruises. I wasn’t over the top playful; I guess I just bruised like a peach. Donghwa would tease me and call me a porcelain doll, then threaten to knock me over, saying I’d smash to pieces which kept me up at night and gave me horrible nightmares.

The notion that people are as fragile as glass was laughable to me – until recently. Anyone could just walk in your life and leave jagged pieces of you scattered all over the floor. Scary.

“Yah, Lee Donghae, what am I going to do with you?” Heechul groans, shaking his head, “You have more issues than love struck, 15 year old girls.”

I remain silent for a while, helping clean up the kitchen while everyone else slept. “Hyung, isn’t it weird being with another man?” I ponder aloud, Heechul quirks an eyebrow up at me, “I mean – it’s wrong, right?”

“Who said such a thing is wrong?” He asks, his voice startlingly stern.

“Well, I – uh – people… people say that.”

“People could rush in here and tell us that murdering children is right, does that make it right?”

It’s a pretty exaggerated example, but he’s right, sort of. “Well, no…”

“Donghae-ssi,” he hums, slinging a skinny arm around my shoulders, “It isn’t wrong, I’m saying that now. You can love a woman, what’s so wrong about loving a man?”

Deep down I know Heechul’s right – because he’s a bastard who is always right about everything. I’m about to question him some more when Jongwoon lumbers into the kitchen, pouting grumpily and massaging his forehead; Heechul abandons my shoulders and heads straight to wrapping his arms around his partners waist. Jongwoon grumbles something sleepily and plants a sloppy kiss on Heechul’s temple, turning to glare at me, a signal that I should vacate the kitchen.

“Jongwoon, stop glaring, you’ll get wrinkles,” Heechul croons, pinching the other’s cheeks.

Smiling dotingly at the two, I take a carton of orange juice from our pink SMEG fridge and shuffle back into my bedroom.

Something about seeing them both so happy – despite Jongwoon’s inability to smile – made me happy. Jongwoon didn’t have the best relationship with his mother when growing up, and Heechul was homeless as a teenager; it’s nice to see two people who were so broken end up stronger together.

Maybe you can mend glass once its shattered.

A/N: HAVEN'T PROOFREAD AND IM REALLY BAD AT WRITING............... STUFF LIKE THIS, but hope you enjoyed^^