⁂

December. Myungsoo dyed his hair in a light chocolate colour while Yixing chose a darker colour to match his captivating eyes. That month was like the song of a violin written in F minor and for those who probably don't know...the minor scale was usually a key to express passion, but at the same time being rather dour, halfway between complex and stable, between upright and lascivious, between gray and highly tinted. Definitely uncertainties. Their topics became heavier and more serious as their contact and skinship became rarer. Myungsoo felt it and for the first time in a long while he felt hurt, but he never complained about it. He felt like a part of him was slowly biding its goodbye, but it was a slow process and he didn't have time to register any actual pain from it. 

"You seem more pale lately. Is there something wrong with your health?" were the worried questions of Yixing, who couldn't help but worry, even if they were colder those days.

"I just donated some blood and apparently it's a side effect. Just for a few days, I hope." Myungsoo usually answered, but those were the after effects given by his power and a few days of laying in a hospital bed, surrounded by the sickening white.

"I understand." was the conclusion Yixing came to each time, knowing Myungsoo was lying, but not daring to ask him more. It was related to that secret of his. 

 ⁂

January was the announcement of a revolution. A new year. A new way. They dropped their anchors in a storm and stopped thinking, they went back to cube zero and tried to embrace the innocence of their bond from the last fragile spring. But they never did.

"I found an interesting quote today, Myungsoo. I think it suits the one I knew in a distant February: "Some people feel like they don't deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past." That's how I saw you back then, but when I got to actually know you I changed my mind. Something tells me I was right though...at least in a small proportion. You are a wonderful person and always have been in my eyes. That is why I confessed to you back then even if I had no idea how you were, what you were like, what was even your name. I just watched you countless times, reading, just coming to work and leaving, not doing anything else beside it. I wondered if you were married at some point and had a child at home, but your wife should have visited you, right? You were hard to read, hard to reach, yet I connected with you easily." then along the low whispered words, Yixing looked in Myungsoo eyes and offered him one of the sincerest smile he had. "Don't ever forget that it's more important to feel strong than to actually be strong, that will help you during your hard times, my dear lover."

Myungsoo knew what would come next. That was Yixing's way to tell him it was about time for him to leave and seek his future somewhere in the wide world. Yixing was a wild and free spirit. Myungsoo knew that ever since the day he met him. He could feel it in his eyes and words. Sooner or later the older would spread his wings and fly away. Was it a sin? Of course not. It was the right thing for every human being to do. Damn, even Myungsoo would do it if he could.

They never really said their goodbyes. They never had a goodbye kiss. Maybe because none of them would have beared to part. Maybe because Yixing wasn't brave enough or he didn't want to hurt Myungsoo, but Myungsoo wouldn't have been hurt. It was just their way to say that maybe one day they will see each other again. One day maybe they will meet and greet each other with a passionate kiss.

 ⁂

Middle February was the period to announce a cold winter after one of his missions. He was welcomed with a book, a cold coffee and an envelope with a note over it saying "I love you". The letter explained his reasons and decision to go and pursue higher education. Myungsoo smiled widely when Yixing wrote he wanted to major in literature thanks to him. He wrote the most honest thoughts, writing so plainly and cold, but Myungsoo knew that when he wrote them, Yixing's hand trembled in attempt to control his anxiety. He wrote about the lovely times they spent together and that maybe in another life they would meet again and maybe they would come to understand each other better and get lost in little details about their lives. 

They never really cared about each other, but about themselves.

They never really loved one another, just the feeling. 

But for that feeling, they almost clang to one another desperately, the desperation hidden behind smiles and subtle touches. 

They never asked about the past and never wanted to think about the future. They just tagged along with the present and that was what made their happiness so special.

"P.S. I feel like I betrayed you, Myungsoo. Have I? Choosing life shall be my betrayal to love."

He couldn't help, but shed a tear for his lost lover,

but just a tear, accompanied by a blue smile

and a hard swallow of unsaid words.